MR. GREENWOOD'S DINNER-PARTY.
Some few days after the events just related, Mr. G. M. Greenwood, M.P.,
entertained several gentlemen at dinner at his residence in Spring
Gardens.
The banquet was served up at seven precisely:—Mr. Greenwood had
gradually made his dinner hour later as he had risen in the world; and
he was determined that if ever he became a baronet, he would never have
that repast put on table till half-past eight o'clock.
On the present occasion, as we ere now observed, the guests were
conducted to the dining-room at seven.
The thick curtains were drawn over the windows: the apartment was a
blaze of light.
The table groaned beneath the massive plate: the banquet was choice and
luxurious in the highest degree.
On Mr. Greenwood's right sate the Marquis of Holmesford—a nobleman of
sixty-three years of age, of immense wealth, and notorious for the
unbounded licentiousness of his mode of life. His conversation, when his
heart was somewhat warmed with wine, bore ample testimony to the
profligacy of his morals: seductions were his boast; and he frequently
indulged in obscene anecdotes or expressions which even called a blush
to the cheeks of his least fastidious male acquaintances.
On Mr. Greenwood's left was Sir T. M. B. Muzzlehem, Bart., M.P., and
Whipper-in to the Tory party.
Next to the two guests already described, sate Sir Cherry Bounce, Bart.,
and the Honourable Major Smilax Dapper—the latter of whom had recently
acquired a grade in the service _by purchase_.
Mr. James Tomlinson, Mr. Sheriff Popkins, Mr. Alderman Sniff, Mr.
Bubble, Mr. Chouse, and Mr. Twitchem (a solicitor) completed the party.
Now this company, the reader will perceive, was somewhat a mixed one:
the aristocracy of the West End, the civic authority, and the members of
the financial and legal spheres, were assembled on the present occasion.
The fact is, gentle reader, that this was a "business dinner;" and that
you may be no longer kept in suspense, we will at once inform you that
when the cloth was drawn, Mr. Greenwood, in a brief speech, proposed
"Success to the Algiers, Oran, and Morocco Railway."
The toast was drunk with great applause.
"With your permission, my lord and gentlemen," said Mr. Twitchem, the
solicitor, "I will read the Prospectus."
"Yeth, wead the pwothpeckthuth, by all meanth," exclaimed Sir Cherry
Bounce.
"Strike me—but I'm anxious to hear _that_," cried the Honourable Major
Dapper.
The solicitor then drew a bundle of papers from his pocket, and in a
business-like manner read the contents of one which he extracted from
the parcel:—
"ALGIERS, ORAN, AND MOROCCO GREAT DESERT
RAILWAY.
"(Provisionally Registered Pursuant to Act.)
"Capital £1,600,000, in 80,000 shares, of £20 each.
"Deposit £3 2_s._ per Share.
"COMMITTEE OF DIRECTION.
"THE MOST HONOURABLE THE MARQUIS OF HOLMESFORD,
G. C. B., Chairman.
"GEORGE M. GREENWOOD, Esq., M.P., Deputy Chairman.
"Sir T. M. B. Muzzlehem, Bart., M.P.
"James Tomlinson, Esq.
"Sylvester Popkins, Esq., Sheriff of London.
"Percival Peter Sniff, Esq., Alderman.
"Sir Cherry Bounce, Bart.
"The Honourable Major Smilax Dapper.
"Charles Cecil Bubble, Esq.
"Robert James Baring Chouse, Esq.
"This Railway is intended to connect the great cities of Algiers and
Morocco, passing close to the populous and flourishing town of Oran.
It will thus be the means of transit for passengers and traffic over
a most important section of the Great Desert, which, though placed
in maps in a more southernly latitude, nevertheless extends to the
District through which this Line is to pass.
"The French government has willingly accorded its countenance to the
proposed scheme; and the Governor-General of Algeria has expressed
his sincere wish that it may be carried into effect.
"The Morocco government (one of the most enlightened in Africa) has
also assented to the enterprise; and the Emperor, the better to
manifest the favour with which he views the project, ordered his
Prime Minister to be soundly bastinadoed for daring to question its
practicability. This proof of the imperial wisdom has filled the
Committee and friends of the enterprise with the most sanguine
hopes.
"The support of the principal tribes, and other influential parties
in Algeria and Morocco, has been secured.
"The Emperor of Morocco, on one side, and his Excellency the
Governor-General of Algeria, on the other, have signified their
readiness to grant a strong armed force to protect the engineers and
operatives, when laying down the rails, from being devoured by wild
beasts, or molested by predatory tribes.
"The ex-Emir of Mascara, Abd-el-Kadir, has entered into a bond not
to interfere with the works while in progress, nor to molest those
who may travel by the Line when it shall be opened; and, in order to
secure this important concession on the part of the ex-Emir, the
Committee have agreed to make that Prince an annual present of
clothes, linen, tobacco, and ardent spirit.
"It is with the greatest satisfaction that the Committee of
Direction is enabled to announce these brilliant prospects; and the
Committee beg to state that application for the allotment of Shares
must be made without delay to James Tomlinson, Esq., Stockbroker,
Tokenhouse Yard.
"By order of the Board,
"SHARPLY TWITCHEM, Secretary."
"On my thoul, there never wath any thing better—conthith, bwief,
ekthplithit, and attwactive!" cried Sir Cherry.
"Sure to take—as certain as I'm in Her Majesty's service—strike me!"
exclaimed Major Dapper.
