he was tormented by various homosexual inclinations, especially directed
towards young boys 14–20 years of age, associated with all sorts of
masochistic feelings. In contact with woman (a prostitute with whom he
sought intercourse three times till then, the first two times
spontaneously, to see whether he is at all potent, the third time, on
medical advice as well as upon his father’s insistence) he found himself
entirely _impotent_. Questioned whether he ever felt any inclination
towards the opposite sex, he only recalls that when he was two or three
years of age he once opened the garden gate for a girl of about his own
age, with a flourish of extreme gallantry. Concerning any hereditary
factors he can only relate that a brother of his mother’s had some
mental trouble. The mother herself seemed to have something boy-like and
manly about her, on the other hand the father showed very little
sensuousness and rather pronounced inverted traits, while a sister, who
died early, had a _very boy-like facial expression_. She preferred
boyish games and at 4 or 5 years of age she chose a boy’s hobby horse
for her Christmas present. Some female cousins—on mother’s as well as on
father’s side—were clearly amphigenously inverted. The subject himself
had unusually broad hips and the growth of his facial hair was
noticeably scant. As a child he is supposed to have played only with
dolls, never with soldiers, he never took part in boys’ games and he
also learned embroidery.
“Plainly a clear case of inversion with masochistic traits. What was
revealed through the analysis of this particularly intelligent subject?
In the first place, a remarkable peculiarity: _his earliest inclinations
were directed towards women,—not some one in particular, but a number of
them. His first beloved was the mother_ and, of course, after a time he
turned away from her. After that he felt himself tremendously attracted
to an elderly mother of children, proposed marriage to her and that
woman later figured in many of his pubertal coitus dreams. Next he
displayed such an extreme gallantry towards a girl of his own age that
it became very noticeable and his mother spoke to him about it and he
felt very ashamed and uneasy.
“During his childhood a servant maid also had made a deep impression on
his feelings and she reappears in various male types. Among the
homosexual inclinations traceable to the first years I look upon his
attachment to a couple of uncles as the strongest and most significant,
next the love of a 9-year-old boy belonging to the nobility (baron). In
his fourth year the attachment to a boy who taught him masturbation, in
his sixth and seventh years the influence of a private teacher. During
his fourth year, on account of his mother’s condition, following
childbirth, he slept for a time with his father in one bed and this
suggested various homosexual wishes and fancies. When a little sister
came into the world _he promptly fell in love with her_. Even more
striking is the subject’s normal sexual calf-love affairs in his seventh
and eighth years with three or four schoolgirl mates of about his age.
It turned out that each one of these girls contributed some traits to
the types, both male and female, which later were alone capable of
rousing his emotional interest.
“_These facts, of which the subject was entirely unconscious and which
had to be brought to surface after months of diligent analysis, yield an
entirely new picture._ First of all they show us how little even the
most intelligent person knows himself, and, consequently, how careful we
must be in accepting even the most candid statements. Secondly,—that
even pure cases of inversion do not exclude the presence of normal
sexual inclinations, indeed, that the latter may actually be present,
though the subject be unaware of the fact. Thirdly,—and finally,—that
the inversion is traceable as far back as the fourth year although it
may reach consciousness only during puberty.”
Here already I must point out the first contradiction. It is not a fact
that the inversion is traceable back to the fourth year. I have analyzed
a number of cases in which the inversion arose after puberty and much
later. The beginnings of the homosexual disposition reach into childhood
with all persons. This turning away from the other sex may break forth
early in some cases and in others much later. _But it is a fact that
every analysis discloses the heterosexual trait which the homosexuals
forget, or speaking more correctly, repress, because it does not appear
to fit into their system._ Analytically this case of _Sadger’s_ seems to
me to be an instance of fixation upon the sister. The boys are
substitutes for the sister. We will give the histories of several such
cases. He who understands the neurotic’s art of metamorphosing his
ideals, he who has learned through their dreams to appreciate this trick
of substitution, will readily appreciate that a girl may be loved
through falling in love with a boy. It is related of _Platen_ that he
possessed a marvelous phantasy. For a long time a colleague was changed
for him into an owl whom he avoided on the way. In Neapel he kept for
days a cat on his lap pretending it was an enchanted princess. Genuine
fetichism shows to what unbelievable metamorphoses the sexual ideal is
subjected. With the homosexuals to find a boy who stands as symbol for
self or for a sister is a common experience. Like all neurotics they do
not possess the capacity to distinguish between the world of fancy and
that of reality. I have called neurosis _the tyranny of symbolisms_.
