Progress of My Intrigue with the Beautiful C. C.
The next morning P---- C---- called on me with an air of triumph; he told
me that his sister had confessed to her mother that we loved one another,
and that if she was ever to be married she would be unhappy with any
other husband.
"I adore your sister," I said to him; "but do you think that your father
will be willing to give her to me?"
"I think not; but he is old. In the mean time, love one another. My
mother has given her permission to go to the opera this evening with us."
"Very well, my dear friend, we must go."
"I find myself under the necessity of claiming a slight service at your
hands."
"Dispose of me."
"There is some excellent Cyprus wine to be sold very cheap, and I can
obtain a cask of it against my bill at six months. I am certain of
selling it again immediately with a good profit; but the merchant
requires a guarantee, and he is disposed to accept yours, if you will
give it. Will you be kind enough to endorse my note of hand?"
"With pleasure."
I signed my name without hesitation, for where is the man in love who in
such a case would have refused that service to a person who to revenge
himself might have made him miserable? We made an appointment for the
evening, and parted highly pleased with each other.
After I had dressed myself, I went out and bought a dozen pairs of
gloves, as many pairs of silk stockings, and a pair of garters
embroidered in gold and with gold clasps, promising myself much pleasure
in offering that first present to my young friend.
I need not say that I was exact in reaching the appointed place, but they
were there already, waiting for me. Had I not suspected the intentions of
P---- C----, their coming so early would have been very flattering to my
vanity. The moment I had joined them, P---- C---- told me that, having
other engagements to fulfil, he would leave his sister with me, and meet
us at the theatre in the evening. When he had gone, I told C---- C---- that
we would sail in a gondola until the opening of the theatre.
"No," she answered, "let us rather go to the Zuecca Garden."
"With all my heart."
I hired a gondola and we went to St. Blaze, where I knew a very pretty
garden which, for one sequin, was placed at my disposal for the remainder
of the day, with the express condition that no one else would be allowed
admittance. We had not had any dinner, and after I had ordered a good
meal we went up to a room where we took off our disguises and masks,
after which we went to the garden.
My lovely C---- C---- had nothing on but a bodice made of light silk and a
skirt of the same description, but she was charming in that simple
costume! My amorous looks went through those light veils, and in my
imagination I saw her entirely naked! I sighed with burning desires, with
a mixture of discreet reserve and voluptuous love.
The moment we had reached the long avenue, my young companion, as lively
as a fawn, finding herself at liberty on the green sward, and enjoying
that happy freedom for the first time in her life, began to run about and
to give way to the spirit of cheerfulness which was natural to her. When
she was compelled to stop for want of breath, she burst out laughing at
seeing me gazing at her in a sort of ecstatic silence. She then
challenged me to run a race; the game was very agreeable to me. I
accepted, but I proposed to make it interesting by a wager.
"Whoever loses the race," I said, "shall have to do whatever the winner
asks."
"Agreed!"
We marked the winning-post, and made a fair start. I was certain to win,
but I lost on purpose, so as to see what she would ask me to do. At first
she ran with all her might while I reserved my strength, and she was the
first to reach the goal. As she was trying to recover her breath, she
thought of sentencing me to a good penance: she hid herself behind a tree
and told me, a minute afterwards, that I had to find her ring. She had
concealed it about her, and that was putting me in possession of all her
person. I thought it was a delightful forfeit, for I could easily see
that she had chosen it with intentional mischief; but I felt that I ought
not to take too much advantage of her, because her artless confidence
required to be encouraged. We sat on the grass, I visited her pockets,
the folds of her stays, of her petticoat; then I looked in her shoes, and
even at her garters which were fastened below the knees. Not finding
anything, I kept on my search, and as the ring was about her, I was of
course bound to discover it. My reader has most likely guessed that I had
some suspicion of the charming hiding-place in which the young beauty had
concealed the ring, but before coming to it I wanted to enjoy myself. The
ring was at last found between the two most beautiful keepers that nature
had ever rounded, but I felt such emotion as I drew it out that my hand
was trembling.
"What are you trembling for?" she asked.
"Only for joy at having found the ring; you had concealed it so well! But
you owe me a revenge, and this time you shall not beat me."
"We shall see."
