At this particular juncture of Portuguese affairs, and as no

inappropriate preface to the only reply that can veraciously be

given to the question we have proposed, it will not be amiss to take

a brief retrospective glance at some of the events that preceded

and led to the reign of Donna Maria. It will be remembered that

from the year 1828 to 1834, the Liberals in both houses of the

British Parliament, supported by an overwhelming majority of the

British press, fiercely and pertinaciously assailed the government

and person of Don Miguel, then _de facto_ King of Portugal, king

_de jure_ in the eyes of the Portuguese Legitimists and by the

vote of the Legitimate Cortes of 1828, and recognised (in 1829) by

Spain, by the United States, and by various inferior powers. Twenty

years ago political passions ran high in this country: public men

were, perhaps, less guarded in their language; newspapers were

certainly far more intemperate in theirs; and we may safely say,

that upon no foreign prince, potentate, or politician, has virulent

abuse--proceeding from such respectable sources--ever since been

showered in England, in one half the quantity in which it then

descended upon the head of the unlucky Miguel. Unquestionably Don

Miguel had acted, in many respects, neither well nor wisely: his

early education had been ill-adapted to the high position he was

one day to fill--at a later period of his life he was destined to

take lessons of wisdom and moderation in the stern but wholesome

school of adversity. But it is also beyond a doubt, now that time

has cleared up much which then was purposely garbled and distorted,

that the object of all this invective was by no means so black as

he was painted, and that his character suffered in England from the

malicious calumnies of Pedroite refugees, and from the exaggerated

and easily-accepted statements of the Portuguese correspondents

of English newspapers. The Portuguese nation, removed from such

influence, formed its own opinions from what it saw and observed;

and the respect and affection testified, even at the present

day, to their dethroned sovereign, by a large number of its most

distinguished and respectable members, are the best refutation of

the more odious of the charges so abundantly brought against him,

and so lightly credited in those days of rampant revolution. It is

unnecessary, therefore, to argue that point, even were personal

vindication or attack the objects of this article, instead of being

entirely without its scope. Against the insupportable oppression

exercised by the monster in human form, as which Don Miguel was

then commonly depicted in England and France, innumerable engines

were directed by the governments and press of those two countries.

Insurrections were stirred up in Portugal, volunteers were recruited

abroad, irregular military expeditions were encouraged, loans were

fomented; money-lenders and stock-jobbers were all agog for Pedro,

patriotism, and profit. Orators and newspapers foretold, in glowing

speeches and enthusiastic paragraphs, unbounded prosperity to

Portugal as the sure consequence of the triumph of the revolutionary

party. Rapid progress of civilisation, impartial and economical

administration, increase of commerce, development of the country's

resources, a perfect avalanche of social and political blessings,

were to descend, like manna from heaven, upon the fortunate nation,

so soon as the Liberals obtained the sway of its destinies. It were

beside our purpose here to investigate how it was that, with such

alluring prospects held out to them, the people of Portugal were so

blind to their interests as to supply Don Miguel with men and money,

wherewith to defend himself for five years against the assaults

and intrigues of foreign and domestic enemies. Deprived of support

and encouragement from without, he still held his ground; and the

formation of a quadruple alliance, including the two most powerful

countries in Europe, the enlistment of foreign mercenaries of a

dozen different nations, the entrance of a numerous Spanish army,

were requisite finally to dispossess him of his crown. The anomaly

of the abhorred persecutor and tyrant receiving so much support from

his ill-used subjects, even then struck certain men in this country

whose names stand pretty high upon the list of clear-headed and

experienced politicians, and the Duke of Wellington, Lord Aberdeen,

Sir Robert Peel, Lord Lyndhurst, and others, defended Miguel; but

their arguments, however cogent, were of little avail against the

fierce tide of popular prejudice, unremittingly stimulated by the

declamations of the press. To be brief, in 1834 Don Miguel was

driven from Portugal; and his enemies, put in possession of the

kingdom and all its resources, were at full liberty to realise the

salutary reforms they had announced and promised, and for which they

had professed to fight. On taking the reins of government, they

had everything in their favour; their position was advantageous

and brilliant in the highest degree. They enjoyed the prestige of

a triumph, undisputed authority, powerful foreign protection and

influence. At their disposal was an immense mass of property taken

from the church, as well as the produce of large foreign loans.

Their credit, too, was _then_ unlimited. Lastly--and this was far

from the least of their advantages--they had in their favour the

great discouragement and discontent engendered amongst the partisans

of the Miguelite government, by the numerous and gross blunders

which that government had committed--blunders which contributed

even more to its downfall than did the attacks of its foes, or the

effects of foreign hostility. In short, the Liberals were complete

and undisputed masters of the situation. But, notwithstanding all

the facilities and advantages they enjoyed, what has been the

condition of Portugal since they assumed the reins? What _is_ its

condition at the present day? We need not go far to ascertain it.

The wretched plight of that once prosperous little kingdom is

deposed to by every traveller who visits it, and by every English

journal that has a correspondent there; it is to be traced in the

columns of every Portuguese newspaper, and is admitted and deplored

by thousands who once were strenuous and influential supporters

of the party who promised so much, and who have performed so

little that is good. The reign of that party whose battle-cry is,

or was, Donna Maria and the Constitution, has been an unbroken

series of revolutions, illegalities, peculations, corruptions, and

dilapidations. The immense amount of misnamed "national property"

(the _Infantado_ and church estates,) which was part of their

capital on their accession to power, has disappeared without benefit

either to the country or to its creditors. The treasury is empty;

the public revenues are eaten up by anticipation; civil and military

officers, the court itself, are all in constant and considerable

arrears of salaries and pay. The discipline of the troops is

destroyed, the soldiers being demoralised by the bad example of

their chiefs, including that of Marshal Saldanha himself; for it

is one of the great misfortunes of the Peninsula, that there most

officers of a certain rank consider their political predilections

before their military duty. The "Liberal" party, divided and

subdivided, and split into fractions, whose numbers fluctuate at the

dictates of interest or caprice, presents a lamentable spectacle

of anarchy and inconsistency; whilst the Queen herself, whose good

intentions we by no means impugn, has completely forfeited, as a

necessary consequence of the misconduct of her counsellors, and of

the sufferings the country has endured under her reign, whatever

amount of respect, affection, and influence the Portuguese nation

may once have been disposed to accord her. Such is the sad picture

now presented by Portugal; and none whose acquaintance with facts

renders them competent to judge, will say that it is overcharged or

highly coloured.

The party in Portugal who advocate a return to the ancient

constitution,[7] under which the country flourished--which fell into

abeyance towards the close of the seventeenth century, but which it

is now proposed to revive, as preferable to, and practically more

liberal than, the present system--and who adopt as a banner, and

couple with this scheme, the name of Don Miguel de Bragança, have

not unnaturally derived great accession of strength, both moral and

numerical, from the faults and dissensions of their adversaries. At

the present day there are few things which the European public, and

especially that of this country, sooner becomes indifferent to, and

loses sight of, than the person and pretensions of a dethroned king;

and owing to the lapse of years, to his unobtrusive manner of life,

and to the storm of accusations amidst which he made his exit from

power, Don Miguel would probably be considered, by those persons in

this country who remember his existence, as the least likely member

of the royal triumvirate, now assembled in Germany, to exchange his

exile for a crown. But if we would take a fair and impartial view of

the condition of Portugal, and calculate, as far as is possible in

the case of either of the two Peninsular nations, the probabilities

and chances of the future, we must not suffer ourselves to be

run away with by preconceived prejudices, or to be influenced by

the popular odium attached to a name. After beholding the most

insignificant and unpromising of modern pretenders suddenly elevated

to the virtual sovereignty--however transitory it may prove--of one

of the most powerful and civilised of European nations, it were

rash to denounce as impossible any restoration or enthronement.

And it were especially rash so to do when with the person of the

aspirant to the throne a nation is able to connect a reasonable hope

of improvement in its condition. Of the principle of legitimacy we

here say nothing, for it were vain to deny that in Europe it is

daily less regarded, whilst it sinks into insignificance when put in

competition with the rights and wellbeing of the people.

[7] It is desirable here to explain that the old constitution of

Portugal, whose restoration is the main feature of the scheme of

the National or Royalist party, (it assumes both names,) gave the

right of voting at the election of members of the popular assembly

to every man who had a hearth of his own--whether he occupied a

whole house or a single room--in fact, to all heads of families

and self-supporting persons. Such extent of suffrage ought surely

to content the most democratic, and certainly presents a strong

contrast to the farce of national representation which has been so

long enacting in the Peninsula.

As far back as the period of its emigration, the Pedroite or

Liberal party split into two fractions. One of these believed

in the possible realisation of those ultra-liberal theories so

abundantly promulgated in the proclamations, manifestoes, preambles

of laws, &c., which Don Pedro issued from the Brazils, from England

and France, and afterwards from Terceira and Oporto. The other

fraction of the party had sanctioned the promulgation of these

utopian theories as a means of delusion, and as leading to their

own triumph; but they deemed their realisation impossible, and were

quite decided, when the revolutionary tide should have borne them

into power, to oppose to the unruly flood the barrier of a gradual

but steady reaction. At a later period these divisions of the

Liberal party became more distinctly defined, and resulted, in 1836,

in their nominal classification as Septembrists and Chartists--the

latter of whom (numerically very weak, but comprising Costa Cabral,

and other men of talent and energy) may be compared to the Moderados

of Spain--the former to the Progresistas, but with tendencies more

decidedly republican. It is the ambitious pretensions, the struggles

for power and constant dissensions of these two sets of men, and

of the minor fractions into which they have subdivided themselves,

that have kept Portugal for seventeen years in a state of anarchy,

and have ended by reducing her to her present pitiable condition.

So numerous are the divisions, so violent the quarrels of the two

parties, that their utter dissolution appears inevitable; and it is

in view of this that the National party, as it styles itself, which

inscribes upon its flag the name of Don Miguel--not as an absolute

sovereign, but with powers limited by legitimate constitutional

forms, to whose strict observance they bind him as a condition of

their support, and of his continuance upon the throne upon which

they hope to place him--uplifts its head, reorganises its hosts,

and more clearly defines its political principles. Whilst Chartists

and Septembrists tear each other to pieces, the Miguelites not only

maintain their numerical importance, but, closing their ranks and

acting in strict unity, they give constant proofs of adhesion to Don

Miguel as personifying a national principle, and at the same time

give evidence of political vitality by the activity and progress of

their ideas, which are adapting themselves to the Liberal sentiments

and theories of the times.[8] And it were flying in the face of

facts to deny that this party comprehends a very important portion

of the intelligence and respectability of the nation. It ascribes

to itself an overwhelming majority in the country, and asserts that

five-sixths of the population of Portugal would joyfully hail its

advent to power. This of course must be viewed as an _ex-parte_

statement, difficult for foreigners to verify or refute. But of

late there have been no lack of proofs that a large proportion of

the higher orders of Portuguese are steadfast in their aversion

to the government of the "Liberals," and in their adherence to him

whom they still, after his seventeen years' dethronement, persist in

calling their king, and whom they have supported, during his long

exile, by their willing contributions. It is fresh in every one's

memory that, only the other day, twenty five peers, or successors

of peers, who had been excluded by Don Pedro from the peerage for

having sworn allegiance to his brother, having been reinstated and

invited to take their seats in the Chamber, signed and published

a document utterly rejecting the boon. Some hundreds of officers

of the old army of Don Miguel, who are living for the most part

in penury and privation, were invited to demand from Saldanha the

restitution of their grades, which would have entitled them to

the corresponding pay. To a man they refused, and protested their

devotion to their former sovereign. A new law of elections, with a

very extended franchise--nearly amounting, it is said, to universal

suffrage--having been the other day arbitrarily decreed by the

Saldanha cabinet (certainly a most unconstitutional proceeding,)

and the government having expressed a wish that all parties in the

kingdom should exercise the electoral right, and give their votes

for representatives in the new parliament, a numerous and highly

respectable meeting of the Miguelites was convened at Lisbon.

This meeting voted, with but two dissentient voices, a resolution

of abstaining from all share in the elections, declaring their

determination not to sanction, by coming forward either as voters

or candidates, a system and an order of things which they utterly

repudiated as illegal, oppressive, and forced upon the nation by

foreign interference. The same resolution was adopted by large

assemblages in every province of the kingdom. At various periods,

during the last seventeen years, the Portuguese government has

endeavoured to inveigle the Miguelites into the representative

assembly, doubtless hoping that upon its benches they would be

more accessible to seduction, or easier to intimidate. It is a

remarkable and significant circumstance, that only in one instance

(in the year 1842) have their efforts been successful, and that

the person who was then induced so to deviate from the policy of

his party, speedily gave unmistakable signs of shame and regret.