This is particularly true of the neurotic who becomes homosexual. All
values are transformed, the object becomes subject and vice versa. In
the midst of this transformation of all facts one thing remains fast and
true: the infantile ideal which is yearned for with the persistence
generated by the eternally ungratified craving.
In his next contribution _Sadger_ reports the results of the analysis of
an invert during a period of six months (_Zur Ætiologie der konträren
Sexualempfindung_, Med. Klinik, 1909, No. 2). The special preference of
his patient for passive pederasty he traces to the frequent use of
enemas during childhood. (In fact it seems to me that the many
unnecessary enemas administered during early childhood may contribute
towards the fixation of the anus as an erogenous zone.) He also traces
out in this case the repressed heterosexuality. “The vacillations of the
_libido_ between male and female are like the facial innervation which,
as is well known, is based on the equilibrium between the muscles
innervated simultaneously by the pair of _facialis_ nerves. Paralysis of
the _facialis_ nerve on one side causes not only weakness of the muscles
on the affected side but induces also contractures of the muscles on the
opposite side.” The patient referred to was attached exclusively to his
father, who, himself somewhat homosexually inclined, won the child’s
heart through his excessive tenderness, in contrast to the rather severe
mother. During his fourth year, on account of the mother’s pregnant
state, he slept with his father, an occurrence to which _Sadger_
attaches great significance. The objects of the boy’s homosexual
attachments bore some resemblance to the beloved sister. He weaned
himself away from his attachment to his mother during his fifteenth
year, when he saw his mother deformed with a tremendous ascites on
account of which she had to be tapped a number of times. Her appearance
at the time filled him with disgust for all women. As over-determination
of this feeling-attitude of aversion he recalls the following: after the
puerperium referred to above his mother had a profuse leucorrheal
discharge which the boy, already sensitive to all scents—he was four
years of age at the time—found very repulsive whenever he approached his
mother. The subject also recalls vividly how his mother repulsed his
aggressive ways with her, between his 3rd and 6th year. (“He always
wanted to grab her by the breasts and tried to go to her room and to the
bathroom as soon as she went in.”)
Much as physicians unacquainted with infantile sexuality may ignore such
aggressions they do take place and some mothers have verified them for
me. On the other hand it is hardly likely that a child four years of age
should be repelled from the mother on account of scent. At that early
age scent is rather a stimulant and is never accompanied by disgust.
I turn now to the last and most comprehensive deductions formulated by
_Sadger_ in his study entitled: _Ein Fall von multipler perversion mit
hysterischen Absenzen_ (‘A case of multiple perversions with hysterical
amnesias’).[9]
This work contains a chapter entitled _“New Contributions to the Theory
of Homosexuality.”_ Here _Sadger_ abandons entirely his former notion
about the significance of the fourth year and states: “_Permanent_
inclination towards one’s own sex usually comes to surface and is
certainly increased during puberty, or during the prepubescent period at
the earliest, in our latitude around the tenth or eleventh year.
Occasionally an earlier onset is recorded and every case of that kind is
due to some special factors.” Permanent homosexuality is established
through some significant incident which leads to the repression of the
mother in her rôle as helper and teacher. Such incidents are death,
sudden financial reverse, and consequent serious neurosis, making
sanatorium treatment necessary, inconsiderate persecution of the boy on
account of masturbation and similar traumata. The love feeling is turned
from the mother to the father, or to older comrades, or to comrades of
about the same age, who stand as substitutes for the mother and initiate
the boy into the facts of love....
The path to homosexuality leads over love of self, through narcissism.