We began a new race, and seeing that she was not running very fast, I
thought I could easily distance her whenever I liked. I was mistaken. She
had husbanded her strength, and when we had run about two-thirds of the
race she suddenly sprang forward at full speed, left me behind, and I saw
that I had lost. I then thought of a trick, the effect of which never
fails; I feigned a heavy fall, and I uttered a shriek of pain. The poor
child stopped at once, ran back to me in great fright, and, pitying me,
she assisted me to raise myself from the ground. The moment I was on my
feet again, I laughed heartily and, taking a spring forward, I had
reached the goal long before her.
The charming runner, thoroughly amazed, said to me,
"Then you did not hurt yourself?"
"No, for I fell purposely."
"Purposely? Oh, to deceive me! I would never have believed you capable of
that. It is not fair to win by fraud; therefore I have not lost the
race."
"Oh! yes, you have, for I reached the goal before you."
"Trick for trick; confess that you tried to deceive me at the start."
"But that is fair, and your trick is a very different thing."
"Yet it has given me the victory, and
"Vincasi per fortund o per ingano,
Il vincer sempre fu laudabil cosa"...
"I have often heard those words from my brother, but never from my
father. Well, never mind, I have lost. Give your judgment now, I will
obey."
"Wait a little. Let me see. Ah! my sentence is that you shall exchange
your garters for mine."
"Exchange our garters! But you have seen mine, they are ugly and worth
nothing."
"Never mind. Twice every day I shall think of the person I love, and as
nearly as possible at the same hours you will have to think of me."
"It is a very pretty idea, and I like it. Now I forgive you for having
deceived me. Here are my ugly garters! Ah! my dear deceiver, how
beautiful yours are! What a handsome present! How they will please my
mother! They must be a present which you have just received, for they are
quite new."
"No, they have not been given to me. I bought them for you, and I have
been racking my brain to find how I could make you accept them. Love
suggested to me the idea of making them the prize of the race. You may
now imagine my sorrow when I saw that you would win. Vexation inspired me
with a deceitful stratagem which arose from a feeling you had caused
yourself, and which turned entirely to your honour, for you must admit
that you would have shewn a very hard heart if you had not come to my
assistance."
"And I feel certain that you would not have had recourse to that
stratagem, if you could have guessed how deeply it would pain me."
"Do you then feel much interest in me?"
"I would do anything in the world to convince you of it. I like my pretty
garters exceedingly; I will never have another pair, and I promise you
that my brother shall not steal them from me."
"Can you suppose him capable of such an action?"
"Oh! certainly, especially if the fastenings are in gold."
"Yes, they are in gold; but let him believe that they are in gilt brass."
"Will you teach me how to fasten my beautiful garters?"
"Of course I will."
We went upstairs, and after our dinner which we both enjoyed with a good
appetite, she became more lively and I more excited by love, but at the
same time more to be pitied in consequence of the restraint to which I
had condemned myself. Very anxious to try her garters, she begged me to
help her, and that request was made in good faith, without mischievous
coquetry. An innocent young girl, who, in spite of her fifteen years, has
not loved yet, who has not frequented the society of other girls, does
not know the violence of amorous desires or what is likely to excite
them. She has no idea of the danger of a tete-a-tete. When a natural
instinct makes her love for the first time, she believes the object of
her love worthy of her confidence, and she thinks that to be loved
herself she must shew the most boundless trust.
Seeing that her stockings were too short to fasten the garter above the
knee, she told me that she would in future use longer ones, and I
immediately offered her those that I had purchased. Full of gratitude she
sat on my knees, and in the effusion of her satisfaction she bestowed
upon me all the kisses that she would have given to her father if he had
made her such a present. I returned her kisses, forcibly keeping down the
violence of my feelings. I only told her that one of her kisses was worth
a kingdom. My charming C---- C---- took off her shoes and stockings, and
put on one of the pairs I had given her, which went halfway up her thigh.
The more innocent I found her to be, the less I could make up my mind to
possess myself of that ravishing prey.
We returned to the garden, and after walking about until the evening we
went to the opera, taking care to keep on our masks, because, the theatre
being small, we might easily have been recognized, and my lovely friend
was certain that her father would not allow her to come out again, if he
found out that she had gone to the opera.