Bearing in mind the undoubted and easily proved fact that the

Miguelites, whether their numerical strength be or be not as great

as they assert, comprise a large majority of the clergy, of the old

nobility, and of the most highly educated classes of the nation,

their steady and consistent refusal to sanction the present order of

things, by their presence in its legislative assembly, shows a unity

of purpose and action, and a staunch and dogged conviction, which

cannot but be disquieting to their adversaries, and over which it is

impossible lightly to pass in an impartial review of the condition

and prospects of Portugal.

[8] The principal Miguelite papers, _A Nação_ (Lisbon,) and _O

Portugal_ (Oporto,) both of them highly respectable journals,

conducted with much ability and moderation, unceasingly reiterate,

whilst exposing the vices and corruption of the present system,

their aversion to despotism, and their desire for a truly liberal

and constitutional government.

We have already declared our determination here to attach importance

to the persons of none of the four princes and princesses who claim

or occupy the thrones of Spain and Portugal, except in so far as

they may respectively unite the greatest amount of the national

suffrage and adhesion. As regards Don Miguel, we are far from

exaggerating his personal claims--the question of legitimacy being

here waived. His prestige _out_ of Portugal is of the smallest, and

certainly he has never given proofs of great talents, although he is

not altogether without kingly qualities, nor wanting in resolution

and energy; whilst his friends assert, and it is fair to admit as

probable, that he has long since repented and abjured the follies

and errors of his youth. But we cannot be blind to the fact of the

strong sympathy and regard entertained for him by a very large

number of Portuguese. His presence in London during some weeks of

the present summer was the signal for a pilgrimage of Portuguese

noblemen and gentlemen of the best and most influential families in

the country, many of whom openly declared the sole object of their

journey to be to pay their respects to their exiled sovereign;

whilst others, the chief motive of whose visit was the attraction

of the Industrial Exhibition, gladly seized the opportunity to

reiterate the assurances of their fidelity and allegiance. Strangely

enough, the person who opened the procession was a nephew of Marshal

Saldanha, Don Antonio C. de Seabra, a staunch and intelligent

royalist, whose visit to London coincided, as nearly as might be,

with his uncle's flight into Galicia, and with his triumphant

return to Oporto after the victory gained for him as he was

decamping. Senhor Seabra was followed by two of the Freires, nephew

and grand-nephew of the Freire who was minister-plenipotentiary

in London some thirty years ago; by the Marquis and Marchioness

of Vianna, and the Countess of Lapa--all of the first nobility

of Portugal; by the Marquis of Abrantes, a relative of the royal

family of Portugal; by a host of gentlemen of the first families in

the provinces of Beira, Minho, Tras-os-Montes, &c.--Albuquerques,

Mellos, Taveiras, Pachecos, Albergarias, Cunhas, Correa-de-Sas,

Beduidos, San Martinhos, Pereiras, and scores of other names, which

persons acquainted with Portugal will recognise as comprehending

much of the best blood and highest intelligence in the country. Such

demonstrations are not to be overlooked, or regarded as trivial

and unimportant. Men like the Marquis of Abrantes, for instance,

not less distinguished for mental accomplishment and elevation of

character than for illustrious descent,[9] men of large possessions

and extensive influence, cannot be assumed to represent only their

individual opinions. The remarkable step lately taken by a number of

Portuguese of this class, must be regarded as an indication of the

state of feeling of a large portion of the nation; as an indication,

too, of something grievously faulty in the conduct or constitution

of a government which, after seventeen years' sway, has been unable

to rally, reconcile, or even to appease the animosity of any portion

of its original opponents.

[9] The Marquis of Abrantes is descended from the Dukes of

Lancaster, through Philippa of Lancaster, Queen of John I., one of

the greatest kings Portugal ever possessed.

Between the state of Portugal and that of Spain there are, at the

present moment, points of strong contrast, and others of striking

similarity. The similarity is in the actual condition of the two

countries--in their sufferings, misgovernment, and degradation; the

contrast is in the state and prospects of the political parties

they contain. What we have said of the wretched plight of Portugal

applies, with few and unimportant differences, to the condition

of Spain. If there has lately been somewhat less of open anarchy

in the latter country than in the dominions of Donna Maria, there

has not been one iota less of tyrannical government and scandalous

malversation. The public revenue is still squandered and robbed,

the heavy taxes extorted from the millions still flow into the

pockets of a few thousand corrupt officials, ministers are still

stock-jobbers, the liberty of the press is still a farce,[10]

and the national representation an obscene comedy. A change of

ministry in Spain is undoubtedly a most interesting event to those

who go out and those who come in--far more so in Spain than in

any other country, since in no other country does the possession

of office enable a beggar so speedily to transform himself into a

_millionaire_. In Portugal the will is not wanting, but the means

are less ample. More may be safely pilfered out of a sack of corn

than out of a sieveful, and poor little Portugal's revenue does not

afford such scope to the itching palms of Liberal statesmen as does

the more ample one of Spain, which of late years has materially

increased--without, however, the tax-payer and public creditor

experiencing one crumb of the benefit they might fairly expect in

the shape of reduced imposts and augmented dividends. But, however

interesting to the governing fraction, a change of administration in

Spain is contemplated by the governed masses with supreme apathy and

indifference. They used once to be excited by such changes; but they

have long ago got over that weakness, and suffer their pockets to be

picked and their bodies to be trampled with a placidity bordering

on the sublime. As long as things do not get _worse_, they remain

quiet; they have little hope of their getting _better_. Here, again,

in this fertile and beautiful and once rich and powerful country of

Spain, a most gratifying picture is presented to the instigators of

the Quadruple Alliance, to the upholders of the virtuous Christina

and the innocent Isabel! Pity that it is painted with so ensanguined

a brush, and that strife and discord should be the main features

of the composition! Upon the first panel is exhibited a civil war

of seven years' duration, vying, for cold-blooded barbarity and

gratuitous slaughter, with the fiercest and most fanatical contests

that modern _Times_ have witnessed. Terminated by a strange act of

treachery, even yet imperfectly understood, the war was succeeded by

a brief period of well-meaning but inefficient government. By the

daring and unscrupulous manœuvres of Louis Philippe and Christina

this was upset--by means so extraordinary and so disgraceful to all

concerned that scandalised Europe stood aghast, and almost refused

to credit the proofs (which history will record) of the social

degradation of Spaniards. For a moment Spain again stood divided and

in arms, and on the brink of civil war. This danger over, the blood

that had not been shed in the field flowed upon the scaffold: an

iron hand and a pampered army crushed and silenced the disaffection

and murmurs of the great body of the nation; and thus commenced a

system of despotic and unscrupulous misrule and corruption, which

still endures without symptom of improvement. As for the observance

of the constitution, it is a mockery to speak of it, and has been so

any time these eight years. In June 1850, Lord Palmerston, in the

course of his celebrated defence of his foreign policy, declared

himself happy to state that the government of Spain was at that time

carried on more in accordance with the constitution than it had

been two years previously. As ear-witnesses upon the occasion, we

can do his lordship the justice to say that the assurance was less

confidently and unhesitatingly spoken than were most other parts of

his eloquent oration. It was duly cheered, however, by the Commons

House--or at least by those Hispanophilists and philanthropists

upon its benches who accepted the Foreign Secretary's assurance

in lieu of any positive knowledge of their own. The grounds for

applause and gratulation were really of the slenderest. In 1848,

the _un_-constitutional period referred to by Lord Palmerston,

the Narvaez and Christina government were in the full vigour of

their repressive measures, shooting the disaffected by the dozen,

and exporting hundreds to the Philippines or immuring them in

dungeons. This, of course, could not go on for ever; the power was

theirs, the malcontents were compelled to succumb; the paternal and

constitutional government made a desert, and called it peace. Short

time was necessary, when such violent means were employed, to crush

Spain into obedience, and in 1850 she lay supine, still bleeding

from many an inward wound, at her tyrants' feet. This morbid

tranquillity might possibly be mistaken for an indication of an

improved mode of government. As for any other sign of constitutional

rule, we are utterly unable to discern it in either the past or

the present year. The admirable observance of the constitution was

certainly in process of proof, at the very time of Lord Palmerston's

speech, by the almost daily violation of the liberty of the press,

by the seizure of journals whose offending articles the authorities

rarely condescended to designate, and whose incriminated editors

were seldom allowed opportunity of exculpation before a fair

tribunal. It was further testified to, less than four months later,

by a general election, at which such effectual use was made of

those means of intimidation and corruption which are manifold in

Spain, that, when the popular Chamber assembled, the government was

actually alarmed at the smallness of the opposition--limited, as it

was, to about a dozen stray Progresistas, who, like the sleeping

beauty in the fairy tale, rubbed their eyes in wonderment at finding

themselves there. Nor were the ministerial forebodings groundless in

the case of the unscrupulous and tyrannical Narvaez, who, within

a few months, when seemingly more puissant than ever, and with

an overwhelming majority in the Chamber obedient to his nod, was

cast down by the wily hand that had set him up, and driven to seek

safety in France from the vengeance of his innumerable enemies. The

causes of this sudden and singular downfall are still a puzzle and a

mystery to the world; but persons there are, claiming to see further

than their neighbours into political millstones, who pretend that a

distinguished diplomatist, of no very long standing at Madrid, had

more to do than was patent to the world with the disgrace of the

Spanish dictator, whom the wags of the Puerta del Sol declare to

have exclaimed, as his carriage whirled him northwards through the

gates of Madrid, "_Comme Henri Bulwer!_"

[10] This remark, (regarding the press,) literally true in Spain,

does not apply to Portugal.

Passing from the misgovernment and sufferings of Spain to its

political state, we experience some difficulty in clearly defining

and exhibiting this, inasmuch as the various parties that have

hitherto acted under distinct names are gradually blending and

disappearing like the figures in dissolving views. In Portugal,

as we have already shown, whilst Chartists and Septembrists

distract the country, and damage themselves by constant quarrels

and collisions, a third party, unanimous and determined in its

opposition to those two, grows in strength, influence, and

prestige. In Spain, _no_ party shows signs of healthy condition.

In all three--Moderados, Progresistas, and Carlists--symptoms of

dissolution are manifest. In the two countries, Chartists and

Septembrists, Moderados and Progresistas, have alike split into two

or more factions hostile to each other; but whilst, in Portugal,

the Miguelites improve their position, in Spain the Carlist party

is reduced to a mere shadow of its former self. Without recognised

chiefs or able leaders, without political theory of government, it

bases its pretensions solely upon the hereditary right of its head.

For whilst Don Miguel, on several occasions,[11] has declared his

adhesion to the liberal programme advocated by his party for the

security of the national liberties, the Count de Montemolin, either

from indecision of character, or influenced by evil counsels, has

hitherto made no precise, public, and satisfactory declaration of

his views in this particular,[12] and by such injudicious reserve

has lost the suffrages of many whom a distinct pledge would have

gathered round his banner. Thus has he partially neutralised the

object of his father's abdication in his favour. Don Carlos was too

completely identified with the old absolutist party, composed of

intolerant bigots both in temporal and spiritual matters, ever to

have reconciled himself with the progressive spirit of the century,

or to have become acceptable to the present generation of Spaniards.

