thousand pounds, was originally a piece-broker in Bedford-
bury, and afterwards kept a low public house in Vinegar-
yard, Drury-lane; from whence he merged into an illegal
lottery speculation in Northumberland-street, Strand, where
he realized a considerable sum by insurances and little
goes; from this spot he was transplanted to Norris-street,
in the Haymarket, managing partner in a gaming-house, when,
after a run of ill luck, an affair occurred that would have
occasioned some legal difficulty but for the oath of a
pastry-cook's wife, who proved an alibi, in return for which
act of kindness he afterwards made her his wife. Obtaining
possession of the rooms in Pall-Mall (then the celebrated
E. O. tables, and the property of W-, the husband, by a sham
warrant), the latter became extremely jealous; and, to make
all comfortable, our hero, to use his own phrase, generously
bought the mure and coll.--Mrs. W--and her son--both since
dead: the latter rose to very high rank in an honourable
profession. The old campaigner has now turned pious, and
recently erected and endowed a chapel. He used to boast he
had more promissory notes of gambling dupes than would be
sufficient to cover the whole of Pall-Mall; he may with
justice add, that he can command bank notes enough to cover
Cavendish-square.
~181~~
And west-end hells, to fortune rose
By many a subtle way.
Patron of bull-baits, racings, fights,
A chief of black-legg'd low delights--
'Tis the new m------s, F-k;
Time was, his heavy vulgar gait,
With one of highest regal state
Took precedence of rank:
But now, a little in disgrace
Since J-e usurp'd his m------'s place,
A stranger he's at court;
Unlike the greatest and the best
Who went before, his feather'd nest
Is well enrich'd by sport.
F-1-y disastrous, honour's child;
L-t-he the giddy, gay, and wild,
And sportive little Jack;
The prince of dandies join the throng,
Where Gwydir spanks his fours along,
The silvery grays or black.
The charming F-te, and Colonel B-,{39}
Snugly in close carriage see
With crimson coats behind:
And Mrs. C--, the Christmas belle,
39 We shall not follow the colonel's example, or we could
give some extracts from the letters of a. female
corespondent of his that would be both curious and
interesting; but _n'importe_, consideration for the lady
alone prevents the publication. In town he is always
discovered by a group of would-be exquisites, the satellites
of the Jupiter of B-k-y C-t-e at Gl-r; or at Ch---------m
they have some name; but here they are more fortunate, for
o'er them oblivion throws the friendly veil.
~182~~
With banker's clerk, a tale must tell
To all who are not blind.
Ah! Poodle Byng appears in view,{40}
Who gives at whist a point or two
To dowagers in years.
And see where ev'ry body notes
The star of fashion, Romeo Coates{41}
The amateur appears:
But where! ah! where, say, shall I tell
Are the brass cocks and cockle shell?
Ill hazard, rouge et noir
If it but speak, can tales relate
Of many an equipage's fate,
And may of many more.
Ye rude canaille, make way, make way,
The Countess and the Count--------,{42}
40 This gentleman is generally designated by the name of
"the whist man:" he holds a situation in the secretary of
state's office, and is in particular favour with all the old
dowagers, at whose card parties it is said he is generally
fortunate. He has recently been honoured with the situation
of grand chamberlain to their black majesties of the
Sandwich isles.
41 Poor Borneo's brilliancy is somewhat in eclipse, and
though not quite a fallen star, he must not run on black too
long,--lest his diamond-hilted sword should be the price of
his folly.
42 The Countess of ---------------is the daughter of
Governor J-----------; her mother's name was Patty F-d, the
daughter of an auctioneer who was the predecessor of the
present Mr. Christie's father. Patty, then a very beautiful
woman, went with him to India, and was a most faithfull and
attentive companion.--On the voyage home with J-------
-----and her three children, by him, the present countess,
and her brothers James and George, they touched at the Cape,
where the old governor most ungratefully fell in love with a
young Portuguese lady, whom he married and brought to
England in the same ship with his former associate, whom he
soon after completely abandoned, settling 500L. a year upon
her for the support of herself and daughter; his two sons,
James and George, he provided with writerships in the
company's service, and sent to India. James died young, and
George returned to England in a few years, worth 180,000
pounds.--He lingered in a very infirm state of health, the
effects of the climate and Mrs. M-, alias Madame Haut Gout;
and at his death, being a bachelor, he left the present
countess, his sister who lived with him, the whole of his
property. There are various tales circulated in the
fashionable world relative to the origin and family of the
count, who has certainly been a most fortunate man: he is
chiefly indebted for success with the countess to his skill
as an amateur on the flute, rather than to his paternal
estates. The patron of foreigners, he takes an active part
in the affairs of the Opera-house.--Poor Tori having given
some offence in this quarter, was by his influence kept out
of an engagement; but it would appear he received some
amends, by the following extract from a fashionable paper of
the day.
