perfect; but as real doings it doesn't pan out square. But then, it is
meant for a story, and it couldn't be better or more unlike other
stories told here. Nobody could have thought that out that hadn't a deep
mind."
The young lady looked critically at John, but she saw he really meant
what he said, and she was satisfied.
THIS STORY IS TOLD BY
THE OLD PROFESSOR
AND IS CALLED
MY TRANSLATOPHONE
IX
MY TRANSLATOPHONE
The Professor was very old, but he was well preserved--always spoken of
as "hale and hearty." He still held his position in his college, and
still took a good part in teaching mathematics, but he had an assistant
who did the heavy work. He had been principal of the school where the
Mistress of the House received her education, and she was much attached
to him, and he always spent some part of his summer vacation at her
house. The Master of the House, of course, was not there every summer,
and so this season the Old Professor had a special treat, for there were
many things he liked to talk about in which he knew the two ladies could
take no interest.
It rained for two days after his arrival at the house, but the third
morning was bright and clear, and the Master of the House conducted his
visitor to the favorite resort of the family--a spot the Old Professor
knew well and loved. They conversed for a while on some deep subjects,
and then they were joined by the two ladies and the Next Neighbor, and
the serious discourse changed into light talk; and John Gayther coming
up to pay his respects to the Old Professor, the Next Neighbor was
seized with an inspiration.
"John," she said, "you must tell us a story. Sit right down and begin
'Once upon a time--' know I haven't heard a story for a long time."
"Madam," said John, respectfully, "I always do what the ladies tell me
to do; and I am more sorry than I can say, but I have to know beforehand
when I am to tell a story, and indeed I haven't one ready."
"Oh, you are clever and can make up as you go along, as the children
say."
"John never tells an impromptu story," said the Mistress of the House.
"But, my dear Professor," and she turned to the old gentleman, "we are
all friends here, and I should so like you to tell us how you got your
wife. You once told it to me, and I should like to know what this
company will think of the way you won her."
The Old Professor smiled. "I know what you think about it, and I know
what I think about it; and, as you say, we are all old friends, and I am
rather curious to know what this company will think about it. I will
tell my little story." When they were all ready, he began in a clear
voice:
"If my Mary were living this story would never have been told; but she
has been a blessed spirit now these many years, and has doubtless long
known it, and has judged my conduct righteously. Such is my belief."
Here he made a reverent pause, and then began again:
"In my early youth I left, for some two or three years, the beaten
track--so to speak--of mathematics; or, more properly, mechanics. For I
interested myself in inventing, with more or less success, certain
scientific machines.
"One of the most successful of these various contrivances, and the one,
indeed, in which I was most deeply interested, was a small machine very
much resembling in appearance the tube, with a mouth-piece at one end
and an ear-piece at the other, frequently used by deaf persons, but very
different in its construction and action. In the ordinary instrument the
words spoken into the mouth-piece are carried through the tube to the
ear, and are then heard exactly as they are spoken. When I used my
instrument the person spoke into the mouth-piece exactly as if it were
an ordinary tube, but the result was very different, for the great
feature of my invention was that, no matter what language was spoken by
the person at the mouth-piece, be it Greek, Choctaw, or Chinese, the
words came to the ear in perfect English.
"This translation was accomplished by means of certain delicate
machinery contained in the end of the mouth-piece, which was longer and
larger than that of the ordinary ear-tube, but the outward appearance of
which did not indicate that it held anything extraordinary. It would
take too long to explain this mechanism to you, and you would not be
interested; nor is it necessary to my story.
"When, after countless experiments and disappointments, and days and
nights of hard study and hard work, I finished my little machine, which
I called a translatophone, I was naturally anxious to see how it would
work with some other person than myself at the mouth-piece. In the
course of its construction I had frequently tried the machine by putting
the ear-piece into my ear and speaking into the mouth-piece such scraps
of foreign languages as I was able to command. These experiments were
generally satisfactory, but I could not be satisfied that the machine
was a success until some one else should speak into it in some foreign
tongue of which I knew positively nothing, so that it would be
impossible for me to translate it unconsciously.
