George Colman, 1762-1836, was the son of George Colman, a writer of
dramas, who in 1777 purchased the "Haymarket Theater," in London. Owing to
the illness of the father, Colman the younger assumed the management of
the theater in 1785, which post he held for a long time. He was highly
distinguished as a dramatic author and wit. "The Poor Gentleman," from
which the following selection is adapted, is perhaps the best known of his
works.
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SIR ROBERT BRAMBLE and HUMPHREY DOBBINS.
Sir R. I'll tell you what, Humphrey Dobbins, there is not a syllable of
sense in all you have been saying. But I suppose you will maintain there
is.
Hum. Yes.
Sir R. Yes! Is that the way you talk to me, you old boor? What's my name?
Hum. Robert Bramble.
Sir R. An't I a baronet? Sir Robert Bramble, of Blackberry Hall, in the
county of Kent? 'T is time you should know it, for you have been my
clumsy, two-fisted valet these thirty years: can you deny that?
Hum. Hem!
Sir R. Hem? What do you mean by hem? Open that rusty door of your mouth,
and make your ugly voice walk out of it. Why don't you answer my question?
Hum. Because, if I contradict you, I shall tell you a lie, and whenever I
agree with you, you are sure to fall out.
Sir R. Humphrey Dobbins. I have been so long endeavoring to beat a few
brains into your pate that all your hair has tumbled off before my point
is carried.
Hum. What then? Our parson says my head is an emblem of both our honors.
Sir R. Ay; because honors, like your head, are apt to be empty.
Hum. No; but if a servant has grown bald under his master's nose, it looks
as if there was honesty on one side, and regard for it on the other.
Sir R. Why, to be sure, old Humphrey, you are as honest as a--pshaw! the
parson means to palaver us; but, to return to my position, I tell you I do
n't like your flat contradiction.
Hum. Yes, you do.
Sir R. I tell you I don't. I only love to hear men's arguments. I hate
their flummery.
Hum. What do you call flummery?
Sir R. Flattery, blockhead! a dish too often served up by paltry poor men
to paltry rich ones.
Hum. I never serve it up to you.
Sir R. No, you give me a dish of a different description.
Hum. Hem! what is it?