We were rather surprised not to see her brother. On our left we had the
Marquis of Montalegre, the Spanish ambassador, with his acknowledged
mistress, Mdlle. Bola, and in the box on our right a man and a woman who
had not taken off their masks. Those two persons kept their eyes
constantly fixed upon us, but my young friend did not remark it as her
back was turned towards them. During the ballet, C---- C---- having left
the libretto of the opera on the ledge of the box, the man with the mask
stretched forth his hand and took it. That proved to me that we were
known to him, and I said so to my companion, who turned round and
recognized her brother. The lady who was with him could be no other than
Madame C----. As P---- C---- knew the number of our box, he had taken the
next one; he could not have done so without some intention, and I foresaw
that he meant to make his sister have supper with that woman. I was much
annoyed, but I could not prevent it without breaking off with him,
altogether, and I was in love.
After the second ballet, he came into our box with his lady, and after
the usual exchange of compliments the acquaintance was made, and we had
to accept supper at his casino. As soon as the two ladies had thrown off
their masks, they embraced one another, and the mistress of
P---- C---- overwhelmed my young friend with compliments and attentions. At
table she affected to treat her with extreme affability, and
C---- C---- not having any experience of the world behaved towards her with
the greatest respect. I could, however, see that C----, in spite of all
her art, could hardly hide the vexation she felt at the sight of the
superior beauty which I had preferred to her own charms. P---- C----, who
was of an extravagant gaiety, launched forth in stupid jokes at which his
mistress alone laughed; in my anger, I shrugged my shoulders, and his
sister, not understanding his jests, took no notice of them. Altogether
our 'partie caree' was not formed of congenial spirits, and was rather a
dull affair.
As the dessert was placed on the table, P---- C----, somewhat excited by
the wine he had drunk, kissed his lady-love, and challenged me to follow
his example with his sister. I told him that I loved Mdlle.
C---- C---- truly, and that I would not take such liberties with her until
I should have acquired a legal right to her favours. P---- C---- began to
scoff at what I had said, but C---- stopped him. Grateful for that mark of
propriety, I took out of my pocket the twelve pairs of gloves which I had
bought in the morning, and after I had begged her acceptance of half a
dozen pairs I gave the other six to my young friend. P---- C---- rose from
the table with a sneer, dragging along with him his mistress, who had
likewise drunk rather freely, and he threw himself on a sofa with her.
The scene taking a lewd turn, I placed myself in such a manner as to hide
them from the view of my young friend, whom I led into the recess of a
window. But I had not been able to prevent C---- C---- from seeing in a
looking-glass the position of the two impudent wretches, and her face was
suffused with blushes; I, however, spoke to her quietly of indifferent
things, and recovering her composure she answered me, speaking of her
gloves, which she was folding on the pier-table. After his brutal
exploit, P---- C---- came impudently to me and embraced me; his dissolute
companion, imitating his example, kissed my young friend, saying she was
certain that she had seen nothing. C---- C---- answered modestly that she
did not know what she could have seen, but the look she cast towards me
made me understand all she felt. If the reader has any knowledge of the
human heart, he must guess what my feelings were. How was it possible to
endure such a scene going on in the presence of an innocent girl whom I
adored, when I had to fight hard myself with my own burning desires so as
not to abuse her innocence! I was on a bed of thorns! Anger and
indignation, restrained by the reserve I was compelled to adopt for fear
of losing the object of my ardent love, made me tremble all over. The
inventors of hell would not have failed to place that suffering among its
torments, if they had known it. The lustful P---- C---- had thought of
giving me a great proof of his friendship by the disgusting action he had
been guilty of, and he had reckoned as nothing the dishonour of his
mistress, and the delicacy of his sister whom he had thus exposed to
prostitution. I do not know how I contrived not to strangle him. The next
day, when he called on me, I overwhelmed him with the most bitter
reproaches, and he tried to excuse himself by saying that he never would
have acted in that manner if he had not felt satisfied that I had already
treated his sister in the tete-a-tete in the same way that he treated his
mistress before us.