“The state of being in love with one’s own person, which shows itself
also in the admiration of one’s own genitalia (_sic_), is never absent
as a developmental phase.” Every person has two aboriginal sexual
objectives to which he clings throughout life: the mother and self. The
father replaces self only for a short period because as the primary
rival in his relationship to the mother the child early assumes an
antagonistic attitude towards him. The _urning_ hates woman for an
obvious reason: “when the best of women, my own mother, amounts to no
more than that, what can there be to any other woman?”
Here follows a convincing proof that the _urning_ identifies himself
with his mother. The _urning_ always plans to instruct his beloved, for
the mother does it. (Does not the father, rather, do it?) The patient
has instructed a waiter in geology and history of art, subjects which
did not interest the latter. But the mother had done the same....
Most _urnings_ are said to be “only” children. (This statement like many
another of _Sadger’s_, is positively false. Among 500 homosexuals
_Hirschfeld_ found only 67 “only” children and among them only 54 were
sons. My own statistical figures are even smaller. But the percentage
among my neurotics is practically the same.)
_Sadger_ summarizes his findings in five fundamental statements:
“1. The _urning_ is a victim of withdrawal from the mother (the first
caretaker or nurse, respectively) in whom he is himself seriously
disappointed. He represses the mother by identifying himself completely
with her.
2. The path to homosexuality leads through narcissism, that is, love of
self, as one was, or as one may ideally be.
3. The sexual ideal of the invert includes not only traits of former
female and male sexual objectives but also features of one’s own beloved
self.
4. Being brought up in surroundings exclusively feminine—the father does
not count in such circumstances—fosters homosexuality in the male as
well as in the female, for reasons that are not sufficiently clear as
yet. Moreover the _urning_ is usually an only child.
5. Finally inversion may be fostered by a sort of ‘latter-day obedience’
to the mother’s commands. I have observed not rarely that mothers warn
their children against harmless, though warm and friendly contact with
the other sex, as something unpermissible and bad and that the teaching
thus instilled may unfortunately increase the disposition to one’s own
sex through later obedience.”
The first of these conclusions is a false one. The homosexual is not a
victim of withdrawal from the mother, but rather of a fixation on her.
But this subject will be discussed fully later.
One represses no person with whom one identifies one’s self.
_Identification is direct love, differentiation means repression._ Many
homosexuals identify themselves with the mother—of that there can be no
doubt. But that identification already implies the repression of the
father-ideal. _The problem of homosexuality cannot be solved
one-sidedly, and I have the records of a number of cases in which the
mother plays no rôle whatever._
The only psychologic hypothesis we possess—_Sadger’s_—fails to satisfy
on account of its onesidedness. It holds true of certain cases. But it
neglects entirely the great significance of sadism, it overlooks the
fact that the attachment to the father is more important and more deeply
repressed than the love for the mother, it overlooks entirely the
identification with the father and the differentiation from him and it
fails altogether to explain the occurrence of later homosexuality, which
is of particular interest to us (_tardive Homosexualität_). The
awakening of homosexuality is ascribed to a period which varies
according to the different investigators all the way from the fifth to
the twentieth year, and even later. I mention here the ages shown in the
first twenty of my cases taken at random. Homosexuality became manifest
at 12, 10, 12, 15, 16, 22, 13, 11, 14, 8, 14, 12, 17, 17, 17, 13, 21,
15, 17, 24 (Average, 15).
The ages as given are generally high,—only in one subject did the
homosexual attitude become manifest as early as the eighth year. But
that, certainly, is incorrect. For we know that the homosexual leaning
is present already during the earliest period and positively that
children’s feeling-attitude is bisexual during the first few years. The
figures are significant only as showing us that “genuine homosexuality”
is preceded by a lengthy period of latency.
II
RÔLE OF THE FATHER AND OF OTHER MEMBERS OF THE FAMILY—DISLIKE OF
CHILDREN—LETTER OF A HOMOSEXUAL WHO FEARS THE “PENETRATING EYE” OF
WOMEN—A MARRIAGE WITH THE FATHER—JEALOUSY OF THE FATHER—A
HOMOSEXUAL WHO HATES HIS MOTHER—A BELOVED BOY AS THE IMAGO OF THE
SISTER—PSYCHOLOGY OF LOVE WITHIN THE FAMILY CIRCLE—FEAR OF THE
CHILD—A GIRL WHO HATES ALL CHILDREN—DIFFERENTIATION FROM THE
MOTHER.
