Fal. And unbound the rest; and then come in the other.
P. Henry. What! fought ye with them all?
Fal. All? I know not what ye call all; but if I fought not with fifty of
them, I am a bunch of radish: if there were not two or three and fifty
upon poor old Jack, then I am no two-legged creature.
P. Henry. Pray heaven, you have not murdered some of them.
Fal. Nay, that's past praying for; for I have peppered two of them; two I
am sure I have paid; two rogues in buckram suits. I tell thee what, Hal,
if I tell thee a lie, spit in my face, and call me a horse. Thou knowest
my old ward; (he draws his sword and stands if about to fight) here I lay,
and thus I bore my point. Four rogues in buckram let drive at me--
P. Henry. What! four? Thou saidst but two even now.
Fal. Four, Hal; I told thee four.
Poins. Ay, ay, he said four.
Fal. These four came all afront, and mainly thrust at me. I made no more
ado, but took all their seven points in my target, thus.
P. Henry. Seven? Why, there were but four, even now.
Fal. In buckram?
Poins. Ay, four, in buckram suits.
Fal. Seven, by these hilts, or I am a villain else.
P. Henry. Prithee, let him alone; we shall have more anon.
Fal. Dost thou hear me, Hal?
P. Henry. Ay, and mark thee, too, Jack.
Fal. Do so, for it is worth the listening to. These nine in buckram, that
I told thee of--
P. Henry. So, two more already.
Fal. Their points being broken, began to give me ground; but I followed me
close, came in foot and hand; and, with a thought, seven of the eleven I
paid.
P. Henry. O, monstrous! eleven buckram men grown out of two!
Fal. But three knaves, in Kendal green, came at my back, and let drive at
me; for it was so dark, Hal, that thou couldst not see thy hand.
P. Henry. These lies are like the father of them; gross as a mountain,
open, palpable. Why, thou clay-brained, nott-pated fool; thou greasy
tallow keech--
Fal. What! Art thou mad! Art thou mad? Is not the truth the truth?
P. Henry. Why, how couldst thou know these men in Kendal green, when it
was so dark thou couldst not see thy hand? Come, tell us your reason; what
sayest thou to this?
Poins. Come, your reason, Jack, your reason.
Fal. What, upon compulsion? No, were I at the strappado, or all the racks
in the world, I would not tell you on compulsion. Give you a reason on
compulsion! If reasons were as plentiful as blackberries, I would give no
man a reason on compulsion, I.
P. Henry. I'll be no longer guilty of this sin: this sanguine coward, this
horseback breaker, this huge hill of flesh--
Fal. Away! you starveling, you eel skin, you dried neat's tongue, you
stockfish! Oh for breath to utter what is like thee!--you tailor's yard,
you sheath, you bow case, you--
P. Henry. Well, breathe awhile, and then to it again; and when thou hast
tired thyself in base comparisons, hear me speak but this.
Poins. Mark, Jack.
P. Henry. We two saw you four set on four; you bound them, and were
masters of their wealth. Mark now, how a plain tale shall put you down.
Then did we two set on you four, and with a word outfaced you from your
prize, and have it; yea, and can show it you here in the house.--And,
Falstaff, you carried yourself away as nimbly, with as quick dexterity,
and roared for mercy, and still ran and roared, as ever I heard a calf.
What a slave art thou, to hack thy sword as thou hast done, and then say
it was in fight! What trick, what device, what starting hole, canst thou
now find out to hide thee from this open and apparent shame?
Poins. Come, let's hear, Jack. What trick hast thou now?
Fal. Why, I knew ye as well as he that made ye. Why, bear ye, my masters:
was it for me to kill the heir apparent? Should I turn upon the true
prince? Why, thou knowest I am as valiant as Hercules; but beware
instinct; the lion will not touch the true prince; instinct is a great
matter; I was a coward on instinct. I shall think the better of myself and
thee during my life; I for a valiant lion, and thou for a true prince.
But, lads, I am glad you have the money. Hostess, clap to the doors. Watch
to-night, pray to-morrow. Gallants, lads, boys, hearts of gold; all the
titles of good-fellowship come to you! What! shall we be merry? Shall we
have a play extempore?
P. Henry. Content; and the argument shall be thy running away.
Fal. Ah, no more of that, Hal, an thou lovest me!
Shakespeare.-Henry IV, Part I, Act ii, Scene iv.
NOTES.--The lime is a fruit allied to the lemon, but smaller, and more
intensely sour.
The strappado was an instrument of torture by which the victim's limbs
were wrenched out of joint and broken.
Hercules is a hero of fabulous history, remarkable for his great strength
and wonderful achievements.