"I DENY IT."
During the whole of that night Lord George lay suffering from his
troubles, and his wife lay thinking about them. Though the matter
affected her future life almost more materially than his, she had the
better courage to maintain her, and a more sustained conviction. It
might be that she would have to leave her home and go back to the
deanery, and in that there would be utter ruin to her happiness. Let
the result, however, be as it would, she could never own herself to
have been one tittle astray, and she was quite sure that her father
would support her in that position. The old 'ruat coelum' feeling was
strong within her. She would do anything she could for her husband
short of admitting, by any faintest concession, that she had been wrong
in reference to Captain De Baron. She would talk to him, coax him,
implore him, reason with him, forgive him, love him, and caress him.
She would try to be gentle with him this coming morning. But if he were
obdurate in blaming her, she would stand on her own innocence and fight
to the last gasp. He was supported by no such spirit of pugnacity. He
felt it to be his duty to withdraw his wife from the evil influence of
this man's attractions, but felt, at the same time, that he might
possibly lack the strength to do so. And then, what is the good of
withdrawing a wife, if the wife thinks that she ought not to be
withdrawn? There are sins as to which there is no satisfaction in
visiting the results with penalties. The sin is in the mind, or in the
heart, and is complete in its enormity, even though there be no result.
He was miserable because she had not at once acknowledged that she
never ought to see this man again, as soon as she had heard the horrors
which her husband had told her. "George," she said to him at breakfast,
the next morning, "do not let us go on in this way together."
"In what way?"
"Not speaking to each other,--condemning each other."
"I have not condemned you, and I don't know why you should condemn me."
"Because I think that you suspect me without a cause."
"I only tell you what people say!"
"If people told me bad things of you, George,--that you were this or
that, or the other, should I believe them?"
"A woman's name is everything."
"Then do you protect my name. But I deny it. Her name should be as
nothing when compared with her conduct. I don't like to be evil spoken
of, but I can bear that, or anything else, if you do not think evil of
me,--you and papa." This reference to her father brought back the black
cloud which her previous words had tended to dispel. "Tell me that you
do not suspect me."
"I never said that I suspected you of anything."
"Say that you are sure that in regard to this man I never said, or did,
or thought anything that was wrong. Come, George, have I not a right to
expect that from you?" She had come round the table and was standing
over him, touching his shoulder.
"Even then it would be better that you should go away from him."
"No!"
"I say that it would be better, Mary."
"And I say that it would be worse,--much worse. What? Will you bid your
wife make so much of any man as to run away from him? Will you let the
world say that you think that I cannot be safe in his company? I will
not consent to that, George. The running away shall not be mine. Of
course you can take me away, if you please, but I shall feel----"
"Well!"
"You know what I shall feel. I told you last night."
"What do you want me to do?" he asked, after a pause.
"Nothing."
"I am to hear these stories and not even to tell you that I have heard
them?"
"I did not say that, George. I suppose it is better that you should
tell me. But I think you should say at the same time that you know them
to be false." Even though they were false, there was that doctrine of
Caesar's wife which she would not understand! "I think I should be told,
and then left to regulate my own ways accordingly." This was mutinously
imperious, and yet he did not quite know how to convince her of her
mutiny. Through it all he was cowed by the remembrance of that
love-letter, which, of course, was in her mind, but which she was
either too generous or too wise to mention. He almost began to think
that it was wisdom rather than generosity, feeling himself to be more
cowed by her reticence than he would have been by her speech.
"You imagine, then, that a husband should never interfere."
"Not to protect a wife from that from which she is bound to protect
herself. If he has to do so, she is not the worth the trouble, and he
had better get rid of her. It is like preventing a man from drinking by
locking up the wine."
"That has to be done sometimes."
"It sha'n't be done to me, George. You must either trust me, or we must
part."
"I do trust you," he said, at last.
"Then let there be an end of all this trouble. Tell Susanna that you
trust me. For your brother and that disappointed young woman I care
nothing. But if I am to spend my time at Cross Hall, whatever they may
think, I should not wish them to believe that you thought evil of me.
And, George, don't suppose that because I say that I will not run away
from Captain De Baron, all this will go for nothing with me. I will not
avoid Captain De Baron, but I will be careful to give no cause for
ill-natured words." Then she put her arm round his neck, and kissed
him, and had conquered him.
