THE HISTORY OF A GAMESTER.
"I was born in 1790, and am consequently in my fifty-third year. My
father was a merchant, who married late in life, upon his retirement
from business; and I was an only child. Your Highness may therefore well
imagine that I was spoilt by my affectionate parents, whose mistaken
tenderness would never permit me to be thwarted in any inclination which
it was possible for them to gratify. Instead of being sent to school at
a proper age, I was kept at home, and a master attended daily to give me
instruction in the rudiments of education; but as I preferred play to
learning, and found that if I pleaded headach my mother invariably
suggested the propriety of giving me a holiday, I practised that
subterfuge so constantly, that my master's place was a sinecure, and I
could scarcely read two words correctly when I was ten years old.
"At that period my mother died; and my father, yielding to the
representations of his friends, agreed to send me to a boarding-school.
The resolution was speedily carried into effect; and during the next six
years of my existence, I made up for the previously neglected state of
my education. At the school alluded to, and which was in a town about
fifteen miles from London, there were youths of all ages between eight
and eighteen; and the younger ones thought that nothing could be more
manly than to imitate the elder in all shapes and ways. Thus I was
scarcely twelve when I began to play pitch and toss, odd man,
shuffle-halfpenny, and other games of the kind; and as my father gave me
a more liberal weekly allowance of pocket-money than any other lad of my
own age possessed, I was enabled to compete with the elder youths in the
spirit of petty gambling. The passion grew upon me; and that which I had
at first commenced through a merely imitative motive, gradually became a
pleasure and delight.
[Illustration]
"I had just completed my sixteenth year, and was one afternoon passing
the half-holiday at pitch and toss with several other boys in a remote
corner of the spacious play-ground, when an usher came to inform me that
my father had just arrived, and was waiting in the parlour. Thither I
accordingly repaired; and in a few minutes after I had been closeted
with my parent, I learnt that he had just purchased an ensign's
commission for me in the -—th regiment of Light Infantry, and that I was
to return home with him that very day to prepare my outfit previously to
joining the corps. Thus was I suddenly transformed from a raw school-boy
into an officer in His Majesty's service.
"Two months afterwards I joined my regiment, which was quartered at
Portsmouth. My father had intimated his intention of allowing me three
hundred a-year in addition to my pay: I was therefore enabled to keep a
couple of horses, and to cut a better figure in all respects than any
other subaltern in the regiment. The lieutenant-colonel, who was in
command of the regiment, and whose name was Beaumont, was a young man of
scarcely eight-and-twenty; but his father was the member for a county, a
stanch supporter of the Tories, and therefore possessed of influence
sufficient to push his son on with astonishing rapidity. It was a
ridiculous—nay, a cruel thing to see lieutenants of five or
six-and-thirty, captains of eight-and-forty, and the major of nearly
sixty, under the command of this colonel, who was a mere boy in
comparison with them. But so it was—and so it is still with many, many
regiments in the service; and the fact is most disgraceful to our
military system.
"Colonel Beaumont was mightily annoyed when he heard that a merchant's
son had obtained a commission in his regiment; for, aristocratic as
military officers are even now-a-days in their opinions, they were far
more illiberal and proud at the time when I entered the army. It was
then the year 1807—during the war, and when the deaths of Pitt and Fox,
which both occurred in the previous year, had left the country in a very
distracted condition. When, however, the colonel learnt that my father
was a rich man, that I had a handsome allowance, and was possessed of a
couple of fine horses, his humour underwent an immediate change, and he
received me with marked politeness.
"I had not been many weeks in the regiment when I discovered that
several of the officers were accustomed to meet in each other's rooms
for the purpose of private play; and I speedily became one of the party.
The colonel himself joined these assemblies, which took place under the
guise of '_wine-parties_;' and though the play was not high, the losses
were frequently large enough to cause serious embarrassment to those
officers whose means were not extensive. Thus they were very often
compelled to absent themselves from the wine-parties for several weeks
until they received fresh supplies from their agents or friends; whereas
those who had capital sufficient to continue playing, were sometimes
enabled to retrieve in the long run what they had previously lost. This
was the case with the colonel, myself, and two or three others; and we
soon obtained the credit of being the only winners. Such a reputation
was by no means an enviable one; for though not a suspicion existed
against the fairness of our play, we were looked upon with aversion by
those officers who never joined the parties, and with something like
hatred by those who lost to us. We stood in the light of individuals who
made use of the advantages of superior income to prey upon those of far
more slender means; and although there was no open hostility towards us,
yet we certainly made many private enemies. For the very atmosphere in
which gamblers live is tainted by the foulness of their detestable vice!
"One evening—when I had been about a year in the regiment—it was my turn
to give the wine-party in my room; but at the usual hour of meeting no
one made his appearance save the colonel. 'Well,' he said, laughing, 'I
suppose we cleaned the others out so effectually last night, that they
have not a feather left to fly with. But that need not prevent us from
having a game together.'—I readily assented, for cards and dice already
possessed extraordinary fascinations in my eyes; and we sat down to
_écarté_. At first we played for small stakes, and drank our wine very
leisurely; but as I won nearly every game, the colonel became excited,
and made more frequent applications to the bottle. Still he lost—and the
more he lost, the more wine he took; until, getting into a passion, he
threw down the cards, exclaiming, 'Curse my ill-luck to-night! I have
already paid over to you a hundred and seventeen guineas at this
miserable peddling work; and I will have no more of it. Damn it,
Anderson, if you've any pluck you'll let me set you fifty guineas at
hazard?'—'Done!' cried I; and the cards being thrown aside, we took to
the dice. My luck still continued: I won three hundred pounds—all the
ready money the colonel had about him; and he then played on credit,
scoring his losses on a sheet of paper. His excitement increased to a
fearful pitch, and he drank furiously. Still we played on, and the grey
dawn of morning found us at our shameful work. At length Beaumont
started up, dashed the dice-box upon the floor, crushed it beneath his
heel, and uttered a terrible imprecation upon his ill-luck. He drank
soda-water to cool himself; and we then examined the account that had
been kept. The colonel owed me four thousand four hundred pounds, in
addition to the ready money he had already lost. Pale as death, and with
quivering lip, he gave me his note of hand for the amount; and having
enjoined me in a low hoarse voice not to mention the affair to a single
soul, rushed out of the room. I retired to bed, as happy as if I had
performed some great and honourable achievement.
"The colonel did not make his appearance all day—nor for several days
afterwards; and the answer to all inquiries was that he was indisposed.