"This was not an easy thing, and I had determined I would not explain my
invention to the public until I had assured myself that it worked
perfectly, and until I had had my property in the invention secured to
me by patent right. To go to a foreigner and ask him to speak into my
instrument, using a language he could readily assure himself I did not
speak or understand, would be the same thing as an avowal of what the
translatophone was intended to do. I thought of several plans, but none
suited me. I did not want to pretend to be deaf, and, even if I did so,
I could not explain why I wished to be spoken to in a language I did not
use myself.
"In the midst of my cogitations and uncertainties, I received a note
from Mary Armat which, for a time, drove from my mind all thought of
translatophone and everything concerning it.
"Miss Mary Armat and I had been friends since the days in which we went
to school together. I had always liked her above the other girls of my
acquaintance, and about three years previous to the time of this story I
had almost made up my mind that I was in love with her, and that I would
tell her so. This, however, I had not done. At that time I had become
intensely interested in some of my inventions, and, although my feelings
toward Mary Armat had not in the least changed, I did not visit her as
often as had been my custom, and when I did see her I am afraid I told
her more about mechanical combinations than she cared to hear. But so
engrossed was I that I stupidly failed to notice this, and I did not
perceive that I had been neglecting the most favorable opportunities of
declaring the state of my affections until she informed me, not in a
private interview, but in the midst of her family circle, that she had
made up her mind to become a missionary and go to India to work among
the heathen. I was greatly shocked, but I could say nothing then, and
afterwards had no opportunity to say anything.
"I did not write to Mary, because she was a most independent and
high-spirited girl, and I knew it must be spoken words and not written
ones which would satisfy her that I had had good reasons for postponing
a declaration of love to her until she had left the country.
"So she went to Burma. I frequently heard of her, but we did not
correspond. She had gone into her new work with great zeal. She had
learned the Burmese tongue, and had even translated a little English
book into that language. For some time she had seemed well satisfied;
but I heard through her family that she was getting tired of her Eastern
life. The rainy seasons were disagreeable to her, the dry seasons did
not agree with her; her school duties were becoming very monotonous; and
she had found out that in her heart she did not care for the heathen,
especially for heathen children. Therefore she had resigned her position
and was on her way home. The note I received from her informed me that
she had arrived in New York the day before, and that she would be very
glad if I would come to see her."
"_She_ did a sensible thing, anyway," commented the Master of the House.
The Daughter of the House opened her mouth to say: "I do not like her.
She had no enthusiasm, or real goodness, to give up her work so soon and
for such reasons." But she suddenly reflected that Mary had been the
speaker's wife, and she shut her mouth with a little vicious snap.
"I went to the Armat house that evening, and I found there a very lively
girl awaiting me. Her parents and her two sisters had gone out, and we
had the parlor to ourselves. Life in Burma may not have suited Mary
Armat, but it certainly had improved her, for she was much more charming
than when I had last seen her. Moreover, she was so very friendly, and
without doubt so glad to see me, she was so bright and full of high
spirits, that it might have been supposed she had arranged matters so
that we could have the evening to ourselves, and was eminently pleased
with her success.
"I admired her more and more every time I looked at her, and I
determined that, as soon as the proper time should come, I would make
earnest love to her, and tell her what, perhaps, I should have told her
long ago. But just now I had other matters on my mind.
"Above all things I wanted Mary to talk into my translatophone, and to
speak in Burmese. I knew nothing whatever of that language, and if she
should speak it, and the words should come to my ears in pure English,
then no further experiment would be necessary, no doubts could possibly
exist. But until I had made this test I did not want her to know what
the instrument was intended to do; it was barely possible she might play
a trick on me and speak in English. But if the thing succeeded I would
tell her everything. We two should be the sole owners of the secret of
my great invention--an invention which would not only benefit the
English-speaking world, but which might be adapted to the language of
any nation, and which would make us rich beyond all ordinary
probabilities.
