York, 1 July, 1774.
I am so idle that I have not an easy moment without my pen in my hand.
My time might have been improved to some purpose in mowing grass,
raking hay, or hoeing corn, weeding carrots, picking or shelling pease.
Much better should I have been employed in schooling my children, in
teaching them to write, cipher, Latin, French, English, and Greek.
I sometimes think I must come to this--to be the foreman upon my own
farm and the schoolmaster to my own children. I confess myself to be
full of fears that the ministry and their friends and instruments will
prevail, and crush the cause and friends of liberty. The minds of that
party are so filled with prejudices against me that they will take all
advantages, and do me all the damage they can. These thoughts have their
turns in my mind, but in general my hopes are predominant.
Dr. Gardiner, arrived here to-day from Boston, brings us news of a
battle at the town meeting, between Whigs and Tories, in which the
Whigs, after a day and a half's obstinate engagement, were finally
victorious by two to one. He says the Tories are preparing a flaming
protest.
I am determined to be cool, if I can. I have suffered such torments in
my mind heretofore as have almost overpowered my constitution, without
any advantage. And now I will laugh and be easy if I can, let the
contest of parties terminate as it will, let my own estate and interest
suffer what it will, nay, whether I stand high or low in the estimation
of the world, so long as I keep a conscience void of offense towards God
and man. And this I am determined by the will of God to do, let what
will become of me or mine, my country or the world.
I shall arouse myself erelong, I believe, and exert an industry, a
frugality, a hard labor, that will serve my family, if I can't serve my
country. I will not lie down in despair. If I cannot serve my children
by the law, I will serve them by agriculture, by trade, by some way or
other. I thank God I have a head, and heart, and hands, which, if once
fully exerted altogether, will succeed in the world as well as those of
the mean-spirited, low-minded, fawning, obsequious scoundrels who have
long hoped that my integrity would be an obstacle in my way, and enable
them to outstrip me in the race.
But what I want in comparison of them of villainy and servility, I will
make up in industry and capacity. If I don't, they shall laugh and
triumph. I will not willingly see blockheads, whom I have a right to
despise, elevated above me and insolently triumphing over me. Nor shall
knavery, through any negligence of mine, get the better of honesty, nor
ignorance of knowledge, nor folly of wisdom, nor vice of virtue.
I must entreat you, my dear partner in all the joys and sorrows,
prosperity and adversity of my life, to take a part with me in the
struggle. I pray God for your health--entreat you to rouse your whole
attention to the family, the stock, the farm, the dairy. Let every
article of expense which can possibly be spared be retrenched; keep the
hands attentive to their business, and the most prudent measures of
every kind be adopted and pursued with alacrity and spirit.