A MIDNIGHT CONFIDENCE.
Mr. St. Paul stayed to dinner that day, being invited by Money without
ceremony, and accepting the invitation in the easiest way. Victor
Heron declined to remain. The family and Minola, with Mr. St. Paul,
made up the party. St. Paul was very attentive to Mrs. Money, who
appeared to be delighted with him. He talked all through the
dinner--he hardly ever stopped; he had an adventure in Texas, or in
Mexico, or in the South Sea Islands, _apropos_ of everything; he
seemed equally pleased whether his listeners believed or disbelieved
his stories, and he talked of his own affairs with a cool frankness,
as if he was satisfied that all the world must know everything about
him, and that he might as well speak bluntly out. He could not be
called cynical in manner, for cynicism presupposes a sort of
affectation, a defiance, or a deliberate _pose_ of some kind, and St.
Paul seemed absolutely without affectation--completely self-satisfied
and easy. Victor had spoken of him as "a rowdy--that's all." But that
was not all. He was--if such a phrase could be tolerated--a "gentleman
rowdy." His morals and his code of honor seemed to be those of a
Mexican horse-stealer, and yet anybody must have known that he was by
birth and early education an English gentleman.
"I don't think I know a soul about town," he said. "I looked in at the
club once or twice--always kept up my subscription there during my worst
of times--and I didn't see a creature I could recollect. I dare say the
people who know my brother won't care to know me. I did leave such a
deuce of a reputation behind me; and they'll all be sure to think I
haven't got a red cent--a penny, I mean. There they are mistaken.
Somehow the money-making gift grows on you out West."
"Why don't you settle down?" Money asked. "Get into Parliament, marry,
range yourself, and all that--make up with your brother and be all
right. You have plenty of time before you yet."
"My good fellow, what do you call plenty of time? Look at me--I'm as
bald as if I were a judge."
"Oh, bald! that's nothing. Everybody is bald nowadays."
"But I'm thirty-five! Thirty-five--think of that, young ladies! a
grizzled, grim old fogey--what is it Thackeray says?--all girls know
Thackeray--who on earth would marry me? My brother and his wife have
given me such a shockingly bad character. Some of it I deserved,
perhaps; some of it I didn't. They think I have disgraced the family
name, I dare say. What did the family name do for me I should like to
know? Out in Texas we didn't care much about family names."
"I entirely agree with your view of things, Mr. St. Paul," Mrs. Money
said in her soft melancholy tone. "England is destroyed by caste and
class. I honor a man of family who has the spirit to put away such
ideas."
"Oh, it would be all well enough if one were the eldest brother, and had
the money, and all that. I should like to be the Duke, I dare say, well
enough. But I can't be that, and I've been very happy hunting buffaloes
for months together, and no one but an old Indian to speak to. I don't
disgrace the Duke's family name, for I've dropped it, nor any courtesy
title, for I don't use any. I believe they have forgotten me altogether
in Keeton. Miss Grey tells me so."
"Excuse me," Minola said. "I didn't say that, for I didn't know. I only
said I didn't remember hearing of you by your present name; but I didn't
know any of the family at the Castle. We belonged to the townspeople,
and were not likely to have much acquaintance with the Castle."
"Except at election time--I know," St. Paul said with a laugh. "Well,
I'm worse off now, for they won't know _me_ even at election time."
Then the talk went off again under St. Paul's leadership, and almost by
his sole effort, to his adventurous life, and he told many stories of
fights with Indians, of vigilance committees, of men hanged for
horse-stealing, and of broken-down English scamps, who either got killed
or made their fortune out West. A cool contempt for human life was made
specially evident. "I like a place," the narrator more than once
observed, "where you can kill a man if you want to and no bother about
it." Perhaps still more evident was the contempt for every principle but
that of comradeship.
After dinner Mr. St. Paul only showed himself in the drawing-room for a
moment or two, and then took his leave.
"Papa," Lucy said instantly, "do tell us all about Mr. St. Paul."