A certain fashionable------l, who was thought to be _au
comble de bonheur_, has lately been much tormented with that
green-eyed monster, Jealousy, in the shape of an opera
singer. _Plutot mourir que changer_, was thought to be the
motto of the pretty round-faced English------------s; but,
alas! like the original, it was written on the sands of
disappointment, and was scarcely read by the admiring
husband, before his joy was dashed by the prophetic wave,
and the inscription erased by a favoured son of Apollo.
_L'oreille est le chemin du cour_: so thought the ------l,
and forbade the ----------s to hold converse with Monsieur
T.; but _les femmes peuvent tout, parce-qu'elles gouvernent
ceux qui gouvernent tous_. A meeting took place in
Grosvenor-square, and, amid the interchange of doux yeux,
the ---------l arrived: a desperate scuffle ensued; the
intruder was banished the house, and, as he left the door,
is said to have whistled the old French proverb of _Le bon
temps viendra_. This affair has created no little amusement
among the _beau monde_. All the dowagers are fully agreed on
one point, that _l'amour est une passion qui vient souvent
sans qu'on s'en appercoive, et, qui s'en va aussi de meme_.
~183~~
Who play _de prettee_ flute,
Who charm _une petit_ English ninnie,
Till all the Joueur J------'s guinea
Him _pochee en culotte_.
Who follows? 'tis the Signor Tori,
'Bout whom the gossips tell a story,
With some who've gone before:
"The bird in yonder cage confined
Can sing of lovers young and kind,"
But there, he'll sing no more.
~184~~
Lord L------looks disconsolate,{}43
No news from Spain I think of late,
Per favour M--------i.
Ne'er heed, my lord, you still may find
Some opera damsel true and kind,
Who'll prove less coy and naughty.
"Now by the pricking of my thumbs,
There's something wicked this way comes,"
'Tis A-'s false dame,{44}
Who at Almack's, or in the park,
With whispers charms a clucal spark,
To blight his wreath of fame.
Observe, where princely Devonshire,{45}
43 His lordship, though not quite so deeply smitten as the
now happy swain, had, we believe, a little __penchant for
the charming little daughter of Terpsichore. "What news
from Spain, my lord, this morning?" said Sir C. A. to Lord
L------"I have no connexion with the foreign office,"
replied his lordship.--"I beg pardon, my lord, but I am sure
I met a Spanish messenger quitting your house as I entered
it." On the turf, his lordship's four year old (versus five)
speculations with Cove B-n have given him a notoriety that
will, we think, prevent his ruining himself at Newmarket.
Like the immortal F-e, he is one of the opera directors, and
has a great inclination for foreign curiosities. Vide the
following extract.--
"The New Corps de Ballot at the Opera this season, 1823, is
entirely composed of Parisian elegantes, selected with great
taste by Lord L---------, whose judgment in these matters is
perfectly con amore. In a letter to a noble friend on
this subject, Lord L--------says that he has seen, felt, and
(ap-) proved them all------to be excellent artistes with
very finished movements."
Certain ridiculous reports have long been current in the
fashionable world, relative to a mysterious family affair,
which would preclude the noble duke's entering into the
state of matrimony: it is hardly necessary to say they have
no foundation in truth. The duke was certainly born in the
same house and at nearly the same time (in Florence) when
Lady E. F-st-r, since Duchess of D-, was delivered of a
child--but that offspring is living, and, much to the present
duke's honour, affectionately regarded by him. The duke was
for some years abroad after coming to his title, owing, it
is said, to an unpleasant affair arising out of a whist
party at a great house, which was composed of a Prince,
Lords L------and Y------th, another foreign Prince, and a
Colonel B-, of whom no one has heard much since.--A noble
mansion in Piccadilly was there and then assigned to the
colonel, who at the request of the -e, who had long wished
to possess it as a temporary residence, during some
intended repairs at the great house, re-conveyed it to
the------. On the receipt of a note from Y- the next
morning, claiming the amount of the duke's losses, he
started with surprise at the immense sums, and being now
perfectly recovered from the overpowering effects of the
bottle, hastened with all speed to take the opinions of two
well-known sporting peers, whose honour has never been
questioned, Lords F-y and S-n; they, upon a review of the
circumstances, advised that the money should not be paid,
but that all matters in dispute should be referred to a
third peer, Earl G-y, who was not a sporting man: to this
effect a note was written to the applicant, but not before
some communication had taken place with a very high
personage; the consequence was that no demand was ever
afterwards made to the referee. Lord G- C- afterwards re-
purchased the great house with the consent of the duke from
the fortunate holder, as he did not like it to be
dismembered from the family. We believe this circumstance
had a most salutary effect in preventing any return of a
propensity for play.