On the evening of the sixth day after the night of his losses, I
received a message requesting me to visit him at his rooms. Thither I
immediately repaired, taking his note of hand with me under the pleasing
supposition that I was about to be paid the amount. When I entered his
sitting-apartment, I was shocked to find him ghastly pale—the cadaverous
expression of his countenance being enhanced by the six days' beard
which no razor had touched. He was sitting near the fire—for it was
still early in Spring—wrapped in a dressing-gown. Pointing to a chair,
he said in a mournful voice, 'Anderson, you must think it strange that I
have not yet settled the little memorandum which you hold; but the fact
is I am totally dependant upon my father, and I wrote to him confessing
my loss, and soliciting the means to defray it. There is his
answer:'—and he tossed me a letter which, by the date, he had received
that morning. I perused it, and found that his father gave a stern
refusal to the colonel's request. Mr. Beaumont stated that he had
already paid his son's debts so often, and had so many drains made upon
him by his other children, that he was resolved not to encourage the
colonel's extravagances any farther. The letter was so positively worded
that an appeal against its decision was evidently hopeless. 'You see in
what a position I am placed,' continued the colonel, when I had returned
the letter to him; 'and the only alternative remaining for me is to sell
my commission. This I will do as speedily as possible; and until that
object can be accomplished, I must request your forbearance.' Not for
one moment did I hesitate how to act. 'No,' I exclaimed; 'never shall it
be said that I was the cause of your ruin;' and I threw the note of hand
into the fire.—He watched the paper until it was completely burnt, with
the surprise of a man who could scarcely believe his own eyes; and at
length, starting up, he embraced me as fervently as if I had just saved
his life. He called me his saviour—his benefactor, and swore eternal
friendship. We parted; and next day he appeared on parade, a little
pale, but in better spirits than ever. I could not, however, avoid
noticing that he encountered me with some degree of coolness and
reserve, and that his manner at the mess-table in the evening was
distant and constrained towards me only. But the circumstance made
little impression on me at the time.
"A few days after this event the colonel obtained three months' leave of
absence; and during that period the major remained in command. He was a
severe, but honourable and upright man; and he intimated his desire that
the wine-parties should be discontinued. Myself and the other officers
who were accustomed to play, took the hint, and no longer assembled for
gaming purposes in our rooms; but we had supper-parties at one of the
principal taverns in the town, and the cards and dice were in as much
request amongst us as ever.
"At the expiration of the three months the colonel returned; and he took
the first opportunity of signifying his approval of the major's conduct
in suppressing the wine-parties. This was, however, mere hypocrisy on
his part, and because he did not dare encourage what an officer so near
his own rank had disapproved of. His manner towards myself was more cold
and distant than it was previously to his departure,—yet not so pointed
in its frigidity as to authorise me to request an explanation. Besides,
he was my commanding officer, and could treat me as he chose, short of
proffering a direct insult."
Time passed very rapidly away, and my father purchased me a lieutenancy
in the same regiment, a vacancy occurring. I would gladly have exchanged
into another corps, the coldness of the colonel towards me being a
source of much mortification and annoyance—the more especially as it was
so little deserved on my part. I however rejoiced at my promotion, and
submitted so resignedly to Beaumont's behaviour that he never had an
opportunity of addressing me in the language of reprimand.
"I was now nineteen, and had been in the army three years. During that
period I had gambled incessantly, but with such success that I more than
doubled my income by means of cards and dice. I was completely
infatuated with play, and looked upon it alike as a source of profit and
recreation. About this time I formed the acquaintance of a young lady,
whose name was Julia Vandeleur. She resided with her mother, who was a
widow, in a neat little dwelling about two miles from Portsmouth, on the
verge of South-sea common. Her deceased husband had belonged to a family
of French extraction, and after passing the greater portion of his life
in a government office, had died suddenly, leaving his widow, however,
in comfortable though by no means affluent circumstances. Julia, at the
time when I was first introduced to her at a small party given by the
principal banker of Portsmouth, was a charming girl of sixteen. Not
absolutely beautiful, she was endowed with an amiability and
cheerfulness of disposition which, combined with the most perfect
artlessness and with a rare purity of soul, rendered her a being whom it
was impossible to see without admiring. Well educated, accomplished, and
intelligent, she was the pride of an excellent mother, whose own good
conduct through life was recompensed by the irreproachable behaviour and
tender affection of her interesting daughter. Need I say that I was
almost immediately struck by the appearance and manners of the charming
Julia Vandeleur?
"I paid her a great deal of attention that evening, and called next day
at her abode. To be brief, I soon became a constant visitor; and Mrs.
Vandeleur did not discountenance my presence. Nor did her daughter
manifest any repugnance towards me. The influence of that dear creature
was then most salutary:—would that it had always continued so! For one
year I never touched a card nor die, all my leisure time being passed at
the cottage. To add to my happiness my father came down to Portsmouth to
see me: he took apartments for a few weeks at the George Hotel; and I
introduced him to Mrs. and Miss Vandeleur. Although Julia was no
heiress, my father was too much attached to me to throw any obstacle in
the way of my suit; and I was accepted as Miss Vandeleur's intended
husband. Oh! what joyous days were those—days of the most pure and
unadulterated happiness!
"It was settled that my father should purchase me a captaincy, and that
the marriage should then take place. He accordingly returned to town to
make the necessary exertions and arrangements for my promotion; and it
was during his absence that my contemplated union reached the ears of
Colonel Beaumont. I had kept my attachment and my engagement an entire
secret from my brother officers, because I did not wish to introduce a
set of profligate and dissipated men to the innocent girl who loved me,
nor to her parent whom I respected. But that secret _did_ transpire
somehow or another; and Beaumont then found an opportunity of venting
his spite upon me. He called upon Mrs. Vandeleur, sought a private
interview with her, and declared that his conscience would not permit
him to allow her to bestow her daughter, without due warning, upon a
confirmed gamester. He then took his leave, having produced a most
painful impression upon the mind of Mrs. Vandeleur. She did not,
however, immediately speak to her daughter upon the subject; but when I
called as usual in the evening, she took an opportunity to confer with
me alone. She then calmly and sorrowfully stated the particulars of the
colonel's visit. I was confounded; and my manner confirmed the truth of
his accusation. Mrs. Vandeleur implored me to urge my suit with her
daughter no farther—to break off the engagement where it stood—and urged
me, as a gentleman, to release Julia from her promise. I threw myself at
her feet—confessed that I had been addicted to play—but swore in the
most solemn manner that for a year past I had renounced the abominable
vice, into which my affection for her daughter would never permit me to
relapse. She was moved by my sincerity—and at length she yielded to my
earnest prayers. Oh! never shall I forget that excellent lady's words on
this occasion. 'William,' she said, 'I will give you my daughter. But
remember that the poor widow is thereby bestowing upon you the only
treasure which she possesses—her only solace—her only consolation; and
if you deceive her by rendering that dear child unhappy, you will break
the heart of her who now addresses you!'—'Oh! my dear madam,' I
exclaimed, 'the example of your virtues and the consciousness of
possessing Julia's love will make me all that you can desire. And by yon
pale moon I swear that never—never more will I deserve the name of a
gambler. No: may this right hand wither—may the lightning of heaven
strike it—if it ever touch cards or dice again!'—Mrs. Vandeleur rebuked
me for the words I used; but the sincerity of my manner completely
reassured her. Julia remained in ignorance of the object of the
Colonel's visit and of this explanation between her mother and myself.
"Colonel Beaumont speedily found that his malignant officiousness had
failed to produce the desired aim; and he called again, with some
plausible pretext, upon the widow. By hypocritically affecting a merely
conscientious motive in having acted as he had done, he gleaned from her
the pledges I had made and the satisfaction with which she had received
them. That same afternoon, at the mess-table, his manner became as kind
and courteous towards me as it was wont to be when I first joined the
regiment; I could not however respond with any congeniality. Still he
did not seem abashed, but appeared not to notice my disinclination to
accept his advances. When I was about to leave the table, for the
purpose of repairing to the abode of my beloved, the Colonel said,
'Anderson, I wish to speak to you in my room.'—I bowed and accompanied
him thither.—'Let us forget the past,' he said, extending his hand
towards me, 'and be friendly as we were wont.'—'I am not aware, sir,'
was my reply, 'that I ever offended you.'—'No; but you humiliated me,'
he answered, with a singular expression of countenance; 'and _that_, to
a military man and a superior officer, was most galling. Circumstances
have lately changed with me. A distant relative has died and left me a
considerable property; and my first duty is to pay you the four thousand
pounds I owe you.'—'That debt, sir,' said I, 'has been cancelled long
ago.'—'You generously destroyed the proof,' he hastily rejoined; 'but
the obligation never could be annihilated, save in this manner:' and he
handed me the sum which he had formerly owed.—I of course received the
amount, and my opinion of him grew far more favourable, in spite of his
attempt to ruin me with Mrs. Vandeleur.