"Are you curious to know something about him, Miss Grey?" Money asked.
"Well, he certainly seems to be an odd sort of person. He is so little
like what I should imagine a pirate of romance."
"Not a bad hit. He is a sort of pirate out of date. But he represents,
with a little exaggeration, a certain tendency among younger sons
to-day. Some younger sons, you know, are going into trade; some are
working at the bar, or becoming professional journalists; some are
rearing sheep in Australia, and cattle in Kansas and Texas. It's a phase
of civilization worth observing, Miss Grey, to you who go in for being a
sort of little philosopher."
"Dear papa, how can you say so? Nola does not go in for being anything
so dry and dreadful."
"The tendencies of an aristocracy must always interest a thoughtful mind
like Miss Grey's, Lucy," Mrs. Money said gravely. "There is at least
something hopeful in the mingling of classes."
"In young swells becoming drovers and rowdies?" Money observed. "Hum!
Well, as to that----" and he stopped.
"I think I am a little interested in him," Minola said; "but only
personally, not philosophically."
"Well, that's nearly all about him. He was a scamp, and he knocked about
the world, and settled, if that can be called settling, out West for a
while; and he has made money, and I hope he has sown his wild oats; and
he has come home for variety, and, I think, to annoy his brother. I met
him in Egypt, and I knew him in England too; and so he came to see me,
and he found a sort of old acquaintance in Heron. That's all. He's a
clever fellow, and not a bad fellow in his way. I dare say he would have
made a very decent follower of Drake or Raleigh if he had been born at
the right time."
Minola's attention was drawn away somewhat from the character,
adventures, and philosophical interest of Mr. St. Paul to observe some
peculiarity in the manner of Lucy Money. Although Lucy had set out by
declaring herself wildly eager to know something about St. Paul, she
very soon dropped out of the conversation, and drew listlessly away.
After a while she sat at the piano, and began slowly playing some soft
and melancholy chords. Minola had been observing something of a change
in Lucy this present visit, something that she had not seen before. Mr.
Money presently went to his study; the women all dispersed, and Minola
sat in her bedroom, and wondered within herself whether anything was
disturbing Lucy's bright little mind.
It was curious to note how Lucy Money's soft ways had won upon Minola.
Lucy twined herself round the affections of the stronger girl, and
clung to her. Mrs. Money was pleased, amused, and touched by the sight.
The calm Theresa was a little annoyed, considering Lucy to show thereby
a lack of the composure and dignity befitting a woman; and Mary
Blanchet was sometimes disposed to be jealous. Minola herself was
filled with affectionate kindness for the overgrown child, not
untempered with a dash of pity and wonder. She was sometimes inclined
to address the girl in certain lines from Joanna Baillie, forgotten now
even of most readers of poetry, and ask her, "Thou sweetest thing that
e'er didst fix its lightly-fibred spray on the rude rock, ah! wouldst
thou cling to _me_?" For whatever the outer world and its lookers-on
may have thought of her, it is certain that Minola did still believe
herself to be cold, unloving, hard to warm toward her fellow-beings.
The unrestrained, unaffected love of Lucy filled her at once with
surprise and a sweeter, softer feeling.
So when she heard the patter of feet at her door she hardly had to wait
for the familiar tap and the familiar voice to know that Lucelet was
there. Minola opened the door, and Lucelet came in with her hair all
loosely around her, and her eyes sparkling.
"May I sit a little and talk?" and without waiting for an answer she
coiled herself on the hearthrug near the chair on which Minola had been
sitting. "You sit there again, Nola. Are you glad to see me?"
"Very, very glad, Lucy dear."
"Do you love me, master? no?" For Minola had, among other things, been
teaching Lucy to read Shakespeare, and Lucy had just become enamored of
Ariel's tender question, and was delighted to turn it to her own
account.
"Dearly, my delicate Ariel," said Minola, carrying on the quotation; and
Lucy positively crimsoned with a double delight, having her quotation
understood and answered, and an assurance of affection given.
