_Concerning Her Children_
Your wish to have your son, who is now four years old, begin to develop
the manly qualities, and your oldest daughter, who has reached the
mature age of three, start wisely on the path to lovely womanhood, is
far from being premature.
"The tree inclines as the twig is bent," we are told.
Most mothers wait until the tree is in blossom before they begin to
train its inclination.
Your boy is quite old enough to be taught manly pride, in being useful
to you and his sisters.
Such things are not successfully taught by preaching or scolding or
punishing; but are more easily inculcated by tact and praise,
object-lesson and play.
A four-year-old boy is all ears when his father's praises and
achievements are recounted. Any father, save a brute, is a hero in the
eyes of his four-year-old son. I am sure Mr. Gordon has many admirable
traits you can use as interesting topics.
Tell little Charlie how proud you are to have a son who will be like his
father, and attend to the needs of and look after the interests of his
mother and sisters.
Make him think that to be of service to you or his sisters is one of the
first steps toward manhood, as indeed it is.
When he performs any small kindness, praise his manliness.
Teach him to open doors, and to make way for women and elders, as a part
of manly courtesy.
Speak with gentle disapproval of the unfortunately common type of
American boy who pushes women and older people aside to scramble into
public conveyances and secure a seat before them.
Say how proud you are that your son could not be guilty of such unmanly
conduct.
When you are walking with him, call his attention to any woman or child
or poor man in trouble, and if his services can be of use, urge him to
offer them.
I saw one day a small boy spring to the aid of an old coloured woman who
had dropped a lot of parcels in the street, and I thought it was a
certain evidence that his mother was a rare and sweet woman. For the
manners of little boys are almost invariably what their mothers make
them.
Awake early in his heart a sympathy for the deformed, the crippled, and
otherwise unfortunate beings.
There is no other country where such vulgar and heartless curiosity, and
even ridicule, is bestowed upon grotesque or unsightly types of
humanity, as in America.
A little dwarfed girl in New York City committed suicide a few years
ago because she was so weary of being laughed at and ridiculed by her
associates in the street and at school.
Think of that, in this Christian age, and in the metropolis of America!
An old street peddler was set upon by school-children and so annoyed and
misused that he became insane.
Another was injured by street children--the children of the public
schools--and died from the effects of their abuse.
This is the fault of mothers who have never deemed it their duty and
privilege to awaken the tender and protective qualities in the character
of their children.
Speak often to your boy of the pathos of dumb animals dependent upon
human thoughtfulness for food, drink, and decent usage.
Say what a privilege it seems to you to be able to befriend them, and to
be a voice for them in making others realize their duty to our dumb
brothers.
Obtain interesting books on natural history and read stories of animal
life to your boy. Instruct him in the habits of beast, bird, and insect,
and talk to him of the wonderful domestic instincts and affections in
many of our speechless associates. The exhilaration of the wild bird,
and the happiness of the deer and the hare in the woods and fields, call
to his mind day by day. It will be more gratifying to you when he is man
grown to feel he is the loving friend and protector, rather than the
skilled hunter of bird and beast.
The higher order of man does not seek slaughter for amusement. He
realizes that he has no right to take, save for self-protection, that
which he cannot give.
Make your son a higher order of man by developing those brain cells and
leaving the destructive and cruel portions of the brain to shrink from
lack of use.
Even in his play with his inanimate toys, you can be arousing the best
or the worst part of your boy's nature.
The child who whips and screams at his hobby-horse usually, when a man,
whips and bellows at his flesh and blood steed.
Tell him the play-horse is more easily managed by coaxing and petting,
and that loud voices make it nervous and frightened.
Suggest water and feed at suitable times, and express sorrow for the
horses with no kind boys to look out for them.
Start a humane society in the nursery and make your boy president and
your little girl honorary member, and act as treasurer and secretary
yourself.
Give him a medal when he offers food to a hungry street animal or speaks
to a driver cruel to his horse, or performs any other kind act. This
will be interesting play to your children, and it will be sowing seed in
fallow ground.
Your baby girl is already old enough to take pride in picking up the
toys she scatters, and putting her chair where it belongs. Make it a
part of your hour of sport with her to help her do these things. She
will not know she is being taught order.
I learned this lesson from a famous author whose baby son was anxious
to play about the library where his father was at work.
The first act of the toddler was to toss all the books in sight upon the
floor and to sit down and turn the leaves, hunting for pictures. This
performance interested him for half an hour, when he proceeded to seek
new fields of action.
"But now let us have great fun putting all the books back just where we
found them," cried the tactful father, with a wink and a laugh, which
made the child believe he was to enjoy the sport of his life. And it
_was_ made sport by the foolish pranks of the father who knew how little
it took to interest a child.
The next day, and the next, the same fall and rise in the book market
took place, but on the fourth day the father was too deeply engrossed in
work to assist in the replacing of the books: when, lo! the small lad,
after a wistful waiting and unanswered call, proceeded to put the books
all back alone.
_The first important brick in the foundation wall of order was laid_.
So you can teach your little girl all the womanly habits of method, and
order, and neatness, and system, if you have the patience to act the
part of playmate with her a few moments daily.
As she grows in understanding and years, keep yourself at her side, her
nearest friend. Let her feel that she can express her every thought to
you, and that every question which presents itself to her developing
mind, you will seek to answer to the best of your ability.
Be her confidant, her adviser, her friend, and let her find pride and
happiness in doing things for you.
Never act as maid or domestic to your daughter.
Be the queen and make her your first lady-in-waiting, and show her the
courtesy and appreciation her position demands from royalty. She will be
a better daughter, and a better wife and mother, later in life, if you
do not make the mistake of the average American mother of waiting upon
her from the cradle to the altar. Let her grow up with the quiet
understanding that you are to be first considered, in matters social and
financial. Your wardrobe must be as well looked after as her own, and if
there is to be economy for one, let her practise it.
The daughter who has a whole household sacrificing and toiling for her
pleasures is spoiled for a wife and woman. The most admirable young
women I have known--and I have known many--are those who were taught to
take it as a matter of course that the mother was first to be
considered, and lovingly served.
Do not be afraid of making your daughter vain by telling her the
attractive features she may possess.
Some one else will if you do not, and it is well for her to hear it from
lips which may more successfully offer counsel afterward. A certain
confidence in her own charms gives a sensibly reared young woman a poise
and self-possession which is to be desired. A touch of feminine vanity
renders a woman more anxious to please, and more alert to keep always at
her best.
But beware of having her acquire egotism. Silly conceit is the
death-blow to higher attainments and to all charm.
Teach your daughter early the accomplishment of listening well. She will
be certain to please if she understands its value.
A woman who looks the converser in the eyes, and does not allow her
glance to wander and become distrait, and who does not interrupt before
the recital is finished, can be sure of popularity with both men and
women.
Give both your son and daughter confidence in themselves and belief in
their power to achieve. There is tremendous power in the early
inoculation by the home influence of self-confidence, when it is
tempered by modesty and consideration for others.
Remember whatever in your own bringing up seems to-day unfortunate, and
avoid it in the training of your children.
Remember whatever was good and helpful, and emulate it.