My love for C---- C---- became every instant more intense, and I had made
up my mind to undertake everything necessary to save her from the fearful
position in which her unworthy brother might throw her by selling her for
his own profit to some man less scrupulous than I was. It seemed to me
urgent. What a disgusting state of things! What an unheard-of species of
seduction! What a strange way to gain my friendship! And I found myself
under the dire necessity of dissembling with the man whom I despised most
in the world! I had been told that he was deeply in debt, that he had
been a bankrupt in Vienna, where he had a wife and a family of children,
that in Venice he had compromised his father who had been obliged to turn
him out of his house, and who, out of pity, pretended not to know that he
had kept his room in it. He had seduced his wife, or rather his mistress,
who had been driven away by her husband, and after he had squandered
everything she possessed, and he found himself at the end of his wits, he
had tried to turn her prostitution to advantage. His poor mother who
idolized him had given him everything she had, even her own clothes, and
I expected him to plague me again for some loan or security, but I was
firmly resolved on refusing. I could not bear the idea of C---- C---- being
the innocent cause of my ruin, and used as a tool by her brother to keep
up his disgusting life.
Moved by an irresistible feeling, by what is called perfect love, I
called upon P---- C---- on the following day, and, after I had told him
that I adored his sister with the most honourable intentions, I tried to
make him realize how deeply he had grieved me by forgetting all respect,
and that modesty which the most inveterate libertine ought never to
insult if he has any pretension to be worthy of respectable society.
"Even if I had to give up," I added, "the pleasure of seeing your angelic
sister, I have taken the firm resolution of not keeping company with you;
but I candidly warn you that I will do everything in my power to prevent
her from going out with you, and from being the victim of some infamous
bargain in your hands."
He excused himself again by saying that he had drunk too much, and that
he did not believe that my love for his sister was such as to despise the
gratification of my senses. He begged my pardon, he embraced me with
tears in his eyes, and I would, perhaps have given way to my own emotion,
when his mother and sister entered the room. They offered me their
heart-felt thanks for the handsome present I had given to the young lady.
I told the mother that I loved her daughter, and that my fondest hope was
to obtain her for my wife.
"In the hope of securing that happiness, madam," I added, "I shall get a
friend to speak to your husband as soon as I shall have secured a
position giving me sufficient means to keep her comfortably, and to
assure her happiness."
So saying I kissed her hand, and I felt so deeply moved that the tears
ran down my cheeks. Those tears were sympathetic, and the excellent woman
was soon crying like me. She thanked me affectionately, and left me with
her daughter and her son, who looked as if he had been changed into a
statue.
There are a great many mothers of that kind in the world, and very often
they are women who have led a virtuous life; they do not suppose that
deceit can exist, because their own nature understands only what is
upright and true; but they are almost always the victims of their good
faith, and of their trust in those who seem to them to be patterns of
honesty. What I had told the mother surprised the daughter, but her
astonishment was much greater when she heard of what I had said to her
brother. After one moment of consideration, she told him that, with any
other man but me, she would have been ruined; and that, if she had been
in the place of Madame C----, she would never have forgiven him, because
the way he had treated her was as debasing for her as for himself.
P---- C---- was weeping, but the traitor could command tears whenever he
pleased.
It was Whit Sunday, and as the theatres were closed he told me that, if I
would be at the same place of Appointment as before, the next day, he
would leave his sister with me, and go by himself with Madame C----, whom
he could not honourably leave alone.
"I will give you my key," he added, "and you can bring back my sister
here as soon as you have supper together wherever you like."
And he handed me his key, which I had not the courage to refuse. After
that he left us. I went away myself a few minutes afterwards, having
previously agreed with C---- C---- that we would go to the Zuecca Garden on
the following day.
I was punctual, and love exciting me to the highest degree I foresaw what
would happen on that day. I had engaged a box at the opera, and we went
to our garden until the evening. As it was a holiday there were several
small parties of friends sitting at various tables, and being unwilling
to mix with other people we made up our minds to remain in the apartment
which was given to us, and to go to the opera only towards the end of the
performance. I therefore ordered a good supper. We had seven hours to
spend together, and my charming young friend remarked that the time would
certainly not seem long to us. She threw off her disguise and sat on my
knees, telling me that I had completed the conquest of her heart by my
reserve towards her during the supper with her brother; but all our
conversation was accompanied by kisses which, little by little, were
becoming more and more ardent.
"Did you see," she said to me, "what my brother did to Madame C---- when
she placed herself astride on his knees? I only saw it in the
looking-glass, but I could guess what it was."
"Were you not afraid of my treating you in the same manner?"