"As soon as I had the opportunity I began to speak of the work I had
been engaged upon during Mary's absence; and when I approached the
subject I thought I saw on her face an expression which seemed to say,
'Oh, dear! are you going to begin on that tiresome business again?' But
I was not to be turned from my purpose. Such an opportunity as this was
too valuable, too important, to be slighted or set aside for anything
else. In a few minutes I might discover whether this invention of mine
was a success or a failure. I took my translatophone from my pocket, and
laid it on the table beside us.
"'What's that?' she exclaimed. 'You don't mean to tell me you have
become hard of hearing?'
"'Oh, no,' said I; 'my hearing is just as good as it ever was.'
"'But that is a thing deaf people use,' she said.
"'Well, yes,' I answered; 'it could be used by deaf people, I suppose,
although I have never tried it in that way. It is my latest and, I
think, my most important invention. It would take too long to explain
its mechanism just now--'
"'Indeed it would,' she interrupted quickly.
"'But what I want to do,' I continued, 'is to make a little trial of it
with you.'
"'If you mean you want me to speak into that thing,' she said, 'I do not
want to do it. I should hate to think you are deaf and needed anything
of the sort. Please put it away; I do not even like the looks of it.'
"But I persisted; I told her that I greatly desired that she should
speak a few sentences in Burmese into my instrument. I had a certain
reason for this which I would explain afterwards.
"'But you do not understand Burmese,' she said in surprise.
"'Not a word of it,' I answered. 'I do not know how it sounds when it is
spoken, nor how it looks when it is written. But there are certain tones
and chords, and all that sort of thing, in the foreign languages which
are very interesting, no matter whether you understand the language or
not.'
"'Oh, it is a sort of musical thing, then,' she said.
"'I will not say it is exactly that,' I replied. 'But if you will simply
speak to me in Burmese for a minute or two, that is all I ask of you,
and afterwards we can talk about its construction and object.'
"'Oh, I do not want to talk any more about it,' said she; 'but if it
will satisfy you, I will say a few words to you in Burmese. Do you speak
into this hole?' she said as she took up the instrument.
"I arranged the ear-piece very carefully, and covered my other ear with
my hand. Immediately she began to speak to me, and every word came to me
in clear and beautiful English! But I knew, as well as I knew that I
lived, that the words she spoke were Burmese, or belonged to some other
language which she knew I did not understand. The proof of this was in
the words themselves.
"'I think you are perfectly horrid,' she said, 'and I am glad to have
an opportunity to tell you so, even though you do not understand me. I
cannot imagine how anybody can be so stupid as to want to talk about
horrible ear-trumpets the first time he meets a girl whom he has not
seen for years, and who used to like him so much, and who likes him
still in spite of his cruel stupidity. I wonder why you thought I wanted
to see you the minute I got home? I am awfully disappointed in you, for
I did think you would talk to me in a very different way the first time
you saw me. And now I am going to tell you something--and I would rather
cut my tongue out than say it in English, but it gives me a wicked
delight to say it in Burmese: I love you, John Howard. I have loved you
for a long time; and that is the reason I went to Burma; and now that I
have come back I am obliged to say that I love you still. If you could
invent some sort of a tube that would make you see better with your eyes
and understand better with your mind, it would be a great deal more
suitable than this horrid, snake-like thing for your ear. I do not
suppose you will ever hear me speak this way in English, but I tell you
again, John Howard, that I love you, and it makes me sick to think what
a goose you are.'
"'Now, then,' she said, putting down the tube, 'was there anything
peculiar in the tones and chords of that bit of foreign language?'
"Fortunately the only light in the room was behind me, and therefore
I had reason to hope that she did not observe the expression of my
countenance. Moreover, as soon as she had finished speaking she had
turned her face away from me, and was now leaning back in her chair,
her mouth tightly shut and her wide-open eyes directed on the opposite
wall. She looked like a woman who had taken a peculiar revenge, and
who, in the taking of it, had aroused her soul in its utmost recesses.
"For some moments I did not answer her question. In fact, I could not
speak at all. My thoughts were in a mad whirl. Not only had I discovered
that my invention, the hope of my life, was an absolute success, but I
was most powerfully impressed by the conviction that now I could never
tell Mary what my invention was intended to do, for then she would know
what it had done.