"Why don't you let down your hair, Nola? Do let me see it now completely
down. I'll do it--allow me." And she sprang up, came behind Minola, and
"undid" all her hair, so that it fell around her back and shoulders.
Minola could hardly keep from blushing to be thus made a picture of and
openly admired. "There, that is perfectly beautiful! You look like Lady
Godiva, or like the Fair One with Locks of Gold, if you prefer that. Did
you ever read the story of 'The Fair One with Locks of Gold,' when you
were a little girl? Oh, please leave your hair just as it is, and let me
look at it for awhile. Do you remember Lady Limpenny's nonsense to-day?"
Minola allowed her to please herself, and they began to talk; but after
the first joy of coming in, Lucy seemed a little _distraite_, and not
quite like herself. She fell into little moments of silence every now
and then, and sometimes looked up into Minola's face as if she were
going to say something, and then stopped.
Minola saw that her friend had something on her mind, but thought it
best not to ask her any questions, feeling sure that if Lucy had
anything she wished to say, Lucy would not keep it long unsaid.
After a moment's pause, "Nola!"
"Yes, dear."
"You don't much like men in general?"
"Well, Lucy dear, I don't know that anybody much likes men in general,
or women either. Good Christians say that they love all their brothers
and sisters, but I don't suppose it's with a very ardent love."
"But you rather go in for not liking men as a rule, don't you?"
Minola was a little amused by the words, "go in for not liking men."
They seemed to be what she knew Lucy never meant them for--a sort of
rebuke to the affectation which would formally pose itself as
misanthropic. Minola had of late begun to entertain doubts as to whether
a certain amount of half-conscious egotism and affectation did not
mingle in her old-time proclamations of a dislike to men.
"I think I rather did go in for not liking men, Lucy; but I think I am
beginning to be a little penitent. Perhaps I was rather general in my
ideas; perhaps the men I knew best were not very fair specimens of the
human race; perhaps men in general don't very much care what I think of
them."
"Any man would care if he knew you, especially if he saw you with your
hair down like that. But, anyhow, you don't dislike _all_ men?"
"Oh, no, dear. How could I dislike your father, Lucelet?"
"No," Lucy said, looking round with earnest eyes; "who could dislike
him, Nola? I am so fond of him; I could say almost anything to him. If
you knew what I have lately been talking to him about, you would wonder.
Well, but he is not the only man you don't dislike; I am sure you don't
dislike Mr. Heron." Her eyes grew more inquiring and eager than before.
"No, indeed, Lucy; I don't think any one could dislike him either."
"I am delighted to hear you say so; but I want you to say some more.
Tell me what you think of Mr. Heron; I am curious to know. You are so
much more clever than I, and you can understand people and see into
them. Tell me exactly what you see in Mr. Heron."
"Why do you want to know all this, Lucy?"
"Because I want to hear your opinion very particularly, for you are not
a hero-worshipper, and you don't admire men in general. Some girls are
such enthusiastic fools that they make a hero out of every good-looking
young man they meet. But you are not like that, Nola."
"Oh, no! I am not like that," Nola echoed, not without a thought that
now, perhaps, there were moments when she almost wished she were.
"Well, then, tell me. First, do you think Mr. Heron handsome?"
"Yes, Lucy, I think he is handsome."
"Then do you like him? Do tell me what you think of him."
"In the name of heaven," Minola asked herself, "why should I not speak
the truth in answer to so plain and innocent a question?" She answered
quietly, and looking straightforward at the fire:
"I like Mr. Heron very much, Lucy. I don't know many men--young men
especially--but I like him better than any young man I have met as yet."
"As yet. Yes, yes. I am glad to hear you say that," Lucy said with
beaming eyes, and growing good-humoredly saucy in her very delight. "As
yet. Yes, you put that in well, Nola."
"How so, dear?"
"Oh, you know. Because of the one yet to present himself; the not
impossible He--nearly impossible though--who is to be fit for my Nola. I
tell you I shall scrutinize him before I allow his pretensions to pass.