"When this transaction was completed, the Colonel said, 'Anderson, we
are now quits, but not exactly on equal terms. You have won a large sum
from me; and though a settlement has been delayed, still that sum is now
paid. As a gentleman you will give me my revenge.'—I started and turned
pale.—'Of course you cannot refuse to allow me the chance of recovering
myself,' he continued, calmly producing a dice-box.—'I dare not play,
sir,' I exclaimed, my breath coming thickly.—'Oh! _as a gentleman_,' he
repeated, 'you are bound to do so.'—'I have sworn a solemn oath never to
touch cards nor dice again.'—'And if you had also sworn never to fight a
duel, would that plea justify you in receiving an insult unresented, in
the eyes of honourable men?' he demanded.—'Colonel Beaumont,' I said,
'in the name of heaven do not urge me to break that solemn vow!'—'Will
you compel me to declare that oaths are sometimes mere matters of
convenience?' cried the colonel: 'will you force me to express my
conviction that Lieutenant Anderson will enrich himself by play, and
will not afford the loser that opportunity of revenge which all
honourable men concede?'—'Take back your money, sir,' I cried,
dreadfully agitated; 'and permit me to retire.'—'Would you insult me by
restoring money that I owed?' demanded the Colonel.—'Not for worlds
would I insult you, sir,' was my answer: 'but do not force me to violate
my promise to Mrs. Vandeleur.'—'Oh! a promise made to a lady, eh?' he
exclaimed. 'I thought you more of a man than to refuse honourable
satisfaction in consequence of a vow pledged under the influence of
love. Come, Anderson, act fairly; and do not compel me to explain the
transaction to your brother-officers.'
"Oh! what will your Highness think of me when I declare that I was
alarmed by this threat, and that I yielded to the colonel's urgent
solicitation! He produced wine; and I drank deeply to drown my remorse.
At first I trembled as I touched the dice-box—for I remembered the
solemn oath pledged only a few days previously. But in a short time the
influence of the liquor and the excitement of play stifled all
compunction; and I once more devoted myself to the game with all the
intense interest which is experienced by the confirmed gamester.
Beaumont was cool and collected: I was nervous and irritable. Fortune
seemed to be bent upon giving _him_ the revenge which he had solicited.
I lost—we doubled our stakes: I continued to lose—and I steeped my
vexation in frequent draughts of wine. In three hours I lost back again
the whole amount he had paid me. The colonel then threw down the box,
and said, 'I am satisfied.'—'But I am not,' I exclaimed furiously: 'let
us go on.'—'As you please,' he observed calmly; and, maddened with
drink—hurried on, too, by the terrible excitement which gamblers alone
can know, I played—and played until I owed the colonel two thousand
three hundred pounds. Then a revulsion of feeling took place; and I
cursed my folly. I loathed myself: intoxicated as I was, I felt as a
perjurer should feel. The colonel claimed my note of hand; and I gave
it. This done, I rushed wildly from his room, and hastened to my own.
"When I awoke in the morning, I could scarcely believe that the scene of
the previous night had really occurred. It seemed to me as if I were
standing on the brink of a dreadful yawning gulf, which a mist hid from
my sight, but which I nevertheless knew to be _there_. Then that mist
gradually rolled away; and the blackness of the abyss was revealed to me
with all its horrors. Terrible were my feelings. But I was compelled to
reflect upon what was to be done. My mind was soon made up. The debt
must be paid; and, that obligation once satisfied, I would never touch
the dice again! Having written a hurried letter to Julia, stating that
business of importance suddenly called me to London, and having obtained
leave of absence from the colonel, I repaired in all possible haste to
the metropolis. But my father, to whom it was of course my intention to
apply for succour, had left town that very morning for Portsmouth; and
we had therefore crossed each other on the way. An idea struck me:—could
I not borrow the money I required without being compelled to reveal the
truth to my father? The thought pleased me—and I even felt rejoiced that
we had so missed each other. Early next morning I obtained the two
thousand three hundred pounds of one Mr. Goldshig, a Jew, who received
my note of hand for three thousand in return, with the understanding
that he would continue to hold it so long as I paid a hundred pounds
every quarter for the accommodation—such payments, however, not to be
deducted from the principal, but to be regarded simply in the light of
interest.
"Much relieved by this speedy and easily-effected negotiation, I
returned to Portsmouth, where I arrived at about nine o'clock in the
evening. I repaired straight to the George Hotel, at which, as I
expected, my father had put up. But he was not within; and I accordingly
hastened to the barracks to pay the money to Beaumont. The Colonel was
at home, and received me with a chilling coldness for which, after all
that had recently passed between us, I was little prepared. I did not
however appear to notice the circumstance; but tendered him the amount
due. 'Oh! Mr. Anderson,' he replied, 'the debt is paid.'—'Paid!' I
exclaimed, greatly surprised at this announcement.—'Yes,' he said: 'it
was settled this evening, about two hours since. Your father called on
me, and redeemed the note of hand.'—'My father!' cried I, a cold chill
striking to my heart: 'how came he to know that you held such a
document?'—'Really, Mr. Anderson, I have no time to converse with you
now,' answered the Colonel; and he bowed me out with freezing
politeness.
"Strange misgivings now oppressed me; and I began to read something
malignant and systematically vindictive in the conduct of the Colonel;
for it was evident that he must have mentioned the fact of possessing my
note of hand. Dreadfully agitated, I returned to the George. My father
had just come in; and his countenance was mournfully severe, when I
entered his presence. 'William,' said he, 'I am deceived in you; and you
have acted in a manner which you will have cause to rue as long as you
live; that is, if your attachment for Miss Vandeleur be truly
sincere.'—'My God!' I exclaimed: 'what has occurred? Does Mrs. Vandeleur
know of _this_?'—'She knows all; and she not only sees in you a
confirmed gambler, but a wicked perjurer,' answered my father. 'Her door
is closed against you for ever.'—'Oh! wretch that I am!' I cried,
beating my breast in despair. 'But who can have done all this
mischief?'—'Colonel Beaumont called this morning on Mrs. Vandeleur, and
insultingly exhibited your note of hand, which I have ere now
redeemed.'—'The villain!' I exclaimed, rushing towards the door: 'but he
shall pay dearly for this!'—'Stop, sir, I command you,' cried my father.
'He is your superior officer; he evidently hates you; and, were you to
challenge him, he would ruin you. No: that is not the course to pursue.
I have purchased you a Captain's commission in the—the regiment, which
is stationed at Chatham; and you have also three months' leave of
absence. Return with me to London; and endeavour by your future conduct
to atone for the misdeeds of the past.'