"No, I can assure you. How could I possibly fear such a thing, knowing
how much you love me? You would have humiliated me so deeply that I
should no longer have loved you. We will wait until we are married, will
we not, dear? You cannot realize the extent of the joy I felt when I
heard you speak to my mother as you did! We will love each other for
ever. But will you explain to me, dearest, the meaning of the words
embroidered upon my garters?"
"Is there any motto upon them? I was not aware of it."
"Oh, yes! it is in French; pray read it."
Seated on my knees, she took off one of her garters while I was
unclasping the other, and here are the two lines which I found
embroidered on them, and which I ought to have read before offering them
to her:
'En voyant chaque jour le bijou de ma belle,
Vous lui direz qu'Amour veut qu'il lui soit fidele.'
Those verses, rather free I must confess, struck me as very comic. I
burst out laughing, and my mirth increased when, to please her, I had to
translate their meaning. As it was an idea entirely new to her, I found
it necessary to enter into particulars which lighted an ardent fire in
our veins.
"Now," she observed, "I shall not dare to shew my garters to anybody, and
I am very sorry for it."
As I was rather thoughtful, she added,
"Tell me what you are thinking of?"
"I am thinking that those lucky garters have a privilege which perhaps I
shall never enjoy. How I wish myself in their place: I may die of that
wish, and die miserable."
"No, dearest, for I am in the same position as you, and I am certain to
live. Besides, we can hasten our marriage. As far as I am concerned, I am
ready to become your wife to-morrow if you wish it. We are both free, and
my father cannot refuse his consent."
"You are right, for he would be bound to consent for the sake of his
honour. But I wish to give him a mark of my respect by asking for your
hand, and after that everything will soon be ready. It might be in a week
or ten days."
"So soon? You will see that my father will say that I am too young."
"Perhaps he is right."
"No; I am young, but not too young, and I am certain that I can be your
wife."
I was on burning coals, and I felt that it was impossible for me to
resist any longer the ardent fire which was consuming me.
"Oh, my best beloved!" I exclaimed, "do you feel certain of my love? Do
you think me capable of deceiving you? Are you sure that you will never
repent being my wife?"
"More than certain, darling; for you could not wish to make me unhappy."
"Well, then, let our marriage take place now. Let God alone receive our
mutual pledges; we cannot have a better witness, for He knows the purity
of our intentions. Let us mutually engage our faith, let us unite our
destinies and be happy. We will afterwards legalize our tender love with
your father's consent and with the ceremonies of the Church; in the mean
time be mine, entirely mine."
"Dispose of me, dearest. I promise to God, I promise to you that, from
this very moment and for ever, I will be your faithful wife; I will say
the same to my father, to the priest who will bless our union--in fact,
to everybody."
"I take the same oath towards you, darling, and I can assure you that we
are now truly married. Come to my arms! Oh, dearest, complete my
felicity!"
"Oh, dear! am I indeed so near happiness!"
After kissing her tenderly, I went down to tell the mistress of the house
not to disturb us, and not to bring up our dinner until we called for it.
During my short absence, my charming C---- C---- had thrown herself dressed
on the bed, but I told her that the god of love disapproved of
unnecessary veils, and in less than a minute I made of her a new Eve,
beautiful in her nakedness as if she had just come out of the hands of
the Supreme Artist. Her skin, as soft as satin, was dazzlingly white, and
seemed still more so beside her splendid black hair which I had spread
over her alabaster shoulders. Her slender figure, her prominent hips, her
beautifully-modelled bosom, her large eyes, from which flashed the
sparkle of amorous desire, everything about her was strikingly beautiful,
and presented to my hungry looks the perfection of the mother of love,
adorned by all the charms which modesty throws over the attractions of a
lovely woman.
Beside myself, I almost feared lest my felicity should not prove real, or
lest it should not be made perfect by complete enjoyment, when
mischievous love contrived, in so serious a moment, to supply me with a
reason for mirth.
"Is there by any chance a law to prevent the husband from undressing
himself?" enquired beautiful C---- C----.
"No, darling angel, no; and even if there were such a barbarous law, I
would not submit to it."
In one instant, I had thrown off all my garments, and my mistress, in her
turn, gave herself up to all the impulse of natural instinct and
curiosity, for every part of my body was an entirely new thing to her. At
last, as if she had had enough of the pleasure her eyes were enjoying,
she pressed me against her bosom, and exclaimed,
"Oh! dearest, what a difference between you and my pillow!"
