IN WHICH JACK MAKES ESSAY OF HIS FATHER'S SUBLIME PHILOSOPHY AND ARRIVES
VERY NEAR TO TRUTH AT LAST.
The next morning Master Jack Easy was not only very sore but very
hungry, and as Mr Bonnycastle informed him that he would not only have
plenty of cane, but also no breakfast, if he did not learn his letters,
Johnny had wisdom enough to say the whole alphabet, for which he
received a great deal of praise, the which if he did not duly
appreciate, he at all events infinitely preferred to beating. Mr
Bonnycastle perceived that he had conquered the boy by one hour's
well-timed severity. He therefore handed him over to the ushers in the
school, and as they were equally empowered to administer the needful
impulse, Johnny very soon became a very tractable boy.
It may be imagined that the absence of Johnny was severely felt at home,
but such was not the case. In the first place, Dr Middleton had
pointed out to Mrs Easy that there was no flogging at the school, and
that the punishment received by Johnny from his father would very likely
be repeated--and in the next, although Mrs Easy thought that she never
could have survived the parting with her own son, she soon found out
that she was much happier without him. A spoiled child is always a
source of anxiety and worry, and after Johnny's departure, Mrs Easy
found a quiet and repose much more suited to her disposition. Gradually
she weaned herself from him, and, satisfied with seeing him occasionally
and hearing the reports of Dr Middleton, she at last was quite
reconciled to his being at school, and not coming back except during the
holidays. John Easy made great progress; he had good natural abilities,
and Mr Easy rubbed his hands when he saw the doctor, saying, "Yes, let
them have him for a year or two longer, and then I'll finish him
myself." Each vacation he had attempted to instil into Johnny's mind
the equal rights of man. Johnny appeared to pay but little attention to
his father's discourses, but evidently showed that they were not
altogether thrown away, as he helped himself to everything he wanted,
without asking leave. And thus was our hero educated until he arrived
at the age of sixteen, when he was a stout, good-looking boy, with
plenty to say for himself,--indeed, when it suited his purpose, he could
outtalk his father.
Nothing pleased Mr Easy so much as Jack's loquacity.--"That's right;
argue the point, Jack--argue the point, boy," would he say, as Jack
disputed with his mother. And then he would turn to the doctor, rubbing
his hands, and observe, "Depend upon it, Jack will be a great, a very
great man." And then he would call Jack and give him a guinea for his
cleverness; and at last Jack thought it a very clever thing to argue.
He never would attempt to argue with Mr Bonnycastle, because he was
aware that Mr Bonnycastle's arguments were too strong for him, but he
argued with all the boys until it ended in a fight which decided the
point; and he sometimes argued with the ushers. In short, at the time
we now speak of, which was at the breaking up of the Midsummer holidays,
Jack was as full of argument as he was fond of it. He would argue the
point to the point of a needle, and he would divide that point into as
many as there were days of the year, and argue upon each. In short,
there was no end to Jack's arguing the point, although there seldom was
point to his argument.
Jack had been fishing in the river, without any success, for a whole
morning, and observed a large pond which had the appearance of being
well stocked--he cleared the park palings, and threw in his line. He
had pulled up several fine fish, when he was accosted by the proprietor,
accompanied by a couple of keepers.
"May I request the pleasure of your name, young gentleman?" said the
proprietor to Jack.
Now Jack was always urbane and polite.
"Certainly, sir; my name is Easy, very much at your service."
"And you appear to me to be taking it very easy," replied the gentleman.
"Pray, sir, may I inquire whether you are aware that you are
trespassing?"
"The word trespass, my dear sir," replied Jack, "will admit of much
argument, and I will divide it into three heads. It implies, accordng
to the conventional meaning, coming without permission upon the land or
property of another. Now, sir, the question may all be resolved in the
following. Was not the world made for all? and has any one, or any
portion of its inhabitants an exclusive right to claim any part of it,
as his property? If you please, I have laid down the proposition, and
we will now argue the point."
The gentleman who accosted Jack had heard of Mr Easy and his arguments;
he was a humorist, and more inclined to laugh than to be angry; at the
same time he considered it necessary to show Jack that under existing
circumstances they were not tenable.
"But, Mr Easy, allowing the trespass on the property to be venial,
surely you do not mean to say that you are justified in taking my fish;
I bought the fish, and stocked the pond, and have fed them ever since.
