SCENE--_Mr. Punch's Sanctum. Mr. PUNCH discovered, to him
enter Mr. JOHN BULL._
_Mr. Punch_. Well, Mr. BULL, what can I do for you?
_Mr. Bull_. I want to know your opinion, _Mr. Punch_ on the report of
Lord WANTAGE's Committee on Recruiting?
_Mr. P._ Which of the reports, my friend? There seem to be two--one by
the Soldier Members, and the other by the Government Under-Secretary
of State for War.
_Mr. B._ Can't they be lumped together, _Mr. Punch_?
_Mr. P._ Well, yes, in the sense of being discarded. They are neither
satisfactory, although they contradict one another.
_Mr. B._ So I think, _Mr. Punch_. What is to be done?
_Mr. P._ I will do my best to answer you. But just as a preliminary
question, may I ask whether you insure your house, Mr. BULL?
_Mr. B._ Why, yes, certainly. I pay for guardianship and protection.
If I did not, I should have to start fire-engines and the rest of it
myself.
_Mr. P._ Quite so. And you find it cheaper in the long run.
_Mr. B._ To be sure. I have got much, too much to do to bother about
the details of security from fire.
_Mr. P._ Again quite so. Then why don't you pay for your Army?
_Mr. B._ But I do, and a precious round sum too!
_Mr. P._ However, it is difficult to get recruits. And in England any
and everything can be bought by money.
_Mr. B._ Pardon me, _Mr. Punch_, that's all nonsense. Abroad, they can
get soldiers at half the price that--
_Mr. P._ (_interrupting_). Quite wrong, Mr. BULL. Soldiers are just as
dear on the Continent as they are here. Only, you see, the foreigners
look after the fire themselves--they become soldiers, instead of
securing substitutes.
_Mr. B._ What do you mean?
_Mr. P._ That you must either pay the market price, or go in for
conscription. Your money--or your life!
_Mr. B._ Well, I really think I must consider it--I do, indeed!
_Mr. P._ And the sooner the better, Mr. BULL; and if you do not
believe me, give Lord WANTAGE's Committee Report a second reading.
[_Scene closes in upon Mr. JOHN BULL giving the document
reconsideration._
* * * * *
[Illustration: THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAID.
_To our M.P., who rather fancies himself a great political force in
the House._ (_Day before the Meeting of Parliament_.)
"_WELL_, MR. BINKS! AND WHAT BRINGS _YOU_ UP TO TOWN?"]
* * * * *