_Wenn wir nun alles dieses uns vergegenwärtigen und wohl erwägen so
sehen wir die Päderastie zu allen Zeiten und in allen Ländern auf eine
weise auftreten, die gar weit entfernt ist von der, welche wir zuerst,
als wir sie bloss an sich selbst betrachteten, also a priori,
vorausgesetzt hatten. Nämlich die gänzliche Allgemeinheit und
beharrliche Unausrottbarkeit der Sache beweist, dass sie irgendwie aus
der menschlichen Natur selbst herausgeht; da sie nur aus diesem Grunde
jederzeit and überall unausbleiblich auftreten kann als Beleg zu dem
naturam expelles furca, tamen usque recurrent._
—_Schopenhauer._
II
_Considering all that and taking everything carefully into account we
find that pederasty has been manifest at all times and in all countries
in a manner very unlike what we had at first presumed a priori, that is,
by considering abstractly the subject. Precisely its complete
universality and irradicable character everywhere shows that the thing
somehow flows out of human nature itself; only in that way could it
persist at all times and everywhere as an accompaniment to naturam
expelles furca, tamen usque recurrent._
—_Schopenhauer._
I begin this chapter with the history of a case, a subject with whom I
have never spoken. I know him only through correspondence. Nevertheless
the case seems to me of great significance as it substantiates many of
my previous conclusions. The need of psychologic insight as shown by our
necessarily brief histories of homosexuals becomes more fully obvious as
we become acquainted with a complete analysis of a homosexual.
62. Mr. G. L. writes me:
“I shall attempt to conform with your request and give you a cursive and
true insight into my sexual and mental life. Born and raised the
youngest of ten children, three of whom died early of children’s
diseases, I lived in the country till my 5th year, when I started going
to school and I remember nothing of that period except that I was
tremendously fond of _playing with fire_ and that I kept up till then,
more or less, the habit of bed-wetting, an act which was associated with
the pleasurable feeling that I was sitting on the chamber. I know also
that I envied my sisters a great deal. My unusually strict and religious
parents naturally subjected me to rigorous training and thus I learned
early to distinguish between mine and thine, good and evil, truth and
falsehood. Continually watched over by parents and instructors—a custom
contrary to the modern spirit—I was kept from many of the children’s
games.
“When I did play, it was mostly with boys and I do not recall having
preferred the company of girls. My free time was taken up a great deal
with agricultural pursuits and I was about 8 years of age when the first
sexual episode took place which left an impression on my mind, _having
witnessed that year how some boys of my own age played with the sexual
parts of a dog and, another time, how the same boys played with their
own sexual parts, taking one another’s member in the mouth,—but without
feeling on my part any desire to imitate them. With girls I came but
little into contact as a child, but I remember once having been present
when several boys, 11–12 years of age, abused a girl_ but I took no part
in the deed. At about that period I put on women’s clothes a few times
though today a man in women’s clothes rather disgusts me. Two incidents
concerning me personally are still vivid in my memory, namely, playing
once with my privates, in the presence of other boys, and another time,
warmly embracing the naked body of another boy while playing a ‘mother
and father’ game. Thirteen years thus passed with nothing eventful
taking place, except a fall from a tree as the result of which I hurt
myself rather seriously. It was at that period that my teacher, who
considered me not only a bright boy but a model student as well,
prevailed upon my struggling parents to permit me to continue my
schooling. I was able to secure, in fact, a free scholarship at an
Institute. Shortly after that a schoolmate grew attached to me and he
_taught me to masturbate_. Although I had already erections, there was
no seminal loss, probably on account of deficient development. He and
another schoolmate prevailed on me to masturbate then—but nothing more.
