This is not to hurt the feelings of anyone, for some people are very
sensitive about cafeterias. They are cafeteria wise, they have a
cafeteria class consciousness. Such people are to be admired. They
have accurate minds which enable them to choose a well-balanced meal
at minimum cost. Lacking that sort of mind, I do not get on well in
cafeterias. As sure as I equip myself with a tray and silver in a napkin
and become one of the long procession, I lose all sense of proportion,
and come out at the end with two desserts, or a preponderance of
starches or with too much bread for my butter, and a surprising bill.
Those who are cafeteria wise can choose a good meal for 28 cents or 33
cents at the most. They don’t take food just because it looks delicious.
They “yield not to temptation.” They have a plan and stick to it. Wise
and strong-minded, they shuffle their way bravely to the end. It is said
that in time they acquire a cafeteria shuffle which one can detect even
on the street. But I don’t believe it’s so.
Other sections of the country have cafeterias and in some parts of the
South, especially in Louisville, they are run quite extensively. But
it is in the West, especially in California, that they have attained a
dignity and even lavishness that makes them the surprise and delight of
the tourist. Irvin Cobb says that this is the cafeteria belt of which
Los Angeles is the buckle.
We have music in our cafeterias. We have flowers on the tables. People
don’t just eat in them, they dine. They take their guests there. Our
cafeterias have galleries with rocking chairs and stationery. They have
distinctive architecture. We take visitors to see them. We brag
about them, and when we wish to be especially smart we pronounce them
caffa-tuh-ree-ah.
Personally, I am proud of our cafeterias, but I do not get on in them.
I enter hungry. I look sideways to see what other folks are eating. I
decide to have corned beef and cabbage and peach short cake and nothing
else. Then in the line I have the hurried feeling of people back of me,
and that I ought to make quick decisions. Everyone ought to eat salad,
so I take a salad. Then some roast beef looks good so I take that, and
the girl asks briskly with a big spoon poised, if I’ll take potatoes,
and I don’t wish potatoes, but she makes a great nest of them beside the
meat and fills the nest with gravy and I pass on. According to Hoover
or Maria Parloa or Roosevelt, I ought to have a vegetable, and so I take
two. Meanwhile I have taken bread, but the woman ahead takes hot scones
and so I do. I choose some thick-creamed cake, very fattening, but just
this once, and then, oh, I don’t know. The tray is heavy and no place to
put it, and in my journeying I peek at the bill and it’s over 75 cents,
and when I finally sit down opposite a stranger I find on my tray two
salads, and when I chose the other I don’t remember.
But cafeterias are very fine for those who have cafeteria sense.