Handsome Jack, whose vanity induces him to assert that his eyebrows are
worth one hundred per annum to any young fellow in pursuit of a fortune:
it should, however, be admitted, that his gentlemanly manners and great
good-nature more than compensate for any little detractions on the score
of self-conceit. What the son is, the father was in earlier life; and
the old beau is not a little gratified to observe the estimation in
which his son is held by the fair sex, on account of his attractive
person and still more prepossessing manners.
"You have heard of Peagreen Hayne's exploits at Burdrop Park; and here
comes the proprietor of the ~327~~place, honest Tom Calley, as jovial a
true-hearted English gentleman as ever followed a pack of foxhounds, or
gloried in preserving and promoting the old English hospitalities of the
table: circumstances, the result of some hard runs and long odds, have a
little impaired the family exchequer; however the good wishes of all who
know him attend him in adversity. But the clouds which have for a time
obstructed his sunshine of mirth are fast wearing away, and when he
shall return to the enjoyment of his patrimonial acres, he will be sure
to meet a joyous welcome from all surrounding him, accompanied with the
heartfelt congratulations of those to whom in Bath he is particularly
endeared. The smart little fellow driving by in his cabriolet is beau
Burgess, a single star, and one of no mean attraction among the fair
spinsters, who can estimate the merits and admire the refulgence of ten
thousand sovereign attendant satellites.
[Illustration: page327]
Bath is, perhaps, now the only place in the kingdom where there is
yet to be found a four-in-hand club; a society of gentlemen Jehus,
who formerly in London cut no inconsiderable figure in the annals of
fashion, and who, according to our mode of estimating the amusements
of the gay world, were very unfairly satirized, seeing, that with the
pursuit of pleasure was combined the additional employment of a large
number of mechanics, and a stimulus given, not only to the improvement
of a noble breed of horses, but to the acquirement of a knowledge, the
perfection of which in the metropolis is particularly necessary to the
existence of the peripatetic pleasures of his majesty's subjects. Here
we have Colonel Allen, who puts along a good team in very prime style,
and having lately been spliced to a good fortune, is a perfect master in
the _manage_-ment of the bit.
"Squire Richards is, also, by no means a contemptible knight of the
ribbons, only he sometimes measures ~328~~his distance a little too
closely; a practice, which if he does not improve upon, may some day,
in turning a corner, not bring him off right. 'A follower of the Buxton
school and a true knight of the throng,' says old Tom Whipcord in the
Annals of Sporting, 'must not expect to drive four high-bred horses well
with an opera-glass stuck in his right ogle.' A bit of good advice that
will not only benefit the squire if he attends to it, but perhaps save
the lives of one or two of the Bath pedestrians. The leader of the club,
who, by way of distinction from his namesake the colonel, is designated
Scotch Allen, is really a noble whip, putting along four horses in
first-rate style, all brought well up to their work, and running
together as close and as regular as the wheels of his carriage. The
comical little character upon the strawberry pony is the Bath Adonis;
a fine specimen of the Irish antique, illustrated with a beautiful
brogue,and emblazoned with a gold coat of arms. The amours of old
B-----------in Bath would very well fill a volume of themselves; but
the anecdote I gave you in the Pump-room of little Lacy and her paramour
will be sufficient to show you in what estimation he is held by the
ladies." "Give me leave to introduce you to a Raer fellow," said
Heartly; "an old friend of mine, who has all his lifetime been a
wholesale dealer in choice spirits, and having now bottled off enough
for the remainder of his life, is come to spend the evening of his days
in Bath among the bon vivants of the elegant city, enjoying the tit
bits of pleasure, and courting the sweet society of the pretty girls. By
heavens! boys, we shall be found out, and you, Mr. Spy, will be the
ruin of us all, for here comes our old sporting acquaintance, Charles
Bannatyne, with his Jackall at his heels, accompanied by that mad
wag Oemsby, the Cheltenham amateur of fashion, and the gallant little
Lieutenant Valombre, who having formerly made a rich capture of
Spanish dollars, is perhaps upon the look-out here ~329~~for a frigate
well-laden with English specie, in order to sail in consort, and cruize
off the straits of independence for life. Well, success attend him,"
said Heartly; "for he well deserves a good word whether at sea or
on shore. The military-looking gentleman yonder, who is in close
conversation with that rough diamond, Ellis, once a London attorney,
is the highly-respected Colonel Fitzgerald, whom our friend Transit
formerly caricatured under the cognomen of Colonel Saunter, a
good-humoured joke, with which he is by no means displeased himself."