Discerning or advised of this, he transferred his claims to his son,

thus placing in his hands an excellent card, which the young prince

has not known how to play. If, instead of encouraging a sullen and

unprofitable emigration, fomenting useless insurrections, draining

his adherents' purses, and squandering their blood, he had husbanded

the resources of the party, clearly and publicly defined his plan of

government--if ever seated upon the throne he claims--and awaited

in dignified retirement the progress of events, he would not have

supplied the present rulers of Spain with pretexts, eagerly taken

advantage of, for shameful tyranny and persecution; and he would

have spared himself the mortification of seeing his party dwindle,

and his oldest and most trusted friends and adherents, with few

exceptions, accept pardon and place from the enemies against whom

they had long and bravely contended. But vacillation, incapacity,

and treachery presided at his counsels. He had none to point out

to him--or if any did, they were unheeded or overruled--the fact,

of which experience and repeated disappointments have probably at

last convinced him, that it is not by the armed hand alone--not by

the sword of Cabrera, or by Catalonian guerilla risings--that he

can reasonably hope ever to reach Madrid, but by aid of the moral

force of public opinion, as a result of the misgovernment of Spain's

present rulers, of an increasing confidence in his own merits and

good intentions, and perhaps of such possible contingencies as a

Bourbon restoration in France, or the triumph of the Miguelites in

Portugal. This last-named event will very likely be considered,

by that numerous class of persons who base their opinions of

foreign politics upon hearsay and general impressions rather than

upon accurate knowledge and investigation of facts, as one of the

most improbable of possibilities. A careful and dispassionate

examination of the present state of the Peninsula does not enable

us to regard it as a case of such utter improbability. But for the

intimate and intricate connection between the Spanish and Portuguese

questions, it would by no means surprise us--bearing in mind all

that Portugal has suffered and still suffers under her present

rulers--to see the Miguelite party openly assume the preponderance

in the country. England would not allow it, will be the reply. Let

us try the exact value of this assertion. England has two reasons

for hostility to Don Miguel--one founded on certain considerations

connected with his conduct when formerly on the throne of Portugal,

the other on the dynastic alliance between the two countries. The

government of Donna Maria may reckon upon the sympathy, advice, and

even upon the direct naval assistance of England--up to a certain

point. That is to say, that the English government will do what it

_conveniently_ and _suitably_ can, in favour of the Portuguese queen

and her husband; but there is room for a strong doubt that it would

_seriously_ compromise itself to maintain them upon the throne.

Setting aside Donna Maria's matrimonial connection, Don Miguel, as

a constitutional king, and with certain mercantile and financial

arrangements, would suit English interests every bit as well. But

the case is very different as regards Spain. The restoration of Don

Miguel would be a terrible if not a fatal shock to the throne of

Isabella II. and to the Moderado party, to whom the revival of the

legitimist principle in Portugal would be so much the more dangerous

if experience proved it to be compatible with the interests

created by the Revolution. For the Spanish government, therefore,

intervention against Don Miguel is an absolute necessity--we

might perhaps say a condition of its existence; and thus is Spain

the great stumbling-block in the way of his restoration, whereas

England's objections might be found less invincible. So, in the

civil war in Portugal, this country only co-operated indirectly

against Don Miguel, and it is by no means certain he would have

been overcome, but for the entrance of Rodil's Spaniards, which was

the decisive blow to his cause. And so, the other day, the English

government was seen patiently looking on at the progress of events,

when it is well known that the question of immediate intervention

was warmly debated in the Madrid cabinet, and might possibly have

been carried, but for the moderating influence of English counsels.

[11] Particularly by his "declaration" of the 24th June 1843, by

his autograph letter of instructions of the 15th August of the same

year, and by his "royal letter" of the 6th April 1847, which was

widely circulated in Portugal.

[12] We cannot attach value to the vague and most unsatisfactory

manifesto signed "Carlos Luis," and issued from Bourges in May

1845, or consider it as in the slightest degree disproving what

we have advanced. It contains no distinct pledge or guarantee of

constitutional government, but deals in frothy generalities and

magniloquent protestations, binding to nothing the prince who signed

it, and bearing more traces of the pen of a Jesuit priest than of

that of a competent and statesmanlike adviser of a youthful aspirant

to a throne.

If we consider the critical and hazardous position of

Marshal Saldanha, wavering as he is between Chartists and

Septembrists--threatened to-day with a Cabralist insurrection,

to-morrow with a Septembrist pronunciamiento--it is easy to foresee

that the Miguelite party may soon find tempting opportunities of

an active demonstration in the field. Such a movement, however,

would be decidedly premature. Their game manifestly is to await

with patience the development of the ultimate consequences of

Saldanha's insurrection. It requires no great amount of judgment

and experience in political matters judgment to foresee that he

will be the victim of his own ill-considered movement, and that no

long period will elapse before some new event--be it a Cabralist

reaction or a Septembrist revolt--will prove the instability of the

present order of things. With this certainty in view, the Miguelites

are playing upon velvet. They have only to hold themselves in

readiness to profit by the struggle between the two great divisions

of the Liberal party. From this struggle they are not unlikely to

derive an important accession of strength, if, as is by no means

improbable, the Chartists should be routed and the Septembrists

remain temporary masters of the field. To understand the possible

coalition of a portion of the Chartists with the adherents of Don

Miguel, it suffices to bear in mind that the former are supporters

of constitutional monarchy, which principle would be endangered by

the triumph of the Septembrists, whose republican tendencies are

notorious, as is also--notwithstanding the momentary truce they have

made with her--their hatred to Donna Maria.

The first consequences of a Septembrist pronunciamiento would

probably be the deposition of the Queen and the scattering of the

Chartists; and in this case it is easy to conceive the latter

beholding in an alliance with the Miguelite party their sole chance

of escape from democracy, and from a destruction of the numerous

interests they have acquired during their many years of power. It

is no unfair inference that Costa Cabral, when he caused himself,

shortly after his arrival in London, to be presented to Don Miguel

in a particularly public place, anticipated the probability of some

such events as we have just sketched, and thus indicated, to his

friends and enemies, the new service to which he might one day be

disposed to devote his political talents.

The intricate and suggestive complications of Peninsular politics

offer a wide field for speculation; but of this we are not at

present disposed further to avail ourselves, our object being to

elucidate facts rather than to theorise or indulge in predictions

with respect to two countries by whose political eccentricities

more competent prophets than ourselves have, upon so many occasions

during the last twenty years, been puzzled and led astray. We

sincerely wish that the governments of Spain and Portugal were now

in the hands of men capable of conciliating all parties, and of

averting future convulsions--of men sufficiently able and patriotic

to conceive and carry out measures adapted to the character, temper,

and wants of the two nations. If, by what we should be compelled

to look upon almost as a miracle, such a state of things came

about in the Peninsula, we should be far indeed from desiring to

see it disturbed, and discord again introduced into the land, for

the vindication of the principle of legitimacy, respectable though

we hold that to be. But if Spain and Portugal are to continue a

byword among the nations, the focus of administrative abuses and

oligarchical tyranny; if the lower classes of society in those

countries, by nature brave and generous, are to remain degraded

into the playthings of egotistical adventurers, whilst the more

respectable and intelligent portion of the higher orders stands

aloof in disgust from the orgies of misgovernment; if this state of

things is to endure, without prospect of amendment, until the masses

throw themselves into the arms of the apostles of democracy--who,

it were vain to deny, gain ground in the Peninsula--then, we ask,

before it comes to that, would it not be well to give a chance to

parties and to men whose character and principles at least unite

some elements of stability, and who, whatever reliance may be placed

on their promises for the future, candidly admit their past faults

and errors? Assuredly those nations incur a heavy responsibility,

and but poorly prove their attachment to the cause of constitutional

freedom, who avail themselves of superior force to detain feeble

allies beneath the yoke of intolerable abuses.

THE CONGRESS AND THE AGAPEDOME.

A TALE OF PEACE AND LOVE.

CHAPTER I.

If I were to commence my story by stating, in the manner of the

military biographers, that Jack Wilkinson was as brave a man as

ever pushed a bayonet into the brisket of a Frenchman, I should be

telling a confounded lie, seeing that, to the best of my knowledge,

Jack never had the opportunity of attempting practical phlebotomy.

I shall content myself with describing him as one of the finest and

best-hearted fellows that ever held her Majesty's commission; and no

one who is acquainted with the general character of the officers of

the British army, will require a higher eulogium.

Jack and I were early cronies at school; but we soon separated,

having been born under the influence of different planets. Mars, who

had the charge of Jack, of course devoted him to the army; Jupiter,

who was bound to look after my interests, could find nothing better

for me than a situation in the Woods and Forests, with a faint

chance of becoming in time a subordinate Commissioner--that is,

provided the wrongs of Ann Hicks do not precipitate the abolition of

the whole department. Ten years elapsed before we met; and I regret

to say that, during that interval, neither of us had ascended many

rounds of the ladder of promotion. As was most natural, I considered

my own case as peculiarly hard, and yet Jack's was perhaps harder.

He had visited with his regiment, in the course of duty, the Cape,

the Ionian Islands, Gibraltar, and the West Indies. He had caught

an ague in Canada, and had been transplanted to the north of

Ireland by way of a cure; and yet he had not gained a higher rank

in the service than that of Lieutenant. The fact is, that Jack was

poor, and his brother officers as tough as though they had been

made of caoutchouc. Despite the varieties of climate to which they

were exposed, not one of them would give up the ghost; even the

old colonel, who had been twice despaired of, recovered from the

yellow fever, and within a week after was lapping his claret at the

mess-table as jollily as if nothing had happened. The regiment had a

bad name in the service: they called it, I believe, "the Immortals."

Jack Wilkinson, as I have said, was poor, but he had an uncle

who was enormously rich. This uncle, Mr Peter Pettigrew by name,

was an old bachelor and retired merchant, not likely, according

to the ordinary calculation of chances, to marry; and as he had

no other near relative save Jack, to whom, moreover, he was

sincerely attached, my friend was generally regarded in the light

of a prospective proprietor, and might doubtless, had he been so

inclined, have negotiated a loan, at or under seventy per cent,

with one of those respectable gentlemen who are making such violent

efforts to abolish Christian legislation. But Pettigrew also was

tough as one of "the Immortals," and Jack was too prudent a fellow

to intrust himself to hands so eminently accomplished in the art

of wringing the last drop of moisture from a sponge. His uncle, he

said, had always behaved handsomely to him, and he would see the

whole tribe of Issachar drowned in the Dardanelles rather than abuse

his kindness by raising money on a post-obit. Pettigrew, indeed, had

paid for his commission, and, moreover, given him a fair allowance

whilst he was quartered abroad--circumstances which rendered it

extremely probable that he would come forward to assist his nephew

so soon as the latter had any prospect of purchasing his company.

Happening by accident to be in Hull, where the regiment was

quartered, I encountered Wilkinson, whom I found not a whit altered

for the worse, either in mind or body, since the days when we were

at school together; and at his instance I agreed to prolong my

stay, and partake of the hospitality of the Immortals. A merry set

they were! The major told a capital story, the senior captain sung

like Incledon, the _cuisine_ was beyond reproach, and the liquor

only too alluring. But all things must have an end. It is wise to

quit even the most delightful society before it palls upon you,

and before it is accurately ascertained that you, clever fellow

as you are, can be, on occasion, quite as prosy and ridiculous as

your neighbours; therefore on the third day I declined a renewal

of the ambrosial banquet, and succeeded in persuading Wilkinson to

take a quiet dinner with me at my own hotel. He assented--the more

readily, perhaps, that he appeared slightly depressed in spirits, a

phenomenon not altogether unknown under similar circumstances.

After the cloth was removed, we began to discourse upon our

respective fortunes, not omitting the usual complimentary remarks

which, in such moments of confidence, are applied to one's

superiors, who may be very thankful that they do not possess a

preternatural power of hearing. Jack informed me that at length

a vacancy had occurred in his regiment, and that he had now an

opportunity, could he deposit the money, of getting his captaincy.

But there was evidently a screw loose somewhere.

"I must own," said Jack, "that it _is_ hard, after having waited so

long, to lose a chance which may not occur again for years; but what

can I do? You see I haven't got the money; so I suppose I must just

bend to my luck, and wait in patience for my company until my head

is as bare as a billiard-ball!"

"But, Jack," said I, "excuse me for making the remark--but won't

your uncle, Mr Pettigrew, assist you?"

"Not the slightest chance of it."

"You surprise me," said I; "I am very sorry to hear you say so. I

always understood that you were a prime favourite of his."

"So I was; and so, perhaps, I am," replied Wilkinson; "but that

don't alter the matter."

"Why, surely," said I, "if he is inclined to help you at all, he

will not be backward at a time like this. I am afraid, Jack, you

allow your modesty to wrong you."

"I shall permit my modesty," said Jack, "to take no such impertinent

liberty. But I see you don't know my uncle Peter."

"I have not that pleasure, certainly; but he bears the character of

a good honest fellow, and everybody believes that you are to be his

heir."

"That may be, or may not, according to circumstances," said

Wilkinson. "You are quite right as to his character, which I

would advise no one to challenge in my presence; for, though I

should never get another stiver from him, or see a farthing of his

property, I am bound to acknowledge that he has acted towards me in

the most generous manner. But I repeat that you don't understand my

uncle."

"Nor ever shall," said I, "unless you condescend to enlighten me."

