THE FLITTING.
So the old Combe Manor days were over, and with them the girlhood of
Esther Cameron.
Ah me! it was sad to say good-by to the dear old home of our childhood;
to go round to our haunts, one by one, and look our last at every
cherished nook and corner; to bid farewell to our four-footed pets,
Dapple and Cherry and Brindle, and the dear little spotted calves; to
caress our favorite pigeons for the last time, and to feed the greedy
old turkey-cock, who had been the terror of our younger days. It was
well, perhaps, that we were too busy for a prolonged leave-taking. Fred
had gone to London, and his handsome lugubrious face no longer
overlooked us as we packed books and china. Carrie and mother and Dot
were cozily established in the little sea-side lodging, and only Allan,
Jack, and I sat down to our meals in the dismantled rooms.
It was hard work trying to keep cheerful, when Allan left off
whistling, as he hammered at the heavy cases, and when Jack was
discovered sobbing in odd corners, with Smudge in her arms--of course
Smudge would accompany us to Milnthorpe; no one could imagine Jack
without her favorite sable attendant, and then Dot was devoted to him.
Jack used to come to us with piteous pleadings to take first one and
then another of her pets; now it was the lame chicken she had nursed in
a little basket by the kitchen fire, then a pair of guinea pigs that
belonged to Dot, and some carrier pigeons that they specially fancied;
after that, she was bent on the removal of a young family of hedgehogs,
and some kittens that had been discovered in the hay-loft, belonging to
the stable cat.
We made a compromise at last, and entrusted to her care Carrie's tame
canaries, and a cage of dormice that belonged to Dot, in whose fate
Smudge look a vast amount of interest, though he never ventured to look
at the canaries. The care of these interesting captives was consolatory
to Jack, though she rained tears over them in secret, and was overheard
by Allan telling them between her sobs that "they were all going to
live in a little pokey house, without chickens or cows, or anything
that would make life pleasant, and that she and they must never expect
to be happy again." Ah, well! the longest day must have an end, and
by-and-by the evening came when we turned away from dear old Combe
Manor forever.
It was far more cheerful work fitting up the new rooms at Milnthorpe,
with Deborah's strong arms to help, and Uncle Geoffrey standing by to
encourage our efforts; even Jack plucked up heart then, and hung up the
canaries, and hid away the dormice out of Smudge's and Jumbles' reach,
and consented to stretch her long legs in our behalf. Allan and I
thought we had done wonders when all was finished, and even Deborah
gave an approving word.
"I think mother and Carrie will be pleased," I said, as I put some
finishing touches to the tea-table on the evening we expected them.
Allan had gone to the station to meet them, and only Uncle Geoffrey was
my auditor. There was a great bowl of roses on the table, great
crimson-hearted, delicious roses, and a basket of nectarines, that some
patient had sent to Uncle Geoffrey. The parlors looked very pretty and
snug; we had arranged our books on the shelves, and had hung up two or
three choice engravings, and there was the gleam of purple and gold
china from the dark oak cabinet, and by the garden window there were
mother's little blue couch and her table and workbox, and Carrie's
davenport, and an inviting easy-chair. The new curtains looked so well,
too. No wonder Uncle Geoffrey declared that he did not recognize his
old room.
"I am sure they will be pleased," I repeated, as I moved the
old-fashioned glass dish full of our delicious Combe Manor honey; but
Uncle Geoffrey did not answer; he was listening to some wheels in the
distance.
"There they are," he said, snatching up his felt wide-awake. "Don't
expect your mother to notice much to-night, Esther; poor thing, this is
a sad coming home to her."
I need not have worked so hard; that was my first thought when I saw
mother's face as she entered the room. She was trembling like a leaf,
and her face was all puckered and drawn, as I kissed her; but Uncle
Geoffrey would not let her sit down or look at anything.
"No, no, you shall not make efforts for us to-night," he said, patting
her as though she were a child. "Take your mother upstairs, children,
and let her have quiet! do you hear, nothing but quiet to-night." And
then Allan drew her arm through his.
I cried shame on myself for a selfish, disappointed pang, as I followed
them. Of course Uncle Geoffrey was right and wise, as he always was,
and I was still more ashamed of myself when I entered the room and
found mother crying as though her heart would break, and clinging to
Allan.
"Oh, children, children! how can I live without your father?" she
exclaimed, hysterically. Well, it was wise of Allan, for he let that
pass and never said a word; he only helped me remove the heavy widow's
bonnet and cloak, and moved the big chintz couch nearer to the window,
and then he told me to be quick and bring her some tea; and when I
returned he was sitting by her, fanning and talking to her in his
pleasant boyish way; and though the tears were still flowing down her
pale cheeks she sobbed less convulsively.
"You have both been so good, and worked so hard, and I cannot thank
you," she whispered, taking my hand, as I stood near her.
"Esther does not want to be thanked," returned Allan, sturdily. "Now
you will take your tea, won't you, mother? and by-and-by one of the
girls shall come and sit with you."
"Are we to go down and leave her?" I observed, dubiously, as Allan rose
from his seat.