"I think you ought to have thrown in something about African beauties,"
observed the Marquis: "they are particularly stout, you know, being all
fed on a preparation of rice called _couscousou_. I really think I must
pay a visit to those parts next spring."
"I will undertake to get one of the members of the government to
introduce a favourable mention of the project into his speech to-morrow
night, in the House," said Sir T. M. B. Muzzlehem: "but you must send
him a hundred shares the first thing in the morning."
"That shall be done," answered Mr. Twitchem.
"Well, my lord and gentlemen," observed Mr. Greenwood, "I think that
this little business looks uncommonly well. The project is no doubt
feasible—I mean, the shares are certain to go off well. Mr. Bubble and
Mr. Chouse will undertake to raise them in public estimation, by the
reports they will circulate in Capel Court. Of course, my lord and
gentlemen, when they are at a good premium, we shall all sell; and if we
do not realise twenty or thirty thousand pounds each—_each_, mark
me—then shall you be at liberty to say that the free and independent
electors of Rottenborough have chosen as their representative a dolt and
an idiot in the person of your humble servant."
"Whatever Mr. Greenwood undertakes is certain to turn to gold," observed
Mr. Bubble.
"Can't be otherwise," said Mr. Chouse.
"Mr. Greenwood's name stands so well in the City," added Mr. Sheriff
Popkins.
"And his lordship's countenance to the enterprise is a tower of
strength," exclaimed Mr. Alderman Sniff.
"I have already had many inquiries concerning the project," said Mr.
Tomlinson.
"Yes—Chouse and I took care to circulate reports in the City that such a
scheme was in contemplation," observed Bubble.
"Gentlemen, I think that all difficulties have been provided against in
this Prospectus," cried Mr. Twitchem:—"the predatory tribes,
Abd-el-Kadir, and the wild beasts."
"Nothing could be better," answered Mr. Greenwood. "Take care that the
Prospectus be sent as an advertisement to every London journal, and the
leading provincial ones. You know that I am a shareholder in one of the
London newspapers; and I can promise you that it will not fail to cry up
our enterprise. In fact, my lord and gentlemen," added Mr. Greenwood, "I
have at this moment in my pocket a copy of a leading article—that will
appear in that paper, the day after to-morrow."
"My gwathioth!—do read it, Greenwood," cried Sir Cherry Bounce.
"Yes: I'd give the world to hear it—smite me!" ejaculated Major Dapper.
Mr. Greenwood glanced complacently around, and then drew forth a printed
slip, the contents of which were as follow:—
"In our opposition to those multifarious railway projects which are
starting up on all sides, as if some Cadmus had been sowing bubbles
in our financial soil, we have only been swayed by our fears lest
such a number of schemes, which never can obtain the sanction of
Parliament, should injure the credit, and impair the monetary
prosperity of the country. It must not, however, be supposed that we
are inimical to those undertakings which are based upon fair,
intelligible, and reasonable grounds. There are many talented,
honourable, and wealthy individuals engaged in speculations of this
nature; and, their motives being beyond suspicion, no one of common
sense can for a moment suppose that we include _their_ projects
amongst the airy nothings against which we are compelled to put the
public on their guard. The extension of railways is internally
connected with the progress of civilisation; and when we behold the
principle applied to distant and semi-barbarian countries—as in the
case, for instance, of that truly grand and promising enterprise,
the Algiers, Oran, and Morocco Great Desert Railway—we feel proud
that England should have the honour of taking the initiative in thus
propagating beyond its own limits the elements of civilisation, and
the germs of humanising influences. At the same time we shall
continue our strenuous opposition to all railway schemes which we
consider to be mere bubbles blown from the pipes of intriguants and
adventurers; and we shall never pause until in those pipes we put an
effectual stopper."
"Thuper-ekthellent—glowiouth—majethtic—athtounding!" ejaculated Sir
Cherry, quite in raptures.
"You perceive how beautifully—how delicately the puff is insinuated,"
said Mr. Greenwood. "That article will have an astonishing effect."
"No doubt of it," observed the Marquis. "You might have contrived to
introduce something relative to the Emperor of Morocco's ladies. Why not
state that the Moorish terminus will command a view of the gardens of
the imperial harem, where those divine creatures—each of seventeen stone
weight—are wont to ramble in a voluptuous undress?"
"No—no, my lord; that would never do!" cried Greenwood, with a smile.
"And now, my lord and gentlemen, we perfectly understand each other.
Each takes as many shares as he pleases. When they reach a high premium,
each may sell as he thinks fit. Then, when we have realized our profits,
we will inform the shareholders that insuperable difficulties prevent
the carrying out of the project,—that Abd-el-Kadir, for instance, has
violated his agreement and declared against the scheme,—that the
Committee of Direction will therefore retain a sum sufficient to defray
the expenses already incurred, and that the remaining capital paid up
shall be returned to the shareholders."
"That is exactly what, I believe, we all understand," observed Mr.
Twitchem.
"For my part," said Lord Holmesford, "I only embark in the enterprise to
oblige my friend Greenwood; and therefore I am agreeable to any thing
that he proposes."
Matters being thus amicably arranged, the company passed the remainder
of the evening in the conviviality of the table.
At eleven o'clock the guests all retired, with the exception of the
Marquis of Holmesford.
"Now, friend Greenwood," said this nobleman, "you will keep your
engagement with me?"
"Yes, my lord: I am prepared to accompany you."
"Let us depart at once, then," added the Marquis, rising from his chair:
"my carriage has been waiting some time; and I long to introduce you to
the voluptuous mysteries of Holmesford House."