["Many customers who want Margarine will not consent to
buy it under that name, but insist on its being called
'Butter.'"--_Daily Paper_.]
Oh, Wisdom, surely here your words you waste
On men who consciously deceive their taste;
Who cheating self are blindest when they've seen,
And call that Butter which is Margarine.
"Give me," 'tis thus their sentiments they utter,
"Firkins of Bosh, but label them as Butter.
Who cares for honest names? they're all my eye.
_Decipiatur qui vult decipi_."
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE BOGIE MAN.
"HUSH! HUSH! HUSH!
HERE COMES THE BOGIE MAN!
"THEN HIDE YOUR HEADS, MY DARLINGS;
HE'LL CATCH YOU IF HE CAN!"
]
* * * * *
"ON THE BLAZON'D SCROLL OF FAME."
[To each man of the Crews of the three Life-boats stationed
in the Isle of Wight, at Brighstone, Brook and Atherfield,
respectively, _Mr. Punch_ has had pleasure and pride in
presenting an illuminated copy of the Picture and Poem
entitled "MR. PUNCH TO THE LIFE-BOAT MEN," which appeared in
his issue of February 13. The names of the coxswains and crews
of these three boats, the _Worcester Cadet_, the _William
Slaney Lewis_, and the _Catherine Swift_, are inscribed
thereon (as they should be in the memories of all true
Britons), as follows:--Of the _Worcester Cadet_, JAMES COTTON
(Coxswain), ROBERT BUCKETT (Second Coxswain), ROBERT SALTER,
WILLIAM BARTON, FRANK EDMUNDS, FRANK BUCKETT, GEORGE NEW,
GEORGE MORRIS, GEORGE SHOTTER, GEORGE HAWKER, EDGAR WHITE,
WILLIAM MERWOOD, and JAMES HEDGECOCK.
Of the _William Slaney Lewis_, JOHN HAYTER (Coxswain), BEN
JACOBS (Second Coxswain), ROBERT COOPER, W. JACOBS, J. COOKE,
G. WHITE, W. CASSELL, T. HOOKEY, J. NEWBURY, J. COOPER, J.
HOOKEY, R. WOODFORD, M. CASSELL, WILLIAM HAYTER, W. BLAKE, and
W. HOOKEY.
Of the _Catherine Swift_, WILLIAM COTTON (Coxswain), DAVID
COTTON (Second Coxswain), JAMES COTTON, THOMAS COTTON, FRANK
COTTON, JOHN COTTON, CHARLES COTTON, WALTER WOODFORD, WALTER
WHITE, CHARLES HARDING, and B. WHILLIER.
These names thus receive--as they deserve--honourable record
"For distinguished bravery and gallant conduct whilst on duty
on the occasion of the wreck of the s.s. _Eider_, January 31,
1892."]
On the Scroll! And why not? Be you sure that it bears
Many entries less worthy of record than theirs,
The rough sea-faring fellows, whose names now go down,
With applause from their Sovereign to swell their renown,
To posterity's ears. And right pleasantly, too,
They should sound on those ears; for, run over each crew
And you'll find that those names have a true homely smack
Both of country and kinship; there's JIM, there is Jack,
There is BOB, there is BILL, TOM and GEORGE, CHARLIE, FRANK;
Can you not hear them sound o'er the waves as in rank
They go down to their work, ringing right cheery hail
Through the shrieks of the storm that shall not make _them_ pale,
Those bold Britons? They're brothers, sires, cousins, and sons,
For see how the "family name" through them runs
Those COTTONS could make up a crew at a pinch!
Whilst the HOOKEYS and WHITES from that task need not flinch.
Yes, these names sound as well on the Scroll, after all,
As NAPOLEON or CÆSAR; and when the Great Call
Of the last human Muster Roll comes, some plain "BILL,"
Whose business was rather to save than to kill,
May step before mad ALEXANDER.
Well, brothers,
(You BUCKETTS, and WOODFORDS and COOPERS and others,
Whose names he need hardly string into his rhymes,)
_Punch_ hopes you may look on this Record sometimes
With pleasant reflections. Mere words, he well knows,
Will not--"butter your parsnips"--(to put sense in prose):
But you have his hearty good will, and you know it,--
Right gladly he takes this occasion to show it!
And when or wherever _another_ should come,
Be sure your friend _Punch_ won't be careless or dumb!
* * * * *