You cannot deny but that they are private property, and that to take
them is a theft?"
"That will again admit of much ratiocination, my dear sir," replied
Jack; "but--I beg your pardon, I have a fish." Jack pulled up a large
carp, much to the indignation of the keepers and to the amusement of
their master, unhooked it, placed it in his basket, renewed his bait
with the greatest _sang froid_, and then throwing in his line, resumed
his discourse. "As I was observing, my dear sir," continued Jack, "that
will admit of much ratiocination. All the creatures of the earth were
given to man for his use--man means mankind--they were never intended to
be made a monopoly of. Water is also the gift of heaven, and meant for
the use of all. We now come to the question how far the fish are your
property. If the fish only bred on purpose to please you, and make you
a present of their stock, it might then require a different line of
argument; but as in breeding they only acted in obedience to an instinct
with which they are endowed on purpose that they may supply man, I
submit to you that you cannot prove these fish to be yours more than
mine. As for feeding with the idea that they were your own, that is not
an unusual case in this world, even when a man is giving bread and
butter to his children. Further--but I have another bite--I beg your
pardon, my dear sir. Ah! he's off again--"
"Then, Mr Easy, you mean to say that the world and its contents are
made for all."
"Exactly, sir, that is my father's opinion, who is a very great
philosopher."
"How then does your father account for some possessing property and
others being without it?"
"Because those who are the strongest have deprived those who are
weaker."
"But would not that be always the case even if we were in that state of
general inheritance which you have supposed. For instance, allowing two
men to chase the same animal, and both to come up to it at the same
time, would not the strongest bear it off?"
"I grant that, sir."
"Well, then, where is your equality?"
"That does not disprove that men were not intended to be equal; it only
proves that they are not so. Neither does it disprove that everything
was not made for the benefit of all; it only proves that the strong will
take advantage of the weak, which is very natural."
"Oh! you grant that to be very natural.--Well, Mr Easy, I am glad to
perceive that we are of one mind, and I trust we shall continue so.
You'll observe that I and my keepers being three, we are the strong
party in this instance, and admitting your argument, that the fish are
as much yours as mine, still I take advantage of my strength to
repossess myself of them, which is, as you say, very natural.--James,
take those fish."
"If you please," interrupted Jack, "we will argue that point--"
"Not at all; I will act according to your own arguments--I have the
fish, but I now mean to have more--that fishing-rod is as much mine as
yours, and being the stronger party, I will take possession of it.--
James, William, take that fishing-rod--it is ours."
"I presume you will first allow me to observe," replied Jack, "that
although I have expressed my opinion that the earth and the animals on
it were made for us all, that I never yet have asserted that what a man
creates by himself, or has created for him for a consideration, is not
his own property."
"I beg your pardon; the trees that that rod was made from were made for
us all, and if you, or any one for you, have thought proper to make it
into a rod, it is no more my fault than it is that I have been feeding
the fish with the supposition that they were my own. Everything being
common, and it being but natural that the strong should take advantage
of the weak, I must take that rod as my property, until I am
dispossessed by one more powerful. Moreover, being the stronger party,
and having possession of this land, which you say does not belong to me
more than to you--I also shall direct my keepers to see you off this
property. James, take the rod--see Mr Easy over the park palings. Mr
Easy, I wish you a good morning."
"Sir, I beg your pardon, you have not yet heard all my arguments,"
replied Jack, who did not approve of the conclusions drawn.
"I have no time to hear more, Mr Easy: I wish you a good morning." And
the proprietor departed, leaving Jack in company with the keepers.
"I'll trouble you for that rod, master," said William. James was very
busy stringing the fish through the gills upon a piece of osier.
"At all events you will hear reason," said Jack. "I have arguments--"
"I never heard no good arguments in favour of poaching," interrupted the
keeper.
"You're an insolent fellow," replied Jack. "It is by paying such
vagabonds as you that people are able to be guilty of injustice."
"It's by paying us that the land an't poached--and if there be some
excuse for a poor devil who is out of work, there be none for you, who
call yourself a gentleman."
"According to his 'count, as we be all equal, he be no more a gentleman
than we be."
"Silence, you blackguard, I shall not condescend to argue with such as
you: if I did I could prove that you are a set of base slaves, who have
just as much right to this property as your master or I have."
