_House of Commons, Monday, March 7._--JOKIM in a bad way to-night.
People are wanting to know how it has come about that TATE's offer of
£80,000 for Picture Gallery, with £80,000 worth of pictures thrown
in to start it, has, after long correspondence with CHANCELLOR OF
EXCHEQUER, been withdrawn. JOKIM rises to explain.
"What I should really like to do," he whispered to me, in confidence,
"is to give him one for his _tête_, as we say in cribbage. But
suppose I must speak him fair." Did his best in that direction though
undercurrent of observation in lengthy paper he read decidedly set
in direction of making TATE out as a cantankerous wrong-headed person
who, proposing to bestow some £160,000 in way of free gift, expected
to have his wishes consulted in such matter of detail as selection of
site for Gallery.
"I venture to hope," said JOKIM, in conclusion, "that the door is not
finally closed on the establishment of a gallery for British Art."
[Illustration: Young Father Dillwyn.]
"That's not quite it," said Young Father DILLWYN, with hand to ear,
listening from corner seat below Gangway he shares with that other
eminent statesman, the SAGE OF QUEEN ANNE'S GATE. "What we complain
of is, that you have so managed matters that the door hasn't been
opened."
"Ah, well," said JOKIM, wringing his hands, "it's no use my trying
anything. Remember once seeing in dock of police-court at Lyons, a
sailor brought up charged with some offence. On his arm was tattooed
the legend, '_Pas de chance_.' He told long story of honest endeavour,
combined with strict honesty and tireless industry, ever frustrated by
malign accident. In short, he was no sooner out of prison than he was
sent back upon fresh conviction. He had no chance, and one time, in
enforced retirement from the world, he indelibly inscribed the legend
on his forearm. _Moi aussi, je n'ai pas de chance._ Ever since I
joined this Government things have gone wrong with me, whether in
Budget Schemes, when acting as Deputy Leader of the House, with £1
notes, and now in this affair, where I run my head against TATE (sort
of _tête-à-tête_), and, though I'm innocent as a lamb, everybody will
have it that I've muddled things and lost the nation a munificent
gift. _Pas de chance; cher Toby; pas de chance!_"
[Illustration: Craig (not Ailsa).]
HANBURY been looking into our Army Service, and behold! it is very
bad. Condemns it, lock, stock, and barrel. Things no better than they
were in time of Crimean War. Our Army costs more, and could do less
than any in the world. Curious to find statement like this gravely
made in presence of twenty-eight Members, all told, including the
SPEAKER. Suppose it's true, Empire on verge of precipice, into which,
on slightest impulse, it may totter and disappear. Hon. Members, in
the main, care so little that they busy themselves writing letters,
chatting in Lobby, gossipping in Smoke-room; the few present admirably
succeed in disguising terror that must possess them as HANBURY, in
solemn voice, utters his lamentation.
"HANBURY," said CRAIG, looking across the House at tall figure below
Gangway, "reminds me of the old party that rust LOCHIEL, and told him
his prospects in the next war were at least doubtful,--
'LOCHIEL, LOCHIEL, beware of the day
When the Lowlands shall meet thee in battle-array.'"
LOCHIEL STANHOPE recks no more than the Northern Chieftain; makes
speech nearly two hours long, proving to empty, but interested
Benches, that never since Peninsular War had Great Britain an Army
so large or so fully equipped. When midnight struck, the few Members
present shook themselves, yawned, and went home. _Business done._--In
Committee on Army Estimates.
[Illustration: Mr. Swift MacNeill's little joke.]
_Tuesday._--Never saw in the flesh procession of Russian Convicts
starting on their journey to Siberia. Have read about it, though; have
even seen pictures thereof. The most saddening and soul-depressing
of these came back to mind just now, when PULESTON, PELLY and
BURDETT-COUTTS forlornly filed forth at command of Chairman of
Committees, amid cheers of heartless Opposition. If they'd only been
a little more ragged in appearance, and, above all, if they had been
connected by leg-chain, illusion would have been complete. Members on
Front Benches, as they passed them, wearily faring forth, could not
have resisted natural impulse to feel in their waistcoat pocket for a
kopec or two to bestow upon the unfortunates.
It was the suddenness of the sentence, the swift falling of the blow,
that made it so cruelly heavy. Last Friday these three Members had
supported a vote subsidising East Africa Co. in matter of preliminary
expenses of railway through their territory. Someone had discovered
they were pecuniarily interested in undertaking. To-day SWIFT
MACNEILL raised the question of parliamentary law in such cases. Moved
Resolution that vote of three Members be disallowed.
Nothing could exceed gentleness of MACNEILL's demeanour. Rather in
sorrow than in anger he moved in the matter, anxious, as all Irish
Members are, for purity of Parliamentary practice and sanctity of
constitutional principles. Almost blubbered in BURDETT-COUTTS's
waistcoat; embraced PELLY and PULESTON in comprehensive smile of
amity.