"Yes, go, both of you, I shall be better alone; Allan knows that," with
a grateful glance as I reluctantly obeyed her. I was too young to
understand the healing effects of quiet and silence in a great grief;
to me the thought of such loneliness was dreadful, until, later on, she
explained the whole matter.
"I am never less alone than when I am alone," she said once, very
simply to me. "I have the remembrance of your dear father and his words
and looks ever before me, and God is so near--one feels that most when
one is solitary." And her words remained with me long afterward.
It was not such a very sad evening, after all. The sea air had done Dot
good, and he was in better spirits; and then Carrie was so good and
sweet, and so pleased with everything.
"How kind of you, Esther," she said, with tears in her eyes, as I led
her into her little bedroom. "I hardly dared hope for this, and so near
dear mother." Well, it was very tiny, but very pretty, too. Carrie had
her own little bed, in which she had slept from a child, and the
evening sun streamed full on it, and a pleasant smell of white jasmine
pervaded it; part of the window was framed with the delicate tendrils
and tiny buds; and there was her little prayer-desk, with its shelf of
devotional books, and her little round table and easy-chair standing
just as it used; only, if one looked out of the window, instead of the
belt of green circling meadows, dotted over by grazing cattle there was
the lawn and the mulberry tree--a little narrow and homely, but still
pleasant.
Carrie's eyes looked very vague and misty when I left her and went down
to Dot. Allan had put him to bed, but he would not hear of going to
sleep; he had his dormice beside him, and Jumbles was curled up at the
foot of the bed; he wanted to show me his seaweed and shells, and tell
me about the sea.
"I can't get it out of my head, Essie," he said, sitting up among his
pillows and looking very wide-awake and excited. "I used to fall asleep
listening to the long wash and roll of the waves, and in the morning
there it was again. Don't you love the sea?"
"Yes, dearly, Dot; and so does Allan."
"It reminded me of the "Pilgrim's Progress"--just the last part. Don't
you remember the river that every one was obliged to cross? Carrie told
me it meant death." I nodded; Dot did not always need an answer to his
childish fancies, he used to like to tell them all out to Allan and me.
"One night," he went on, "my back was bad, and I could not sleep, and
Carrie made me up a nest of pillows in a big chair by the window, and
we sat there ever so long after mother was fast asleep.
"It was so light--almost as light as day--and there were all sorts of
sparkles over the water, as though it were shaking out tiny stars in
play; and there was one broad golden path--oh! it was so beautiful--and
then I thought of Christian and Christiana, and Mr. Ready-to-halt, and
father, and they all crossed the river, you know."
"Yes, Dot," I whispered. And then I repeated softly the well-known
verse we had so often sung:
"One army of the living God,
To His command we bow;
Part of the host have crossed the flood,
And part are crossing now."
"Yes, yes," he repeated, eagerly; "it seemed as though I could see
father walking down the long golden path; it shone so, he could not
have missed his way or fallen into the dark waters. Carrie told me that
by-and-by there would be "no more sea," somehow; I was sorry for
that--aren't you, Essie?"
"Oh, no, don't be sorry," I burst out, for I had often talked about
this with Carrie. "It is beautiful, but it is too shifting, too
treacherous, too changeable, to belong to the higher life. Think of all
the cruel wrecks, of all the drowned people it has swallowed up in its
rage; it devours men and women, and little children, Dot, and hides its
mischief with a smile. Oh, no, it is false in its beauty, and there
shall be an end of it, with all that is not true and perfect."
And when Dot had fallen asleep, I went down to Uncle Geoffrey and
repeated our conversation, to which he listened with a great deal of
interest.
"You are perfectly right, Esther," he said, thoughtfully; "but I think
there is another meaning involved in the words 'There shall be no more
sea.'"
"The sea divides us often from those we love," he went on musingly; "it
is our great earthly barrier. In that perfected life that lies before
us there can be no barrier, no division, no separating boundaries. In
the new earth there will be no fierce torrents or engulfing ocean, no
restless moaning of waves. Do you not see this?"
"Yes, indeed, Uncle Geoffrey;" but all the same I thought in my own
mind that it was a pretty fancy of the child's, thinking that he saw
father walking across the moonlight sea. No, he could not have fallen
in the dark water, no fear of that, Dot, when the angel of His mercy
would hold him by the hand; and then I remembered a certain lake and a
solemn figure walking quietly on its watery floor, and the words, "It
is I, be not afraid," that have comforted many a dying heart!
Allan had to leave us the next day, and go back to his work; it was a
pity, as his mere presence, the very sound of his bright, young voice,
seemed to rouse mother and do her good. As for me, I knew when Allan
went some of the sunshine would go with him, and the world would have a
dull, work-a-day look. I tried to tell him so as we took our last walk
together. There was a little lane just by Uncle Geoffrey's house; you
turned right into it from the High street, and it led into the country,
within half a mile of the house. There were some haystacks and a
farmyard, a place that went by the name of Grubbings' Farm; the soft
litter of straw tempted us to sit down for a little, and listen to the
quiet lowing of the cattle as they came up from their pasture to be
milked.