"As you have, I dare say, master."
"As I have, you scoundrel; this pond is as much my property, and so are
the fish in it, as they are of your master, who has usurped the right."
"I say, James, what do you say, shall we put the young gentleman in
possession of his property?" said William, winking to the other.
William took the hint; they seized Jack by the arms and legs, and soused
him into the pond. Jack arose after a deep submersion, and floundered
on shore blowing and spluttering. But in the meantime the keepers had
walked away, carrying with them the rod and line, fish, and tin-can of
bait, laughing loudly at the practical joke which they had played our
hero.
"Well," thought Jack, "either here must be some mistake in my father's
philosophy, or else this is a very wicked world. I shall submit this
case to my father."
And Jack received this reply--"I have told you before, Jack, that these
important truths will not at present be admitted--but it does not the
less follow that they are true. This is the age of iron, in which might
has become right--but the time will come when these truths will be
admitted, and your father's name will be more celebrated than that of
any philosopher of ancient days. Recollect, Jack, that although in
preaching against wrong and advocating the rights of man, you will be
treated as a martyr, it is still your duty to persevere; and if you are
dragged through all the horse-ponds in the kingdom, never give up your
argument."
"That I never will, sir," replied Jack; "but the next time I argue it
shall be, if possible, with power on my side, and, at all events, not
quite so near a pond."
"I think," said Mrs Easy, who had been a silent listener, "that Jack
had better fish in the river, and then, if he catches no fish, at all
events he will not be soused in the water, and spoil his clothes."
But Mrs Easy was no philosopher.
A few days afterwards, Jack discovered, one fine morning, on the other
side of a hedge, a summer apple-tree bearing tempting fruit, and he
immediately broke through the hedge, and climbing the tree, as our first
mother did before him, he culled the fairest and did eat.
"I say, you sir, what are you doing there?" cried a rough voice.
Jack looked down, and perceived a stout, thick-set personage in grey
coat and red waistcoat, standing underneath him.
"Don't you see what I'm about," replied Jack, "I'm eating apples--shall
I throw you down a few?"
"Thank you kindly--the fewer that are pulled the better; perhaps, as you
are so free to give them to others as well as to help yourself, you may
think that they are your own property!"
"Not a bit more my property than they are yours, my good man."
"I guess that's something like the truth; but you are not quite at the
truth yet, my lad; those apples are mine, and I'll trouble you to come
down as fast as you please; when you're down we can then settle our
accounts; and," continued the man, shaking his cudgel, "depend upon it
you shall have your receipt in full."
Jack did not much like the appearance of things.
"My good man," said he, "it is quite a prejudice on your part to imagine
that apples were not given, as well as all other fruit, for the benefit
of us all--they are common property, believe me."
"That's a matter of opinion, my lad, and I may be allowed to have my
own."
"You'll find it in the Bible," says Jack.
"I never did yet, and I've read it through and through all, bating the
'Pocryfar."
"Then," said Jack, "go home and fetch the Bible, and I'll prove it to
you."
"I suspect you'll not wait till I come back again. No, no; I have lost
plenty of apples, and have long wanted to find the robbers out; now I've
caught one I'll take care that he don't 'scape without apple-sauce, at
all events--so come down, you young thief, come down directly--or it
will be all the worse for you."
"Thank you," said Jack, "but I am very well here. I will, if you
please, argue the point from where I am."
"I've no time to argue the point, my lad; I've plenty to do, but do not
think I'll let you off. If you don't choose to come down, why then you
may stay there, and I'll answer for it, as soon as work is done I shall
find you safe enough."
"What can be done," thought Jack, "with a man who will not listen to
argument? What a world is this!--however, he'll not find me here when
he comes back, I've a notion."
But in this Jack was mistaken. The farmer walked to the hedge, and
called to a boy, who took his orders and ran to the farm-house. In a
minute or two a large bull-dog was seen bounding along the orchard to
his master. "Mark him, Caesar," said the farmer to the dog, "mark him."
The dog crouched down on the grass, with his head up, and eyes glaring
at Jack, showing a range of teeth, that drove all our hero's philosophy
out of his head.
"I can't wait here, but Caesar can, and I will tell you, as a friend,
that if he gets hold of you, he'll not leave a limb of you together--
when work's done I'll come back." So saying, the farmer walked off,
leaving Jack and the dog to argue the point, if so inclined. What a sad
jade must philosophy be, to put her votaries in such predicaments!