About that time other comrades were in the habit of speaking of some
girl or other, admiring her beauty. _This talk about a ‘pretty girl’
struck me as strange_, so far as I remember. It was during my second
high school year (_gymnasial-klasse_),—I may have been just over my 14th
year, at the time,—when a teacher appeared in class with the trousers
absent-mindedly unbuttoned and when I noticed it my eyes became glued on
his trouser fly as though in a trance, and thus I awoke, for the first
time, to the sad realization of my sexual bend. From that time on I
noticed that I was extraordinarily attracted to this teacher although he
did not like me in school. It was then that my first struggles, the
first wishes in my awakened boyish soul, began to shape themselves.
There were two boys in particular who, among others, charmed me with
their attractiveness. I masturbated a great deal during that period,
without indulging in any particular phantasies,—occasionally in the
company of other boys. But I had the feeling of being sexually attracted
to boys and in my dreams appeared the wish to be their friend. But the
stimuli were not of a character which I found impossible to curb. Next I
felt myself irresistibly attracted to an elderly man. Neither in the
waking state nor in my dreams did I think at all of women during that
time. Around my 18th year I experienced the first stormy upheaval which
nearly unbalanced me. I came into close touch with a distant relative,
an attractive, interesting and splendid intellectual man who, moreover,
was happily married. I then passed through the anguish of unrequited
love, kept dreaming of what was beyond my reach, and endeavored to still
my unnatural passion through excessive onanism. The keen struggle to
preserve my secret, the intense mental torture, caused me one day to
break down. The strict but kind-hearted talk of my relative in whom, of
necessity, I forced myself to confide, saved me that time from suicide.
The next day the house physician was called, a cordial and kindly young
man, who took a strong professional interest in me. Day after day he
spoke to me and tried to influence my mind and he succeeded in shifting
my sexual feelings entirely into the background and in about five months
he thought I was ready to try regular intercourse. But the attempt
proved a new defeat for me. _The secret aversion, the fear of
infection_, made me prove myself impotent at the critical moment. But I
did not tell the physician _and shortly thereafter he dismissed me as
cured_. There followed again years of struggle. Fearing mental breakdown
I was driven to the idea of seeking final release through suicide. But I
lacked courage for the deed.... Was it cowardice, was it the yearning of
my sickly body that prevented me from ending then a life unblessed by a
single experience of that highest yearning of a healthy body,—the
consummation of love? During that time my relative also died and my
anguish was unbearable. For I was absorbed in that great passion of mine
so deeply that I had forgotten all about the rest of the world. I was
hardly reconciled to that misfortune when further anguish came into my
life; several men crossed my path with whom I would have no doubt
entered into intimacy if I had found any points of contact. In my
despairing mood I confided in _Hofrat W._, who consoled me saying that
my misfortune could not be very deep rooted since I had come to him
about it. He advised me to seek intimacy with girls (I came a great deal
in contact with girls in the course of my daily work and also forced
myself to learn dancing). In accordance with his advice I resorted to
_puellæ publicæ_ and had intercourse a number of times but without
particular pleasure or satisfaction. Yes, I went so far as to propose
marriage to a girl of a good family. It was my fate not to meet with a
favorable response, although secretly I was gratified at that. For I
could not think that my supreme passion intimately and indissolubly
linked to the nature, the appearance and form of boyhood and charming
old age would ever be overcome. Springtide and autumn, boyhood and old
age, evoke in me the wonders of development and suggest the soft quiet
stealing in of blissful eternal peace. Although the sense of touch alone
is enough to rouse in me the most wonderful feeling of bliss, contact
with a woman leaves me indifferent, if it does not actually inspire me
with disgust. Thus I kept up for a time longer, greatly agitated but
unyielding, the fear of being discovered keeping me back. Tortured at
night by the yearnings of the day while dreaming of endless bliss by
conjuring up the most intimate scenes depicting contact, dreaming and
thinking also of oral (lip) contact, but never of any love act _a
posteriori_. In terror of being found out—I blushed at the lightest
pointed joke when in company—I often thought of joining the foreign
legion or to migrate to some country where homosexual love is not looked
upon as a crime or as something shameful.