44 Charley loves good place and wine,
And Charley loves good brandy,
And Charley's wife is thought divine,
By many a Jack a dandy.
PARODY ON AN OLD NURSERY RHYME.
{45} A CHARACTER OF DEVONSHIRE.
[Illustration: page184]
~185~~
[Illustration: page185]
~186~~
In action, heart, and mind, a peer,
Avoids the public gaze;
Graceful, yet simple in attire,
You'd take him for a plain esquire;
"His acts best speak his praise."
That queer, plain, yellow chariot, mark,
Which drives so rapid through the park,
The servants clothed in gray--
That's George, incog.--George who? George-king,{46}
Of whom near treason 'tis to sing,
In this our sportive lay.
Kings like their subjects should have air
And exercise, without the stare
Which the state show attends;
I love to see in public place
The monarch, who'll his people face,
And meet like private friends.
So may the crown of this our isle
Re ever welcomed with a smile,
And, George, that smile be thine!
Then when the time,--and come it must,
That crowns and sceptres shall be dust,
Thou shalt thy race outshine,
Shalt live in good men's hearts, and tears,
From age to age, while mem'ry rears
The proud historic shrine.
46 FROM THE DIARY OF A POLITICIAN.
"Through Manchester-square took a canter just now,
Met the old yellow chariot, and made a low bow;
This did of course, thinking 'twas loyal and civil,
But got such a look,--oh! 'twas black as the devil.
How unlucky!--incog, he was traveling about,
And I like a noodle must go find him out!
Mem. When next by the old yellow chariot I ride,
To remember there is nothing princely inside."
Tom Moore,
~187~~
What rueful-looking knight is that,{47}
With sunken eye and silken hat,
47 Lord P-r-m, the delicate dandy.
Laced up in stays to show his waist,
And highly rouged to show his taste,
His whiskers meeting 'neath his chin,
With gooseberry eye and ghastly grin,
With mincing steps, conceited phrase,
Such as insipid P- displays:
These are the requisites to shine
A dandy, exquisite, divine.
Ancient Dandies.--A Confession.
The Doctor{*}, as we learn, once said,
To Mistress Thrale--
Howe'er a man be stoutly made,
And free from ail,
In flesh and bone, and colour thrive,
"He's going down at 35."
Yet Horace could his vigour muster
And would not till a later lustre f
One single inch of ground surrender
To any swain in Cupid's calendar.
But one I think a jot too low,
And t'other is too high, I know.
Yet, what I've found, I'll freely state--
The thing may do till.--
But that's a job--for then, in truth,
One's but a clumsy sort of youth:
And maugre looks, some evil tongue
Will say the Dandy is not young:--
For 'mid the yellow and the sear, {**}
Though here and there a leaf be green
No more the summer of the year
It is, than when one swallow's seen.
* Johnson.
t---------------------fuge suspicari
Cujus octavum trepidavit otas
Claudere lustrum.--Od. 4.1. ii.
Now tottering on to forty years,
My age forbids all jealous fears.
** "My May of life is fallen into
the sear and yellow leaf."--Macbeth.
~188~~
Pinch'd in behind and 'fore?
Whose visage, like La Mancha's chief,
Seems the pale frontispiece to grief,
As if 'twould ne'er laugh more:
Whose dress and person both defy
The poet's pen, the painter's eye,
'Tis _outre tout nature_.
His Arab charger swings his tail,
Curvets and prances to the gale
Like Death's pale horse,--
And neighing proudly seems to say,
Here Fashion's vot'ries must pay
Homage of course:
Tis P-h-m, whom Mrs. H-g-s
At opera and play-house dodges
Since he gain'd Josephine;
Tailors adorn a thousand ways,
And (though Time won't) men may make Slays;
The dentist, barber, make repairs,
New teeth supply, and colour hairs;
But art can ne'er return the Spring--
And spite of all that she can do,
_A Beau's_ a very wretched thing
At 42!