When he went away from the house he had another great trouble before
him. He had not seen Mrs. Houghton as yet, since his wife had found
that love-letter; but she had written to him often. She had sent notes
to his club almost wild with love and anger,--with that affectation of
love and anger which some women know how to assume, and which so few
men know how to withstand. It was not taken to be quite real, even by
Lord George; and yet he could not withstand it. Mrs. Houghton, who
understood the world thoroughly, had become quite convinced that Lady
George had quarrelled with her. The two women had been very intimate
ever since Lady George had been in town, and now for the last few days
they had not seen each other. Mrs. Houghton had called twice, and had
been refused. Then she had written, and had received no answer. She
knew then that Mary had discovered something, and, of course,
attributed her lover's absence to the wife's influence. But it did not
occur to her that she should, on this account, give up her intercourse
with Lord George. Scenes, quarrels, reconciliations, troubles,
recriminations, jealousies, resolves, petty triumphs, and the general
upsetting of the happiness of other people,--these were to her the
sweets of what she called a passion. To give it all up because her
lover's wife had found her out, and because her lover was in trouble,
would be to abandon her love just when it was producing the desired
fruit. She wrote short letters and long letters, angry letters, and
most affectionate letters to Lord George at his club, entreating him to
come to her, and almost driving him out of his wits. He had, from the
first, determined that he would go to her. He had even received his
wife's sanction for doing so; but, knowing how difficult it would be to
conduct such an interview, had, hitherto, put off the evil hour. But
now a day and an hour had been fixed, and the day and the hour had
come. The hour had very nearly come. When he left his house there was
still time for him to sit for awhile at his club, and think what he
would say to this woman.
He wished to do what was right. There was not a man in England less
likely to have intended to amuse himself with a second love within
twelve months of his marriage than Lord George Germain. He had never
been a Lothario,--had never thought himself to be gifted in that way.
In the first years of his manhood, when he had been shut up at Manor
Cross, looking after his mother's limited means, with a full conviction
that it was his duty to sacrifice himself to her convenience, he had
been apt to tell himself that he was one of those men who have to go
through life without marrying--or loving. Though strikingly handsome,
he had never known himself to be handsome. He had never thought himself
to be clever, or bright, or agreeable. High birth had been given to
him, and a sense of honour. Of those gifts he had been well aware and
proud enough, but had taken credit to himself for nothing else. Then
had come that startling episode of his life in which he had fallen in
love with Adelaide De Baron, and then the fact of his marriage with
Mary Lovelace. Looking back at it now, he could hardly understand how
it had happened that he had either fallen in love or married. He
certainly was not now the least in love with Mrs. Houghton. And, though
he did love his wife dearly, though the more he saw of her the more he
admired her, yet his marriage had not made him happy. He had to live on
her money, which galled him, and to be assisted by the Dean's money,
which was wormwood to him. And he found himself to be driven whither
he did not wish to go, and to be brought into perils from which his
experience did not suffice to extricate him. He already repented the
step he had taken in regard to his brother, knowing that it was the
Dean who had done it, and not he himself. Had he not married, he might
well have left the battle to be fought in after years,--when his
brother should be dead, and very probably he himself also.
He was aware that he must be very firm with Mrs. Houghton. Come what
might he must give her to understand quite clearly that all love-making
must be over between them. The horrors of such a condition of things
had been made much clearer to him than before by his own anxiety in
reference to Captain De Baron. But he knew himself to be too
soft-hearted for such firmness. If he could send some one else, how
much better it would be! But, alas! this was a piece of work which no
deputy could do for him. Nor could a letter serve as a deputy. Let him
write as carefully as he might, he must say things which would condemn
him utterly were they to find their way into Mr. Houghton's hands. One
terrible letter had gone astray, and why not another?
She had told him to be in Berkeley Square at two, and he was there very
punctually. He would at the moment have given much to find the house
full of people; but she was quite alone. He had thought that she would
receive him with a storm of tears, but when he entered she was radiant
with smiles. Then he remembered how on a former occasion she had
deceived him, making him believe that all her lures to him meant little
or nothing just when he had determined to repudiate them because he had
feared that they meant so much. He must not allow himself to be won in
that way again. He must be firm, even though she smiled. "What is all
this about?" she said in an affected whisper as soon as the door was
closed. He looked very grave and shook his head. "'Thou canst not say I
did it. Never shake thy gory locks at me.' That wife of yours has found
out something, and has found it out from you, my Lord."
"Yes, indeed."
"What has she found out?"
"She read a letter to me which you sent to the club."
"Then I think it very indecent behaviour on her part. Does she search
her husband's correspondence? I don't condescend to do that sort of
thing."
