AN AWAKENING.
It was going ill with her. Late one night, Quiney, who had kept hovering
about the house, never able to sit patiently and watch the anxious
coming and going within-doors, and never able to tear himself away but
for a few hundred yards, wandered out into the clear starlit darkness.
His heart was full. They had told him the crisis was near at hand. And
almost it seemed to him that it was already over. Judith was going away
from them. And those stars overhead--he knew but little of their names;
he understood but little of the vast immensities and deeps that lay
between them; they were to him but as grains of light in a darkened
floor: and far above that floor rose the wonderful shining city that he
had heard of in the Book of Revelation. And already, so wild and
unstrung were his fancies, he could see the four square walls of jasper,
and the gates of pearl, and the wide white steps leading up to these;
and who was that who went all alone--giving no backward thought to any
she was leaving behind--up those shining steps, with a strange light on
her forehead and on her trembling hands? He saw her slowly kneel at the
gate, her head meekly bowed, her hands clasped. And when they opened it,
and when she rose, and made to enter, he could have cried aloud to her
for one backward look, one backward thought, toward Stratford town and
the friends of her childhood and her youth. Alas! there was no such
thing. There was wonder on her face, as she turned to this side and to
that, and she went hesitatingly; and when they took her hands to lead
her forward, she regarded them--this side and that--pleased and
wondering and silent; but there was never a thought of Stratford town.
Could that be Judith that was going away from them so--she that all of
them had known so dearly? And to leave her own friends without one word
of farewell! Those others there--she went with them smiling and
wondering, and looking in silence from one to the other--but she knew
them not. Her friends were here--here--with breaking hearts because she
had gone away and forgotten them, and vanished within those far-shining
gates.
And then some sudden and sullen thought of the future would overtake
him. The injunctions laid on him by Judith's father could not be
expected to last forever. And if this were to be so--if the love and
desire of his youth were to be stolen away from him--if her bright young
life, that was so beautiful a thing to all who knew her, was to be
extinguished, and leave instead but a blankness and an aching memory
through the long years--then there might arrive a time for a settlement.
The parson was still coming about the house, for the women-folk were
comforted by his presence; but Judith's father regarded him darkly, and
had scarce ever a word for him. As for Quiney, he moved away, or left
the house, when the good man came near--it was safer so. But in the
future? When one was freer to act? For those injunctions could not be
expected to last forever; and what greater joy could then be secured
than the one fierce stroke of justice and revenge? He did not reason out
the matter much: it was a kind of flame in his heart whenever he thought
of it.
And in truth that catastrophe was nearly occurring now. He had been
wandering vaguely along the highways, appealing to the calmness of the
night, as it were, and the serenity of the starlit heavens, for some
quieting of his terrible fears; and then in his restlessness he walked
back toward the cottage, anxious for further news and yet scarcely
daring to enter and ask. He saw the dull red light in the window, but
could hear no sound. And would not his very footfall on the path disturb
her? They all of them went about the house like ghosts. And were it not
better that he should remain here, so that the stillness dwelling around
the place should not be broken even by his breathing? So quiet the night
was, and so soundless, he could have imagined that the wings of the
angel of mercy were brooding over the little cottage, hushing it, as it
were, and bringing rest and sleep to the sore-bewildered brain. He would
not go near. These were the precious hours. And if peace had at last
stolen into the sick-chamber, and closed the troubled eyelids, were it
not better to remain away, lest even a whisper should break the charm?
Suddenly he saw the door of the cottage open, and in the dull light a
dark figure appeared. He heard footsteps on the garden-path. At first
his heart felt like a stone, and he could not move, for he thought it
was some one coming to seek him with evil views; but presently, in the
clear starlight, he knew who this was that was now approaching him. He
lost his senses. All the black night went red.
"So, good parson," said he (but he clinched his fists together so that
he should not give way), "art thou satisfied with thy handiwork?"
There was more of menace in the tone than in the taunt; at all events,
with some such phrase as "Out of the way, tavern-brawler!" the parson
raised his stick, as if to defend himself, And then the next instant, he
was gripped firm, as in a vise; the stick was twisted from his grasp
and whirled away far into the dark; and forthwith, for it all happened
in a moment, five fingers had him by the back of the neck.