The late Princess Charlotte issued an order, interdicting
any one of her household appearing before her with frightful
fringes to their leaden heads. In consequence of this cruel
command, P-r-m, being one of the lords of the bed-chamber,
was compelled to curtail his immense whiskers. A very
feeling ode appeared upon the occasion, entitled My
Whiskers, dedicated to the princess; it was never printed,
but attributed to Thomas Moore. The Kiss, or Lady Francis W-
W-'s Frolic, had nearly produced a fatal catastrophe. How
would poor Lady Anne W-m have borne such a misfortune? or
what purling stream would have received the divine form of
the charming Mrs. H-d-s? But alas! he escaped little W-'s
ball, only to prove man's base ingratitude, for he has
since cut with both these beauties for the interesting
little Josephine, the protegee of T------y B-t, and the
sister of the female Giovanni.
~189~~
Ye madly vicious, can it be!
A mother sunk in infamy,
To sell her child is seen.
Let Bow-street annals, and Tom B-t,{48}
Who paid the mill'ner, tell the rest,
It suits not with our page;
Just satire while she censures,--feels,--
Verse spreads the vice when it reveals
The foulness of the age.
'Tis half-past five, and fashion's train
No longer in Hyde Park remain,
Bon ton cries hence, away;
The low-bred, vulgar, Sunday throng,
Who dine at two, are ranged along
On both sides of the way;
With various views, these honest folk
Descant on fashions, quiz and joke,
Or mark a shy cock down{49};
For many a star in fashion's sphere
Can only once a week appear
In public haunts of town,
Lest those two ever watchful friends,
The step-brothers, whom sheriff sends,
John Doe and Richard Roe,
A taking pair should deign to borrow,
To wit, until All Souls, the morrow,
The body of a beau;
48 Poor Tom B-t has paid dear for his protection of
the Josephine: fifteen hundred pounds for millinery in
twelve months is a very moderate expenditure for so young a
lady of fashion. It is, to be sure, rather provoking that
such an ape as Lord ------should take command of the
frigate, and sail away in defiance of the chartered party,
the moment she was well found and rigged for a cruize. See
Common Plea Reports, 1823
49 The Sunday men, as they are facetiously called in the
fashionable world, are not now so numerous as formerly: the
facility of a trip across the Channel enables many a shy
cock to evade the scrutinizing eye and affectionate
attachment of the law.
But Sunday sets the pris'ner free,
He shows in Park, and laughs with glee
At creditors and Bum.
Then who of any taste can bear
The coarse, low jest and vulgar stare
Of all the city scum,
Of fat Sir Gobble, Mistress Fig,
In buggy, sulky, coach, or gig,
With Dobbin in the shay?
At ev'ry step some odious face,
Of true mechanic cut, will place
Themselves plump in your way.
Now onward to the Serpentine,
A river straight as any line,
Near Kensington, let's walk;
Or through her palace gardens stray,
Where elegantes of the day
Ogle, congee, and talk.
Here imperial fashion reigns,
Here high bred belles meet courtly swains
By assignation.
Made at Almack's, Argyle, or rout,
While Lady Mother walks about
In perturbation,
Watching her false peer, or to make
A Benedict of some high rake,
To miss a titled prize.
Here, cameleon-colour'd, see
Beauty in bright variety,
Such as a god might prize.
Here, too, like the bird of Juno,
Fancy's a gaudy group, that you know,
Of gay _marchands des modes_.
Haberdashers, milliners, fops
From city desks, or Bond-street shops,
And belles from Oxford-road,
Crowds here, commingled, pass and gaze,
And please themselves a thousand ways;
~191~~
Some read the naughty rhymes
Which are on ev'ry alcove writ,
Immodest, lewd attempt at wit,
Disgraceful to the times.
Here Scotland's dandy Irish Earl,{50}
With Noblet on his arm would whirl,
And frolic in this sphere;
With mulberry coat, and pink cossacks,
The red-hair'd Thane the fair attacks,
F-'s ever on the leer;
And when alone, to every belle
The am'rous beau love's tale will tell,
Intent upon their ruin.
Beware, Macduff, the fallen stars!
Venus aggrieved will fly to Mars;
There's mischief brewing.
What mountain of a fair is that,
Whose jewels, lace, and Spanish hat,
Proclaim her high degree,
With a tall, meagre-looking man,
Who bears her reticule and fan?