"'Yes,' I answered, speaking slowly; 'there was a sort of accord, a kind
of--'
"I was interrupted in what would have been a very labored sentence by
the ringing of the door-bell. Mary instantly rose. It was plain she was
laboring under suppressed excitement, for there was no other reason why
she should have jumped up in that way. She looked as if she were anxious
to see some one, no matter who it was. I, too, felt relieved by the
interruption. In my state of wildly conflicting emotions any third
person would be a relief.
"The door opened, and Miss Sarah Castle walked in. 'Oh, Mary,' she
exclaimed, 'I am so glad to find you at home! As it isn't late and the
moon is so bright, I thought I would run over to see you for a few
minutes. Oh, Mr. Howard!'
"Sarah Castle was a young woman for whom I had no fancy. Active in mind
and body, and apparently constructed of thoroughly well-seasoned
material, she was quick to notice, eager to know, and ready at all times
to display an interest in the affairs of her friends, with which, in
most cases, said friends would willingly have dispensed. As she took a
seat she exclaimed:
"'You don't mean to say, Mary, that you went deaf in Burma?'
"Unfortunately I had forgotten to put my translatophone into my pocket,
and it was lying in full view on the table. Mary gave a scornful glance
toward the innocent tube.
"'Oh, that?' she said. 'That is not mine. It belongs to Mr. Howard.'
"The words 'Mr. Howard' grated upon my nerves. Up to this moment, except
through the translatophone, she had not addressed me by my name in any
form; and every tentative lover knows that when his lady addresses him
as though he had no name it means that she does not wish to use his
formal title and that the time has not arrived for her to call him by
his Christian name.
"'You deaf?' cried Sarah, turning to me. 'I have never heard anything of
that. When did it come on? It must have been very recent.'
"'Oh, he isn't deaf,' said Mary, impatiently. 'It is only one of his
inventions. But tell me something of your brothers. I have not heard a
word about them yet.'
"But the knowledge-loving Sarah was not to be bluffed off in this way.
"'Oh, they are all right,' said she. 'They are both in college now. But
Mr. Howard deaf! I am truly amazed. Do you have to talk to him through
this, Mary?'
"Mary Armat was not an ill-natured girl, but, as I said before, she was
a high-spirited one, and was at the time in a state of justifiable
irritation.
"'Oh, bother that thing!' she answered. 'I told you it is only one of
his inventions, and I wish he would put it in his pocket.'
"'Not just yet,' said Sarah. 'I am really anxious to know about it. Why
do you use it, Mr. Howard, if you are not deaf?'
"My face must have displayed my extreme embarrassment at this
unanswerable question, for Mary came to my relief.
"'Oh, it is a kind of musical instrument,' she said. 'But don't let us
talk any more about it. This is the second time I have seen you, but we
have not really had a good chance to say anything to each other.'
"I took advantage of this very strong hint, and rose.
"'Musical!' exclaimed the irrepressible Sarah. 'Oh, Mr. Howard, please
play on it just the least little bit!'
"Mary allowed herself an expression of extreme disgust. 'Please not
while I am present,' she said; 'I could not abide it.'
"I now advanced to take my leave.
"'Do not go just now,' said Sarah; 'I merely ran over for a minute to
ask Mary about the Wilmer reception; but as you are going, Mr. Howard,
you might as well see me home. It is later now.'
"I retired to a book-table at the other end of the parlor, and it was a
good deal later when the two young ladies had finished talking about
the Wilmer reception.
"'I do not understand it at all,' said Miss Castle, when we were on the
sidewalk. 'You are not deaf, Mr. Howard, and yet you use an ear-trumpet.
What does it mean?'
"Of course I did not know what to say, but I had to say something, and,
moreover, that something must not be wholly inconsistent with my
explanation to Mary.
"'Oh, it is a thing,' I answered, 'that is intended to be used in
connection with foreign languages.' Then I made a bold stroke: 'It shows
the difference in their resonant rhythms.'
"'Well, I am sure I do not understand that,' said Miss Castle. 'But what
is the good of it? Does it make them any pleasanter to listen to?'
"I admitted that it did.
"'Whether you understand them or not?' she asked.
