Whereas Philander signified to Clarinda by letter bearing date Thursday
12 o'clock, that he had lost his heart by a shot from her eyes, and
desired she would condescend to meet him the same day at eight in the
evening at Rosamond's Pond,[260] faithfully protesting, that in case she
would not do him that honour, she might see the body of the said
Philander the next day floating on the said lake of Love, and that he
desired only three sighs upon view of his said body: it is desired, if
he has not made away with himself accordingly, that he would forthwith
show himself to the coroner of the city of Westminster; or Clarinda,
being an old offender, will be found guilty of wilful murder.
[Footnote 259: Now Whitehall Gardens, between Parliament Street and the
Thames. There Pepys had the pleasure of seeing Lady Castlemaine in 1662:
"In the Privy Garden saw the finest smocks and linen petticoats of my
Lady Castlemaine's, laced with rich lace at the bottom; and did me good
to look at them."]
[Footnote 260: See No. 60.]
No. 171. [STEELE.
From _Thursday, May 11_, to _Saturday, May 13, 1710_.
Alter rixatur de lana saepe caprina,
Propugnat nugis armatus.--
HOR., I Ep. xviii. 15.
* * * * *
_Grecian Coffee-house, May 12._
It has happened to be for some days the deliberation at the learnedest
board in this house, whence honour and title had its first original.
Timoleon, who is very particular in his opinions, but is thought
particular for no other cause but that he acts against depraved custom,
by the rules of nature and reason, in a very handsome discourse gave the
company to understand, that in those ages which first degenerated from
simplicity of life, and natural justice, the wise among them thought it
necessary to inspire men with the love of virtue, by giving them who
adhered to the interests of innocence and truth, some distinguishing
name to raise them above the common level of mankind. This way of fixing
appellations of credit upon eminent merit, was what gave being to titles
and terms of honour. "Such a name," continued he, "without the qualities
which should give a man pretence to be exalted above others, does but
turn him to jest and ridicule. Should one see another cudgelled, or
scurvily treated, do you think a man so used would take it kindly to be
called Hector, or Alexander? Everything must bear a proportion with the
outward value that is set upon it; or instead of being long had in
veneration, that very term of esteem will become a word of reproach."
When Timoleon had done speaking, Urbanus pursued the same purpose, by
giving an account of the manner in which the Indian kings,[261] who were
lately in Great Britain, did honour to the person where they lodged.
"They were placed," said he, "in a handsome apartment, at an
upholsterer's in King Street, Covent Garden. The man of the house, it
seems, had been very observant of them, and ready in their service.
These just and generous princes, who act according to the dictates of
natural justice, thought it proper to confer some dignity upon their
landlord before they left his house. One of them had been sick during
his residence there, and having never before been in a bed, had a very
great veneration for him who made that engine of repose, so useful and
so necessary in his distress. It was consulted among the four princes,
by what name to dignify his great merit and services. The Emperor of the
Mohocks, and the other three kings, stood up, and in that posture
recounted the civilities they had received, and particularly repeated
the care which was taken of their sick brother. This, in their
imagination, who are used to know the injuries of weather, and the
vicissitudes of cold and heat, gave them very great impressions of a
skilful upholsterer, whose furniture was so well contrived for their
protection on such occasions. It is with these less instructed (I will
not say less knowing) people, the manner of doing honour, to impose some
name significant of the qualities of the person they distinguish, and
the good offices received from him. It was therefore resolved, to call
their landlord Cadaroque, which is the name of the strongest fort in
their part of the world. When they had agreed upon the name, they sent
for their landlord, and as he entered into their presence, the Emperor
of the Mohocks taking him by the hand, called him Cadaroque. After which
the other three princes repeated the same word and ceremony."
Timoleon appeared much satisfied with this account, and having a
philosophic turn, began to argue against the modes and manners of those
nations which we esteem polite, and express himself with disdain at our
usual method of calling such as are strangers to our innovations,
barbarous. "I have," says he, "so great a deference for the distinction
given by these princes, that Cadaroque shall be my upholsterer----" He
was going on, but the intended discourse was interrupted by Minucio, who
sat near him, a small philosopher, who is also somewhat of a politician;
one of those who sets up for knowledge by doubting, and has no other way
of making himself considerable, but by contradicting all he hears said.
He has, besides much doubt and spirit of contradiction, a constant
suspicion as to State affairs. This accomplished gentleman, with a very
awful brow, and a countenance full of weight, told Timoleon, that it was
a great misfortune men of letters seldom looked into the bottom of
things. "Will any man," continued he, "persuade me, that this was not
from the beginning to the end a concerted affair? Who can convince the
world, that four kings shall come over here, and lie at the Two Crowns
and Cushion,[262] and one of them fall sick, and the place be called
King Street, and all this by mere accident? No, no: to a man of very
small penetration, it appears, that Tee Yee Neen Ho Ga Row, Emperor of
the Mohocks, was prepared for this adventure beforehand. I do not care
to contradict any gentleman in his discourse; but I must say, however,
Sa Ga Yeath Rua Geth Ton, and E Tow Oh Koam, might be surprised in this
matter; nevertheless, Ho Nee Yeth Taw No Row knew it before he set foot
on the English shore."
Timoleon looked steadfastly at him for some time, then shaked his head,
paid for his tea, and marched off. Several others who sat around him,
were in their turns attacked by this ready disputant. A gentleman who
was at some distance, happened in discourse to say it was four miles to
Hammersmith. "I must beg your pardon," says Minucio, "when we say a
place is so far off, we do not mean exactly from the very spot of earth
we are in, but from the town where we are; so that you must begin your
account from the end of Piccadilly; and if you do so, I'll lay any man
ten to one, it is not above three good miles off." Another, about
Minucio's level of understanding, began to take him up in this important
argument, and maintained, that considering the way from Pimlico at the
end of St. James's Park, and the crossing from Chelsea by Earl's Court,
he would stand to it, that it was full four miles. But Minucio replied
with great vehemence, and seemed so much to have the better of the
dispute, that this adversary quitted the field, as well as the other. I
sat till I saw the table almost all vanished, where, for want of
discourse, Minucio asked me, how I did? To which I answered, "Very
well." "That's very much," said he; "I assure you, you look paler than
ordinary." "Nay," thought I, "if he won't allow me to know whether I am
well or not, there is no staying for me neither." Upon which I took my
leave, pondering as I went home at this strange poverty of imagination,
which makes men run into the fault of giving contradiction. They want in
their minds entertainment for themselves or their company, and therefore
build all they speak upon what is started by others; and since they
cannot improve that foundation, they strive to destroy it. The only way
of dealing with these people is to answer in monosyllables, or by way of
question. When one of them tells you a thing that he thinks
extraordinary, I go no further than, "Say you so, sir? Indeed! Heyday!"
or "Is it come to that!" These little rules, which appear but silly in
the repetition, have brought me with great tranquillity to this age. And
I have made it an observation, that as assent is more agreeable than
flattery, so contradiction is more odious than culumny.