There was one second of indecision--what it meant to this young athlete,
who had his eyes afire and his mind afire with thoughts of the ill that
had been done to the one he loved the dearest, can well be imagined. But
he flung his enemy from him, forward, into the night.
"Take thy dog's life and welcome--coward and woman-striker!"
He waited; there was no answer. And then, all shaking from the terrible
pressure he had put on himself, and still hungering and athirst to go
back and settle the matter then and there, he turned and walked along
the road, avoiding the cottage, and still with his heart aflame, and
wondering whether he had done well to let the hour of vengeance go.
But that did not last long. What cared he for this man that any thought
of him should occupy him at such a moment? All his anxieties were
elsewhere--in that hushed, small chamber, where the lamp of life was
flickering low, and all awaiting, with fear and trembling, what the dawn
might bring. And if she were to slip away so--escaping from them, as it
were--without a word of recognition? It seemed so hard that the solitary
figure going up those far, wide steps should have no thought for them
she had left behind. As he saw her there, content was on her face, and a
mild radiance and wonder; and her new companions were pleasant to her.
She would go away with them--she was content to be with them--she would
disappear among them, and leave no sign. And Sunday morning after Sunday
morning he would look in vain for her coming through the church-yard,
under the trees; and there would be a vacant place in the pew; no matter
who might be there, one face would be wanting; and in the afternoon the
wide meadows would be empty. Look where he might--from the foot-bridge
over the river, from Bardon Hill, from the Wier Brake--there would be no
more chance of his descrying Judith walking with Prudence--the two
figures that he could make out at any distance almost. And what a
radiance there used to be on her face--not that mild wonder that he saw
as she passed away with her companions within the shining gates, but a
happy, audacious radiance, so that he could see she was laughing long
ere he came near her. That was Judith--that was the Judith he had
known--laughing, radiant--in summer meadows, as it seemed to
him--careless of the young men, though her eyes would regard them--and
always with her chief secrets and mystifications for her friend
Prudence. That was Judith--not this poor, worn sufferer, wandering
through darkened ways, the frail lamp of her life going down and down,
so that they dared not speak in the room. And that message that she had
left for him with Prudence--was it a kind of farewell? They were about
the last words she had spoken ere her speech lost all coherence and
meaning--a farewell before she entered into that dark and unknown realm.
And there was a touch of reproach in them too--"Tell him he did me wrong
to think I had gone to meet the parson in the church-yard: 'twas but a
chance." The Judith of those former days was far too proud to make any
such explanation; but this poor stricken creature seemed anxious to
appease every one and make friends. And was he to have no chance of
begging her forgiveness for doing her that wrong, and of telling how
little she need regard it, and how that she might dismiss the parson
from her mind altogether, as he had done? The ride to London--she knew
nothing of that; she knew nothing of her father having come all the way
to see her. Why, as they came riding along by Uxbridge and Wycombe, and
Woodstock and Enstone, many a time he looked forward to telling Judith
of what he had done; and he hoped that she would go round to the stable
and have a word for the Galloway nag and pet the good beast's neck. But
all that was over now, and only this terrible darkness and the silence
of the roads and the trees; and always the dull, steady, ominous light
in the small window. And still more terrible, that vision overhead--the
far and mystic city, and Judith entering with those new and strange
companions, regarding this one and that, and ever with a smile on her
face and a mild wonder in her eyes; they leading her away by the hand,
and she timid, and looking from one to the other, but pleased to go with
them into the strange country. And as for her old friends, no backward
look or backward thought for them; for them only the sad and empty town,
the voiceless meadows, the vacant space in the pew, to which many an eye
would be turned as week by week came round. And there would be a grave
somewhere that Prudence would not leave untended.
But with the first gray light of the dawn there came a sudden trembling
joy, that was so easily and eagerly translated into a wild, audacious
hope. Judith had fallen into a sound sleep--a sleep hushed and profound,
and no longer tortured with moanings and dull low cries as if for pity;
a slumber profound and beneficent, with calmer breathing and a calmer
pulse. If only on the awakening she might show that the crisis was over,
and she started on the road--however long and tedious that might
be--toward the winning back of life and health!