"If this young woman had at this moment fallen down a coal-hole I cannot
truthfully say that I should have regretted it.
"'I cannot explain that, Miss Castle,' I said, 'for it would take a long
time, and here we are at your door.'
"'Come in and let me try it,' said Sarah.
"'Thank you very much,' I replied, 'but I really cannot. I have an
engagement at my club. In fact, I was just going to take leave of Miss
Armat when you came in.'
"She looked at me scrutinizingly. 'You used to call her Mary Armat
when you spoke of her,' said she, 'but I suppose her having been a
missionary makes a difference in that way. I do not believe much in club
engagements, but of course we have to recognize them. And if you cannot
come in now I wish you would call on me soon. If your invention has
anything to do with foreign languages I truly want to try it. I am
studying German now, and if it will put any resonant rhythm into that
language it will be very interesting.'
"I made a hasty and indefinite promise, and gladly saw the front door
shut behind Miss Sarah Castle.
"That night I did not sleep; in fact, I did not go to bed. The words
Mary Armat had spoken to me in Burmese should have completely engrossed
my every thought, but they did not. For one moment my mind was filled
with rapture by the knowledge that I was loved by this lovely girl; and
in the next I was overwhelmed by anxiety as to what should be done to
make it impossible for her to know that I knew she had spoken those
words. But whether my thoughts made me happy or distressed me, there
seemed to be but one way out of my troubles; I must be content with
Mary's love, that is, if I should be so fortunate as to secure it. There
might be doubts about this; women are fickle creatures, and Mary had
been very much provoked with me when I parted from her."
"I see what is coming," here interrupted the Next Neighbor, "and I don't
approve of it at all!"
"It would be hard," continued the Old Professor, after pausing for
further remarks, "to turn my back upon the golden future which my
invention would give to Mary and me; but I must win her, golden future
or not. I sat before my study fire, and planned out my future actions.
As soon as I could see Mary alone I would tell her my love, and I would
explain to her why I had not spoken when I first saw her. But in order
to do this I should have to be very careful. I would say nothing but the
truth, but I would be very guarded in telling that truth. She must not
imagine that anything she had said had made me speak. She must not
imagine that I thought she expected me to speak.
"I would begin by asking her pardon for worrying her with my invention
when I knew she disliked problematic mechanics. Then I would tell her,
in as few words as possible, that I had expected this little instrument
to give me fame and fortune, and therefore I wanted her to know all
about it; and then, before she could ask me why I wanted her to know
this, I would tell her it was because I wished to lay that fame and
fortune at her feet. After that, in the best way my ardent feelings
should dictate, I would offer myself to her without fortune, without
fame, just the plain John Howard who loved her with all his heart. If
she accepted me, I would tell her that the invention had not worked as I
had intended it should, and therefore I should put it behind me
forever."
"Oh, dear!" cried the Next Neighbor. "I knew it was coming!"
"Maybe it didn't," said the Master of the House.
"Having come to a decision," the Old Professor went on, with more
animation, "upon this most important matter, my mind grew easier and I
became happier. What was anything a black tube could do for me--what,
indeed, was anything in the world--compared to the love of that dear
girl? And so I sat and gazed into the fire, and dreamed waking dreams
of blessedness.
"After a time, however, it came to me that I must make up my mind what I
was going to do about the translatophone. I might as well take it apart
and throw it into the fire at once, and then there would be an end to
that danger to the future of which I had been dreaming. Yes; there would
be an end to that. But there would also be an end to the great boon I
was about to bestow upon the world, a boon the value of which I had not
half understood. It truly was a wonderful thing--a most wonderful thing.
An American or an Englishman, or any one speaking English, could take
with him a translatophone and travel around the world, understanding the
language of every nation, of every people--the polished tongues of
civilization, the speech of the scholars of the Orient, and even the
jabber of the wild savages of Africa. To be sure, he could not expect to
answer those who spoke to him, but what of that? He would not wish to
speak; he would merely desire to hear. All he would have to do would be
to pretend that he was deaf and dumb, and my simple translatophone might
put him into communication with the minds of every grade and variety of
humanity.