That was Maria D-,
Now the first favourite at court,
50 His lordship is equally celebrated in the wars of Mars
and Venus, as a general in the service of Spain. When Lord
M-d-ff, in the desperate bombardment of Matagorda (an old
fort in the Bay of Cadiz), the falling of a fragment of the
rock, struck by a shell, broke, his great toe; in this
wounded state he was carried about the alameda in a cherubim
chair by two bare-legged gallegos, to receive the
condolations of the grandees, and, we regret to add, the
unfeeling jeers of the British, who made no scruple to
assert that his lordship had, as usual, "put his foot in
it." The noble general would no doubt have added another
leaf to bis laurel under the auspices of the ex-smuggler,
late illustrissimo general Ballasteros, had not he suddenly
become a willing captive to the soul-subduing charms of the
beauteous Antonia of Terrifa, of whose history and
melancholy death we may speak hereafter. On a late occasion,
he has been honoured with the star of the Guelphic order
(when, for the first time in his life, he went on his
knees), as some amends for his sudden dismissal from the
bed-chamber. Noblet, who has long since been placed upon the
pension list, has recently retired, and is succeeded by a
charming little Parisian actress who lives in the New Road,
and plays with the French company now at Tottenham-street
theatre. Lord L---------has also a little interest in the
same concern. His lordship's _affaires des cour_ with
Antonia, Noblet, and M---------, though perfectly
platonic, have proved more expensive than the most
determined votary to female attractions ever endured: for
the gratification of this innocent passion, Marr's{*} mighty
pines have bit the dust, and friendly purses bled.
~192~~
And, if we may believe report,
She holds the golden key
Of the backstairs, and can command
A potent influence in the land,
But K------N best can tell;
Tis most clear, no ill betide us,
Near the Georgium sidus
This planet likes to dwell.
Lovely as light, when morning breaks{51}
Above the hills in golden streaks,
Observe yon blushing rose,
Uxbridge, the theme of ev'ry tongue,
The sylph that charms the ag'd and young,
Where grace and virtue glows.
Gay Lady H-e her lounge may take,{52}
Reclining near the Indian lake.,
And think she's quite secure;
51 The beautiful little countess, the charming goddess of
the golden locks, was a Miss Campbell, a near relation of
the Duke of Argyll. She is a most amiable and interesting
elegante.
52 Although Lord L-e is the constant attendant of Lady H-,
report says the attachment is merely platonic. His lordship
was once smitten with her sister; and having thero suffered
the most cruel disappointment, consoles himself for his loss
in the sympathizing society of Lady H------.
* Marr Forest, belonging to his lordship, producing the
finest mast pines in the empire; the noble earl has lately
cut many scores of them ami some old friends, rather than
balk his fancy.
~193~~
As well might C-1-ft hope to pass
Upon the town his C-----r lass
For genuine and pure.
See Warwick's charming countess glide,{53}
With constant Harry by her side,
Along the gay _parterre_;
And look where the loud laugh proclaims
The cits and their cameleon dames,
The gaudy Cheapside fair,
Drest in all colours o' the shop,
Fashion'd for the Easter hop,
To grace the civic feast,
Where the great Lord Mayor presides
O'er tallow, ribands, rags, and hides,
The sultan o' the east.
The would-be poet, Ch-s L-h,{54}
Comes saunt'ring with his graces three,
The little gay coquettes.
After, view the Cyprian corps
Of well-known traders, many score,
From Bang to Angel M-tz,
A heedless, giddy, laughing crew,
Who'd seem as if they never knew
Of want or fell despair;
Yet if unveil'd the heart might be,
You'd find the demon, Misery,
Had ta'en possession there.
Think not that satire will excuse,
Ye frail, though fair; or that the muse
Will silent pass ye by:
To you a chapter she'll devote,
Where all of fashionable note
53 Lady Sarah Saville, afterwards Lady Monson, now Countess
of Warwick, a most beautiful, amiable, and accomplished
woman. By constant "Harry" is meant her present earl.
54 See Amatory Poems by Ch-os L-h. We could indulge our
readers with a curious account of the demolition of the
Paphian car at Covent Garden theatre, but the story is
somewhat musty.
~194~~
Shall find their history.
"Vice to be hated, needs but be seen;"
And thus shall ev'ry Paphian queen
Be held to public view;
And though protected by a throne,
The gallant and his Miss be shown
In colours just and true.
The countess of ten thousand see,{55}
The dear delightful Savante B-,
Who once was sold and bought:
The magic-lantern well displays
The scenes of long forgotten days,
And gives new birth to thought.
Nay, start not, here we'll not relate
The break-neck story gossips prate
Within the Em'rald Isle:
No spirit gray, or black, or brown,
We'll conjure up, with hideous frown,
To chase the dimpled smile.
In fleeting numbers, as we pass,
We find these shadows in our glass,
We move, and they're no more.
But see where chief of folly's train,