"But, my dear fellows," said Transit, "if we remain fixed to this spot
much longer, we shall have the eyes of all the _beau monde_ upon us,
and stand a chance of being pointed at for the rest of the time that we
remain in Bath." A piece of advice that was not wholly unnecessary, for
being personally known to a few of the sporting characters, our visit
to the elegant city had spread like wildfire, and on our appearance in
Milsom-street, a very general desire was expressed by the beaux to
have a sight of the English Spy and his friend Transit, by whose joint
labours they anticipated they might hereafter live to fame.
One of the most remarkable personages of the old school still left to
Bath is the celebrated Captain Mathews, the author of "a short Treatise
on Whist," and the same gentleman who at an early period of life
contested with the late R. B. Sheridan, upon Lansdowne, for the
fair hand of the beauteous Miss Lindly, the lady to whom the wit was
afterwards married. In this way did my pleasant friends Heartly
and Eglantine continue to furnish me with brief notices of the most
attractive of the stars of fashion who usually lounge away the mornings
in Milsom-street, exchanging the familiar nod and "How d'ye do?" and
holding sweet discourse among their fragrant selves upon the pursuits of
the _haute classe_, the merits of the last new novel, or the fortune
of the last unmarried feminine ~330~~arrival. To these may be added
reminiscences of the last night's card-table and remarks upon the Balls
at the rooms; for
"Two musical parties to Bladud belong,
To delight the old rooms and the upper;
One gives to the ladies a supper, no song,
And the other a song and no supper."
"The _jolie_ dame to the right," said Horace, "is the mother of
England's best friend, the Secretary for the Foreign Department, George
Canning, a man to whom we are all indebted for the amalgamation of
party, and the salvation of the country The clerical who follows
immediately behind Mrs. Hunn is a reverend gentleman whose daughters
both recently eloped from his house on the same morning attended by
favoured lovers to bind with sacred wreaths their happy destinies at
the shrine of Hymen." We had now reached the bottom of the street again,
after having made at least a dozen promenades to and fro, and were on
the point of retiring to our hotel to dress for dinner, when Heartly
directed my attention to a dashing roue, who, dressed in the extreme
of superlative style, was accompanied by a beautiful piece of fair
simplicity in the garb of a Puritan. "That," said my friend, "is
the beautiful Miss D**T--one of the faithful, whom the dashing Count
L***c***t has recently induced to say ay for life: thus gaining a double
prize of no mean importance by one stroke of good luck--a fine girl
and a fine fortune into the bargain." I must not forget our friend the
consulting surgeon H***ks, or omit to notice that in Bath the faculty
are all distinguished by some peculiar title of this sort, as, the
digestive Physician, the practical Apothecary, and the operative
Chemist; a piece of quackery not very creditable to their acknowledged
skill and general respectability. At dinner we were again joined by
our facetious ~331~~friend Blackstrap, who, to use his own phraseology,
having made "a good morning's work of it," hoped he might be permitted
to make one among us, a request with which we were most willing to
comply. In the evening, after the bottle had circulated freely, some of
our party proposed a visit to the theatre, but as Bath theatricals could
not be expected to afford much amusement to London frequenters of the
theatres royal, Transit suggested our sallying forth for a spree;"
for," said he, "I have not yet booked a bit of true life since I
have been in Bath. The pump-room, the bathers, and the swells in
Milsom-street, are all very well for the lovers of elegant life; but
our sporting friends and old college chums will expect to see a genuine
touch or two of the broad humour of Bath--something suburban and funny.