"Your pillow, darling? You are laughing; what do you mean?"
"Oh! it is nothing but a childish fancy; I am afraid you will be angry."
"Angry! How could I be angry with you, my love, in the happiest moment of
my life?"
"Well, for several days past, I could not go to sleep without holding my
pillow in my arms; I caressed it, I called it my dear husband; I fancied
it was you, and when a delightful enjoyment had left me without movement,
I would go to sleep, and in the morning find my pillow still between my
arms."
My dear C---- C---- became my wife with the courage of a true heroine, for
her intense love caused her to delight even in bodily pain. After three
hours spent in delicious enjoyment, I got up and called for our supper.
The repast was simple, but very good. We looked at one another without
speaking, for how could we find words to express our feelings? We thought
that our felicity was extreme, and we enjoyed it with the certainty that
we could renew it at will.
The hostess came up to enquire whether we wanted anything, and she asked
if we were not going to the opera, which everybody said was so beautiful.
"Have you never been to the opera?"
"Never, because it is too dear for people in our position. My daughter
has such a wish to go, that, God forgive me for saying it! she would give
herself, I truly believe, to the man who would take her there once."
"That would be paying very dear for it," said my little wife, laughing.
"Dearest, we could make her happy at less cost, for that hurts very
much."
"I was thinking of it, my love. Here is the key of the box, you can make
them a present of it."
"Here is the key of a box at the St. Moses Theatre," she said to the
hostess; "it costs two sequins; go instead of us, and tell your daughter
to keep her rose-bud for something better."
"To enable you to amuse yourself, my good woman; take these two sequins,"
I added. "Let your daughter enjoy herself well."
The good hostess, thoroughly amazed at the generosity of her guests, ran
in a great hurry to her daughter, while we were delighted at having laid
ourselves under the pleasant necessity of again going to bed. She came up
with her daughter, a handsome, tempting blonde, who insisted upon kissing
the hands of her benefactors.
"She is going this minute with her lover," said the mother. "He is
waiting for her; but I will not let her go alone with him, for he is not
to be trusted; I am going with them."
"That is right, my good woman; but when you come back this evening, let
the gondola wait for us; it will take us to Venice."
"What! Do you mean to remain here until we return?"
"Yes, for this is our wedding-day."
"To-day? God bless you!"
She then went to the bed, to put it to rights, and seeing the marks of my
wife's virginity she came to my dear C---- C---- and, in her joy, kissed
her, and immediately began a sermon for the special benefit of her
daughter, shewing her those marks which, in her opinion, did infinite
honour to the young bride: respectable marks, she said, which in our days
the god of Hymen sees but seldom on his altar.
The daughter, casting down her beautiful blue eyes, answered that the
same would certainly be seen on her wedding-day.
"I am certain of it," said the mother, "for I never lose sight of thee.
Go and get some water in this basin, and bring it here. This charming
bride must be in need of it."
The girl obeyed. The two women having left us, we went to bed, and four
hours of ecstatic delights passed off with wonderful rapidity. Our last
engagement would have lasted longer, if my charming sweetheart had not
taken a fancy to take my place and to reverse the position. Worn out with
happiness and enjoyment, we were going to sleep, when the hostess came to
tell us that the gondola was waiting for us. I immediately got up to open
the door, in the hope that she would amuse us with her description of the
opera; but she left that task to her daughter, who had come up with her,
and she went down again to prepare some coffee for us. The young girl
assisted my sweetheart to dress, but now and then she would wink at me in
a manner which made me think that she had more experience than her mother
imagined.
Nothing could be more indiscreet than the eyes of my beloved mistress;
they wore the irrefutable marks of her first exploits. It is true that
she had just been fighting a battle which had positively made her a
different being to what she was before the engagement.
We took some hot coffee, and I told our hostess to get us a nice dinner
for the next day; we then left in the gondola. The dawn of day was
breaking when we landed at St. Sophia's Square, in order to set the
curiosity of the gondoliers at fault, and we parted happy, delighted, and
certain that we were thoroughly married. I went to bed, having made up my
mind to compel M. de Bragadin, through the power of the oracle, to obtain
legally for me the hand of my beloved C---- C----. I remained in bed until
noon, and spent the rest of the day in playing with ill luck, as if Dame
Fortune had wished to warn me that she did not approve of my love.