A laughable story was circulated during the administration of the old Duke
of Newcastle, and retailed to the public in various forms. This nobleman,
with many good points, was remarkable for being profuse of his promises on
all occasions, and valued himself particularly on being able to anticipate
the words or the wants of the various persons who attended his levees,
before they uttered a word. This sometimes led him into ridiculous
embarrassment; and it was this proneness to lavish promises, which gave
occasion for the following anecdote:
At the election of a certain borough in Cornwall, where the opposite
interests were almost equally poised, a single vote was of the highest
importance. This object the Duke, by well applied argument and personal
application, at length attained; and the gentleman he recommended, gained
the election. In the warmth of gratitude, his grace poured forth
acknowledgments and promises without ceasing, on the fortunate possessor
of the casting vote; called him his best and dearest friend; protested,
that he should consider himself as forever indebted to him; and that he
would serve him by night or by day.
The Cornish voter, who was an honest fellow, and would not have thought
himself entitled to any reward, but for such a torrent of acknowledgments,
thanked the Duke for his kindness, and told him the supervisor of excise
was old and infirm, and, if he would have the goodness to recommend his
son-in-law to the commissioners, in case of the old man's death, he should
think himself and his family bound to render his grace every assistance in
their power, on any future occasion.
"My dear friend, why do you ask for such a trifling employment?" exclaimed
his grace; "your relative shall have it the moment the place is vacant, if
you will but call my attention to it."
"But how shall I get admitted to you, my lord? For in London, I
understand, it is a very difficult business to get a sight of you great
folks, though you are so kind and complaisant to us in the country."
"The instant the man dies," replied the Duke, "set out posthaste for
London; drive directly to my house, and, be it by night or by day, thunder
at the door; I will leave word with my porter to show you upstairs
directly; and the employment shall be disposed of according to your
wishes."
The parties separated; the Duke drove to a friend's house in the
neighborhood, without a wish or desire to see his new acquaintance till
that day seven years; but the memory of the Cornish elector, not being
burdened with such a variety of objects, was more retentive. The
supervisor died a few months after, and the Duke's humble friend, relying
on the word of a peer, was conveyed to London posthaste, and ascended with
alacrity the steps of that nobleman's palace.
The reader should be informed, that just at this time, no less a person
than the King of Spain was expected hourly to depart this life, an event
in which the minister of Great Britain was particularly concerned; and the
Duke of Newcastle, on the very night that the proprietor of the decisive
vote arrived at his door, had sat up anxiously expecting dispatches from
Madrid. Wearied by official business and agitated spirits, he retired to
rest, having previously given particular instructions to his porter not to
go to bed, as he expected every minute a messenger with advices of the
greatest importance, and desired that he might be shown upstairs, the
moment of his arrival.
His grace was sound asleep; and the porter, settled for the night in his
armchair, had already commenced a sonorous nap, when the vigorous arm of
the Cornish voter roused him from his slumbers. To his first question, "Is
the Duke at home?" the porter replied, "Yes, and in bed; but has left
particular orders that, come when you will, you are to go up to him
directly."
"Bless him, for a worthy and honest gentleman," cried our applicant for
the vacant post, smiling and nodding with approbation at the prime
minister's kindness, "how punctual his grace is; I knew he would not
deceive me; let me hear no more of lords and dukes not keeping their
words; I verily believe they are as honest, and mean as well as any other
folks." Having ascended the stairs as he was speaking, he was ushered into
the Duke's bedchamber.
"Is he dead?" exclaimed his grace, rubbing his eyes, and scarcely awakened
from dreaming of the King of Spain, "Is he dead?"
"Yes, my lord," replied the eager expectant, delighted to find the
election promise, with all its circumstances, so fresh in the nobleman's
memory.
"When did he die?"
"The day before yesterday, exactly at half past one o'clock, after being
confined three weeks to his bed, and taking a power of doctor's stuff; and
I hope your grace will be as good as your word, and let my son-in-law
succeed him."
The Duke, by this time perfectly awake, was staggered at the impossibility
of receiving intelligence from Madrid in so short a space of time; and
perplexed at the absurdity of a king's messenger applying for his
son-in-law to succeed the King of Spain: "Is the man drunk, or mad? Where
are your dispatches?" exclaimed his grace, hastily drawing back his
curtain; where, instead of a royal courier, he recognized at the bedside,
the fat, good-humored countenance of his friend from Cornwall, making low
bows, with hat in hand, and "hoping my lord would not forget the gracious
promise he was so good as to make, in favor of his son-in-law, at the last
election."
Vexed at so untimely a disturbance, and disappointed of news from Spain,
the Duke frowned for a moment; but chagrin soon gave way to mirth, at so
singular and ridiculous a combination of circumstances, and, yielding to
the impulse, he sunk upon the bed in a violent fit of laughter, which was
communicated in a moment to the attendants.
The relater of this little narrative, concludes, with observing, "Although
the Duke of Newcastle could not place the relative of his old acquaintance
on the throne of His Catholic Majesty, he advanced him to a post not less
honorable--he made him an exciseman."
--Blackwood's Magazine.
[Illustration: Bedroom: The Duke is startled awake, sitting up in bed with
distressed look on his face. A servant is holding a candlestick. A third
man is slightly bowed and holding his hat in his hands. The duke's sword
rests against a chair at the foot of the bed.]
Notes.--Duke of Newcastle.--Thomas Holles Pelham (b. 1693, d. 1768), one
of the chief ministers of state in the reign of George II. of England.
Cornwall.--A county forming the extreme southwestern part of England.
King of Spain.--Ferdinand VI. was then the king of Spain. He died in 1759.
His Catholic Majesty, a title applied to the kings of Spain; first given
to Alfonso I. by Pope Gregory III. in 739.