"In reply to my hurried and anxious questions, I learnt that any attempt
to see Julia would be vain, and could have no other result than to
irritate Mrs. Vandeleur the more against me. My father offered me some
consolation by the assurance that if I conducted myself well for a year,
there would be a hope of reconciliation with the incensed lady; and I
trusted to Julia's love to ensure her fidelity. Thus, partially—though
very partially—relieved from the intenseness of that pain which now
pierced to my very soul, I hastened to the barracks to superintend the
packing up of my things, and to take leave of my brother-officers. This
being done, I was passing out of the barrack-yard, when I encountered
the Colonel. The light of the lamp fell upon his countenance, which
expressed fiend-like satisfaction and triumph. Catching me by the arm,
as I was about to pass him in silence, he muttered between his teeth,
'Anderson, I am avenged. You humiliated me once; and I hate you for it!
Know me as your implacable enemy; and renounce all hope of your
Julia—for she shall be mine!'
"He then hurried away. I was so stupefied by this sudden revelation of
the ferocious and most unjust enmity of this bad man, that I remained
rooted as it were to the spot. Never was there such ingratitude! But his
threat relative to Julia,—oh! I could have afforded to laugh at his
hatred: that menace, however, rang in my ears like a deafening bell.
Mournfully I turned away, and hastened back to the inn. I passed a
sleepless—wretched night; and during the journey to town, scarcely spoke
a word to my father the whole way.
"The money that I had borrowed of the Jew was still in my possession;
and I resolved to lose no time in returning it. Accordingly, the very
next day after my arrival in London, I set out on my way to his abode in
the City; but meeting with some officers of my acquaintance, I agreed to
dine with them at an hotel in Bridge Street, Blackfriars. In fact, I was
so very unhappy that I was glad to meet with such society; and I thought
that I could easily postpone my visit to the Jew until the morrow. The
dinner was first-rate—the wines excellent; and I drank copiously to
drown my cares. Presently some one proposed cards: I could not offer any
objection; but I simply stated that I should not play. Cards, however,
were brought; and _écarté_ was the game. I sate looking on. In the
course of half an hour I saw a most favourable opportunity for making a
good bet; and, with the most wretched sophistry, I reasoned to myself
that betting and playing were two very different things. I accordingly
offered the wager, and won it. Encouraged by this success, I bet again;
and again I won. In less than another half hour I had pocketed two
hundred guineas—for the play was high and the wagers in proportion. The
ice was, alas! again broken; and it did not require much persuasion to
induce me to take a hand. I thought of Julia—sighed and hesitated: I
looked again at the cards—sighed once more—and seized them with that
desperate feeling which we experience when we know we are doing wrong.
To be brief, we kept up the play until three o'clock in the morning; and
I not only lost every farthing I had about me—amounting, with the Jew's
money and my own, to nearly three thousand pounds—but six hundred more
by note of hand. It was understood that we should meet again on the
following evening at another hotel, to settle accounts; and I returned
home in that state of mind which suggests suicide!
"Fortunately my father did not know at what hour I entered; and he
therefore suspected nothing. After breakfast I paid a visit to the
Jew—but not to repay him his money. My object was to borrow more, which
he willingly lent me, as I was enabled to show him the previous
evening's _Gazette_ in which my promotion by purchase was recorded. I
borrowed the six hundred pounds which I required, and for which I gave a
bill to the amount of a thousand. At the appointed hour I repaired to
the hotel where I was to meet my friends; but with the firm resolution
of not yielding to any inducement to play. How vain was that
determination! cards were already on the table when I entered, for I
came somewhat late, having dined with my father before-hand. I strove
hard to keep my vow—I wrestled powerfully against my inclinations; but a
glass of champagne unsettled me—and I fell once more! Another late
sitting at the card-table—another severe loss—another visit to the Jew
next day!
"For the three months during which my leave of absence lasted, I pursued
the desperate career of a gamester, contriving, however, so well, that
my father had not a single suspicion of the fatal truth. I was now in a
fearful plight,—owing nearly six thousand pounds to the Jew, and
compelled to devote nearly every pound I received from my father on
leaving to join my regiment, to the payment of the interest. I remained
for about ten months at Chatham, and still continued to play nightly. I
was, however, unsuccessful, and quite unable to keep up the settlement
of the quarterly amounts of interest with the rapacious Jew. What
aggravated the mental anguish which I endured, was that my father
corresponded with Mrs. Vandeleur from time to time, and gave her the
most favourable accounts of me. Of this he informed me in his letters,
and when I occasionally repaired to town to pass a few days with him.
"At length—just when the Jew was becoming most pressing for money, and
my difficulties were closing in around me with fearful rapidity—I one
day received a summons to return home. On my arrival I found my father
in high glee; and, after tantalising me a little, he produced a letter
which he had received from Mrs. Vandeleur. That excellent lady, moved by
my father's representations—touched by the drooping condition of her
daughter—and also, perhaps, anxious to relieve Julia from the
persecutions '_of a certain Colonel_,' as she said in her letter, '_who
annoyed her with his addresses_,' had consented to our union. I was
overwhelmed with joy: all my cares were forgotten—my difficulties seemed
to disappear. My father had not been inactive since the receipt of that
letter. He had obtained six months' leave of absence for me, and had
hired and furnished a house in Russell Square for the reception of
myself and Julia. Even the time and place for the celebration of the
marriage had been arranged between him and Mrs. Vandeleur. The ceremony
was to take place at Portsmouth on the ensuing Monday; and I was to
accompany my father thither two days previously.
"Much as I longed to embrace my dear Julia, I was not sorry to be
allowed a few hours' delay in London; for I felt how necessary it was to
pacify the Jew. I accordingly called upon him, acquainted him with my
approaching marriage, and stated that as it was my father's intention to
transfer to my name a considerable sum in the public funds, the monies
owing should be paid with all arrears the moment that transfer took
place. Goldshig seemed quite satisfied; and I took leave of him with a
light heart. But as I was issuing from his dwelling, I ran against
Colonel Beaumont—my mortal enemy—who was about to enter the house. He
started and was evidently much surprised: I was both surprised and
annoyed. Convinced, however, that this meeting was a mere coincidence,
and that his presence there had no connexion with my affairs, I was
about to pass on with silent contempt, when he laid his hand on my
arm—as he had done at the barrack-gate at Portsmouth thirteen months
previously—and said, 'You think you will yet possess Julia: you are
mistaken! She has repulsed me—but _you_ know that I can avenge an
insult!'—I thrust him rudely away from me, smiled contemptuously, and
passed on.
"This circumstance was speedily forgotten by me amidst the bustle and
excitement of the preparations for my marriage; and never did I feel
more truly happy than when journeying by my father's side, in our
travelling-carriage, towards the place where my beloved Julia dwelt. We
alighted at the George Hotel at about five o'clock on the Saturday
evening; and, as my father felt fatigued,—for he was now nearly
sixty-five years of age,—I repaired alone to the cottage near South-sea
Common. I shall pass over the joys—the rapturous joys of that meeting.
Julia evidently loved me more than ever; and Mrs. Vandeleur received me
in a manner which promised an oblivion of the past. And, oh! when I
contemplated that charming girl who was so shortly to be my wife,—and
when I listened to the kind language of her excellent mother,—I renewed
within myself, but in terms of far more awful solemnity, the oath which
I had once before taken in that very room!
