_From Alexyéi Petróvitch to Márya Alexándrovna_
ST. PETERSBURG, May 28, 1840.
Márya Alexándrovna, you are a fine creature ... indeed you are ... your
letter has disclosed to me the truth at last! O Lord my God! what
torture! A man is constantly thinking that now he has attained
simplicity, no longer shows off, puts on airs, or lies ... but when you
come to look at him more attentively, he has become almost worse than he
was before. And this must be noted: the man himself, alone that is to
say, will never attain to that consciousness, bestir himself as he may!
his eye will not discern his own defects, just as the blunted eye of
the printer will not detect errors: another, a fresher eye is required.
I thank you, Márya Alexándrovna.... You see, I am speaking to you of
myself; I dare not speak of you.... Akh, how ridiculous my last letter
seems to me now,--so eloquent and sentimental! Go on, I beg of you, with
your confession; I have a premonition that you will be relieved thereby,
and it will be of great benefit to me. Not without cause does the
proverb say: “A woman’s wit is better than many thoughts”; and a woman’s
heart is far more so--God is my witness that it is so! If women only
knew how much better, and more magnanimous, and clever--precisely
that--clever they are than the men, they would grow puffed up with
pride, and get spoiled: but, fortunately, they do not know that; they do
not know it because their thoughts have not become accustomed to
returning incessantly to themselves, as have the thoughts of us men.
They think little about themselves--that is their weakness and their
strength; therein lies the whole secret--I will not say of our
superiority, but of our power. They squander their souls, as a lavish
heir squanders his father’s gold, but we collect interest from every
look.... How can they enter into rivalry with us?... All this is not
compliments, but the simple truth, demonstrated by experience. Again I
entreat you, Márya Alexándrovna, to continue writing to me.... If you
only knew all that comes into my mind!... But now I do not want to talk,
I want to listen to you.... My speech will come later on. Write, write.
Yours truly,
A. S.