It was Prudence who brought him the news. She looked like a ghost in the
wan light, as she opened the door and came forth. She knew he would not
be far away; indeed, his eyes were more accustomed to this strange light
than hers, and ere she had time to look about and search for him he was
there. And when she told him this news, he could not speak for a little
while, for his mind rushed forward blindly and wildly to a happy
consummation; he would have no misgivings; this welcome sleep was a sure
sign Judith was won back to them; not yet was she to go away all alone
up those wide, sad steps.
"And you, Prudence," said he, or rather he whispered it eagerly, that no
sound should disturb the profound quiet of the house, "now you must go
and lie down; you are worn out; why, you are all trembling----"
"The morning air is a little cold," said she; but it was not that that
caused her trembling.
"You must go and lie down, and get some sleep too," said he (but
glancing up at the window, as if his thoughts were there). "What a
patient watcher you have been! And now when there is this chance--do,
dear Prudence, go within and lie down for a while----"
"Oh, how could I?" she said; and unknown to herself she was wringing her
hands--not from grief, but from mere excitement and nervousness. "But
for this sleep, now, the doctor was fearing the worst. I know it, though
he would not say it. And she is so weak! Even if this sleep calm her
brain, or if she come out of it in her right mind--one never knows, she
is so worn away--she might waken only to slip away from us."
But he would not hear of that. No, no; this happy slumber was but the
beginning of her recovery. Now that she was on the turn, Judith's brave
constitution would fight through the rest. He knew it; he was sure of
it; had there ever been a healthier, a happier wench--or one with such
gallant spirits and cheerfulness?
"You have not seen her these last two days," Prudence said, sadly.
"Nay, I fear not now--I know she will fight through," said he,
confidently (even with an excess of confidence, so as to cheer this
patient and gentle nurse). "And what a spite it is that I can do
nothing? Did you ask the doctor, Prudence? Is there nothing that I can
fetch him from Harwich? ay, or from London, for that matter? 'Tis well
for you that can do so much for your friend: what can I do but hang
about the lanes? I would take a message anywhere, for any of you, if you
would but tell me; 'tis all that I can do. But when she is getting
better, that will be different--that will be all different then; I shall
be able to get her many things, to please her and amuse her;
and--and--think of this, Prudence," said he, his fancies running away
with him in his eagerness, "do you not think, now, that when she is well
enough to be carried into the garden--do you not think that Pleydell and
I could devise some kind of couch, to be put on wheels, see you, and
slung on leather bands, so that it would go easily? Why, I swear it
could be made--and might be in readiness for her. What think you,
Prudence? No one could object if we prepared it. Ay, and we should get
it to go as smooth as velvet, so that she could be taken along the lanes
or through the meadows."
"I would there were need of it," Prudence said, wistfully. "You go too
fast. Nay, but if she come well out of this deep sleep, who knows? Pray
Heaven there be need for all that you can do for her."
The chirping of a small bird close by startled them--it was the first
sound of the coming day. And then she said, regarding him,
"Would you like to see Judith--for a moment? 'Twould not disturb her."
He stepped back, with a sudden look of dismay on his face.
"What mean you, Prudence?" he said, quickly. "You do not think
that--that--there is fear--that I should look at her now?"
"Nay, not so; I trust not," she said simply. "But if you wished, you
might slip up the stair; 'twould do no harm."
He stooped and took off his shoes and threw them aside; then she led the
way into the house, and they went stealthily up the short wooden stair.
The door was open an inch or two; Prudence opened it still farther, but
did not go into the room. Nor did he; he remained at the threshold, for
Judith's mother, who was sitting by the bedside, and who had noticed the
slight opening of the door, had raised her hand quietly, as if in
warning. And was this Judith, then, that the cold morning light,
entering by the small casement, showed him--worn and wasted, the natural
radiance of her face all fled, and in place of that a dull, hectic tone
that in nowise concealed the ravages the fever had made? But she slept
sound. The bent arm, that she had raised to her head ere she fell
asleep, lay absolutely still. No, it was not the Judith he had known--so
gay and radiant and laughing in the summer meadows; but the wasted form
still held a precious life, and he had no mistrust--he would not doubt;
there was there still what would win back for him the Judith that he had
known--ay, if they had to wait all through the winter for the first
silver-white days of spring.
