March 19, 1892.
"ARE YOU HANSARD NOW?"
_MERCHANT OF VENICE._
["The entire stock of _Hansard's Parliamentary Debates_ ...
was offered for sale. The vast collection, nearly 100,000
volumes, scarcely fetched the price of waste paper."--_Daily
Paper_.]
The Auctioneer exclaimed,--"These Vols.
Have neither fault nor blot.
I think that I, without demur,
May call them quite 'a lot.'
"Speeches by RUSSELL, PAM, and BRIGHT,
Good for the heart and head.
Take them as spoken; if you like,
Pray take them, too, as read."
But when the Auction did begin,
Bidders, alack! were lacking;
Back numbers hove in sight in shoals,
Yet seemed to have no backing.
"Then this," quoth he, "appears to be
The dismal situation;
Though from these speeches statesmen quote,
For them there's no quotation.
"The eye has 'heavenly rhetoric,'
Hear WILLIAM SHAKSPEARE cry;
But heavenly rhetoric now, 'tis plain,
Itself is all my eye.
"A penny! Really such a bid
I can't allow to pass;
A man who'd offer coppers here
Must be composed of brass.
"'Progress' I cannot well 'report,'
Unless this lot is bought in;
The only progress seems to be,
When there'll be no reportin'.
"Such priceless gems, such wretched bids!"
The hammer-man did shout;
"If you desire, I knock them down--
You first must knock _me_ out!
"No higher offer? Then I'm forced,
Pray pardon the suggestion--
To take a hint from Parliament,
And 'move the Previous Question.'"
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