After a while the dog laid his head down and closed his eyes as if
asleep, but Jack observed, that at the least movement on his part one
eye was seen to partially unclose; so Jack, like a prudent man, resolved
to remain where he was. He picked a few more apples, for it was his
dinner-time, and as he chewed he ruminated.
Jack had been but a few minutes ruminating before he was interrupted by
another ruminating animal, no less a personage than a bull, who had been
turned out with full possession of the orchard, and who now advanced,
bellowing occasionally, and tossing his head at the sight of Caesar,
whom he considered as much a trespasser as his master had our hero.
Caesar started on his legs and faced the bull, who advanced pawing, with
his tail up in the air. When within a few yards the bull made a rush at
the dog, who evaded him and attacked him in return, and thus did the
warfare continue until the opponents were already at some distance from
the apple-tree. Jack prepared for immediate flight, but unfortunately
the combat was carried on by the side of the hedge at which Jack had
gained admission. Never mind, thought Jack, there are two sides to
every field, and although the other hedge joined on to the garden near
to the farm-house, there was no option. "At all events," said Jack,
"I'll try it." Jack was slipping down the trunk, when he heard a
tremendous roar; the bull-dog had been tossed by the bull; he was then
high in the air, and Jack saw him fall on the other side of the hedge;
and the bull was thus celebrating his victory with a flourish of
trumpets. Upon which Jack, perceiving that he was relieved from his
sentry, slipped down the rest of the tree and took to his heels.
Unfortunately for Jack, the bull saw him, and, flushed with victory, he
immediately set up another roar, and bounded after Jack. Jack perceived
his danger, and fear gave him wings; he not only flew over the orchard,
but he flew over the hedge, which was about five feet high, just as the
bull drove his head into it. "Look before you leap," is an old proverb.
Had Jack done so, he would have done better; but as there were cogent
reasons to be offered in extenuation of our philosopher, we shall say no
more, but merely state that Jack, when he got on the other side of the
hedge, found that he had pitched into a small apiary, and had upset two
hives of bees, who resented the intrusion; and Jack had hardly time to
get upon his legs before he found them very busy stinging him in all
quarters. All that Jack could do was to run for it, but the bees flew
faster than he could run, and Jack was mad with pain, when he stumbled,
half-blinded, over the brickwork of a well. Jack could not stop his
pitching into the well, but he seized the iron chain as it struck him
across the face. Down went Jack, and round went the windlass, and after
a rapid descent of forty feet our hero found himself under water, and no
longer troubled with the bees, who, whether they had lost scent of their
prey from his rapid descent, or being notoriously clever insects,
acknowledged the truth of the adage, "leave well alone," had certainly
left Jack with no other companion than Truth. Jack rose from his
immersion, and seized the rope to which the chain of the bucket was made
fast--it had all of it been unwound from the windlass, and therefore it
enabled Jack to keep his head above water. After a few seconds Jack
felt something against his legs, it was the bucket, about two feet under
the water; Jack put his feet into it and found himself pretty
comfortable, for the water, after the sting of the bees and the heat he
had been put into by the race with the bull, was quite cool and
refreshing.
"At all events," thought Jack, "if it had not been for the bull, I
should have been watched by the dog, and then thrashed by the farmer;
but then again, if it had not been for the bull, I should not have
tumbled among the bees; and if it had not been for the bees, I should
not have tumbled into the well; and if it had not been for the chain, I
should have been drowned. Such has been the chain of events, all
because I wanted to eat an apple."
"However, I have got rid of the farmer, and the dog, and the bull, and
the bees--all's well that ends well but how the devil am I to get out of
the well?--All creation appears to have conspired against the rights of
man. As my father said, this is an iron age, and here I am swinging to
an iron chain."
We have given the whole of Jack's soliloquy, as it will prove that Jack
was no fool, although he was a bit of a philosopher; and a man who could
reason so well upon cause and effect, at the bottom of a well up to his
neck in water, showed a good deal of presence of mind. But if Jack's
mind had been a little twisted by his father's philosophy, it had still
sufficient strength and elasticity to recover itself in due time. Had
Jack been a common personage, we should never have selected him for our
hero.