"It was my fault. I put it into her hand by mistake. But that does not
matter."
"Not matter! It matters very much to me, I think. Not that I care. She
cannot hurt me. But, George, was not that careless--very careless; so
careless as to be--unkind?"
"Of course it was careless."
"And ought you not to think more of me than that? Have you not done me
an injury, sir, when you owed me all solicitude and every possible
precaution?" This was not to be denied. If he chose to receive such
letters, he was bound at any rate to keep them secret. "But men are so
foolish--so little thoughtful! What did she say, George?"
"She behaved like an angel."
"Of course. Wives in such circumstances always do. Just a few drops of
anger, and then a deluge of forgiveness. That was it, was it not?"
"Something like it."
"Of course. It happens every day,--because men are so stupid, but at
the same time so necessary. But what did she say of me I Was she angel
on my side of the house as well as yours?"
"Of course she was angry."
"It did not occur to her that she had been the interloper, and had
taken you away from me?"
"That was not so. You had married."
"Psha! Married! Of course I had married. Everybody marries. You had
married; but I did not suppose that for that reason you would forget me
altogether. People must marry as circumstances suit. It is no good
going back to that old story. Why did you not come to me sooner, and
tell me of this tragedy? Why did you leave me to run after her and
write to her?"
"I have been very unhappy."
"So you ought to be. But things are never so bad in the wearing as in
the anticipation. I don't suppose she'll go about destroying my name
and doing me a mischief?"
"Never."
"Because if she did, you know, I could retaliate."
"What do you mean by that, Mrs. Houghton?"
"Nothing that need disturb you, Lord George. Do not look such daggers
at me. But women have to be forbearing to each other. She is your wife,
and you may be sure I shall never say a nasty word about her,--unless
she makes herself very objectionable to me."
"Nobody can say nasty things about her."
"That is all right, then. And now what have you to say to me about
myself? I am not going to be gloomy because a little misfortune has
happened. It is not my philosophy to cry after spilt milk."
"I will sit down a minute," he said; for hitherto he had been standing.
"Certainly; and I will sit opposite to you,--for ten minutes if you
wish it. I see that there is something to be said. What is it?"
"All that has passed between you and me for the last month or two must
be forgotten."
"Oh, that is it!"
"I will not make her miserable, nor will I bear a burden upon my own
conscience."
"Your conscience! What a speech for a man to make to a woman! And how
about my conscience? And then one thing further. You say that it must
be all forgotten?"
"Yes, indeed."
"Can you forget it?"
"I can strive to do so. By forgetting, one means laying it aside. We
remember chiefly those things which we try to remember."
"And you will not try to remember me--in the least? You will lay me
aside--like an old garment? Because this--angel--has come across a
scrawl which you were too careless either to burn or to lock up! You
will tell yourself to forget me, as you would a servant that you had
dismissed,--much more easily than you would a dog? Is that so?"
"I did not say that I could do it easily."
"You shall not do it at all. I will not be forgotten. Did you ever love
me, sir?"
"Certainly I did. You know that I did."
"When? How long since? Have you ever sworn that you loved me since
this--angel--has been your wife?" Looking back as well as he could, he
rather thought that he never had sworn that he loved her in these
latter days. She had often bidden him to do so; but as far as he could
recollect at the moment, he had escaped the absolute utterance of the
oath by some subterfuge. But doubtless he had done that which had been
tantamount to swearing; and, at any rate, he could not now say that he
had never sworn. "Now you come to tell me that it must all be
forgotten! Was it she taught you that word?"
"If you upbraid me I will go away."
"Go, sir,--if you dare. You first betray me to your wife by your
egregious folly, and then tell me that you will leave me because I have
a word to say for myself. Oh, George, I expected more tenderness than
that from you."
"There is no use in being tender. It can only produce misery and
destruction."
"Well; of all the cold-blooded speeches I ever heard, that is the
worst. After all that has passed between us, you do not scruple to tell
me that you cannot even express tenderness for me, lest it should bring
you into trouble! Men have felt that before, I do not doubt; but I
hardly think any man was ever hard enough to make such a speech. I
wonder whether Captain De Baron is so considerate."
"What do you mean by that?"
"You come here and talk to me about your angel, and then tell me that
you cannot show me even the slightest tenderness, lest it should make
you miserable,--and you expect me to hold my tongue."
"I don't know why you should mention Captain De Baron."
"I'll tell you why, Lord George. There are five or six of us playing
this little comedy. Mr. Houghton and I are married, but we have not
very much to say to each other. It is the same with you and Mary."