"I learnt that Colonel Beaumont had, as Mrs. Vandeleur stated in her
letter, persecuted my Julia with his addresses, and implored her to
marry him. But her heart remained faithful to me, although circumstances
had compelled her mother to explain to her the cause of our separation;
and the Colonel was summarily refused.
"The happy morning dawned; and, in spite of the Colonel's threats, Julia
and I were united at St. Peter's Church, Portsmouth. The ceremony was as
private as possible; and as we had a long journey before us, the
breakfast usually given on such occasions was dispensed with.
Accordingly, on leaving the church, the bridal party repaired to the
George, where the travelling-carriage and four were ready for starting.
My father intended to remain in Portsmouth for a few days, for the
benefit of the sea-air; and Mrs. Vandeleur was to visit us in London at
the expiration of about a month, and then take up her abode with us in
Russell Square altogether.
"While Julia was taking leave of her affectionate parent in a
private room, a waiter entered the apartment where I and my father
were conversing together, and informed me that a person desired to
speak to me below. I followed the waiter to a parlour on the
ground-floor; and there—to my ineffable horror—I found Mr. Goldshig.
Two suspicious-looking men were standing apart in a corner. I
instantly comprehended the truth. I was arrested for the debt owing
to the Jew. In vain did I attempt to expostulate with him on the
harshness of this proceeding. 'You know very well,' said he, 'that
you and your wife are going off to the continent, and I might have
whistled for my money if I had not done this. In fact, the person
who gave me the information, strongly urged me to arrest you on
Saturday evening immediately after your arrival; but there was some
delay in getting the writ. However, you are safe in the officer's
hands now; and you must go to quod if your father don't give his
security.'—I was overwhelmed by this sudden disaster; and I vowed
vengeance upon Beaumont, whose malignity I too well recognised as
the origin of my present predicament. There was no alternative but
to send for my father. His sorrow was immense; and he assured me
that in settling the debt, he was moved only by consideration for
the feelings of my bride and her mother, whom he would not plunge
into affliction by allowing his son's conduct to reach their ears.
He accordingly gave his security to the Jew; and I was once more
free.
"Let me pass over the incidents of the year succeeding my marriage, and
the close of which saw me blessed with a little girl. During those
twelve months my behaviour was as correct as it ought to have been: the
idea of gambling was loathsome to me. My father, who had not as yet
transferred a single shilling to my name in the Bank, but who had
allowed me a handsome monthly income, now experienced confidence in my
steadiness; and to encourage me, as well as to mark his approval of my
conduct since my marriage, he presented me with twenty thousand pounds
the day after the birth of my daughter. Poor old man! he did not live
long after that! A cold which he caught led to a general breaking up of
his constitution; and he died after a short illness. But on his
death-bed he implored me not to relapse into those evil courses which
had originally caused so much misery; and I vowed in the most solemn
manner—by all I deemed sacred, and as I valued the dying blessing of my
kind parent—to follow his counsel.
"I now found myself the possessor of a fortune amounting in ready money
to thirty-six thousand pounds. Mrs. Vandeleur resided with us; and, when
the mournful impression created by my father's death became softened
down, there was not a happier family in the universe than ours. My Julia
was all that I had anticipated—amiable, affectionate, and as faultless
as a wife as she was excellent as a daughter.
"Four years rolled away from the date of my father's death; and not once
during that period did I touch a card nor even behold a dice-box. I had
purchased a Majority, and remained unattached. I was also now the father
of three children—one girl and two boys; and every thing seemed to
contribute to my felicity. We had a select circle of friends—real
friends, and not useless acquaintances; and our domestic economy was
such as to enable us to live considerably within our income.
"Such was my position when a friend one day proposed that I should
become a member of a Club to which he already belonged. Mrs. Vandeleur
and Julia, seeing that I was very much at home, thought that this step
would ensure me a little recreation and change of scene, and therefore
advocated the propriety of accepting the offer. I was balloted for and
elected. My friend was a well-meaning, sincere, and excellent man, who
had not the slightest idea of placing me in the way of temptation when
he made the proposal just mentioned. Neither had my mother-in-law or
wife the least suspicion that play ever took place at a Club. I was
equally ignorant of the fact until I became initiated; and then I
perceived the precipice on which I had suddenly placed myself. But I
dared not make any observation to my friend on the subject; for he was
totally unaware that gaming had ever been amongst the number of my
failings. To be brief, I had not been a member of the Club six weeks,
when I was one evening induced to sit down to a rubber of whist with
three staid old gentlemen, who only played for amusement. 'There cannot
be any harm in doing this,' said I to myself; 'because no money is
staked. Moreover, even if there were, I have now acquired such control
over myself that I could not possibly forget my solemn vows in this
respect.'—Thus endeavouring to soothe my conscience—for I knew that I
_was_ doing wrong, but would not admit it even to myself—I sate down. We
played for an hour, at the expiration of which one gentleman left and
another took his place. The new-comer proposed shilling points, '_just
to render the game interesting_.' The other two gentlemen agreed: I
could not possibly—at least, I thought I could not—seem so churlish or
so mean as to refuse to play on those terms.
"Trifling as the amount either to be won or lost could be, the mere fact
of playing for _money_ aroused within me that unnatural excitement
which, as I have before informed your Highness, is alone experienced by
those who have a confirmed predilection for gambling. And I now
discovered—when it was too late—that this predilection on my part had
only been lying dormant, and was not crushed. No: for I played that
evening with a zest—with an interest—with a real love, which superseded
all other considerations; and I did not return home until a late hour.
Next day I was ashamed of myself—I was vexed at my weakness—I trembled
lest I should again fall. For a fortnight I did not go near the Club:
but at the expiration of that period, a dinner took place to celebrate
the fourth anniversary of the foundation of the establishment, and I
found it difficult to excuse myself. I accordingly went; and in the
evening I sate down to a rubber of whist. Afterwards I lounged about a
table where _écarté_ was being played:—I staked some money—won—and fell
once more!
"I shall not linger upon details. The current of my fatal
predilection—dammed up for five years and a half—had now broken through
its flood-gates, and rushed on with a fury rendered more violent by the
lengthened accumulation of volume and power. _Écarté_ was my favourite
game; and I found several members of the Club willing to play with me on
all occasions. For some time I neither gained nor lost to any important
amount; but one evening the play ran high, and—hurried along by that
singular infatuation which prompts the gamester to exert himself to
recover his losses—I staked large sums. Fortune was opposed to me; and I
retired a loser of nearly two thousand pounds. The ice being once more
completely broken, I plunged headlong into the fatal vortex; and my
peace of mind was gone!
"My habits became entirely changed: instead of passing the greater
portion of my time with my family, I was now frequently absent for the
entire afternoon and the best part of the night. Julia's cheek grew
gradually pale; her manner changed from artless gaiety to pensive
melancholy; and, though she did not reproach me in words, yet her
glances seemed to ask wherefore I remained away from her! Mrs. Vandeleur
noticed the depressed spirits of her daughter, but did not altogether
comprehend the reason; because, although she observed that I was out a
great deal more than I used to be, my angel of a wife never told her
that it was sometimes two, three, or even four in the morning ere I
returned home. The real truth could not, however, remain very long
concealed from Mrs. Vandeleur. She began to be uneasy when I dined at
the Club on an average of twice a week: when this number was doubled and
I devoted four days to the Club and only three to my family, Mrs.