"Well, then, listen. Old Peter would be a regular trump, but for one

besetting foible. He cannot resist a crotchet. The more palpably

absurd and idiotical any scheme may be, the more eagerly he adopts

it; nay, unless it _is_ absurd and idiotical, such as no man of

common sense would listen to for a moment, he will have nothing

to say to it. He is quite shrewd enough with regard to commercial

matters. During the railway mania, he is supposed to have doubled

his capital. Never having had any faith in the stability of the

system, he sold out just at the right moment, alleging that it was

full time to do so, when Sir Robert Peel introduced a bill giving

the Government the right of purchasing any line when its dividends

amounted to ten per cent. The result proved that he was correct."

"It did, undoubtedly. But surely that is no evidence of his extreme

tendency to be led astray by crotchets?"

"Quite the reverse: the scheme was not sufficiently absurd for him.

Besides, I must tell you, that in pure commercial matters it would

be very difficult to overreach or deceive my uncle. He has a clear

eye for pounds, shillings, and pence--principal and interest--and

can look very well after himself when his purse is directly

assailed. His real weakness lies in sentiment."

"Not, I trust, towards the feminine gender? That might be awkward

for you in a gentleman of his years!"

"Not precisely--though I would not like to trust him in the hands

of a designing female. His besetting weakness turns on the point of

the regeneration of mankind. Forty or fifty years ago he would have

been a follower of Johanna Southcote. He subscribed liberally to

Owen's schemes, and was within an ace of turning out with Thom of

Canterbury. Incredible as it may appear, he actually was for a time

a regular and accepted Mormonite."

"You don't mean to say so?"

"Fact, I assure you, upon my honour! But for a swindle that Joe

Smith tried to perpetrate about the discounting of a bill, Peter

Pettigrew might at this moment have been a leading saint in the

temple of Nauvoo, or whatever else they call the capital of that

polygamous and promiscuous persuasion."

"You amaze me. How any man of common sense--"

"That's just the point. Where common sense ends, Uncle Pettigrew

begins. Give him a mere thread of practicability, and he will arrive

at a sound conclusion. Envelope him in the mist of theory, and he

will walk headlong over a precipice."

"Why, Jack," said I, "you seem to have improved in your figures

of speech since you joined the army. That last sentence was worth

preservation. But I don't clearly understand you yet. What is his

present phase, which seems to stand in the way of your prospects?"

"Can't you guess? What is the most absurd feature of the present

time?"

"That," said I, "is a very difficult question. There's Free Trade,

and the proposed Exhibition--both of them absurd enough, if you

look to their ultimate tendency. Then there are Sir Charles Wood's

Budget, and the new Reform Bill, and the Encumbered Estates Act, and

the whole rubbish of the Cabinet, which they have neither sense to

suppress nor courage to carry through. Upon my word, Jack, it would

be impossible for me to answer your question satisfactorily."

"What do you think of the Peace Congress?" asked Wilkinson.

"As Palmerston does," said I; "remarkably meanly. But why do you put

that point? Surely Mr Pettigrew has not become a disciple of the

blatant blacksmith?"

"Read that, and judge for yourself," said Wilkinson, handing me over

a letter.

I read as follows:--

"MY DEAR NEPHEW,--I have your letter of the 15th, apprising me

of your wish to obtain what you term a step in the service. I

am aware that I am not entitled to blame you for a misguided

and lamentably mistaken zeal, which, to my shame be it said, I

was the means of originally kindling; still, you must excuse

me if, with the new lights which have been vouchsafed to me, I

decline to assist your progress towards wholesale homicide, or

lend any farther countenance to a profession which is subversive

of that universal brotherhood and entire fraternity which ought

to prevail among the nations. The fact is, Jack, that, up to

the present time, I have entertained ideas which were totally

false regarding the greatness of my country. I used to think

that England was quite as glorious from her renown in arms as

from her skill in arts--that she had reason to plume herself

upon her ancient and modern victories, and that patriotism

was a virtue which it was incumbent upon freemen to view with

respect and veneration. Led astray by these wretched prejudices,

I gave my consent to your enrolling yourself in the ranks of

the British army, little thinking that, by such a step, I was

doing a material injury to the cause of general pacification,

and, in fact, retarding the advent of that millennium which

will commence so soon as the military profession is entirely

suppressed throughout Europe. I am now also painfully aware

that, towards you individually, I have failed in performing my

duty. I have been the means of inoculating you with a thirst

for human blood, and of depriving you of that opportunity of

adding to the resources of your country, which you might have

enjoyed had I placed you early in one of those establishments

which, by sending exports to the uttermost parts of the earth,

have contributed so magnificently to the diffusion of British

patterns, and the growth of American cotton under a mild system

of servitude, which none, save the minions of royalty, dare

denominate as actual slavery.

"In short, Jack, I have wronged you; but I should wrong you

still more were I to furnish you with the means of advancing one

other step in your bloody and inhuman profession. It is full

time that we should discard all national recollections. We have

already given a glorious example to Europe and the world, by

throwing open our ports to their produce without requiring the

assurance of reciprocity--let us take another step in the same

direction, and, by a complete disarmament, convince them that

for the future we rely upon moral reason, instead of physical

force, as the means of deciding differences. I shall be glad,

my dear boy, to repair the injury which I have unfortunately

done you, by contributing a sum, equal to three times the

amount required for the purchase of a company, towards your

establishment as a partner in an exporting house, if you can

hear of an eligible offer. Pray keep an eye on the advertising

columns of the _Economist_. That journal is in every way

trustworthy, except, perhaps, when it deals in quotation. I must

now conclude, as I have to attend a meeting for the purpose of

denouncing the policy of Russia, and of warning the misguided

capitalists of London against the perils of an Austrian loan.

You cannot, I am sure, doubt my affection, but you must not

expect me to advance my money towards keeping up a herd of

locusts, without which there would be a general conversion of

swords and bayonets into machinery--ploughshares, spades, and

pruning-hooks being, for the present, rather at a discount.--I

remain always your affectionate uncle,

"PETER PETTIGREW.

"_P. S._--Address to me at Hesse Homberg, whither I am going as

a delegate to the Peace Congress."

"Well, what do you think of that?" said Wilkinson, when I had

finished this comfortable epistle. "I presume you agree with me,

that I have no chance whatever of receiving assistance from that

quarter."

"Why, not much I should say, unless you can succeed in convincing Mr

Pettigrew of the error of his ways. It seems to me a regular case of

monomania."

"Would you not suppose, after reading that letter, that I was a

sort of sucking tiger, or at best an ogre, who never could sleep

comfortably unless he had finished off the evening with a cup of

gore?" said Wilkinson. "I like that coming from old Uncle Peter, who

used to sing Rule Britannia till he was hoarse, and always dedicated

his second glass of port to the health of the Duke of Wellington!"

"But what do you intend to do?" said I. "Will you accept his offer,

and become a fabricator of calicoes?"

"I'd as soon become a field preacher, and hold forth on an inverted

tub! But the matter is really very serious. In his present mood of

mind, Uncle Peter will disinherit me to a certainty if I remain in

the army."

"Does he usually adhere long to any particular crotchet?" said I.

"Why, no; and therein lies my hope. Judging from past experience,

I should say that this fit is not likely to last above a month or

two; still you see there may be danger in treating the matter too

lightly: besides, there is no saying when such another opportunity

of getting a step may occur. What would you advise under the

circumstances?"

"If I were in your place," said I, "I think I should go over to

Hesse Homberg at once. You need not identify yourself entirely with

the Peace gentry; you will be near your uncle, and ready to act as

circumstances may suggest."

"That is just my own notion; and I think I can obtain leave of

absence. I say--could you not manage to go along with me? It would

be a real act of friendship; for, to say the truth, I don't think I

could trust any of our fellows in the company of the Quakers."

"Well--I believe they can spare me for a little longer from my

official duties; and as the weather is fine, I don't mind if I go."

"That's a good fellow! I shall make my arrangements this evening;

for the sooner we are off the better."

Two days afterwards we were steaming up the Rhine, a river which, I

trust, may persevere in its attempt to redeem its ancient character.

In 1848, when I visited Germany last, you might just as well have

navigated the Phlegethon in so far as pleasure was concerned. Those

were the days of barricades and of Frankfort murders--of the obscene

German Parliament, as the junta of rogues, fanatics, and imbeciles,

who were assembled in St Paul's Church, denominated themselves; and

of every phase and form of political quackery and insurrection.

Now, however, matters were somewhat mended. The star of Gagern had

waned. The popularity of the Archduke John had exhaled like the

fume of a farthing candle. Hecker and Struve were hanged, shot, or

expatriated; and the peaceably disposed traveller could once more

retire to rest in his hotel, without being haunted by a horrid

suspicion that ere morning some truculent waiter might experiment

upon the toughness of his larynx. I was glad to observe that the

Frankforters appeared a good deal humbled. They were always a

pestilent set; but during the revolutionary year their insolence

rose to such a pitch that it was hardly safe for a man of warm

temperament to enter a shop, lest he should be provoked by the airs

and impertinence of the owner to commit an assault upon Freedom in

the person of her democratic votary. I suspect the Frankforters are

now tolerably aware that revolutions are the reverse of profitable.

They escaped sack and pillage by a sheer miracle, and probably they

will not again exert themselves, at least for a considerable number

of years, to hasten the approach of a similar crisis.

Everybody knows Homberg. On one pretext or another--whether the

mineral springs, the baths, the gaiety, or the gambling--the

integral portions of that tide of voyagers which annually fluctuates

through the Rheingau, find their way to that pleasant little

pandemonium, and contribute, I have no doubt, very largely to

the revenues of that high and puissant monarch who rules over a

population not quite so large as that comprehended within the

boundaries of Clackmannan. But various as its visitors always are,

and diverse in language, habits, and morals, I question whether

Homberg ever exhibited on any previous occasion so queer and

incongruous a mixture. Doubtful counts, apocryphal barons, and

chevaliers of the extremest industry, mingled with sleek Quakers,

Manchester reformers, and clerical agitators of every imaginable

species of dissent. Then there were women, for the most part of a

middle age, who, although their complexions would certainly have

been improved by a course of the medicinal waters, had evidently

come to Homberg on a higher and holier mission. There was also a

sprinkling of French deputies--Red Republicans by principle, who,

if not the most ardent friends of pacification, are at least the

loudest in their denunciation of standing armies--a fair proportion

of political exiles, who found their own countries too hot to hold

them in consequence of the caloric which they had been the means

of evoking--and one or two of those unhappy personages, whose itch

for notoriety is greater than their modicum of sense. We were not

long in finding Mr Peter Pettigrew. He was solacing himself in

the gardens, previous to the table-d'hôte, by listening to the

exhilarating strains of the brass band which was performing a

military march; and by his side was a lady attired, not in the usual

costume of her sex, but in a polka jacket and wide trousers, which

gave her all the appearance of a veteran duenna of a seraglio. Uncle

Peter, however, beamed upon her as tenderly as though she were a

Circassian captive. To this lady, by name Miss Lavinia Latchley, an

American authoress of much renown, and a decided champion of the

rights of woman, we were presented in due form. After the first

greetings were over, Mr Pettigrew opened the trenches.

"So Jack, my boy, you have come to Homberg to see how we carry on

the war, eh? No--Lord forgive me--that's not what I mean. We don't

intend to carry on any kind of war: we mean to put it down--clap

the extinguisher upon it, you know; and have done with all kinds

of cannons. Bad thing, gunpowder! I once sustained a heavy loss by

sending out a cargo of it to Sierra Leone."

"I should have thought that a paying speculation," observed Jack.

"Not a whit of it! The cruisers spoiled the trade; and the

missionaries--confound them for meddling with matters which they

did not understand!--had patched up a peace among the chiefs of the

cannibals; so that for two years there was not a slave to be had for

love or money, and powder went down a hundred and seventy per cent."

"Such are the effects," remarked Miss Latchley with a sarcastic

smile, which disclosed a row of teeth as yellow as the buds

of the crocus--"such are the effects of an ill regulated and

unphilosophical yearning after the visionary theories of an

unopportune emancipation! Oh that men, instead of squandering their

sympathies upon the lower grades of creation, would emancipate

themselves from that network of error and prejudice which

reticulates over the whole surface of society, and by acknowledging

the divine mission and hereditary claims of woman, construct a new,

a fairer Eden than any which was fabled to exist within the confines

of the primitive Chaldæa!"

"Very true, indeed, ma'am!" replied Mr Pettigrew; "there is a great

deal of sound sense and observation in what you say. But Jack--I

hope you intend to become a member of Congress at once. I shall be

glad to present you at our afternoon meeting in the character of a

converted officer."