They stole down-stairs again and went to the front door. All the world
was awaking now; the light was clear around them; the small birds were
twittering in the bushes.
"And will you not go and get some sleep now, Prudence?" said he. "Surely
you have earned it; and now there is the chance."
"I could not," she said simply. "There will be time for sleep by-and-by.
But now, if you would do us a service, will you go over to the town, and
tell Susan that Judith is sleeping peacefully, and that she need not
hurry back, for there be plenty of us to watch and wait? And Julius
would like to hear the good news, that I know. Then you yourself--do you
not need rest? Why----"
"Heed not for me, dear Prudence," said he quickly, as if it were not
worth while wasting time on that topic. "But is there naught else I can
do for you? Naught that I can bring for you--against her getting well
again?"
"Nay, 'tis all too soon for that," was Prudence's answer. "I would the
occasion were here, and sure."
Well, he went away over to the town, and told his tale to those that
were astir, leaving a message for those who were not; and then he passed
on to his own house, and threw himself on his bed. But he could not
rest. It was too far away, while all his thoughts were concentrated on
the small cottage over there. So he wandered back thither, and again had
assurance that Judith was doing well; and then he went quietly up to
the summer-house and sat down there; and scarcely had he folded his arms
on the little table, and bent forward his head, than he was in a deep
sleep, nature claiming her due at last.
The hours passed; he knew nothing of them. He was awakened by Judith's
father, and he looked around him strangely, for he saw by the light that
it was now afternoon.
"Good lad," said he, "I make no scruple of rousing you. There is better
news. She is awake, and quite calm and peaceable, and in her right
mind--though sadly weak and listless, poor wench."
"Have you seen her--have you spoken with her?" he said, eagerly.
"Nay, not yet," Judith's father said. "I am doubtful. She is so faint
and weak. I would not disturb her----"
"I pray you, sir, go and speak with her!" Quiney entreated. "Nay, I know
that will give her more peace of mind than anything. And if she begin to
recall what happened ere she fell ill--I pray you, sir, of your
kindness, go and speak with her."
Judith's father went away to the house slowly, and with his head bent in
meditation. He spoke to the doctor for a few minutes. But when, after
some deliberation, he went up-stairs and into the room, it was his own
advice, his own plan, he was acting on.
He went forward to the bedside and took the chair that the old
grandmother had instantly vacated, and sat down just as if nothing had
occurred.
"Well, lass, how goes it with thee?" he said, with an air of easy
unconcern. "Bravely well, I hear. Thou must haste thee now, for soon we
shall be busy with the brewing."
She regarded him in a strange way, perhaps wondering whether this was
another vision. And then she said, faintly,
"Why are you come back to Stratford, father?"
"Oh, I have many affairs on hand," said he; "and yet I like not the
garden to be so empty. I cannot spare thee over here much longer. 'Tis
better when thou art in the garden, and little Bess with thee--nay, I
swear to thee thou disturbest me not--and so must thou get quickly well
and home again."
He took her hand--the thin, worn, white hand--and patted it.
"Why," said he, "I hear they told thee some foolish story about me.
Believe them not, lass. Thou and I are old friends, despite thy saucy
ways, and thy laughing at the young lads about, and thy lecturing of
little Bess Hall--oh, thou hast thy faults--a many of them too--but heed
no idle stories, good lass, that come between me and thee. Nay, I will
have a sharp word for thee an thou do not as the doctor bids; and thou
must rest thee still and quiet, and trouble not thy head, for we want
thee back to us at New Place. Why, I tell thee I cannot have the garden
left so empty; wouldst have me with none to talk with but goodman
Matthew? So now farewell for the moment, good wench; get what sleep thou
canst, and take what the doctor bids thee; why, knowest thou not of the
ribbons and gloves I have brought thee all the way from London? I
warrant me they will please thee!"
He patted her hand again, and rose and left, as if it were all a matter
of course. For a minute or two after the girl looked dazed and
bewildered, as if she were trying to recall many things; but always she
kept looking at the hand that he had held, and there was a pleased light
in her sad and tired eyes. She lay still and silent--for so she had been
enjoined.
But by-and-by she said, in a way that was like the ghost of Judith's
voice of old,
"Grandmother--I can scarce hold up my hand--will you help me? What is
this that is on my head?"