"I deny it."
"I daresay; but at the same time you know it to be true. She consoles
herself with Captain De Baron. With whom Mr. Houghton consoles himself
I have never taken the trouble to enquire. I hope someone is
good-natured to him, poor old soul. Then, as to you and me,--you used,
I think, to get consolation here. But such comforts cost trouble, and
you hate trouble." As she said this, she wound her arm inside his; and
he, angry as he was with her for speaking as she had done of his wife,
could not push her from him roughly. "Is not that how it is, George?"
"No?"
"Then I don't think you understand the play as well as I do."
"No! I deny it all."
"All?"
"Everything about Mary. It's a slander to mention that man's name in
connection with her,--a calumny which I will not endure."
"How is it, then, if they mention mine in connection with you?"
"I am saying nothing about that."
"But I suppose you think of it. I am hardly of less importance to
myself than Lady George is to herself. I did think I was not of less
importance to you."
"Nobody ever was or ever can be of so much importance to me as my wife,
and I will be on good terms with no one who speaks evil of her."
"They may say what they like of me?"
"Mr. Houghton must look to that."
"It is no business of yours, George?"
He paused a moment, and then found the courage to answer her.
"No--none," he said. Had she confined herself to her own assumed
wrongs, her own pretended affection,--had she contented herself with
quarrelling with him for his carelessness, and had then called upon him
for some renewed expression of love,--he would hardly have been strong
enough to withstand her. But she could not keep her tongue from
speaking evil of his wife. From the moment in which he had called Mary
an angel, it was necessary to her comfort to malign the angel. She did
not quite know the man, or the nature of men generally. A man, if his
mind be given that way, may perhaps with safety whisper into a woman's
ear that her husband is untrue to her. Such an accusation may serve his
purpose. But the woman, on her side, should hold her peace about the
man's wife. A man must be very degraded indeed if his wife be not holy
to him. Lord George had been driving his wife almost mad during the
last twenty-four hours by implied accusations, and yet she was to him
the very holy of holies. All the Popenjoy question was as nothing to
him in comparison with the sanctity of her name. And now, weak as he
was, incapable as he would have been, under any other condition of
mind, of extricating himself from the meshes which this woman was
spinning for him, he was enabled to make an immediate and most salutary
plunge by the genuine anger she had produced. "No, none," he said.
"Oh, very well. The angel is everything to you, and I am nothing?"
"Yes; my wife is everything to me."
"How dared you, then, come here and talk to me of love? Do you think I
will stand this,--that I will endure to be treated in this way? Angel,
indeed! I tell you that she cares more for Jack De Baron's little
finger than for your whole body. She is never happy unless he is with
her. I don't think very much of my cousin Jack, but to her he is a
god."
"It is false."
"Very well. It is nothing to me; but you can hardly expect, my Lord,
that I should hear from you such pleasant truths as you have just told
me, and not give you back what I believe to be truth in return."
"Have I spoken evil of any one? But I will not stay here, Mrs.
Houghton, to make recriminations. You have spoken most cruelly of a
woman who never injured you, who has always been your firm friend. It
is my duty to protect her, and I shall always do so in all
circumstances. Good morning." Then he went before she could say another
word to him.
He would perhaps have been justified had he been a little proud of the
manner in which he had carried himself through this interview; but he
entertained no such feeling. To the lady he had just left he feared
that he had been rough and almost cruel. She was not to him the mass of
whipped cream turned sour which she may perhaps be to the reader.
Though he had been stirred to anger, he had been indignant with
circumstances rather than with Mrs. Houghton. But in truth the renewed
accusation against his wife made him so wretched that there was no room
in his breast for pride. He had been told that she liked Jack De
Baron's little finger better than his whole body, and had been so told
by one who knew both his wife and Jack De Baron. Of course there had
been spite and malice and every possible evil passion at work. But then
everybody was saying the same thing. Even though there were not a word
of truth in it, such a rumour alone would suffice to break his heart.
How was he to stop cruel tongues, especially the tongue of this woman,
who would now be his bitterest enemy? If such things were repeated by
all connected with him, how would he be able to reconcile his own
family to his wife? There was nothing which he valued now but the
respect which he held in his own family and that which his wife might
hold. And in his own mind he could not quite acquit her. She would not
be made to understand that she might injure his honour and destroy his
happiness even though she committed no great fault. To take her away
with a strong hand seemed to be his duty. But then there was the Dean,
who would most certainly take her part,--and he was afraid of the Dean.