"It reminds me of Combe Manor," I said, and there was something wet on
my cheek as I spoke; "and oh, Allan! how I shall miss you to-morrow,"
and I touched his coat sleeve furtively, for Allan was not one to love
demonstration. But, to my surprise, he gave me a kind little pat.
"Not more than I shall miss you," he returned, cheerily. "We always get
along well, you and I, don't we, little woman?" And as I nodded my
head, for something seemed to impede my utterance at that moment, he
went on more seriously, "You have a tough piece of work before you,
Esther, you and Carrie; you will have to put your Combe Manor pride in
your pockets, and summon up all your Cameron strength of mind before
you learn to submit to the will of strangers.
"Our poor, pretty Carrie," he continued, regretfully; "the little
saint, as Uncle Geoffrey used to call her. I am afraid her work will
not be quite to her mind, but you must smoothe her way as much as
possible; but there, I won't preach on my last evening; let me have
your plans instead, my dear."
But I had no plans to tell him, and so we drifted by degrees into
Allan's own work; and as he told me about the hospital and his student
friends, and the great bustling world in which we lived, I forgot my
own cares. If I had not much of a life of my own to lead, I could still
live in his.
The pleasure of this talk lingered long in my memory; it was so nice to
feel that Allan and I understood each other so well and had no divided
interests; it always seems to me that a sister ought to dwell in the
heart of a brother and keep it warm for that other and sacred love that
must come by-and-by; not that the wife need drive the sister into outer
darkness, but that there must be a humbler abiding in the outer court,
perchance a little guest-chamber on the wall; the nearer and more royal
abode must be for the elected woman among women.
There is too little giving up and coming down in this world, too much
jealous assertion of right, too little yielding of the scepter in love.
It may be hard--God knows it is hard, to our poor human nature, for
some cherished sister to stand a little aside while another takes
possession of the goodly mansion, yet if she be wise and bend gently to
the new influence, there will be a "come up higher," long before the
dregs of the feast are reached. Old bonds are not easily broken, early
days have a sweetness of their own; by-and-by the sister will find her
place ready for her, and welcoming hands stretched out without grudging.
The next morning I rose early to see Allan off Just at the last moment
Carrie came down in her pretty white wrapper to bid him good-by. Allan
was strapping up his portmanteau in the hall, and shook his head at her
in comic disapproval. "Fie, what pale cheeks, Miss Carrie! One would
think you had been burning the midnight oil." I wonder if Allan's
jesting words approached the truth, for Carrie's face flushed suddenly,
and she did not answer.
Allan did not seem to notice her confusion. He bade us both good-by
very affectionately, and told us to be good girls and take care of
ourselves, and then in a moment he was gone.
Breakfast was rather a miserable business after that; I was glad Uncle
Geoffrey read his paper so industriously and did not peep behind the
urn. Dot did, and slipped a hot little hand in mine, in an
old-fashioned sympathizing way. Carrie, who was sitting in her usual
dreamy, abstracted way, suddenly startled us all by addressing Uncle
Geoffrey rather abruptly.
"Uncle Geoffrey, don't you think either Esther or I ought to go over to
the Thornes? They want a governess, you know."
"Eh, what?" returned Uncle Geoffrey, a little disturbed at the
interruption in the middle of the leading article. "The Thornes? Oh,
yes, somebody was saying something to me the other day about them; what
was it?" And he rubbed his hair a little irritably.
"We need not trouble Uncle Geoffrey," I put in, softly; "you and I can
go across before mother comes down. I must speak to Deborah, and then I
meant to hear Jack's lessons, but they can wait."
"Very well," returned Carrie, nonchalantly; and then she added, in her
composed, elder sisterly way, "I may as well tell you, Esther, that I
mean to apply for the place myself; it will be so handy, the house
being just opposite; far more convenient than if I had a longer walk."
"Very well," was my response, but I could not help feeling a little
relief at her decision; the absence of any walk was an evil in my eyes.
The Thornes' windows looked into ours; already I had had a sufficient
glimpse of three rather untidy little heads over the wire blind, and
the spectacle had not attracted me. I ventured to hint my fears to
Carrie that they were not very interesting children; but, to my dismay,
she answered that few children are interesting, and that one was as
good as another.
"But I mean to be fond of my pupils," I hazarded, rather timidly, as I
took my basket of keys. I thought Uncle Geoffrey was deep in his paper
again. "I think a governess ought to have a good moral influence over
them. Mother always said so."
"We can have a good moral influence without any personal fondness,"
returned Carrie, rather dryly. Poor girl! her work outside was
distasteful to her, and she could not help showing it sometimes.
"One cannot take interest in a child without loving it in time," I
returned, with a little heat, for I did not enjoy this slavish notion
of duty--pure labor, and nothing else. Carrie did not answer, she
leaned rather wearily against the window, and looked absently out.
Uncle Geoffrey gave her a shrewd glance as he folded up the newspaper
and whistled to Jumbles.
"Settle it between yourselves girls," he observed, suddenly, as he
opened the door; "but if I were little Annie Thorne, I know I should
choose Esther;" and with this parting thrust he left the room, making
us feel terribly abashed.