CHAPTER XXIX. THE SHADOW FEARED OF MAN

We were all up early the next morning, dressing by candlelight. But

early as it was we found the Story Girl in the kitchen when we went

down, sitting on Rachel Ward’s blue chest and looking important.

“What do you think?” she exclaimed. “Peter has the measles! He was

dreadfully sick all night, and Uncle Roger had to go for the doctor. He

was quite light-headed, and didn’t know any one. Of course he’s far too

sick to be taken home, so his mother has come up to wait on him, and I’m

to live over here until he is better.”

This was mingled bitter and sweet. We were sorry to hear that Peter had

the measles; but it would be jolly to have the Story Girl living with us

all the time. What orgies of story telling we should have!

“I suppose we’ll all have the measles now,” grumbled Felicity. “And

October is such an inconvenient time for measles--there’s so much to

do.”

“I don’t believe any time is very convenient to have the measles,”

Cecily said.

“Oh, perhaps we won’t have them,” said the Story Girl cheerfully. “Peter

caught them at Markdale, the last time he was home, his mother says.”

“I don’t want to catch the measles from Peter,” said Felicity decidedly.

“Fancy catching them from a hired boy!”

“Oh, Felicity, don’t call Peter a hired boy when he’s sick,” protested

Cecily.

During the next two days we were very busy--too busy to tell tales or

listen to them. Only in the frosty dusk did we have time to wander afar

in realms of gold with the Story Girl. She had recently been digging

into a couple of old volumes of classic myths and northland folklore

which she had found in Aunt Olivia’s attic; and for us, god and goddess,

laughing nymph and mocking satyr, norn and valkyrie, elf and troll, and

“green folk” generally, were real creatures once again, inhabiting the

orchards and woods and meadows around us, until it seemed as if the

Golden Age had returned to earth.

Then, on the third day, the Story Girl came to us with a very white

face. She had been over to Uncle Roger’s yard to hear the latest

bulletin from the sick room. Hitherto they had been of a non-committal

nature; but now it was only too evident that she had bad news.

“Peter is very, very sick,” she said miserably. “He has caught cold

someway--and the measles have struck in--and--and--” the Story Girl

wrung her brown hands together--“the doctor is afraid he--he--won’t get

better.”

We all stood around, stricken, incredulous.

“Do you mean,” said Felix, finding voice at length, “that Peter is going

to die?”

The Story Girl nodded miserably.

“They’re afraid so.”

Cecily sat down by her half filled basket and began to cry. Felicity

said violently that she didn’t believe it.

“I can’t pick another apple to-day and I ain’t going to try,” said Dan.

None of us could. We went to the grown-ups and told them so; and the

grown-ups, with unaccustomed understanding and sympathy, told us that we

need not. Then we roamed about in our wretchedness and tried to comfort

one another. We avoided the orchard; it was for us too full of happy

memories to accord with our bitterness of soul. Instead, we resorted

to the spruce wood, where the hush and the sombre shadows and the soft,

melancholy sighing of the wind in the branches over us did not jar

harshly on our new sorrow.

We could not really believe that Peter was going to die--to DIE. Old

people died. Grown-up people died. Even children of whom we had heard

died. But that one of US--of our merry little band--should die was

unbelievable. We could not believe it. And yet the possibility struck us

in the face like a blow. We sat on the mossy stones under the dark old

evergreens and gave ourselves up to wretchedness. We all, even Dan,

cried, except the Story Girl.

“I don’t see how you can be so unfeeling, Sara Stanley,” said Felicity

reproachfully. “You’ve always been such friends with Peter--and made out

you thought so much of him--and now you ain’t shedding a tear for him.”

I looked at the Story Girl’s dry, piteous eyes, and suddenly remembered

that I had never seen her cry. When she told us sad tales, in a voice

laden with all the tears that had ever been shed, she had never shed one

of her own.

“I can’t cry,” she said drearily. “I wish I could. I’ve a dreadful

feeling here--” she touched her slender throat--“and if I could cry I

think it would make it better. But I can’t.”

“Maybe Peter will get better after all,” said Dan, swallowing a sob.

“I’ve heard of lots of people who went and got better after the doctor

said they were going to die.”

“While there’s life there’s hope, you know,” said Felix. “We shouldn’t

cross bridges till we come to them.”

“Those are only proverbs,” said the Story Girl bitterly. “Proverbs are

all very fine when there’s nothing to worry you, but when you’re in real

trouble they’re not a bit of help.”

“Oh, I wish I’d never said Peter wasn’t fit to associate with,”

moaned Felicity. “If he ever gets better I’ll never say such a thing

again--I’ll never THINK it. He’s just a lovely boy and twice as smart as

lots that aren’t hired out.”

“He was always so polite and good-natured and obliging,” sighed Cecily.

“He was just a real gentleman,” said the Story Girl.

“There ain’t many fellows as fair and square as Peter,” said Dan.

“And such a worker,” said Felix.

“Uncle Roger says he never had a boy he could depend on like Peter,” I

said.

“It’s too late to be saying all these nice things about him now,” said

the Story Girl. “He won’t ever know how much we thought of him. It’s too

late.”