Cannot you introduce us to any thing pleasant of this sort!" said
Transit, addressing Blackstrap: "perhaps give us a sight of the
interior of a snug convent, or show us where the Bath wonderfuls resort
to carouse and sing away their cares."--"It is some years since," said
Blackstrap, "that in the company of a few merry wags, I paid a visit to
the Buff-club in Avon-street: but as you, gentlemen, appear disposed for
a little fun, if you will pledge yourselves to be directed by me, I will
undertake to introduce you to a scene far exceeding in profligacy and
dissipation the most florid picture which our friend Transit has
yet furnished of the back settlements in the Holy-land." With this
understanding, and with no little degree of anticipatory pleasure, did
our merry group set forth to take a survey of the interior of the long
room at the Pig and Whistle in Avon-street. Of the origin of this sign,
Blackstrap gave us a very humorous anecdote: the house was formerly,
it would appear, known by the sign of the Crown and Thistle, and was at
that time the resort of the Irish Traders who visited Bath to dispose
of their linens. One of these Emeralders ~332~~having lost his way, and
being unable to recollect either the name of the street or the sign of
his inn, thus addressed a countryman whom he accidentally met: "Sure
I've quite forgotten the sign of my inn." "Be after mentioning something
like it, my jewel," said his friend. "Sure it's very like the Pig and
Whistle," replied the enquirer. "By the powers, so it is:--the Crown
and Thistle, you mean;" and from this mistake of the Emeralder, the
house has ever since been so designated. Upon our visit to this scene of
uproarious mirth, we found it frequented by the lowest and most depraved
characters in society; the mendicants, and miserable of the female sex,
who, lost to every sense of shame or decency, assemble here to indulge
in profligacies, the full description of which must not stain the pages
of the English Spy.
[Illustration: page332]
As a scene of low life, my friend Transit has done it ample justice,
where the portraits of Lady Grosvenor as one of the Cyprian frequenters
is designated, the Toad in a Hole, and Lucy the Fair, will be easily
recognised. A gallon of gin for the ladies, and a liberal distribution
of beer and tobacco for the males, made us very welcome guests, and
insured us, during our short stay, at least from personal interruption.
It may be asked why such a house is licensed by the magistracy; but
when it is known that characters of this sort will always be found in
well-populated places, and that the doors are regularly closed at eleven
o'clock, it is perhaps thought to be a measure of prudence to let them
continue to assemble in an obscure part of the suburbs, where they
congregate together under the vigilant eye of the police, instead of
being driven abroad to seek fresh places of resort, and by this means
increase the evils of society.
The next morning saw my friend Transit and myself again prepared
to separate from our friends Heartly and Eglantine, on our way to
Worcester, ~333~~where we had promised to pay a visit to old Crony on
our road back to London. Reader, if our sketches in Bath are somewhat
brief, remember we are ever on the wing in search of novelty, and are
not disposed to stay one day longer in any place than it affords fresh
food for pen and pencil In the characters we have sketched we disclaim
any thought of personal offence; eccentrics are public property, and
must not object to appear in print, seeing that they are in the journey
through life allowed to ride a free horse, without that curb which
generally restrains the conduct of others But I must here take my
farewell of the elegant city of that attractive spot of which Bayley
justly sings
"In this auspicious region all mankind
(Whate'er their taste) congenial joys may find;
Here monied men may pass for men of worth;
And wealthy Cits may hide plebeian birth.
Here men devoid of cash may live with ease,
Appear genteel, and pass for what they please."
WAGGERIES AT WORCESTER.
~334~~The meeting with an old friend at Worcester induced us to domicile
there for the space of three days, during which time I will not say we
were laid up with Lavender, but certainly near enough to scent it. Most
of our Worcester acquaintance will however understand what is meant by
this allusion to one of the pleasantest fellows that ever commanded the
uncivil customers in the Castle, since the time of the civil wars.
The city is perhaps as quiet a dull place as may be found within
his majesty's dominions, where a cannon-ball might be fired down the
principal street at noon-day without killing more than the ruby-nosed
incumbent of a fat benefice, a superannuated tradesman, or a
manufacturer of crockery-ware. No stranger should, however, pass through
the place without visiting the extensive China works of Messrs. Flight
and Barr, to which the greatest facility is given by the proprietors;
and the visit must amply repay any admirer of the arts. A jovial
evening, spent with our old friend of the Castle, had ended with a kind
invitation from him to partake of a spread at his hotel on the following
morning; but such was the apprehensions of Transit at the idea of
entering this mansion of the desolate, from being troubled with certain
qualmish remembrances of the previous night's debauch, that not all my
intreaties, nor the repeated messages of the worthy commander of the
Castle, could bring our friend Transit to book.
~335~~To those who know my friend John, and there are few of any
respectability who do not both know and admire him, his facetious talent
will require but little introduction. Lavender is what a man of the
world, whose business it has been to watch over the interests of
society, should be, superior in education and in mind, to any one I ever
met with filling a similar situation: the governor of the Castle is
a companion for a lord, or to suit the purposes of justice, instantly
metamorphosed into an out and outer, a regular knowing cove, whose
knowledge of flash and the cant and slang used by the dissolute is
considered to be superior to that of any public officer. A specimen
of this will be found in the following note, which a huge fellow of a
turnkey brought to my bedside, and then apologised for disturbing me, by
pleading the governor's instructions.
