VINCIUS to LYGIA:
“The slave Phlegon, by whom I send this letter, is a Christian; hence he
will be one of those to receive freedom from thy hands, my dearest.
He is an old servant of our house; so I can write to thee with full
confidence, and without fear that the letter will fall into other hands
than thine. I write from Laurentum, where we have halted because of
heat. Otho owned here a lordly villa, which on a time he presented
to Poppæa; and she, though divorced from him, saw fit to retain the
magnificent present. When I think of the women who surround me now and
of thee, it seems to me that from the stones hurled by Deucalion there
must have risen people of various kinds, altogether unlike one another,
and that thou art of those born of crystal.
“I admire and love thee from my whole soul, and wish to speak only of
thee; hence I am forced to constrain myself to write of our journey, of
that which happens to me, and of news of the court. Well, Cæsar was the
guest of Poppæa, who prepared for him secretly a magnificent reception.
She invited only a few of his favorites, but Petronius and I were among
them. After dinner we sailed in golden boats over the sea, which was as
calm as if it had been sleeping, and as blue as thy eyes, O divine one.
We ourselves rowed, for evidently it flattered the Augusta that men of
consular dignity, or their sons, were rowing for her. Cæsar, sitting at
the rudder in a purple toga, sang a hymn in honor of the sea; this hymn
he had composed the night before, and with Diodorus had arranged music
to it. In other boats he was accompanied by slaves from India who knew
how to play on sea-shells while round about appeared numerous dolphins,
as if really enticed from Amphitrite’s depths by music. Dost thou know
what I was doing? I was thinking of thee, and yearning. I wanted to
gather in that sea, that calm, and that music, and give the whole to
thee.
“Dost thou wish that we should live in some place at the seashore far
from Rome, my Augusta? I have land in Sicily, on which there is an
almond forest which has rose-colored blossoms in spring, and this forest
goes down so near the sea that the tips of the branches almost touch the
water. There I will love thee and magnify Paul’s teaching, for I
know now that it will not be opposed to love and happiness. Dost
thou wish?--But before I hear thy answer I will write further of what
happened on the boat.
“Soon the shore was far behind. We saw a sail before us in the
distance, and all at once a dispute rose as to whether it was a common
fishing-boat or a great ship from Ostia. I was the first to discover
what it was, and then the Augusta said that for my eyes evidently
nothing was hidden, and, dropping the veil over her face on a sudden,
she inquired if I could recognize her thus. Petronius answered
immediately that it was not possible to see even the sun behind a cloud;
but she said, as if in jest, that love alone could blind such a piercing
glance as mine, and, naming various women of the court, she fell to
inquiring and guessing which one I loved. I answered calmly, but at last
she mentioned thy name. Speaking of thee, she uncovered her face again,
and looked at me with evil and inquiring eyes.
“I feel real gratitude to Petronius, who turned the boat at that moment,
through which general attention was taken from me; for had I heard
hostile or sneering words touching thee, I should not have been able to
hide my anger, and should have had to struggle with the wish to break
the head of that wicked, malicious woman with my oar. Thou rememberest
the incident at the pond of Agrippa about which I told thee at the house
of Linus on the eve of my departure. Petronius is alarmed on my account,
and to-day again he implored me not to offend the Augusta’s vanity. But
Petronius does not understand me, and does not realize that, apart from
thee, I know no pleasure or beauty or love, and that for Poppæa I
feel only disgust and contempt. Thou hast changed my soul greatly,--so
greatly that I should not wish now to return to my former life. But have
no fear that harm may reach me here. Poppæa does not love me, for she
cannot love any one, and her desires arise only from anger at Cæsar, who
is under her influence yet, and who is even capable of loving her
yet; still, he does not spare her, and does not hide from her his
transgressions and shamelessness.
“I will tell thee, besides, something which should pacify thee. Peter
told me in parting not to fear Cæsar, since a hair would not fall from
my head; and I believe him. Some voice in my soul says that every word
of his must be accomplished; that since he blessed our love, neither
Cæsar, nor all the powers of Hades, nor predestination itself, could
take thee from me, O Lygia. When I think of this I am as happy as if I
were in heaven, which alone is calm and happy. But what I say of heaven
and predestination may offend thee, a Christian. Christ has not washed
me yet, but my heart is like an empty chalice, which Paul of Tarsus is
to fill with the sweet doctrine professed by thee,--the sweeter for me
that it is thine. Thou, divine one, count even this as a merit to me
that I have emptied it of the liquid with which I had filled it before,
and that I do not withdraw it, but hold it forth as a thirsty man
standing at a pure spring. Let me find favor in thy eyes.
“In Antium my days and nights will pass in listening to Paul, who
acquired such influence among my people on the first day that they
surround him continually, seeing in him not only a wonder-worker, but
a being almost supernatural. Yesterday I saw gladness on his face, and
when I asked what he was doing, he answered, ‘I am sowing!’ Petronius
knows that he is among my people, and wishes to see him, as does Seneca
also, who heard of him from Gallo.
“But the stars are growing pale, O Lygia, and ‘Lucifer’ of the morning
is bright with growing force. Soon the dawn will make the sea ruddy; all
is sleeping round about, but I am thinking of thee and loving thee. Be
greeted together with the morning dawn, sponsa mea!”