"You are very good, uncle, I am sure," said Wilkinson, "but I would

rather wait a little. I am certain you would not wish me to take

so serious a step without mature deliberation; and I hope that my

attendance here, in answer to your summons, will convince you that I

am at least open to conviction. In fact, I wish to hear the argument

of your friends before I come to a definite decision."

"Very right, Jack; very right!" said Mr Pettigrew. "I don't like

converts at a minute's notice, as I remarked to a certain M.P. when

he followed in the wake of Peel. Take your time, and form your own

judgment; I cannot doubt of the result, if you only listen to the

arguments of the leading men of Europe."

"And do you reckon America as nothing, dear Mr Pettigrew?" said

Miss Latchley. "Columbia may not be able to contribute to the task

so practical and masculine an intellect as yours, yet still within

many a Transatlantic bosom burns a hate of tyranny not less intense,

though perhaps less corruscating, than your own."

"I know it, I know it, dear Miss Latchley!" replied the infatuated

Peter. "A word from you is at any time worth a lecture, at least

if I may judge from the effects which your magnificent eloquence

has produced on my own mind. Jack, I suppose you have never had the

privilege of listening to the lectures of Miss Latchley?"

Jack modestly acknowledged the gap which had been left in his

education; stating, at the same time, his intense desire to have it

filled up at the first convenient opportunity. Miss Latchley heaved

a sigh.

"I hope you do not flatter me," she said, "as is too much the

case with men whose thoughts have been led habitually to deviate

from sincerity. The worst symptom of the present age lies in its

acquiescence with axioms. Free us from that, and we are free indeed;

perpetuate its thraldom, and Truth, which is the daughter of

Innocence and Liberty, imps its wings in vain, and cannot emancipate

itself from the pressure of that raiment which was devised to impede

its glorious walk among the nations."

Jack made no reply beyond a glance at the terminations of the lady,

which showed that she at all events was resolved that no extra

raiment should trammel her onward progress.

As the customary hour of the table-d'hôte was approaching, we

separated, Jack and I pledging ourselves to attend the afternoon

meeting of the Peace Congress, for the purpose of receiving our

first lesson in the mysteries of pacification.

"Well, what do you think of that?" said Jack, as Mr Pettigrew and

the Latchley walked off together. "Hang me if I don't suspect that

old harpy in the breeches has a design on Uncle Peter!"

"Small doubt of that," said I; "and you will find it rather

a difficult job to get him out of her clutches. Your female

philosopher adheres to her victim with all the tenacity of a

polecat."

"Here is a pretty business!" groaned Jack. "I'll tell you what it

is--I have more than half a mind to put an end to it, by telling my

uncle what I think of his conduct, and then leaving him to marry

this harridan, and make a further fool of himself in any way he

pleases!"

"Don't be silly, Jack!" said I; "It will be time enough to do that

after everything else has failed; and, for my own part, I see no

reason to despair. In the mean time, if you please, let us secure

places at the dinner-table."

CHAPTER II.

"Dear friends and well-beloved brothers! I wish from the bottom

of my heart that there was but one universal language, so that

the general sentiments of love, equality, and fraternity, which

animate the bosoms of all the pacificators and detesters of tyranny

throughout the world, might find a simultaneous echo in your ears,

by the medium of a common speech. The diversity of dialects, which

now unfortunately prevails, was originally invented under cover of

the feudal system, by the minions of despotism, who thought, by such

despicable means, for ever to perpetuate their power. It is part of

the same system which decrees that in different countries alien to

each other in speech, those unhappy persons who have sold themselves

to do the bidding of tyrants shall be distinguished by different

uniforms. O my brothers! see what a hellish and deep-laid system is

here! English and French--scarlet against blue--different tongues

invented, and different garments prescribed, to inflame the passions

of mankind against each other, and to stifle their common fraternity!

"Take down, I say, from your halls and churches those wretched

tatters of silk which you designate as national colours! Bring

hither, from all parts of the earth, the butt of the gun and

the shaft of the spear, and all combustible implements of

destruction--your fascines, your scaling-ladders, and your terrible

pontoons, that have made so many mothers childless! Heap them into

one enormous pile--yea, heap them to the very stars--and on that

blazing altar let there be thrown the Union Jack of Britain, the

tricolor of France, the eagles of Russia, Austria, and Prussia, the

American stripes and stars, and every other banner and emblem of

that accursed nationality, through which alone mankind is defrauded

of his birthright. Then let all men join hands together, and as they

dance around the reeking pile, let them in one common speech chaunt

a simultaneous hymn in honour of their universal deliverance, and in

commemoration of their cosmopolitan triumph!

"O my brothers, O my brothers! what shall I say further? Ha! I will

not address myself to you whose hearts are already kindled within

you by the purest of spiritual flames. I will uplift my voice, and

in words of thunder exhort the debased minions of tyranny to arouse

themselves ere it be too late, and to shake off those fetters which

they wear for the purpose of enslaving others. Hear me, then, ye

soldiers!--hear me, ye degraded serfs!--hear me, ye monsters of

iniquity! Oh, if the earth could speak, what a voice would arise

out of its desolate battle-fields, to testify against you and

yours! Tell us not that you have fought for freedom. Was freedom

ever won by the sword? Tell us not that you have defended your

country's rights, for in the eye of the true philosopher there is

no country save one, and that is the universal earth, to which all

have an equal claim. Shelter not yourselves, night-prowling hyenas

as you are, under such miserable pretexts as these! Hie ye to the

charnel-houses, ye bats, ye vampires, ye ravens, ye birds of the

foulest omen! Strive, if you can, in their dark recesses, to hide

yourselves from the glare of that light which is now permeating

the world. O the dawn! O the glory! O the universal illumination!

See, my brothers, how they shrink, how they flee from its cheering

influence! Tremble, minions of despotism! Your race is run, your

very empires are tottering around you. See--with one grasp I crush

them all, as I crush this flimsy scroll!"

Here the eloquent gentleman, having made a paper ball of the last

number of the _Allgemeine Zeitung_, sate down amidst the vociferous

applause of the assembly. He was the first orator who had spoken,

and I believe had been selected to lead the van on account of his

platform experience, which was very great. I cannot say, however,

that his arguments produced entire conviction upon my mind, or that

of my companion, judging from certain muttered adjurations which

fell from Wilkinson, to the effect that on the first convenient

opportunity he would take means to make the crumpler-up of nations

atone for his scurrilous abuse of the army. We were next favoured

with addresses in Sclavonian, German, and French; and then another

British orator came forward to enlighten the public. This last was

a fellow of some fancy. Avoiding all stale topics about despotism,

aristocracies, and standing armies, he went to the root of the

matter, by asserting that in Vegetarianism alone lay the true escape

from the horrors and miseries of war. Mr Belcher--for such was the

name of this distinguished philanthropist--opined that without beef

and mutton there never could be a battle.

"Had Napoleon," said he, "been dieted from his youth upwards upon

turnips, the world would have been spared those scenes of butchery,

which must ever remain a blot upon the history of the present

century. One of our oldest English annalists assures us that Jack

Cade, than whom, perhaps, there never breathed a more uncompromising

enemy of tyranny, subsisted entirely upon spinach. This fact has

been beautifully treated by Shakspeare, whose passion for onions was

proverbial, in his play of Henry VI., wherein he represents Cade,

immediately before his death, as engaged in the preparation of a

salad. I myself," continued Mr Belcher in a slightly flatulent tone,

"can assure this honourable company, that for more than six months I

have cautiously abstained from using any other kind of food, except

broccoli, which I find at once refreshing and laxative, light, airy,

and digestible!"

Mr Belcher having ended, a bearded gentleman, who enjoyed the

reputation of being the most notorious duellist in Europe, rose

up for the purpose of addressing the audience; but by this time

the afternoon was considerably advanced, and a large number of the

Congress had silently seceded to the _roulette_ and _rouge-et-noir_

tables. Among these, to my great surprise, were Miss Latchley and

Mr Pettigrew: it being, as I afterwards understood, the invariable

practice of this gifted lady, whenever she could secure a victim,

to avail herself of his pecuniary resources; so that if fortune

declared against her, the gentleman stood the loss, whilst, in the

opposite event, she retained possession of the spoil. I daresay some

of my readers may have been witnesses to a similar arrangement.

As it was no use remaining after the departure of Mr Pettigrew,

Wilkinson and I sallied forth for a stroll, not, as you may well

conceive, in a high state of enthusiasm or rapture.

"I would not have believed," said Wilkinson, "unless I had seen it

with my own eyes, that it was possible to collect in one room so

many samples of absolute idiocy. What a pleasant companion that

Belcher fellow, who eats nothing but broccoli, must be!"

"A little variety in the way of peas would probably render him

perfect. But what do you say to the first orator?"

"I shall reserve the expression of my opinion," replied Jack, "until

I have the satisfaction of meeting that gentleman in private. But

how are we to proceed? With this woman in the way, it entirely

baffles my comprehension."

"Do you know, Jack, I was thinking of that during the whole time of

the meeting; and it does appear to me that there is a way open by

which we may precipitate the crisis. Mind--I don't answer for the

success of my scheme, but it has at least the merit of simplicity."

"Out with it, my dear fellow! I am all impatience," cried Jack.

"Well, then," said I, "did you remark the queer and heterogeneous

nature of the company? I don't think, if you except the Quakers, who

have the generic similarity of eels, that you could have picked out

any two individuals with a tolerable resemblance to each other."

"That's likely enough, for they are a most seedy set. But what of

it?"

"Why, simply this: I suspect the majority of them are political

refugees. No person, who is not an absurd fanatic or a designing

demagogue, can have any sympathy with the nonsense which is talked

against governments and standing armies. The Red Republicans, of

whom I can assure you there are plenty in every state in Europe,

are naturally most desirous to get rid of the latter, by whom they

are held in check; and if that were once accomplished, no kind of

government could stand for a single day. They are now appealing,

as they call it, to public opinion, by means of these congresses

and gatherings; and they have contrived, under cover of a zeal for

universal peace, to induce a considerable number of weak and foolish

people to join with them in a cry which is simply the forerunner of

revolution."

"All that I understand; but I don't quite see your drift."

"Every one of these bearded vagabonds hates the other like poison.

Talk of fraternity, indeed! They want to have revolution first; and

if they could get it, you would see them flying at each other's

throats like a pack of wild dogs that have pulled down a deer.

Now, my plan is this: Let us have a supper-party, and invite a

deputy from each nation. My life upon it, that before they have

been half-an-hour together, there will be such a row among the

fraternisers as will frighten your uncle Peter out of his senses,

or, still better, out of his present crotchet."

"A capital idea! But how shall we get hold of the fellows?"

"That's not very difficult. They are at this moment hard at work

at roulette, and they will come readily enough to the call if you

promise them lots of Niersteiner."

"By George! they shall have it in bucketfuls, if that can produce

the desired effect. I say--we must positively have that chap who

abused the army."

"I think it would be advisable to let him alone. I would rather

stick to the foreigners."

"O, by Jove, we must have him. I have a slight score to settle, for

the credit of the service!"

"Well, but be cautious. Recollect the great matter is to leave our

guests to themselves."

"Never fear me. I shall take care to keep within due bounds. Now let

us look after Uncle Peter."

We found that respected individual in a state of high glee. His

own run of luck had not been extraordinary; but the Latchley,

who appeared to possess a sort of second-sight in fixing on the

fortunate numbers, had contrived to accumulate a perfect mountain

of dollars, to the manifest disgust of a profane Quaker opposite,

who, judging from the violence of his language, had been thoroughly

cleaned out. Mr Pettigrew agreed at once to the proposal for a

supper-party, which Jack excused himself for making, on the ground

that he had a strong wish to cultivate the personal acquaintance of

the gentlemen, who, in the event of his joining the Peace Society,

would become his brethren. After some pressing, Mr Pettigrew agreed

to take the chair, his nephew officiating as croupier. Miss Lavinia

Latchley, so soon as she learned what was in contemplation, made a

strong effort to be allowed to join the party; but, notwithstanding

her assertion of the unalienable rights of woman to be present on

all occasions of social hilarity, Jack would not yield; and even

Pettigrew seemed to think that there were times and seasons when

the female countenance might be withheld with advantage. We found

no difficulty whatever in furnishing the complement of the guests.

There were seventeen of us in all--four Britons, two Frenchmen, a

Hungarian, a Lombard, a Piedmontese, a Sicilian, a Neapolitan, a

Roman, an Austrian, a Prussian, a Dane, a Dutchman, and a Yankee.