Vandeleur asked me in the kindest way possible if my home were not
comfortable, or if Julia ceased to please me? I satisfied her as well as
I could; and in a short time I began to devote another day to the Club,
and only two to Russell Square. Paler and more pale grew Julia's cheek;
the spirits of the children seemed to droop sympathetically; and Mrs.
Vandeleur could no longer conceal her uneasiness. She accordingly seized
an opportunity to speak to me in private; and she said, 'William, for
God's sake what does this mean? You are killing your poor uncomplaining
wife by inches. Either you love another—or you gamble! If it be the
latter, may God Almighty have pity upon my daughter!'—And the excellent
lady burst into tears. I endeavoured to console her: I swore that her
suspicions were totally unfounded:—but, alas! no change in my behaviour
tended to corroborate my asseverations.
"I persisted in my fearful course; and, as if I were not already
surrounded by elements of ruin sufficiently powerful, I became a member
of Crockford's. In saying that, I mention sufficient to convince your
Highness that I rushed wilfully and blindly on to the goal of utter
destruction. My fortune disappeared rapidly; and when it was gone, I
sold my commission, and then applied to Goldshig, who lent me money upon
the most exorbitant terms. But let me pass over the incidents of three
years. At the expiration of that time how was I situated? What was the
condition of my family? Painful as these reminiscences are, I will not
conceal the facts from your Highness. In a chamber at the house in
Russell Square Mrs. Vandeleur lay upon her death-bed. Julia—pale, with
haggard eyes, sunken cheeks, and appearance so care-worn that it would
have moved even the heart of an overseer or master of a workhouse,—Julia
hung, weeping bitterly, over the pillow. In the nursery, a servant was
endeavouring to pacify the children, who were crying because they knew
that their '_dear grandmamma_,' was very, very ill. In the kitchen an
ill-looking fellow was dozing by the fire:—he was a bailiff's man in
possession—for there was an execution levied on my property. And I—where
was I? Gone to solicit Goldshig the Jew for a few days' grace, the sale
having been advertised to take place next morning! Thus was this once
happy home now invaded by misery and distress:—thus was an amiable wife
plunged into sorrows so keen, woes so bitter, afflictions so appalling,
that it was no wonder if her charming form had wasted away, and the
frightful aspect of the demon of despair had chased the roses from her
cheeks;—and thus, too, was an excellent lady dying prematurely with that
worst of the Destroyer's plagues—a broken heart!
"It was about five o'clock in the evening when I returned, after vainly
waiting six hours to see Goldshig, who was not at home. Wearied and
anxious, I left a note for him at his office, and retraced my miserable
way to Russell Square. On my entrance Julia hastened to meet me, for she
had heard my knock. 'What tidings?' she inquired in a rapid tone.—I
informed her of what I had done. Her countenance became even more
wretched than it was before.—'Oh! that they will not molest my dear,
dear mother on her death-bed!' she shrieked, clasping her hands
franticly together. I turned aside, and shed bitter—burning tears. The
children now came rushing into the room. Alas! poor innocents, they knew
not of the ruin that was hanging over their heads; and when they took my
hands—kissed them—and said, 'Oh! we are so glad that dear papa has come
home!'—I thought my heart would break. My God! my God! had all the
misery which weighed upon our house been caused by me?
"I approached my wife—I took her in my arms—I murmured, as I kissed her
pale cheek, 'Can you—can you forgive me?'—'Oh! have I ever reproached
you, William?' she asked, endeavouring to smile in gratitude for my
caresses.—'No: never, never, poor dear afflicted creature!' I exclaimed
wildly; 'and it is your resignation, your goodness which makes my
conduct so black, so very black!'—She wound her arms about my neck, and
said in her soft gentle tone, 'Will you not come and see my mother?'—I
started back in horror. She comprehended me, and observed, 'Do not fear
reproaches: but come with me, I conjure you!'—I took the hand which she
extended to me: holy God! how thin that hand had become—how
skeleton-like had grown the taper fingers. Though it was my own wife's
hand I shuddered at the touch. She seemed to read my thoughts; for she
pressed _my_ hand affectionately, and then wiped away her tears. A deep
sob escaped her bosom—and she hurried me towards the sick-room. The
children followed us without opposition on their mother's part; and in a
few moments the mournful group approached the bed of death. I had not
seen Mrs. Vandeleur for nearly a week; and I was shocked—oh! painfully
shocked at the alteration which had taken place in her. From a fine,
stout, handsome, healthy woman, she had wasted away to a mere
shadow:—Julia was a shadow herself—but her mother seemed to be the shade
of a shadow! Merciful heavens! and all this had been wrought by me!
"Kneeling by the side of the bed, I took the transparent hand that the
dying woman tendered me, and pressed it to my lips. My brain seemed to
whirl; and all became confusion and bewilderment around me. I remember a
low and plaintive voice assuring me that heaven would yet forgive me the
broken heart of the mother, if I would only be kind to the daughter:—I
have a faint recollection of that dying voice imploring me to quit my
evil ways, for the sake of her whom I had sworn to love and protect—for
the sake of the children who were sobbing bitterly close by;—and
methinks that I reiterated those solemn vows of repentance which I had
before so often uttered—but to break! Then I was suddenly aroused from a
sort of stupor into which I fell—kneeling as I still was,—aroused, too,
by a piercing scream. Starting up, I caught the fainting form of Julia
in my arms;—and a glance towards the bed showed me that her mother was
no more! Her prophetic words were fulfilled: the widow, who gave me her
only treasure, had died of a broken heart!
"Heaven only knows how I passed the wretched night that followed. I
remember that the dawn of a cold March morning, accompanied by a
cheerless drizzling rain, found me pacing the parlour in a despairing
manner. I do believe I was half mad. And such horrible ideas haunted me!
I thought of killing my wife and children, and then blowing out my own
brains. Then I resolved to fly—and never see them more. In another
minute I wept bitterly when I asked myself, 'But what would become of
them?' I writhed in mental agony, as I found no response to this
question; and when I pictured to myself all the amiable qualities of my
wife—her gentleness—her goodness—her endearments—her unimpaired
love,—and then thought of the little innocents with their winning ways,
their little tricks, their pretty sayings, and their cherub
countenances,——Oh! God, no words can explain how acute my sufferings
were!
"From that painful reverie I was aroused by a loud commanding knock at
the front door. There was an ominous insolence in that knock; and the
worst fears entered my mind. Alas! they were full soon confirmed. The
broker made his appearance, accompanied by his men; and the house was at
the same time invaded by a posse of Jews—the usual buyers at sales
effected under instructions from the Sheriff. Hastening the burst of
anguish that rose to my lips, I drew the broker aside, acquainted him
with the fact of my mother-in-law's death on the previous evening, and
implored his forbearance for a week. He quietly took a pinch of snuff,
and then observed that he was not the master—that he had no power to
interfere—that the advertisements, announcing the sale, had appeared in
the papers—and that the business must proceed without delay!
Remonstrances—threats—prayers were all useless: the sale commenced;—and
I was forced to repair to my wife's room to break the fatal news to her.
She uttered no reproach—she even conquered her anguish as much as she
could;—and the children were then ordered to be dressed directly.