Well, now, about Mr. Heron?"
"I think him a very brave, generous, and noble-hearted young man. I
think he has not a selfish thought or a mean purpose about him, and I
think he has spirit and talent; and I hope one day to hear that he has
made himself an honorable name."
Lucy turned now to Minola a pair of eyes that were moist with tears.
"Tell me, Nola"--and her voice grew a little tremulous--"don't you think
he's a man a woman might fall in love with?"
There was a moment's silence, and Lucy leaned upon Nola's knees, eagerly
looking into her face. Then Nola answered, in a quiet, measured
undertone,
"Oh, yes, Lucy; I do indeed. I think he is a man a woman might fall in
love with."
"Thank you, Nola. That is all I wanted to ask you."
There was another pause.
"Nola!"
"Yes, Lucy."
"You don't ask me anything."
"Perhaps, dear, because there is nothing I want to know."
"Then you _do_ guess?"
"Oh, yes, dear, I do guess."
"Well--but what?"
"I suppose--that you are--engaged to Mr. Heron."
Lucy started up with her face all on fire.
"Oh, no, Nola, dear darling! you have guessed too much. I wish I had
told you, and not asked you to guess at all. We're not engaged. Oh, no.
It's only--well, it's only--it's only that I am in love with him,
Nola--oh, yes, so much in love with him that I should not like to live
if he didn't care about me--no, not one day!" Then Lucy hid her head in
Minola's lap and sobbed like a little child.
Perhaps the breakdown was of service to both the girls. It allowed poor
Lucy to relieve her long pent-up feelings, and it gave Minola time to
consider the meaning of the revelation as composedly as she could, and
to think of what she ought to say and do.
Lucy presently looked up, with a gleam of April brightness in her eyes.
"Do you think me foolish, Nola, for telling you this?"
"Well, dear, I don't know whether you ought to have told it to me."
"I couldn't do without telling it to somebody, Nola. I think I must be
like that king I read about somewhere--I forget his name; no, I believe
it was not the king, but his servant--who had to tell the secret to some
listener, and so told it to the reeds on the seashore. If I had not told
this to somebody, I must have told it to the reeds."
Minola almost wished she had told it to the reeds. There were reeds
enough beneath the little bridge which Nola loved in Regent's Park, and
had they been possessed of the secret she might have looked over the
bridge for ever, and dreamed dreams as the lazy water flowed on beneath,
and even noted and admired the whispering reeds, and they would never
have whispered that secret to her.
"I think papa guesses it," Lucy said. "I am sure he does, because he
talked to me of--oh, well, of a different person, and asked me if I
cared about him, and I told him that I didn't. He said he was glad, for
he didn't much like him; but that I should marry any one I liked--always
provided, Nola, that he happened to like me, which doesn't at all
follow. I know papa likes Mr. Heron."
"Then, Lucy, would it not be better to tell Mr. Money?"
"Oh, Nola! I couldn't tell him that--I could tell him almost anything,
but I couldn't tell him that. Are you not sorry for me, Nola? Oh, say
you are sorry for me! The other day--it only seems the other day--I was
just as happy as a bird. Do say you are sorry for me."
"But, my dear, I don't know why there should be any sorrow about it. Why
should not everything prove to be perfectly happy?"
"Do you think so, Nola?"
She looked up to Nola with an expression of childlike anxiety.
"Why should it not be so, Lucy? If I were a man, I should be very much
in love with you, dear. You are the girl that men ought to be in love
with."
There was a certain tone of coldness or constraint in Minola's voice
which could not escape even Lucy's observation.
"You think me weak and foolish, I know very well, Nola, because I have
made such a confession as this. For all your kindness and your good
heart, I know that you despise any girl who allows herself to fall in
love with a man. You don't care about men, and you think we ought to
have more dignity, and not to prostrate ourselves before them; and you
are quite right. Only some of us can't help it."
"No," said Minola sadly; "I suppose not."