The majority exhibited beards of startling dimension, and few of

them appeared to regard soap in the light of a justifiable luxury.

Pettigrew made an admirable chairman. Although not conversant with

any language save his own, he contrived, by means of altering the

terminations of his words, to carry on a very animated conversation

with all his neighbours. His Italian was superb, his Danish above

par, and his Sclavonic, to say the least of it, passable. The viands

were good, and the wine abundant; so that, by the time pipes were

produced, we were all tolerably hilarious. The conversation, which

at first was general, now took a political turn; and very grievous

it was to listen to the tales of the outrages which some of the

company had sustained at the hands of tyrannical governments.

"I'll tell you what it is, gentlemen," said one of the Frenchmen,

"republics are not a whit better than monarchies, in so far as the

liberty of the people is concerned. Here am I obliged to leave

France, because I was a friend of that gallant fellow, Ledru

Rollin, whom I hope one day to see at the head of a real Socialist

government. Ah, won't we set the guillotine once more in motion

then!"

"Property is theft," remarked the Neapolitan, sententiously.

"I calculate, my fine chap, that you han't many dollars of your own,

if you're of that way of thinking!" said the Yankee, considerably

scandalised at this indifference to the rule of _meum_ and _tuum_.

"O Roma!" sighed the gentleman from the eternal city, who was rather

intoxicated.

"_Peste!_ What is the matter with it?" asked one of the Frenchmen.

"I presume it stands where it always did. _Garçon--un petit verre de

rhom!_"

"How can Rome be what it was, when it is profaned by the foot of the

stranger?" replied he of the Papal States.

"_Ah, bah!_ You never were better off than under the rule of

Oudinot."

"You are a German," said the Hungarian to the Austrian; "what think

you of our brave Kossuth?"

"I consider him a pragmatical ass," replied the Austrian curtly.

"Perhaps in that case," interposed the Lombard, with a sneer that

might have done credit to Mephistopheles, "the gentleman may

feel inclined to palliate the conduct of that satrap of tyranny,

Radetski?"

"What!--old father Radetski! the victor in a hundred fights!" cried

the Austrian. "That will I; and spit in the face of any cowardly

Italian who dares to breathe a word against his honour!"

The Italian clutched his knife.

"Hold there!" cried the Piedmontese, who seemed really a decent

sort of fellow. "None of your stiletto work here! Had you Lombards

trusted more to the bayonet and less to the knife, we might have

given another account of the Austrian in that campaign, which cost

Piedmont its king!"

"_Carlo Alberto!_" hissed the Lombard, "_sceleratissimo traditore!_"

The reply of the Piedmontese was a pie-dish, which prostrated the

Lombard on the floor.

"Gentlemen! gentlemen! for Heaven's sake be calm!" screamed

Pettigrew; "remember we are all brothers!"

"Brothers!" roared the Dane, "do ye think I would fraternise with a

Prussian? Remember Schleswig Holstein!"

"I am perfectly calm," said the Prussian, with the stiff formality

of his nation; "I never quarrel over the generous vintage of my

fatherland. Come--let me give you a song--

'Sie sollen ihm nicht haben

Den Deutschen freien Rhein.'"

"You never were more mistaken in your life, _mon cher_," said one of

the Frenchmen, brusquely. "Before twelve months are over we shall

see who has right to the Rhine!"

"Ay, that is true!" remarked the Dutchman; "confound these

Germans--they wanted to annex Luxembourg."

"What says the frog?" asked the Prussian contemptuously.

The frog said nothing, but he hit the Prussian on the teeth.

I despair of giving even a feeble impression of the scene which

took place. No single pair of ears was sufficient to catch one

fourth of the general discord. There was first an interchange of

angry words; then an interchange of blows; and immediately after,

the guests were rolling, in groups of twos and threes, as suited

their fancy, or the adjustment of national animosities, on the

ground. The Lombard rose not again; the pie-dish had quieted him

for the night. But the Sicilian and Neapolitan lay locked in deadly

combat, each attempting with intense animosity to bite off the

other's nose. The Austrian caught the Hungarian by the throat,

and held him till he was black in the face. The Dane pommelled

the Prussian. One of the Frenchmen broke a bottle over the head

of the subject of the Pope; whilst his friend, thirsting for the

combat, attempted in vain to insult the remaining non-belligerents.

The Dutchman having done all that honour required, smoked in mute

tranquillity. Meanwhile the cries of Uncle Peter were heard above

the din of battle, entreating a cessation of hostilities. He might

as well have preached to the storm--the row grew fiercer every

moment.

"This is a disgusting spectacle!" said the orator from Manchester.

"These men cannot be true pacificators--they must have served in the

army."

"That reminds me, old fellow!" said Jack, turning up the cuffs of

his coat with a very ominous expression of countenance, "that you

were pleased this morning to use some impertinent expressions with

regard to the British army. Do you adhere to what you said then?"

"I do."

"Then up with your mauleys; for, by the Lord Harry! I intend to have

satisfaction out of your carcase!"

And in less than a minute the Manchester apostle dropped with both

his eyes bunged up, and did not come to time.

"Stranger!" said the Yankee to the Piedmontese, "are you inclined

for a turn at gouging? This child feels wolfish to raise hair!" But,

to his credit be it said, the Piedmontese declined the proposal

with a polite bow. Meanwhile the uproar had attracted the attention

of the neighbourhood. Six or seven men in uniform, whom I strongly

suspect to have been members of the brass band, entered the

apartment armed with bayonets, and carried off the more obstreperous

of the party to the guard-house. The others immediately retired, and

at last Jack and I were left alone with Mr Pettigrew.

"And this," said he, after a considerable pause, "is fraternity

and peace! These are the men who intended to commence the reign

of the millennium in Europe! Giver me your hand, Jack, my dear

boy--you shan't leave the army--nay, if you do, rely upon it I

shall cut you off with a shilling, and mortify my fortune to the

Woolwich hospital. I begin to see that I am an old fool. Stop a

moment. Here is a bottle of wine that has fortunately escaped the

devastation--fill your glasses, and let us dedicate a full bumper to

the health of the Duke of Wellington."

I need hardly say that the toast was responded to with enthusiasm.

We finished not only that bottle, but another; and I had the

satisfaction of hearing Mr Pettigrew announce to my friend Wilkinson

that the purchase-money for his company would be forthcoming at

Coutts's before he was a fortnight older.

"I won't affect to deny," said Uncle Peter, "that this is a great

disappointment to me. I had hoped better things of human nature; but

I now perceive that I was wrong. Good night, my dear boys! I am a

good deal agitated, as you may see; and perhaps this sour wine has

not altogether agreed with me--I had better have taken brandy and

water. I shall seek refuge on my pillow, and I trust we may soon

meet again!"

"What did the venerable Peter mean by that impressive farewell?"

said I, after the excellent old man had departed, shaking his head

mournfully as he went.

"O, nothing at all," said Jack; "only the Niersteiner has been

rather too potent for him. Have you any sticking-plaster about you?

I have damaged my knuckles a little on the _os frontis_ of that

eloquent pacificator."

Next morning I was awoke about ten o'clock by Jack, who came rushing

into my room.

"He's off!" he cried.

"Who's off?" said I.

"Uncle Peter; and, what is far worse, he has taken Miss Latchley

with him!"

"Impossible!"

However, it was perfectly true. On inquiry we found that the

enamored pair had left at six in the morning.

CHAPTER III.

"Well, Jack," said I, "any tidings of Uncle Peter?" as Wilkinson

entered my official apartment in London, six weeks after the

dissolution of the Congress.

"Why, yes--and the case is rather worse than I supposed," replied

Jack despondingly.

"You don't mean to say that he has married that infernal woman in

pantaloons?"

"Not quite so bad as that, but very nearly. She has carried him

off to her den; and what she may make of him there, it is quite

impossible to predict."

"Her den? Has she actually inveigled him to America?"

"Not at all. These kind of women have stations established over the

whole face of the earth."

"Where, then, is he located?"

"I shall tell you. In the course of my inquiries, which, you are

aware, were rather extensive, I chanced to fall in with a Yarmouth

Bloater."

"A what?"

"I beg your pardon--I meant to say a Plymouth Brother. Now, these

fellows are a sort of regular kidnappers, who lie in wait to catch

up any person of means and substance: they don't meddle with

paupers, for, as you are aware, they share their property in common:

and it occurred to me rather forcibly, that by means of my friend,

who was a regular trapping missionary, I might learn something

about my uncle. It cost me an immensity of brandy to elicit the

information; but at last I succeeded in bringing out the fact,

that my uncle is at this moment the inmate of an Agapedome in the

neighbourhood of Southampton, and that the Latchley is his appointed

keeper."

"An Agapedome!--what the mischief is that?"

"You may well ask," said Jack; "but I won't give it a coarser

name. However, from all I can learn, it is as bad as a Mormonite

institution."

"And what the deuce may they intend to do with him, now they have

him in their power?"

"Fleece him out of every sixpence of property which he possesses in

the world," replied Jack.

"That won't do, Jack! We must get him out by some means or other."

"I suspect it would be an easier job to scale a nunnery. So far as I

can learn, they admit no one into their premises, unless they have

hopes of catching him as a convert; and I am afraid that neither you

nor I have the look of likely pupils. Besides, the Latchley could

not fail to recognise me in a moment."

"That's true enough," said I. "I think, however, that I might escape

detection by a slight alteration of attire. The lady did not honour

me with much notice during the half-hour we spent in her company. I

must own, however, that I should not like to go alone."

"My dear friend!" cried Jack, "if you will really be kind enough

to oblige me in this matter, I know the very man to accompany you.

Rogers of ours is in town just now. He is a famous follow--rather

fast, perhaps, and given to larking--but as true as steel. You shall

meet him to-day at dinner, and then we can arrange our plans."

I must own that I did not feel very sanguine of success this time.

Your genuine rogue is the most suspicious character on the face

of the earth, wide awake to a thousand little discrepancies which

would escape the observation of the honest; and I felt perfectly

convinced that the superintendent of the Agapedome was likely to

prove a rogue of the first water. Then I did not see my way clearly

to the characters which we ought to assume. Of course it was no use

for me to present myself as a scion of the Woods and Forests; I

should be treated as a Government spy, and have the door slapped in

my face. To appear as an emissary of the Jesuits would be dangerous;

that body being well known for their skill in annexing property.

In short, I came to the conclusion, that unless I could work upon

the cupidity of the head Agapedomian, there was no chance whatever

of effecting Mr Pettigrew's release. To this point, therefore, I

resolved to turn my attention.

At dinner, according to agreement, I met Rogers of ours. Rogers was

not gifted with any powerful inventive faculties; but he was a fine

specimen of the British breed, ready to take a hand at anything

which offered a prospect of fun. You would not probably have

selected him as a leading conspirator; but, though no Macchiavelli,

he appeared most valuable as an accomplice.

Our great difficulty was to pitch upon proper characters. After

much discussion, it was resolved that Rogers of ours should appear

as a young nobleman of immense wealth, but exceedingly eccentric

habits, and that I should act as bear-leader, with an eye to my

own interest. What we were to do when we should succeed in getting

admission to the establishment, was not very clear to the perception

of any of us. We resolved to be regulated entirely by circumstances,

the great point being the rescue of Mr Peter Pettigrew.

Accordingly, we all started for Southampton on the following

morning. On arriving there, we were informed that the Agapedome

was situated some three miles from the town, and that the most

extraordinary legends of the habits and pursuits of its inmates

were current in the neighbourhood. Nobody seemed to know exactly

what the Agapedomians were. They seemed to constitute a tolerably

large society of persons, both male and female; but whether they

were Christians, Turks, Jews, or Mahometans, was matter of exceeding

disputation. They were known, however to be rich, and occasionally

went out airing in carriages-and-four--the women all wearing

pantaloons, to the infinite scandal of the peasantry. So far as

we could learn, no gentleman answering to the description of Mr

Pettigrew had been seen among them.

After agreeing to open communications with Jack as speedily as

possible, and emptying a bottle of champagne towards the success

of our expedition, Rogers and I started in a postchaise for the

Agapedome. Rogers was curiously arrayed in garments of chequered

plaid, a mere glance at which would have gone far to impress any

spectator with a strong notion of his eccentricity; whilst, for my

part, I had donned a suit of black, and assumed a massive pair of

gold spectacles, and a beaver with a portentous rim.