Presently Julia inquired in a meek and timid tone, if I had money enough
to buy in the furniture of _the_ room—she meant where her mother lay. I
answered in the affirmative; but it was only to console her—for I had
not a guinea—nor a friend! In a state of distraction I returned to the
parlour where the sale was in progress. Merciful heavens! foremost of
the buyers was Beaumont—my mortal enemy—bidding for the most costly
articles that were put up. In a moment I felt as if I could fall on him,
and tear him to pieces. He saw me; and, although taking no apparent
notice of me, I beheld a sardonic smile of triumph upon his lips. I
could bear no more: reckless of all—of every thing—I rushed from the
house.
[Illustration]
"For hours and hours did I wander about like a maniac—walking hastily
along, without any defined object—and not even observing the crowds that
passed me. Every thing was confused: bells seemed to be ringing in my
very brain. It was dark when I thought of returning home; and then I
felt shocked at the idea of having deserted my poor wife and helpless
children at such a time. My ideas were now more collected; and I
hastened to Russel Square. All was quiet in the house: but _they_ were
evidently still there—for a faint light gleamed through one of the
shutters. I knocked with trembling hand. Tho door was immediately
opened—by Julia. 'Oh! thank God that you have come back!' she exclaimed,
sinking half-fainting into my arms: 'you know not what horrible fears
have oppressed me!'—I embraced her tenderly: never—never did she seem
more dear to me! The children also flocked around me; and the tender
word '_Papa!_' wrung from me a flood of tears, which relieved me. I then
made certain inquiries, and learnt the most heart-rending particulars.
Every thing was sold and removed—even to the children's little beds;—but
the worst of all was that the corse of Julia's mother lay upon the floor
of the chamber where she had breathed her last!
"But let me hurry over these dreadful details. A few trinkets belonging
to Julia yet remained; and the sale of those ornaments—presents made to
her by me in happier days—enabled us to bury her mother decently, and to
remove to a small ready-furnished lodging. Julia supported these sad
afflictions and reverses with angelic resignation; and never did a
single reproach emanate from her lips. Neither did she neglect the
children: on the contrary, her attention to them redoubled, now that she
had no longer a servant to aid her. But, alas! her strength was failing
visibly: her constitution was undermined by misery and woe! And still it
seemed, much though we had already suffered, as if our sorrows had only
just begun. For, a few weeks after the sale of my property, and just as
I had obtained a clerk's situation in a mercantile house, I was arrested
for the balance of the debt due to Goldshig, the auction not having
produced enough to liquidate his claims. This blow was terrible indeed,
as it paralysed all my energies. I was taken to Whitecross Street
prison, the only prospect of obtaining my release being the Insolvents'
Court. I was accordingly compelled to apply to a philanthropic
association to advance me six pounds for that purpose. The request was
complied with; my wife went herself to receive the money; and she
brought it to me in the prison. I compelled her to retain a sovereign
for the support of herself and children; and I managed to borrow three
pounds more from the only one of all my late friends who would even read
a letter that came from me—so utterly was I despised by them all!
"And now—will it be believed that, such was my infatuation in respect to
play, I actually gambled with my fellow-prisoners—staking the money that
had been obtained with so much difficulty to pay a lawyer to conduct my
business in the Insolvents' Court! Yes—while my poor wife was sitting up
nearly all night to earn a trifle with her needle or in painting
maps,—while my children were dependent for their daily bread upon the
exertions of their poor dying mother,—I—wretch that I was—lost the very
means that were to restore me to them! When the money had all
disappeared, I became like a madman, and attempted to lay violent hands
upon myself. I was taken to the infirmary of the prison, where I lay
delirious with fever for six weeks. At the expiration of that time I
recovered; and the humanity of the governor of the gaol secured the
services of a lawyer to file my petition and schedule in the Insolvents'
Court. The day of hearing came; and I was discharged. But, alas! I
returned to the humble lodging occupied by my family without a
hope—without resources. Nevertheless, the angel Julia received me with
smiles; and the children also smiled with their sickly, wan, and
famished countenances. Then, in the course of a conversation which Julia
endeavoured to render as little mournful as possible, I learnt that
Colonel Beaumont had been persecuting her with his dishonourable
offers,—that he had dogged her in her way to the prison when she went
thither to see me,—that he had even intruded himself upon her in her
poor dwelling of one back room! Indeed, it was only in consequence of
this visit that my wife mentioned the circumstance to me at all; but so
pure was her soul, that she could not keep secret from me an occurrence
on which, did I hear it from stranger lips, a disagreeable construction
might be placed. Ill—weak—dying as she was, she was still sweetly
interesting;—and I could well understand how an unprincipled libertine
might seek to possess her.
"Without allowing Julia to comprehend the full extent of the impression
made upon me by this information, I vowed within myself a desperate
vengeance against that man who seemed to take a delight in persecuting
me and mine. But for the present the condition of my family occupied
nearly all my thoughts. Poor Julia was killing herself with hard—hard
toil at the needle; and the children were only the ghosts of what they
were in the days of our prosperity. I was, however, fortunate enough to
obtain another situation, with a salary of twenty-eight shillings a
week; and for some months we lived in comparative tranquillity—if not in
happiness. But Julia always had smiles for me,—smiles, too, when the
worm of an insidious disease was gnawing at her heart's core. And for my
part, my lord, whenever I hear the discontented husband or the insolent
libertine depreciating the character of Woman, the memory of my own
devoted wife instantly renders me Woman's champion;—and
lost—low—wretched as I have been, I have never failed—even in the vilest
pot-house in which my miseries have compelled me to seek shelter—to
vindicate the sex against the aspersions of the malevolent!
"Six months after my release from prison the small-pox invaded the house
in which we lodged; and so virulent was the malady, that within three
weeks it carried off two of my children—the girl, who was the eldest,
and the younger boy. I need not attempt to describe my own grief nor the
anguish of my wife. The blow was too much for _her_; and she was thrown
upon a sick bed. At the same time my employer failed in business; and I
accordingly lost my situation. I was returning home, one evening,—very
miserable after several hours' vain search for another place,—when I met
a gentleman who had once been a brother-officer in the regiment in which
I first served. I made known to him my deplorable situation, assuring
him that both my wife and my only remaining child were at that moment
lying dangerously ill, and that I was on my way home without a shilling
to purchase even the necessaries of life. He said that he had no
objection to serve me; and, giving me a guinea for immediate wants,
desired me to call on him next day at a particular address in Jermyn
Street. I hastened joyfully home, and communicated my good fortune to
poor Julia. On the following morning I repaired to Jermyn Street. My
friend received me cordially, and then explained his views. To my
profound surprise I learnt that he was the proprietor of a common
gaming-house; and his proposal was that I should receive three guineas a
week for merely lounging about the play-rooms of an evening, and acting
as a decoy to visitors. My situation was so desperate that I consented;
and ten guineas were given me on the spot to fit myself out in a
becoming manner. I returned home; and informed Julia that I had obtained
the place of a night-clerk in a coach-office. She believed me: a smile
played on her sickly countenance;—and she was soon afterwards able to
leave her bed.
"I entered on my new employment; and all that fatal thirst for gaming
which had plunged me into such depths of misery, was immediately
revived. The proprietor of the hell would not of course permit his
'decoys' to play legitimately on their own account; but we were allowed
to make bets with strangers in the rooms. This I did; and as the passion
gained upon me, I visited other gambling-houses when my services were
not required at the one where I was engaged. Thus I again plunged into
that dreadful course; and my poor wife soon suspected the fatal truth.