“If he gets better I’ll tell him,” said Cecily resolutely.

“I wish I hadn’t boxed his ears that day he tried to kiss me,” went on

Felicity, who was evidently raking her conscience for past offences in

regard to Peter. “Of course I couldn’t be expected to let a hir--to let

a boy kiss me. But I needn’t have been so cross about it. I might have

been more dignified. And I told him I just hated him. That wasn’t true,

but I s’pose he’ll die thinking it is. Oh, dear me, what makes people

say things they’ve got to be so sorry for afterwards?”

“I suppose if Peter d-d-dies he’ll go to heaven anyhow,” sobbed Cecily.

“He’s been real good all this summer, but he isn’t a church member.”

“He’s a Presbyterian, you know,” said Felicity reassuringly. Her tone

expressed her conviction that that would carry Peter through if anything

would. “We’re none of us church members. But of course Peter couldn’t be

sent to the bad place. That would be ridiculous. What would they do with

him there, when he’s so good and polite and honest and kind?”

“Oh, I think he’ll be all right, too,” sighed Cecily, “but you know he

never did go to church and Sunday School before this summer.”

“Well, his father run away, and his mother was too busy earning a

living to bring him up right,” argued Felicity. “Don’t you suppose that

anybody, even God, would make allowances for that?”

“Of course Peter will go to heaven,” said the Story Girl. “He’s not

grown up enough to go anywhere else. Children always go to heaven. But

I don’t want him to go there or anywhere else. I want him to stay right

here. I know heaven must be a splendid place, but I’m sure Peter would

rather be here, having fun with us.”

“Sara Stanley,” rebuked Felicity. “I should think you wouldn’t say such

things at such a solemn time. You’re such a queer girl.”

“Wouldn’t you rather be here yourself than in heaven?” said the Story

Girl bluntly. “Wouldn’t you now, Felicity King? Tell the truth, ‘cross

your heart.”

But Felicity took refuge from this inconvenient question in tears.

“If we could only DO something to help Peter!” I said desperately. “It

seems dreadful not to be able to do a single thing.”

“There’s one thing we can do,” said Cecily gently. “We can pray for

him.”

“So we can,” I agreed.

“I’m going to pray like sixty,” said Felix energetically.

“We’ll have to be awful good, you know,” warned Cecily. “There’s no use

praying if you’re not good.”

“That will be easy,” sighed Felicity. “I don’t feel a bit like being

bad. If anything happens to Peter I feel sure I’ll never be naughty

again. I won’t have the heart.”

We did, indeed, pray most sincerely for Peter’s recovery. We did not, as

in the case of Paddy, “tack it on after more important things,” but put

it in the very forefront of our petitions. Even skeptical Dan prayed,

his skepticism falling away from him like a discarded garment in this

valley of the shadow, which sifts out hearts and tries souls, until we

all, grown-up or children, realize our weakness, and, finding that our

own puny strength is as a reed shaken in the wind, creep back humbly to

the God we have vainly dreamed we could do without.

Peter was no better the next day. Aunt Olivia reported that his mother

was broken-hearted. We did not again ask to be released from work.

Instead, we went at it with feverish zeal. If we worked hard there was

less time for grief and grievious thoughts. We picked apples and dragged

them to the granary doggedly. In the afternoon Aunt Janet brought us a

lunch of apple turnovers; but we could not eat them. Peter, as Felicity

reminded us with a burst of tears, had been so fond of apple turnovers.

And, oh, how good we were! How angelically and unnaturally good! Never

was there such a band of kind, sweet-tempered, unselfish children in any

orchard. Even Felicity and Dan, for once in their lives, got through the

day without any exchange of left-handed compliments. Cecily confided to

me that she never meant to put her hair up in curlers on Saturday

nights again, because it was pretending. She was so anxious to repent of

something, sweet girl, and this was all she could think of.

During the afternoon Judy Pineau brought up a tear-blotted note from

Sara Ray. Sara had not been allowed to visit the hill farm since Peter

had developed measles. She was an unhappy little exile, and could

only relieve her anguish of soul by daily letters to Cecily, which the

faithful and obliging Judy Pineau brought up for her. These epistles

were as gushingly underlined as if Sara had been a correspondent of

early Victorian days.

Cecily did not write back, because Mrs. Ray had decreed that no letters

must be taken down from the hill farm lest they carry infection. Cecily

had offered to bake every epistle thoroughly in the oven before sending

it; but Mrs. Ray was inexorable, and Cecily had to content herself by

sending long verbal messages with Judy Pineau.