This Agapedome was a large building surrounded by a high wall,

and looked, upon the whole, like a convent. Deeming it prudent to

ascertain how the land lay before introducing the eccentric Rogers,

I requested that gallant individual to remain in the postchaise,

whilst I solicited an interview with Mr Aaron B. Hyams, the reputed

chief of the establishment. The card I sent in was inscribed with

the name of Dr Hiram Smith, which appeared to me a sufficiently

innocuous appellation. After some delay, I was admitted through a

very strong gateway into the courtyard; and was then conducted by a

servant in a handsome livery to a library, where I was received by

Mr Hyams.

As the Agapedome has since been broken up, and its members

dispersed, it may not be uninteresting to put on record a slight

sketch of its founder. Judging from his countenance, the progenitors

of Mr Aaron B. Hyams must have been educated in the Jewish

persuasion. His nose and lip possessed that graceful curve which is

so characteristic of the Hebrew race; and his eye, if not altogether

of that kind which the poets designate as "eagle," might not unaptly

be compared to that of the turkey-buzzard. In certain circles of

society Mr Hyams would have been esteemed a handsome man. In the

doorway of a warehouse in Holywell Street he would have committed

large havoc on the hearts of the passing Leahs and Dalilahs--for

he was a square-built powerful man, with broad shoulders and

bandy legs, and displayed on his person as much ostentatious

jewellery as though he had been concerned in a new spoiling of the

Egyptians. Apparently he was in a cheerful mood; for before him

stood a half-emptied decanter of wine, and an odour as of recently

extinguished Cubas was agreeably disseminated through the apartment.

"Dr Hiram Smith, I presume?" said he. "Well, Dr Hiram Smith, to what

fortunate circumstance am I indebted for the honour of this visit?"

"Simply, sir, to this," said I, "that I want to know you, and know

about you. Nobody without can tell me precisely what your Agapedome

is, so I have come for information to headquarters. I have formed my

own conclusion. If I am wrong, there is no harm done; if I am right,

we may be able to make a bargain."

"Hallo!" cried Hyams, taken rather aback by this curt style of

exordium, "you are a rum customer, I reckon. So you want to deal,

do ye? Well then, tell us what sort of doctor you may be? No use

standing on ceremony with a chap like you. Is it M.D. or LL.D. or

D.D., or a mere walking-stick title?"

"The title," said I, "is conventional; so you may attribute it to

any origin you please. In brief, I want to know if I can board a

pupil here?"

"That depends entirely upon circumstances," replied Hyams. "Who and

what is the subject?"

"A young nobleman of the highest distinction, but of slightly

eccentric habits." Here Hyams pricked up his ears. "I am not

authorised to tell his name; but otherwise, you shall have the most

satisfactory references."

"There is only one kind of reference I care about," interrupted

Hyams, imitating at the same time the counting out of imaginary

sovereigns into his palm.

"So much the better--there will be trouble saved," said I. "I

perceive, Mr Hyams, you are a thorough man of business. In a word,

then, my pupil has been going it too fast."

"Flying kites and post-obits?"

"And all the rest of it," said I; "black-legs innumerable, and no

end of scrapes in the green-room. Things have come to such a pass

that his father, the Duke, insists on his being kept out of the way

at present; and, as taking him to Paris would only make matters

worse, it occurred to me that I might locate him for a time in some

quiet but cheerful establishment, where he could have his reasonable

swing, and no questions asked."

"Dr Hiram Smith!" cried Hyams with enthusiasm, "you're a regular

trump! I wish all the noblemen in England would look out for tutors

like you."

"You are exceedingly complimentary, Mr Hyams. And now that you know

my errand, may I ask what the Agapedome is?"

"The Home of Love," replied Hyams; "at least so I was told by the

Oxford gent, to whom I gave half-a-guinea for the title."

"And your object?"

"A pleasant retreat--comfortable home--no sort of bother of

ceremony--innocent attachments encouraged--and, in the general case,

community of goods."

"Of which latter, I presume, Mr Hyams is the sole administrator?"

"Right again, Doctor!" said Hyams with a leer of intelligence; "no

use beating about the bush with you, I perceive. A single cashier

for the whole concern saves a world of unnecessary trouble. Then,

you see, we have our little matrimonial arrangements. A young

lady in search of an eligible domicile comes here and deposits

her fortune. We provide her by-and-by with a husband of suitable

tastes, so that all matters are arranged comfortably. No luxury

or enjoyment is denied to the inmates of the establishment, which

may be compared, in short, to a perfect aviary, in which you hear

nothing from morning to evening save one continuous sound of billing

and cooing."

"You draw a fascinating picture, Mr Hyams," said I: "too

fascinating, in fact; for, after what you have said, I doubt whether

I should be fulfilling my duty to my noble patron the Duke, were I

to expose his heir to the influence of such powerful temptations."

"Don't be in the least degree alarmed about that," said Hyams. "I

shall take care that in this case there is no chance of marriage.

Harkye, Doctor, it is rather against our rules to admit parlour

boarders; but I don't mind doing it in this case, if you agree to my

terms, which are one hundred and twenty guineas per month."

"On the part of the Duke," said I, "I anticipate no objection; nor

shall I refuse your stamped receipts at that rate. But as I happen

to be paymaster, I shall certainly not give you in exchange for

each of them more than seventy guineas, which will leave you a very

pretty profit over and above your expenses."

"What a screw you are, Doctor!" cried Hyams. "Would you have the

conscience to pocket fifty for nothing? Come, come--make it eighty

and it's a bargain."

"Seventy is my last word. Beard of Mordecai, man! do you think I am

going to surrender this pigeon to your hands gratis? Have I not told

you already that he has a natural turn for _ecarté_!"

"Ah, Doctor, Doctor! you must be one of our people--you must

indeed!" said Hyams. "Well, is it a bargain?"

"Not yet," said I. "In common decency, and for the sake of

appearances, I must stay for a couple of days in the house, in order

that I may be able to give a satisfactory report to the Duke. By the

way, I hope everything is quite orthodox here--nothing contrary to

the tenets of the church?"

"O quite," replied Hyams; "it is a beautiful establishment in point

of order. The bell rings every day punctually at four o'clock."

"For prayers?"

"No, sir--for hockey. We find that a little lively exercise gives a

cheerful tone to the mind, and promotes those animal spirits which

are the peculiar boast of the Agapedome."

"I am quite satisfied," said I. "So now, if you please, I shall

introduce my pupil."

I need not dwell minutely upon the particulars of the interview

which took place between Rogers of ours and the superintendent of

the Agapedome. Indeed there is little to record. Rogers received the

intimation that this was to be his residence for a season with the

utmost nonchalance, simply remarking that he thought it would be

rather slow; and then, by way of keeping up his character, filled

himself a bumper of sherry. Mr Hyams regarded him as a spider might

do when some unknown but rather powerful insect comes within the

precincts of his net.

"Well," said Rogers, "since it seems I am to be quartered here, what

sort of fun is to be had? Any racket-court, eh?"

"I am sorry to say, my Lord, ours is not built as yet. But at four

o'clock we shall have hockey--"

"Hang hockey! I have no fancy for getting my shins bruised. Any body

in the house except myself?"

"If your Lordship would like to visit the ladies--"

"Say no more!" cried Rogers impetuously. "I shall manage to kill

time now! 'Hallo, you follow with the shoulder-knot! show me the way

to the drawing-room;" and Rogers straightway disappeared.

"Doctor Hiram Smith!" said Hyams, looking rather discomposed, "this

is most extraordinary conduct on the part of your pupil."

"Not at all extraordinary, I assure you," I replied; "I told you he

was rather eccentric, but at present he is in a peculiarly quiet

mood. Wait till you see his animal spirits up!"

"Why, he'll be the ruin of the Agapedome!" cried Hyams; "I cannot

possibly permit this."

"It will rather puzzle you to stop it," said I.

Here a faint squall, followed by a sound of suppressed giggling, was

heard in the passage without.

"Holy Moses!" cried the Agapedomian, starting up, "if Mrs Hyams

should happen to be there!"

"You may rely upon it she will very soon become accustomed to his

Lordship's eccentricities. Why, you told me you admitted of no sort

of bother or ceremony."

"Yes--but a joke maybe carried too far. As I live, he is pursuing

one of the ladies down stairs into the courtyard!"

"Is he?" said I; "then you may be tolerably certain he will

overtake her."

"Surely some of the servants will stop him!" cried Hyams, rushing

to the window. "Yes--here comes one of them. Father Abraham! is it

possible? He has knocked Adoniram down!"

"Nothing more likely," said I; "his Lordship had lessons from

Mendoza."

"I must look to this myself," cried Hyams.

"Then I'll follow and see fair play," said I.

We rushed into the court; but by this time it was empty. The pursued

and the pursuer--Daphne and Apollo--had taken flight into the

garden. Thither we followed them, Hyams red with ire; but no trace

was seen of the fugitives. At last in an acacia bower we heard

murmurs. Hyams dashed on; I followed; and there, to my unutterable

surprise, I beheld Rogers of ours kneeling at the feet of the

Latchley!

"Beautiful Lavinia!" he was saying, just as we turned the corner.

"Sister Latchley!" cried Hyams, "what is the meaning of all this?"

"Rather let me ask, brother Hyams," said the Latchley in unabashed

serenity, "what means this intrusion, so foreign to the time, and so

subversive of the laws of our society?"

"Shall I pound him, Lavinia?" said Rogers, evidently anxious to

discharge a slight modicum of the debt which he owed to the Jewish

fraternity.

"I command--I beseech you, no! Speak, brother Hyams! I again require

of you to state why and wherefore you have chosen to violate the

fundamental rules of the Agapedome?"

"Sister Latchley, you will drive me mad! This young man has not been

ten minutes in the house, and yet I find him scampering after you

like a tom-cat, and knocking down Adoniram because he came in his

way, and you are apparently quite pleased!"

"Is the influence of love measured by hours?" asked the Latchley in

a tone of deep sentiment. "Count we electricity by time--do we mete

out sympathy by the dial? Brother Hyams, were not your intellectual

vision obscured by a dull and earthly film, you would know that the

passage of the lightning is not more rapid than the flash of kindled

love."

"That sounds all very fine," said Hyams, "but I shall allow no such

doings here; and you, in particular, Sister Latchley, considering

how you are situated, ought to be ashamed of yourself!"

"Aaron, my man," said Rogers of ours, "will you be good enough to

explain what you mean by making such insinuations?"

"Stay, my Lord," said I; "I really must interpose. Mr Hyams is about

to explain."

"May I never discount bill again," cried the Jew, "if this is not

enough to make a man forswear the faith of his fathers! Look you

here, Miss Latchley; you are part of the establishment, and I expect

you to obey orders."

"I was not aware, sir, until this moment," said Miss Latchley,

loftily, "that I was subject to the orders of any one."

"Now, don't be a fool; there's a dear!" said Hyams. "You know well

enough what I mean. Haven't you enough on hand with Pettigrew,

without encumbering yourself--?" and he stopped short.

"It is a pity, sir," said Miss Latchley, still more magnificently,

"it is a vast pity, that since you have the meanness to invent

falsehoods, you cannot at the same time command the courage to utter

them. Why am I thus insulted? Who is this Pettigrew you speak of?"

"Pettigrew--Pettigrew?" remarked Rogers; "I say, Dr Smith, was

not that the name of the man who is gone amissing, and for whose

discovery his friends are offering a reward?"

Hyams started as if stung by an adder. "Sister Latchley," he said,

"I fear I was in the wrong."

"You have made the discovery rather too late, Mr Hyams," replied

the irate Lavinia. "After the insults you have heaped upon me, it

is full time we should part. Perhaps these gentlemen will be kind

enough to conduct an unprotected female to a temporary home."

"If you will go, you go alone, madam," said Hyams; "his Lordship

intends to remain here."

"His Lordship intends to do nothing of the sort, you rascal," said

Rogers. "Hockey don't agree with my constitution."

"Before I depart, Mr Hyams," said Miss Latchley, "let me remark that

you are indebted to me in the sum of two thousand pounds as my share

of the profits of the establishment. Will you pay it now, or would

you prefer to wait till you hear from my solicitor?"

"Anything more?" asked the Agapedomian.

"Merely this," said I: "I am now fully aware that Mr Peter Pettigrew

is detained within these walls. Surrender him instantly, or prepare

yourself for the worst penalties of the law."

I made a fearful blunder in betraying my secret before I was clear

of the premises, and the words had scarcely passed my lips before

I was aware of my mistake. With the look of a detected demon Hyams

confronted us.