"QUEER COVES,
"I hope you have left your dabs,{1}
and nobs,{2} all right: perhaps prime legs{3} is queer in
the oration-box{4} from a too frequent use of the
steamer{5} last darky.{6} I make this fakement{7} to let
you know I and morning spread are waiting.
Steel-hotel, Yours, &c.
June 9, 1825. LOCKIT."
[Illustration: page335]
My readers will very readily conceive that with such a companion we
were not long in tracing out what little of true life was to be found
in Worcester, and certainly one of the pleasantest scenes in which we
participated was a visit to the Subscription Bowling Alley, where, in
the summer time, the most respectable of the inhabitants of Worcester
meet every evening
1 Beds.
2 Heads.
3 Cruikshank..
4 Cranium.
5 A pipe.
6 Night.
7 A note.
~336~~for recreation; and a right pleasant company we found them. The
Caleb Quotem of the society, Dr. Davis, united in one person all the
acquirements of the great original: he not only keeps the time of the
city, but keeps all the musicians of the place in time; regulates the
watch and the watches, and plays a solo _a la Dragonetti_ upon the
double bass. Sam Swan is another choice spirit, who sings a good chant,
lives well respected, and sails down the stream of time as pleasantly as
if he was indeed a royal bird.
An old Burdettite, Will Shunk, recognised in us a partizan of the
government candidate at one of the Westminster Elections: "But, sir,"
said Will, "politics and I have nearly parted; for you must know, I am
tolerably _well breeched_, and can fairly say I am hand and glove with
all the first nobility in the kingdom." A truth to which Captain
Corls readily assented by explaining that Master William Shunk was a
first-rate glover, and considered worth a plum at least: "in short,
sir," said the captain, "he is a nabob here, and brings to my mind some
of the eastern princes with whom I have met during my Campaigns in the
East." The very mention of which exploit induced our friend the governor
to tip us the office, and the joke was well humoured until silver
Powell, who they say comes from Norfolk, interrupted our travels in
India, with, "Captain, can't you see that ere Athlantic fellow, the
governor, is making fun of you to amuse his London friends." A hint that
appeared to strike the Captain very forcibly, for it struck him dumb.
A good-humoured contest between honest Joe Shelton, and Probert the
school-master, elicited some very comical exposures in the way of
recriminations. Joe, it would appear, is an artist in economy; and an
old story about a lobster raised Joe's ire to its height, and produced
the Lex taliones on Probert, ~337~~whose habits of frugality wanted his
competitor's humour to make them pass current. Transit, who had been
amusing himself with sketching the characters, had become acquainted
with a sporting Reverend, whose taste for giblets had proved rather
expensive; and who was most desirous of appearing in print: a favor
merry Stephen Godson, the lawyer, requested might also be extended to
him." "Ay," said John Portman, "and if you want a character for your
foreground rich in colour, my phiz is much at your service; and
here's George Brookes, the radical, to form a good dark object in the
distance." In this way the evening passed off very pleasantly. Our
friend had made the object of our visit to the Bowling Alley known to
some few of his intimates, circumstance that I have no doubt
rather operated to prevent a display of some of those good-humoured
eccentricities with which it is not unfrequently marked. Upon my
return to town, I received a farewell ode from my Spirit in the Clouds,
evidently written under a misconception that the English Spy was about
to withdraw himself for a time, from his sketches on men and manners,
when in fact, although his labours will here close with the completion
of a Second Volume, his friends will find, that he is most desirous of
still engaging their attentions in a new form, attended not only by all
his former associates, but uniting in his train the brightest and the
merriest of all the choice Spirits of the Age.
BERNARD BLACKMANTLE TO HIS READERS.
To prevent a misconception, and do himself justice, the author of the
English Spy feels it necessary to state, that in every instance the
subjects for the Plates illustrating this work have been furnished by
his pen, and not unfrequently, the rough ideas have ~338~~first emanated
from his own pencil; while he states this fact to prevent error, he is
most anxious to acknowledge the great assistance he has derived from the
inimitable humour and graphic skill in the execution of the designs, by
his friend Robert Transit.
