SHAKSPEARE'S _King Lear_.
Four-and-twenty lap-dogs, all of a row,
Four-and-twenty monkeys, kits, and cats, dit-to;
Four-and-twenty colours in her tawdry dress,
(A rainbow she in all--but its loveliness!)
Four-and-twenty tempers, in the four-and-twenty hours;
Four-and-twenty dreams of _suppos'd_ vanquished pow'rs,
To wit of four-and-twenty swains--more or less;
Who have four-and-twenty times, curs'd her ugliness!
Four-and-twenty trials, ere as many hours are o'er,
Of four-and-twenty genera of rival Kalydor;
Four-and-twenty scentings with her dear bergamot,
Four-and-twenty daubs of her dear paint-pot;
Four-and-twenty visitings to four-and-twenty friends,
And four-and-twenty tales of 'em, before the day ends;
Of these said four-and-twenty tales just four-and-twenty versions,
And all of them of all the facts most farcica perversions.
Four-and-twenty false curls, * *
* * * * *
Four-and-twenty false teeth, and quite as false a tongue,
Which tells how virtuous was the world when--_she and it were young_.
Or rather for these thirty years has moralizing told,
How this good deed and that she'll do, _before_ she grows old:
Four-and-twenty sighs a-day, that our rude English sky
Is not _precise_ as _she_--and may wash off the dye
Meretricious of her cheeks, which are then like gold,
(Though _less tempting_;) _sweet_ and yellow as a marigold![2]
Four-and-twenty wailings o'er the wedded state,
Yet twice as many every day 'tis not _her_ fate;
Pretending to the world 'tis mere _choice_ that has led
To singleness--yet choosing all the while to be wed,
If any doting fool could be doting fool enough
To bid for such a breaking down piece of stuff;
For any such a winter, that has shed the flowers of spring,
Whose autumn too is flown; nor left its fruit or any thing!
* * * * *
Yes, _such_ are the marks deep branded on a class
Of busy blanks, non-entities, creation's very farce;
In _these_ scales then be every piece of Eve's flesh weighed,
Find _these_ criteria, and be sure you've found an--Ancient Maid!