"Ho, ho! this is a conspiracy, is it? But you have reckoned without

your host. Ho, there! Jonathan--Asahel! close the doors, ring the

great bell, and let no man pass on your lives! And now let's see

what stuff you are made of!"

So saying, the ruffian drew a life-preserver from his pocket, and

struck furiously at my head before I had time to guard myself. But

quick as he was, Rogers of ours was quicker. With his left hand he

caught the arm of Hyams as the blow descended, whilst with the right

he dealt him a fearful blow on the temple, which made the Hebrew

stagger. But Hyams, amongst his other accomplishments, had practised

in the ring. He recovered himself almost immediately, and rushed

upon Rogers. Several heavy hits were interchanged; and there is no

saying how the combat might have terminated, but for the presence

of mind of the Latchley. That gifted female, superior to the

weakness of her sex, caught up the life-preserver from the ground,

and applied it so effectually to the back of Hyams' skull, that he

dropped like an ox in the slaughter-house.

Meanwhile the alarum bell was ringing--women were screaming at

the windows, from which also several crazy-looking gentlemen were

gesticulating; and three or four truculent Israelites were rushing

through the courtyard. The whole Agapedome was in an uproar.

"Keep together and fear nothing!" cried Rogers. "I never stir on

these kind of expeditions without my pistols. Smith--give your arm

to Miss Latchley, who has behaved like the heroine of Saragossa; and

now let us see if any of these scoundrels will venture to dispute

our way!"

But for the firearms which Rogers carried, I suspect our egress

would have been disputed. Jonathan and Asahel, red-headed ruffians

both, stood ready with iron bars in their hands to oppose our exit;

but a glimpse of the bright glittering barrel caused them to change

their purpose. Rogers commanded them, on pain of instant death, to

open the door. They obeyed; and we emerged from the Agapedome as

joyfully as the Ithacans from the cave of Polyphemus. Fortunately

the chaise was still in waiting: we assisted Miss Latchley in, and

drove off, as fast as the horses could gallop, to Southampton.

CHAPTER IV.

"Is it possible they can have murdered him?" said Jack.

"That, I think," said I, "is highly improbable. I rather imagine

that he has refused to conform to some of the rules of the

association, and has been committed to the custody of Messrs

Jonathan and Asahel."

"Shall I ask Lavinia?" said Rogers. "I daresay she would tell me all

about it."

"Better not," said I, "in the mean time. Poor thing! her nerves must

be shaken."

"Not a whit of them," replied Rogers. "I saw no symptom of nerves

about her. She was as cool as a cucumber when she floored that

infernal Jew; and if she should be a little agitated or so, she is

calming herself at this moment with a glass of brandy and water. I

mixed it for her. Do you know she's a capital fellow, only 'tis a

pity she's so very plain."

"I wish the police would arrive!" said Jack. "We have really not a

minute to lose. Poor Uncle Peter! I devoutly trust this may be the

last of his freaks."

"I hope so too, Jack, for your sake: it is no joke rummaging him out

of such company. But for Rogers there, we should all of us have been

as dead as pickled herrings."

"I bear a charmed life," said Rogers. "Remember I belong to 'the

Immortals.' But there come the blue-coats in a couple of carriages.

'Gad, Wilkinson, I wish it were our luck to storm the Agapedome with

a score of our own fellows!"

During our drive, Rogers enlightened us as to his encounter with the

Latchley. It appeared that he had bestowed considerable attention

to our conversation in London; and that, when he hurried to the

drawing-room in the Agapedome, as already related, he thought he

recognised the Latchley at once, in the midst of half-a-dozen more

juvenile and blooming sisters.

"Of course, I never read a word of the woman's works," said Rogers,

"and I hope I never shall; but I know that female vanity will stand

any amount of butter. So I bolted into the room, without caring for

the rest--though, by the way, there was one little girl with fair

hair and blue eyes, who, I hope, has not left the Agapedome--threw

myself at the feet of Lavinia; declared that I was a young nobleman,

enamoured of her writings, who was resolved to force my way through

iron bars to gain a glimpse of the bright original: and, upon

the whole, I think you must allow that I managed matters rather

successfully."

There could be but one opinion as to that. In fact, without Rogers,

the whole scheme must have miscarried. It was Kellermann's charge,

unexpected and unauthorised--but altogether triumphant.

On arriving at the Agapedome we found the door open, and three or

four peasants loitering round the gateway.

"Are they here still?" cried Jack, springing from the chaise.

"Noa, measter," replied one of the bystanders; "they be gone an hour

past in four carrutches, wi' all their goods and chuckles."

"Did they carry any one with them by force?"

"Noa, not by force, as I seed; but there wore one chap among them

woundily raddled on the sconce."

"Hyams to wit, I suppose. Come, gentlemen; as we have a

search-warrant, let us in and examine the premises thoroughly."

Short as was the interval which had elapsed between our exit and

return, Messrs Jonathan, Asahel, and Co. had availed themselves

of it to the utmost. Every portable article of any value had been

removed. Drawers were open, and papers scattered over the floors,

along with a good many pairs of bloomers rather the worse for the

wear: in short, every thing seemed to indicate that the nest was

finally abandoned. What curious discoveries we made during the

course of our researches, as to the social habits and domestic

economy of this happy family, I shall not venture to recount; we

came there not to gratify either private or public curiosity, but to

perform a sacred duty by emancipating Mr Peter Pettigrew.

Neither in the cellars nor the closets, nor even in the garrets,

could we find any trace of the lost one. The contents of one

bedroom, indeed, showed that it had been formerly tenanted by Mr

Pettigrew, for there were his portmanteaus with his name engraved

upon them; his razors, and his wearing apparel, all seemingly

untouched: but there were no marks of any recent occupancy; the dust

was gathering on the table, and the ewer perfectly dry. It was the

opinion of the detective officer that at least ten days had elapsed

since any one had slept in the room. Jack became greatly alarmed.

"I suppose," said he, "there is nothing for it but to proceed

immediately in pursuit of Hyams: do you think you will be able to

apprehend him?"

"I doubt it very much, sir," replied the detective officer. "These

sort of fellows are wide awake, and are always prepared for

accidents. I expect that, by this time, he is on his way to France.

But hush!--what was that?"

A dull sound as of the clapper of a large bell boomed overhead.

There was silence for about a minute, and again it was repeated.

"Here is a clue, at all events!" cried the officer. "My life on it,

there is some one in the belfry."

We hastened up the narrow stairs which led to the tower. Half way

up, the passage was barred by a stout door, double locked, which the

officers had some difficulty in forcing with the aid of a crow-bar.

This obstacle removed, we reached the lofty room where the bell

was suspended; and there, right under the clapper, on a miserable

truckle bed, lay the emaciated form of Mr Pettigrew.

"My poor uncle!" said Jack, stooping tenderly to embrace his

relative, "what can have brought you here?"

"Speak louder, Jack!" said Mr Pettigrew; "I can't hear you. For

twelve long days that infernal bell has been tolling just above my

head for hockey and other villanous purposes. I am as deaf as a

doornail!"

"And so thin, dear uncle! You must have been most shamefully abused."

"Simply starved; that's all."

"What! starved? The monsters! Did they give you nothing to eat?"

"Yes--broccoli. I wish you would try it for a week: it is a rare

thing to bring out the bones."

"And why did they commit this outrage upon you?"

"For two especial reasons, I suppose--first, because I would not

surrender my whole property; and, secondly, because I would not

marry Miss Latchley."

"My dear uncle! when I saw you last, it appeared to me that you

would have had no objections to perform the latter ceremony."

"Not on compulsion, Jack--not on compulsion!" said Mr Pettigrew,

with a touch of his old humour. "I won't deny that I was humbugged

by her at first, but this was over long ago."

"Indeed! Pray, may I venture to ask what changed your opinion of the

lady?"

"Her works, Jack--her own works!" replied Uncle Peter. "She gave me

them to read as soon as I was fairly trapped into the Agapedome,

and such an awful collection of impiety and presumption I never saw

before. She is ten thousand times worse than the deceased Thomas

Paine."

"Was she, then, party to your incarceration?"

"I won't say that. I hardly think she would have consented to

let them harm me, or that she knew exactly how I was used; but

that fellow Hyams is wicked enough to have been an officer under

King Herod. Now, pray help me up, and lift me down stairs, for my

legs are so cramped that I can't walk, and my head is as dizzy

as a wheel. That confounded broccoli, too, has disagreed with my

constitution, and I shall feel particularly obliged to any one who

can assist me to a drop of brandy."

After having ministered to the immediate wants of Mr Pettigrew,

and secured his effects, we returned to Southampton, leaving the

deserted Agapedome in the charge of a couple of police. In spite of

every entreaty Mr Pettigrew would not hear of entering a prosecution

against Hyams.

"I feel," said he, "that I have made a thorough ass of myself;

and I should not be able to stand the ridicule that must follow a

disclosure of the consequences. In fact, I begin to think that I am

not fit to look after my own affairs. The man who has spent twelve

days, as I have, under the clapper of a bell, without any other

sustenance than broccoli--is there any more brandy in the flask?

I should like the merest drop--the man, I say, who has undergone

these trials, has ample time for meditation upon the past. I see

my weakness, and I acknowledge it. So Jack, my dear boy, as you

have always behaved to me more like a son than a nephew, I intend,

immediately on my return to London, to settle my whole property upon

you, merely reserving an annuity. Don't say a word on the subject.

My mind is made up, and nothing can alter my resolution."

On arriving at Southampton we considered it our duty to communicate

immediately with Miss Latchley, for the purpose of ascertaining if

we could render her any temporary assistance. Perhaps it was more

than she deserved; but we could not forget her sex, though she had

done everything in her power to disguise it; and, besides, the lucky

blow with the life-preserver, which she administered to Hyams, was

a service for which we could not be otherwise than grateful. Jack

Wilkinson was selected as the medium of communication. He found the

strong Lavinia alone, and perfectly composed.

"I wish never more," said she, "to hear the name of Pettigrew. It is

associated in my mind with weakness, fanaticism, and vacillation;

and I shall ever feel humbled at the reflection that I bowed my

woman's pride to gaze on the surface of so shallow and opaque a

pool! And yet, why regret? The image of the sun is reflected equally

from the Bœotian marsh and the mirror of the clear Ontario! Tell

your uncle," continued she, after a pause, "that as he is nothing

to me, so I wish to be nothing to him. Let us mutually extinguish

memory. Ha, ha, ha!--so they fed him, you say, upon broccoli?

"But I have one message to give, though not to him. The youth

who, in the nobility of his soul, declared his passion for my

intellect--where is he? I tarry beneath this roof but for him. Do

my message fairly, and say to him that if he seeks a communion of

soul--no! that is the common phrase of the slaves of antiquated

superstition--if he yearns for a grand amalgamation of essential

passion and power, let him hasten hither, and Lavinia Latchley is

ready to accompany him to the prairie or the forest, to the torrid

zone, or to the confines of the arctic seas!"

"I shall deliver your message, ma'am," said Jack, "as accurately as

my abilities will allow." And he did so.

Rogers of ours writhed uneasily in his seat.

"I'll tell you what it is, my fine fellows," said he, "I don't look

upon this quite as a laughing matter. I am really sorry to have

taken in the old woman, though I don't see how we could well have

helped it; and I would far rather, Jack, that she had fixed her

affections upon you than on me. I shall get infernally roasted at

the mess if this story should transpire. However, I suppose there's

only one answer to be given. Pray, present my most humble respects,

and say how exceedingly distressed I feel that my professional

engagements will not permit me to accompany her in her proposed

expedition."

Jack reported the answer in due form.

"Then," said Lavinia, drawing herself up to her full height, and

shrouding her visage in a black veil, "tell him that for his sake I

am resolved to die a virgin!"

I presume she will keep her word; at least I have not yet heard that

any one has been courageous enough to request her to change her

situation. She has since returned to America, and is now, I believe,

the president of a female college, the students of which may be

distinguished from the rest of their sex, by their uniform adoption

of bloomers.

_Printed by William Blackwood & Sons, Edinburgh._

* * * * *

Transcriber's note:

Mismatched quotes are not fixed if it's not sufficiently clear where

the missing quote should be placed.

The cover for the eBook version of this book was created by the

transcriber and is placed in the public domain.

Minor typographical errors have been corrected without note.

Irregularities and inconsistencies in the text have been retained as

printed, ecept for the following:

The transcriber has made accents consistent for "Schaïgië" and

"Schaïgië's".

Page 328: "But he must cease to be Mr Ruskin if they ..." The

transcriber has inserted "be".