"Why, 'tis a pretty lace cap that Susan brought thee," the grandmother
said, "and we would have thee smart and neat ere thy father came in."
But she had got her hand to her head now, and then the truth became
known to her. She began to cry bitterly.
"Oh, grandmother, grandmother," she said, or sobbed, "they have cut off
my hair, and my father will never look with favor on me again. 'Twas all
he ever praised!"
"Dearie, dearie, thy hair will grow again as fair as ever--ay, and who
ever had prettier?" the old grandmother said. "Why, surely; and the
roses will come to thy cheeks, too, that were ever the brightest of any
in the town. Thy father--heardst thou not what he said a moment
ago--that he could not bear to be without thee? Nay, nay, fret not, good
lass, there be plenty that will right gladly wait for the growing of thy
hair again--ay, ay, there be plenty and to spare that will hold thee in
high favor and think well of thee--and thy father most of all of
them--have no fear!"
And so the grandmother got her soothed and hushed, and at last she lay
still and silent. But she had been thinking.
"Grandmother," said she, regarding her thin, wasted hand, "is my face
like that?"
"Hush thee, child; thou must not speak more now, or the doctor will be
scolding me."
"But tell me, grandmother," she pleaded.
"Why, then," she answered, evasively, "it be none so plump as it
were--but all that will mend--ay, ay, good lass, 'twill mend, surely."
Again she lay silent for a while, but her mind was busy with its own
fears.
"Grandmother," she said, "will you promise me this--to keep Quiney away?
You will not let him come into the room, good grandmother, should he
ever come over to the cottage?"
"Ay, and be this thy thanks, then, to him that rode all the way to
London town to bring thy father to thee?" said the old dame, with some
affectation of reproach. "Were I at thy age I would have a fairer
message for him."
"A message, grandmother?" the girl said, turning her languid eyes to her
with some faint eagerness. "Ay, that I would send him willingly. He went
to London for me, that I know; Prudence said so. But perchance he would
not care to have it, would he, think you?"
The old dame listened, to make sure that the doctor was not within
hearing, for this talking was forbidden; but she was anxious to have the
girl's mind pleased and at rest, and so she took Judith's hand and
whispered to her.
"A message? Ay, I warrant me the lad would think more of it than of
aught else in the world. Why, sweetheart, he hath been never away from
the house all this time--watching to be of service to any one--night and
day it hath been so--and that he be not done to death passes my
understanding. Ay, and the riding to London, and the bringing of thy
father, and all--is't not worth a word of thanks? Nay, the youth hath
won to my favor, I declare to thee; if none else will speak for him I
will; a right good honest youth, I warrant. But there now, sweeting,
hush thee; I may not speak more to thee, else the doctor will be for
driving me forth."
There was silence for some time; then Judith said, wistfully,
"What flowers are in the garden now, grandmother?"
The old dame went to the window slowly; it was an excuse for not having
too much talking going on.
"The garden be far past its best now," said she, "but there be marigolds
and Michaelmas daisies----"
"Could you get me a bit of rosemary, grandmother?" the girl asked.
"Rosemary!" she cried in affright, for the mention of the plant seemed
to strike a funeral note. "Foolish wench, thou knowest I can never get
the rosemary bushes through the spring frosts. Rosemary, truly! What
wantest thou with rosemary?"
"Or a pansy, then?"
"A pansy, doubtless--ay, ay, that be better now--we may find thee a
pansy somewhere--and a plenty of other things, so thou lie still and get
well."
"Nay, I want but the one, grandmother," she said slowly. "You know I
cannot write a message to him, and yet I would send him some token of
thanks for all that he hath done. And would not that do, grandmother?
Could you but find me a pansy--if there be one left anywhere--and a
small leaf or two; and if 'twere put in a folded paper, and you could
give it him from me, and no one knowing? I would rest the happier,
grandmother, for I would not have him think me ungrateful--no, no, he
must not think me that. And then, good grandmother, you will tell him
that I wish him not to see me; only--only, the little flower will show
him that I am not ungrateful; for I would not have him think me that."
"Rest you still now, then, sweeting," the old dame said. "I warrant me
we will have the message conveyed to him; but rest you still--rest you
still--and ere long you will not be ashamed to show him the roses coming
again into your cheeks."