Encouraged by this attitude, the three Members assumed easy, almost
jaunty, manner. True, PULESTON admitted he would not have done it if
he'd thought anyone would have made a row about it--"as the little
boy said when he was being spanked for putting his fingers in the
jam-pot," observed MARJORIBANKS, _sotto voce_. BURDETT-COUTTS almost
haughty in his defiance of the descendant of the Uncle of JONATHAN
SWIFT, Dean of St. Patrick's.
PELLY pensive in manner and enigmatical in allusion; felt it
particularly hard thus to be placed in the dock, as if he were an
Irish County Councillor under Prince ARTHUR's new Bill. Only last
Friday, in debate preceding the very Division now under discussion,
he had delivered an Address which disclosed intimate acquaintance with
topographical bearings of rarely trodden wilds in Central Africa.
Had shown how an Agent of East Africa Company, setting forth from
So-and-so, had, after perilous passage, reached So-on. After a night
of broken rest, his pillow soothed by the roar of GRANDOLPH's nine
lions, he had set out again. Crossing the River So-forth he wandered
for hours, carrying the flag of his country through the limitless
plains of Etcetera.
House listened entranced, whilst PELLY hurried them from So-on to
So-forth.
"Excellent speech," said the SQUIRE OF MALWOOD, himself not unfamiliar
with land-surveying; "but the country seems a little monotonously
named."
"It's not that," cried PELLY, interrupting; "the fact is, I can't
pronounce the names in the despatches, and call them So-on."
House delighted with this explanation; PELLY found himself at one
bound in front rank of Parliamentary orators. This only last Friday;
to-day called upon to defend himself from charge of breaking written
law of Parliament. Bad this, but worse to come. When PELLY's pensive
voice died away, COURTNEY rose from Chair and sternly said, "In
accordance with practice of the House, the three Hon. Members will
now withdraw." So they strode forth, clothed with innocence. PULESTON
first, with ghastly smile on his face; BURDETT-COUTTS next, wondering
what they would think of this in Stratton Street; PELLY bringing
up the rear, the forlornest file that ever passed between ranks of
jeering spectators, slowly making their way from So-on to So-forth.
_Business done._--None.
[Illustration: The Salvationist Solicitor-General.]
_Thursday._--"The Leadership isn't all beer and skittles, is it?"
I said to Prince ARTHUR just now, trying to put the best face on a
melancholy business.
"No," he said, shortly, "and it isn't public business at all."
Quite true. What officers in command of sham-fights call "the general
idea" of the Sitting to-night, was--questions beginning at half-past
three; over probably at four; House in Committee; take up Army
Estimates; peg away at them till midnight; then "Who goes home?"
Time-table of what actually took place slightly, but firmly different.
House met at three; prayers, which appropriately prefaced HENRY
FOWLER's motion to permit Salvation Army to go its own way on quiet
Sabbaths at Eastbourne. Debated this till twenty minutes past six,
the SOLICITOR-GENERAL heartily joining in the service; then questions,
seventy or eighty of them, not seven or eight of public interest, the
rest of character that might be raised on dull days in Vestry-hall.
At half-past seven, time to dress for dinner. Still, Members think
they'll just wait and see business commenced. "Instead of which,"
as the Judge said, up gets SWIFT MACNEILL, asking permission to
move Adjournment of House in order to discuss famine in India, and
shortcomings of Indian Government. SPEAKER invites those who support
application to rise in their places. Gentlemen below the Gangway, with
hearts bleeding for famished fellow-creatures in far-off Ind (subject
reminds them, by the way, that dinner is nearly ready), leap to
their feet. Twice the forty necessary thus forthcoming; leave given,
and SWIFT MACNEILL proceeds to open his budget. Then strange thing
happens. The eighty Gentlemen who sprang up to secure hearing
for MACNEILL, being on their legs, conclude that, as it's so near
dinner-time, scarcely worth while resuming their seat; so they bundle
forth, MACNEILL, somewhat ungratefully (for they had secured his
opportunity) urging them to "be off, if they didn't want to hear about
the sufferings of their fellow-creatures."
At ten o'clock MACNEILL episode closed. Prince ARTHUR moved, with
intent to expedite business, a Resolution taking Report of Supply
after midnight. Talked on this till twenty minutes to twelve. Business
reached at last, but since Debate closes at midnight, no time to do
anything. Committee of Supply accordingly postponed, and Members begin
chatting about Gresham College, admitting in course of conversation
that there is nothing to talk about, since Government have adopted
suggestion of objectors to scheme.
_Business done._--None.
_Friday_.--MACNEILL the Avenger to the front again, with his Motion
about the Siberian Exiles. "JEMMY" LOWTHER, in most judicial manner,
supports Motion, that votes of PELLY, PULESTON and BURDETT-COUTTS
on Mombasa Affair shall be struck out. Prince ARTHUR argues on other
side; Mr. G. throws weight of his authority into scale against the
Exiles; JOKIM feebly attempts to reply. On Division, in full House,
Government defeated by five votes. MACNEILL's smile, as he announced
the figures, simply enormous. "At first I thought it was an
earthquake," said STANHOPE, shuddering. Nerves shattered by second
defeat of Government in the week. _Business done._--Looks as if the
Government's was--very nearly.
* * * * *
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