"There! You look all manner of contempt at me. I should like to have you
painted as the Queen of the Amazons--you would look splendid. But I may
trust to your friendly heart and your sympathy all the same, I know. You
will pity us weaker girls, and you won't be too hard on us. I want you
to help me."
"Can I help you, Lucy? Shall I ask Mr. Heron if he is in love with you?
I will if you like."
"Oh, Nola, what nonsense! That only shows how ridiculous you think me.
No, I only mean that you should give me your sympathy, and let me talk
to you. And--you observe things so well--just to use your eyes for my
sake. Oh, there is so much a friend may do! And he thinks so much of
you, and always talks to you so freely."
Yes, Minola thought to herself; he always talks to me very freely--we
are good friends. If he were in love with Lucy, I dare say he would tell
me. Why should he not? She tells me that she is in love with him--that
is a proof of her friendship.
We can think in irony as well as speak in it, and Minola was disposed at
present to be a little sarcastic. She did not love such disclosures as
Lucy had been making. There seemed to be a lack of that instinctive
delicacy in them, which, as she fancied, might be the possession of a
girl were she brought up naked in a south sea islet. Fresh and innocent
as Lucy was, yet this revelation seemed wanting in pure self-respect.
Perhaps, too, it was in keeping with Minola's old creed to believe that
this was just the sort of girl whom most men would be sure to love. At
any rate, she was for the moment in a somewhat bitter mood. Something of
this must have shown itself in her expression, for Lucy said, in a tone
of frightened remonstrance--
"Now, Nola, I have told you all. I have betrayed myself to you, and if
you only despise me and feel angry with me, oh, what shall I do? Isn't
it strange--you both came the same day here--you and he, for the first
time--I mean the first time since I saw you at school. Am I to lose you
too?"
There was something so simple and helpless in this piteous appeal, with
its implied dread of a love proving hopeless, that no irony or anger
could have prevailed against it in Minola's breast. She threw her arm
round the child's neck and petted and soothed her.
"Why should you lose both--why should you lose either?" Minola said. "I
can promise you for one, Lucy dear; and if I could promise you for the
other too, you might be sure of him. He must be a very insensible
person, Lucy, who fails to appreciate you. Only don't make it too plain,
dear, to any one but me. They say that men like to do the love-making
for themselves--and you have not the slightest need to go out of your
way. Tell me--does he know anything of this?"
"Oh, no, Nola."
"Nor guess anything at all?"
"Oh, no--I am sure not--I don't think so. You didn't guess
anything--now, did you?--and how could he?"
Minola felt a little glad to hear of this--for the dignity of womanhood,
she said to herself. But she did not know how long it would last, for
Lucy was not a person likely to accomplish great efforts of
self-control, for the mere sake of the abstract dignity of womanhood.
For the moment, all Minola could do was to express full sympathy with
her friend, and at the same time to counsel her gently not to betray her
secret. Lucy went to her bedroom at last, much fluttering and quivering,
but also relieved and encouraged, and she fell asleep, for all her love
pains, long before Minola did.
"She will be very happy," Minola sat thinking, when she was alone. "She
has a great deal already: a loving father, and mother, and sister; a
happy home, where she is sheltered against everything; a future all full
of brightness. He will love her--I suppose. She's very pretty, and
sweet, and obliging; and he is simple and manly, and would be drawn by
her pure, winning ways; and men like him are fond of women who don't
profess to be strong. Well, if I can help her, I will do so--it will be
something to see her completely happy, and him too."
Whereupon, for no apparent reason, the tears sprang into Minola's eyes,
and she found a vain wish arising in her heart that she had never
renewed her acquaintance with Lucy Money, never been persuaded by Mary
Blanchet to visit her, never stood upon her threshold and met Victor
Heron there.
"Why not wish at once that I had never been born?" she said, half
tearful, half scornful of her tears. "One thing is as easy now as the
other, and as useful, and not to have been born would have saved many
idle hours and much heartache."