[Illustration: page338]
A SHORT ODE AT PARTING,
FROM HIS "SPIRIT IN THE CLOUDS"
TO THE ENGLISH SPY.
~339~~
Prospero. Now does my project gather to a head;
My charms crack not; my spirits obey:
----How's the day?
Ariel. On the sixth hour; at which time, my lord,
You said our work should cease.
--Shakspkare's Tempest.
So fare you well; I have left you commands.
Ibid.--As you like it.
"'Tis true, and pity 'tis, 'tis true,"
That though on fairest winds we flew,
I in the clouds, beneath them you,
We still must parted be;
And that, e'en whilst the world still hung
On what you wrote, and what I sung,
Enamour'd of our double tongue,
Exits my Bernard B-----.
Well, all great actors must have pause,
When toiling in a patriot cause,
And ere another scene he draws,
New characters to cast,
~340~~
Secure of having played his part,
As nature dictates, from the heart,
'Tis fair before another start,
He brush up from the last.
But how will humbugs of the age,
(I don't mean Mr. B.'s dull page,)
Crow that they scape satiric rage,
And get off in whole skins;
How will dramatic fools rejoice!
No more is heard great Bernard's voice,
And that, Heav'n knows, there is a choice,
Their flummery begins.{1}
But go your ways; it may be wise,
To let these puny, pestering flies
Buzz about people's ears and eyes,
A season or two longer;
There must be evil mixed with good,
A bottom to the clearest flood,
And let them stand where others stood,
Till shown who is the stronger.
Then, fortune-hunting squires of Bath,
Fine as the Burmese jewell'd Rath,{2}
Pray totter o'er your Bond-street path,
A respite short is yours.
1 I speak of would-be actors (male and female), vain and
incompetent managers, flippant and unequal critics, puffed
and translating authors, in short, of all before and behind
the curtain who have injured, or may injuro, the legitimate
drama. Let the theatres, like our trade, be free, and
monopoly thrive not, and for their success the Spirit will
ever pray; at present, it is "a mad world, my masters;" and
I am afraid Mr. Rayner with his long and set speeches, as
chairman of Thomas's Shakspeareans, will not mend the
matter. We note this to him in a friendly way; seeing, that
he is a worthy fellow, and a clever Caliban, and really
loves Shakspeare next to Newmarket and Doncaster.
2 The Burmese carriage is certainly a curious machine
of Indian workmanship; but it is, we should fancy, mere
outside--fine to look at, but a "rum one to go," like the
be-togged, be-booted, be-spurred, furred, and cloaked half
pays, fortune-hunters, gentlemen with the brogue, &c. that
pay their court so assiduously to Mrs. Dolland's cheesecakes
and Mr. Heaviside's quadrilles. But the world is often
ornament caught.
~341~~
And daughter-selling mothers, still
Lure the young boys, their eyes may kill,
To wed your flesh and blood, and fill
Your purse, and pay your tours.
Ye London blacks, ye Cheltenham whites,{3}
Ye turners of the days to nights,
Make, make the most of all your flights,
Whilst I and Bernard doze;
But still be sure, by this same token,
We still shall sleep with one eye open{4}
And the first hour our nap is broken,
You'll pay for't through the nose.
3 There are indeed "black spirits and white spirits" of all
sorts and sizes, at all times and places; and a well-cut
coat and a white satin dress are frequently equally
dangerous glossings to frail and cunning mortality within.
To be sure, we have brought down the "tainted wethers of
dame Nature's flock" with the double barrels of wit and
satire, right and left; but like mushrooms or mole-hills,
they are a breeding, increasing species, and it will be only
a real battue of sharp-shooting that will destroy the
coveys. Nevertheless,
"I have a rod in pickle,
Their------------------"
I declare the Spirit is growing earthly.
4 The Bristol men "down along," sleep, they say, in this way
and hence is it rare for Jew or Gentile, Turk or infidel, to
get the blind side of them. Some of them, however, have ere
now been done brown, and that too by being too fanciful and
neat in their likings. These tales of the sleepers of an
eye are too good to be lost; they shall be bound up in the
volume of my brain, hereafter to be perused with advantage.
At present,
"I hear a voice thou canst not hear;
I see a hand thou canst not see;
It calls to me from yonder sphere,
It points to where my brethren be."
~342
When that time comes, and come it must,
For what we say is not pie-crust,
To yield to every trifling thrust,
England shall see some fun.