Our little girl died—thank God!—at this period. Start not when I express
my gratitude to heaven that it was so; for what could have become of her
during the period of utter destitution which soon after supervened? Yes,
my lord: scarcely a year had passed, when I was hurled into the very
depths of want and misery. I was accused of cheating my employer at the
gaming-house: the imputation was as false as ever villanous lie could
be;—and from that moment forth the door of every hell was closed against
me. I was also unable to obtain an honest situation; and after Julia and
myself had parted with all our wearing apparel, save the few things upon
our backs, we were one night thrust forth into the streets—houseless
beggars!
"It was in the middle of winter: the snow lay upon the ground; and the
cold was intense. My poor wife—in the last stage of consumption, and
with only a thin gown and a miserable rag of a shawl to cover her—clung
to my arm, and even then attempted to console me. Oh! God—what an angel
was that woman! We roved through the streets—for we dared not sit down
on a door-step, through fear of being frozen to death! What my feelings
were, it is impossible to explain. Morning—the cold wintry morning—found
us dragging our weary forms along the Dover Road. We had no object in
proceeding that way; but with tacit consent we seemed bent upon leaving
a city where we had endured so much. At length Julia murmured in a faint
tone, 'William, dearest, I cannot move a step farther!' And she sank,
half fainting, upon a bank covered with snow.
"I was nearly distracted; but still she smiled—smiled, and pressed my
hand tenderly, even while the ice-cold finger of Death touched her
heart. I raised her in my arms:—my God! she was as light as a child—so
emaciated in person and so thinly clad was she! I bore her to a
neighbouring cottage, which was fortunately tenanted by kind and
hospitable people, who immediately received the dying woman into their
abode. The good mistress of the house gave up her bed to Julia, while
her husband hastened to Blackheath for a doctor. And I, kneeling by the
side of my poor wife, implored her forgiveness for all the miseries she
had endured through me. 'Do not speak in that manner, my dearest
William,' she said, in a faint tone, as she drew me towards her; 'for I
have always loved you, and I am sure you have loved me in return. Alas!
my adored husband, what is to become of you? I am going to a better
world, where I shall meet our departed children: but, ah! to what
sorrows, do I leave you? Oh! this is the pang which I feel upon my
death-bed; and it is more than I can bear. For I love you, William, as
never woman yet loved; and when I am no more, do not remember any little
sufferings which you may imagine that you have caused me; for if there
be any thing to forgive, God knows how sincerely I do forgive you! Think
of me sometimes, William—and remember that as I have ever loved you, so
would I continue to love you were I spared. But——'
"Her voice had gradually been growing fainter, and her articulation more
difficult, as she uttered those loving words which Death rudely cut
short. The medical man came: it was too late—all was over! Then did I
throw myself upon that senseless form, and accuse myself of having
broken the heart of the best of women. Oh! I thought, if I could only
recall the past: if the last few years of my life could be spent over
again—if my beloved wife, my little ones, and my fortune were still left
to me—how different would my conduct be! But repentance was too late:
the work was done—and the consummation of the task of ruin, sorrow, and
death was accomplished! Wretch—wretch that I was!
"The poor people at whose cottage my wife thus breathed her last, were
very kind to me. They endeavoured to solace my affliction, and insisted
that I should remain with them at least until after the funeral. And if
my poor Julia's remains received decent interment,—if she were spared
the last ignominy of a parish funeral, which would have crowned all the
sad memories that remained to me in respect to her,—it was through the
benevolence of those poor people and the surgeon who had been called in.
"When I had followed the corpse of my poor wife to the grave, I returned
to London; and, assuming another name, procured a humble employment in
the City. Would you believe, my lord, that one who had held the rank of
a Field Officer became the follower of a bailiff—a catchpole—a sort of
vampire feeding itself upon the vitals of the poor and unfortunate? Yet
such was my case: and even in that detestable capacity I experienced one
day of unfeigned pleasure—one day of ineffable satisfaction; and that
was upon being employed to arrest and convey to Whitecross Street prison
my mortal enemy—Colonel Beaumont. Yes: he also was ruined by play, and
overwhelmed with difficulties. And at whose suit was he captured? At
that of Goldshig, the Jew! The Colonel was playing at hide-and-seek; but
I tracked him out. Night and day did I pursue my inquiries until I
learnt that he occupied a miserable lodging in the Old Bailey: and there
was he taken. He languished for six months in prison—deserted by his
friends—and compelled to receive the City allowance. Every Sunday during
that period did I visit the gaol to gloat upon his miseries. At length
he died in the infirmary, and was buried as a pauper!
"Shortly after that event, I lost my place through having shown some
kindness to a poor family in whose house I was placed in possession
under an execution; and from that time, until yesterday, my life has
been a series of such miseries—such privations—such maddening
afflictions, that it is most marvellous how I ever could have surmounted
them. Indeed, I am astonished that suicide has not long ago terminated
my wretched career. Your Highness saw how I was spurned from the door of
that temple of infamy, which had absorbed a considerable part of my once
ample means;—but that was not the first—no, nor the fiftieth time that,
when driven to desperation, I have vainly implored succour of those who
had formerly profited by my follies—my vices. In conclusion, permit me
to assure your Highness that if the most heart-felt gratitude on the
part of a wretch like me, be in any way a recompense for that bounty
which has relieved me from the most woeful state of destitution and
want,—then that reward is yours—for I _am_ grateful—oh! God only knows
how deeply grateful!"
"Say no more upon that subject," exclaimed Richard, who was profoundly
affected by the history which he had just heard. "From this day forth
you shall never experience want again—provided you adhere to your
resolves to abandon those temples of ruin in which fortune, reputation,
and happiness—yes, and the happiness of others—are all engulphed. But
for the present we have both a duty to perform. Last night, at the door
of Crockford's Club, I observed a young man in the society of two
villains, whom I have, alas! ample cause to remember. This young man of
whom I speak, drew forth his purse to assist you at the moment when I
interfered."
"Yes—I saw him, and I know who he is, my lord," replied the Major. "His
name is Egerton—he lives in Stratton Street—and his fortune is rapidly
passing into the pockets of swindlers and black-legs. It was my
intention to call upon him and warn him of the frightful precipice upon
which he stands; but, alas! too well do I know that such is the
infatuation which possesses the gamester——"
"Enough!" interrupted Richard. "That idea must not deter _me_ from
performing what I conceive to be a duty. And you must aid me in the
task."
"If your Highness will show me how I can be instrumental in rescuing
that young man from the jaws of destruction," exclaimed Major Anderson,
"gladly—most gladly will I lend my humble aid."
"You speak as one who is anxious to atone for the misdeeds of the past,"
said the Prince; "and so long as such be your feelings, you will find a
sincere friend in me. In respect to this foolish young man, who is
rushing headlong to ruin, caution must be used; or else those
arch-profligates, Chichester and Harborough, will frustrate my designs.
It is for you to seek an interview with Mr. Egerton, and inform him that
the Prince of Montoni is desirous to see him upon business of a most
serious and of altogether a private nature."
"The wishes of your Highness shall be attended to," replied Major
Anderson. "It is useless to attempt to find Egerton _alone_ at this time
of the day; but to-morrow morning I will call on him at an early hour."
The Prince was satisfied with this arrangement, and took his departure
from the lodging of the ruined gamester.
Reader! there is no vice which is so fertile in the various elements of
misery as Gambling!