“My OWN DEAREST Cecily,” ran Sara’s letter. “I have just heard the

sad news about POOR DEAR PETER. I can’t describe MY FEELINGS. They are

DREADFUL. I have been crying ALL THE AFTERNOON. I wish I could FLY to

you, but ma will not let me. She is afraid I will catch the measles, but

I would rather have the measles A DOZEN TIMES OVER than be sepparated

from you all like this. But I have felt, ever since the Judgment Sunday

that I MUST OBEY MA BETTER than I used to do. If ANYTHING HAPPENS to

Peter and you are let see him BEFORE IT HAPPENS give him MY LOVE and

tell him HOW SORRY I AM, and that I hope we will ALL meet in A BETTER

WORLD Everything in school is about the same. The master is awful cross

by spells. Jimmy Frewen walked home with Nellie Bowan last night

from prayer-meeting and HER ONLY FOURTEEN. Don’t you think it horrid

BEGINNING SO YOUNG? YOU AND ME would NEVER do anything like that till we

were GROWN UP, would we? Willy Fraser looks SO LONESOME in school these

days. I must stop for ma says I waste FAR TOO MUCH TIME writing letters.

Tell Judy ALL THE NEWS for me.

“Your OWN TRUE FRIEND,

“SARA RAY.

“P.S. Oh I DO hope Peter will get better. Ma is going to get me a new

brown dress for the winter.

“S. R.”

When evening came we went to our seats under the whispering, sighing

fir trees. It was a beautiful night--clear, windless, frosty. Some one

galloped down the road on horseback, lustily singing a comic song. How

dared he? We felt that it was an insult to our wretchedness. If Peter

were going to--going to--well, if anything happened to Peter, we felt so

miserably sure that the music of life would be stilled for us for ever.

How could any one in the world be happy when we were so unhappy?

Presently Aunt Olivia came down the long twilight arcade. Her bright

hair was uncovered and she looked slim and queen-like in her light

dress. We thought Aunt Olivia very pretty then. Looking back from

a mature standpoint I realize that she must have been an unusually

beautiful woman; and she looked her prettiest as she stood under the

swaying boughs in the last faint light of the autumn dusk and smiled

down at our woebegone faces.

“Dear, sorrowful little people, I bring you glad tidings of great

joy,” she said. “The doctor has just been here, and he finds Peter much

better, and thinks he will pull through after all.”

We gazed up at her in silence for a few moments. When we had heard the

news of Paddy’s recovery we had been noisy and jubilant; but we were

very quiet now. We had been too near something dark and terrible and

menacing; and though it was thus suddenly removed the chill and shadow

of it were about us still. Presently the Story Girl, who had been

standing up, leaning against a tall fir, slipped down to the ground in

a huddled fashion and broke into a very passion of weeping. I had never

heard any one cry so, with dreadful, rending sobs. I was used to hearing

girls cry. It was as much Sara Ray’s normal state as any other, and even

Felicity and Cecily availed themselves occasionally of the privilege of

sex. But I had never heard any girl cry like this. It gave me the same

unpleasant sensation which I had felt one time when I had seen my father

cry.

“Oh, don’t, Sara, don’t,” I said gently, patting her convulsed shoulder.

“You ARE a queer girl,” said Felicity--more tolerantly than usual

however--“you never cried a speck when you thought Peter was going to

die--and now when he is going to get better you cry like that.”

“Sara, child, come with me,” said Aunt Olivia, bending over her. The

Story Girl got up and went away, with Aunt Olivia’s arms around her. The

sound of her crying died away under the firs, and with it seemed to go

the dread and grief that had been our portion for hours. In the reaction

our spirits rose with a bound.

“Oh, ain’t it great that Peter’s going to be all right?” said Dan,

springing up.

“I never was so glad of anything in my whole life,” declared Felicity in

shameless rapture.

“Can’t we send word somehow to Sara Ray to-night?” asked Cecily, the

ever-thoughtful. “She’s feeling so bad--and she’ll have to feel that way

till to-morrow if we can’t.”

“Let’s all go down to the Ray gate and holler to Judy Pineau till she

comes out,” suggested Felix.

Accordingly, we went and “hollered,” with a right good will. We were

much taken aback to find that Mrs. Ray came to the gate instead of Judy,

and rather sourly demanded what we were yelling about. When she heard

our news, however, she had the decency to say she was glad, and to

promise she would convey the good tidings to Sara--“who is already in

bed, where all children of her age should be,” added Mrs. Ray severely.

WE had no intention of going to bed for a good two hours yet. Instead,

after devoutly thanking goodness that our grown-ups, in spite of some

imperfections, were not of the Mrs. Ray type, we betook ourselves to the

granary, lighted a huge lantern which Dan had made out of a turnip, and

proceeded to devour all the apples we might have eaten through the day

but had not. We were a blithe little crew, sitting there in the light of

our goblin lantern. We had in very truth been given beauty for ashes and

the oil of joy for mourning. Life was as a red rose once more.

“I’m going to make a big batch of patty-pans, first thing in the

morning,” said Felicity jubilantly. “Isn’t it queer? Last night I felt

just like praying, and tonight I feel just like cooking.”

“We mustn’t forget to thank God for making Peter better,” said Cecily,

as we finally went to the house.

“Do you s’pose Peter wouldn’t have got better anyway?” said Dan.

“Oh, Dan, what makes you ask such questions?” exclaimed Cecily in real

distress.

“I dunno,” said Dan. “They just kind of come into my head, like. But of

course I mean to thank God when I say my prayers to-night. That’s only

decent.”

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