[Illustration: GOETHE]
GERMAN
WIT AND HUMOR
[Illustration]
_A COLLECTION FROM FAMOUS SOURCES
CLASSIFIED UNDER
APPROPRIATE SUBJECT HEADINGS_
[Illustration]
PHILADELPHIA
GEORGE W. JACOBS & CO
PUBLISHERS
Copyright, 1903, by
GEORGE W. JACOBS & COMPANY
_Published, August, 1903_
_Contents_
CHAP. PAGE
I. HUMOR OF THE SIXTEENTH CENTURY 5
II. HUMOR OF THE SEVENTEENTH CENTURY 10
III. FOR GUNNERS 22
IV. FOR DOCTORS 37
V. FOR LAWYERS 57
VI. A CHAPTER FOR COMPOSERS AND MUSIC LOVERS 74
VII. FOR AND ABOUT TRAVELERS, TOURISTS, AND SUMMER BOARDERS 102
VIII. ON CYCLING 117
IX. AUTHORS, SCIENTISTS, ARTISTS, AND OTHER CELEBRITIES 120
X. ON THE STAGE AND OFF 154
XI. THE GERMAN SOLDIER 162
XII. CROWNED HEADS AND SOME OF THEIR FAMOUS STATESMEN AND GENERALS 180
XIII. STUDENTS IN THE FATHERLAND 234
XIV. WOMEN AND CHILDREN 246
XV. MISCELLANEOUS 269
German Wit and Humor
CHAPTER I
_Humor of the Sixteenth Century_
The Fool’s Lesson
When Eulenspiegel came to Magdeburg—the fame of his notorious pranks
having preceded him—several of the best citizens asked him to give
them a sample of his buffoonery. He said he would do so, and promised
to fly from the roof of a house on the market place. The news spread
rapidly, and old and young hurried there to see him fly. For some time
Eulenspiegel stood on the low roof, moving his arms and acting as if he
were going to fly, then he burst out laughing and cried: “I thought I was
the only fool in the world, but I see that here are almost a whole city
full of them. If you had told me that you were going to fly, I should not
have believed you; and yet you believed me, a well-known fool. How should
I be able to fly? I am neither a goose nor any other kind of a bird. I
have no wings, and without wings and feathers nobody can fly. Now you
see, I told you a falsehood.”
He turned and left the roof, while the crowd separated, some laughing,
some swearing, but all agreeing, that though he was a fool, he had told
them the truth.
The Wisdom of a Fool
“A fool may sometimes be a better judge than a wise man,” writes Johannes
Andrea of a fool. Once a beggar entered the kitchen of a tavern. A large
piece of meat was roasting on the spit, and the poor man took his bread
from his pocket and held it over the roast, so the odor would penetrate
it, then he ate it. When all his bread was gone he turned to leave, but
the host went after him and demanded his pay. The poor man said, “You did
not give me either meat or drink; so what should I pay you for?”
The host replied, “You feasted on what was mine, on the odor of the
roast, and you shall pay me for that.”
They went to court about it, but judgment was suspended, until next
court-day. Now one of the judges had a fool at home, and at dinner this
case was talked about. Said the fool: “Pay the host with the jingle of
the money, as the poor man feasted on the odor of the roast.”
When court-day came around the fool’s advice was followed.
A Good Shot
A man passing through a forest, saw an old blind bear. A young bear,
whose tail was in the old bear’s mouth, led him. The man took his gun and
shot the young bear’s tail off. Then he took hold of it and led the blind
bear for two miles to market at Stuttgart.
The One-legged Crane
A knight invited his father-confessor to dinner. The holy father arrived
while the knight was still at church, and being hungry went to the
kitchen where all kinds of meat were roasting. He said to the cook: “The
roasts are now at their best; give me a leg from this crane and then I’ll
wait for dinner.” But the cook replied: “I cannot do that; my master
would send me away if I brought the bird, mutilated like that, to the
table. Take it yourself, then he cannot blame me.”
The confessor took a knife and cut the leg off, had the cook give him
bread and wine, and sat down to enjoy it. At dinner the crane was served
lying on his wounded side. The knight asked at once in an angry tone:
“Where is the other leg?” His confessor, who sat next to him, whispered
to him to keep quiet before his guests, that after dinner he would prove
to him that the bird had only had one leg.
As soon as dinner was over, the knight asked his confessor to take a walk
with him. They went outside the town. On the way the knight said: “You
insisted that the bird had only one leg; how is that?” “I will show you,”
returned the confessor, and took him to a meadow where between thirty and
forty cranes were standing, all, as usual, on one leg. Pointing to them
he said: “Look, all those birds have only one leg.” The knight clapped
his hands and chased them. The cranes grew frightened, stretched their
necks, put down their feet, and ran. Said the knight to the confessor:
“How now? You see that they have two legs?” Says the confessor: “Dear
sir, if you had clapped your hands like this at the table, the other leg
would have put in an appearance too.”
Justice Obscured by a Pig
There was a poor widow, who had a case at court. She brought to the judge
a little pot of sour cream; he was to protect her cause. He bade her hope
for the best and said that she had a good case, and need not worry. She
was glad.
Then came the opponent. He was rich, and brought the judge a young pig.
When the case came up, the woman lost her suit. She went to the judge and
said: “Sir, where is my little pot of cream?” He answered: “The little
pig knocked it over.”