Then came a delightful time in which she played hide-and-seek with her
emotions: drank long draughts from the never-exhausted fount of
pleasures anticipated and rehearsed, fulfilled and enjoyed, which left
behind them a delightful after-taste and a glow of memories. Every day
brought new happiness and a boundless wealth of experience.
Often when Lilly opened the shutters and the rosy September dawn
greeted her, she felt as if the Creator had spread a mantle spun out of
golden sunbeams across the sky on purpose to wrap them in cosy
seclusion, so that the whole of the world beneath vanished, leaving
them alone, clinging to one another intoxicated with laughter and
light.
She felt that she grew lovelier from day to day, that there was a sort
of radiance surrounding her that made everyone she met gaze at her with
admiring wonder, and with a little sadness too, as one looks at a
flower unfolding too proudly, too gloriously, for its miracle of
blossom to endure.
The two watch-dogs were not blind to the change in her.
The colonel, who was full of craft and guile, failed to diagnose in
this case the symptoms. His suspicions would have been aroused directly
if she had been melancholy and absentminded, had hung about him
nervously, in alternate moods of fervid affection and cold
estrangement. Then he would have subjected her to a severe espionage.
But her yielding tenderness and happy serenity was a riddle to which he
could find no solution; so he gave it up, and tolerated with paternal
equanimity his young wife's rollicking gaiety and the embraces she
lavished on him to give vent to the ecstasy within her.
Anna von Schwertfeger was also apparently well satisfied with Lilly's
happy state of mind and radiant spirits. She seemed as little as the
colonel to think it suspicious, or to associate it with the influence
of a third person, otherwise she would scarcely have countenanced so
willingly the frequent meetings of the two young people.
Lilly now did her best to return the worthy Anna's warm affection, the
display of which at first had worried her and left her cold. Fraeulein
von Schwertfeger often drew her in the evening into her own private
room, where she sat with her account-books. It was quite an old-maids'
paradise, with its canaries in cages, plants and flower-pots, and faded
photographs of family groups and friends. It was full of old bits of
china and gilded knick-knacks, such as one meets in ancient and
impoverished houses as relics of former grandeur. Or she would come at
an incredibly late hour stealing into Lilly's bedroom, seat herself on
the bed, and not move till the wheels of the colonel's returning
carriage were heard on the gravel. Then there would be discussions on
such profound topics as life and death, the loneliness of old age, and
the exuberance of youth, which caused grief and trouble when indulged
in to excess. She asked no questions, she gave no warnings, yet the
astonishing irrelevance with which she jumped from one subject to
another, often contradicting flatly her own opinions, indicated that
her thoughts were really far, far away.
While her voice droned on monotonously, Lilly sometimes looked up and
caught her eyes fastened on her with a expression of melancholy
compassion that she was at a loss to understand. Then she was kissed
and stroked with such heartfelt, pitying tenderness that she felt
touched, and when left alone in the dark began to be afraid of
something, as if an avenging fate crouched at the foot of her bed ready
to spring on her and devour her.
What misfortune could possibly fall upon her? Was she not securer and
more sheltered than she had ever been? Whom did she deceive? What was
her offence? And even if her innocent relations with Walter should come
to light, would she merit any severer punishment than a lecture such as
children get when they have been careless?
These reflections consoled her even before the after-taste of those
nocturnal visitations had been lost in blissful dreams.
September wore to a close. Nearly every day brought a ride or an
apparently chance meeting at twilight in a deserted part of the park.
They would discern each other from afar lingering at some appointed
rendezvous, and if a previous arrangement for meeting were frustrated,
they resorted to the pea-shooter.
By means of this accommodating instrument, which he had brought back
one day from the town--and in a corner of her balcony passed as a
superfluous curtain-rod--she was able to blow her messages through the
vine tendrils straight in at his open window. Sometimes it was a simple
"Good-morning, comrade," at others an appointment to meet, or a
harmless joke born on the spur of the moment's gaiety.
On the evenings that the colonel was at home he was usually invited to
join them. Then, of course, he assumed his most correct and formal
manner, though there was often opportunity for a little by-play between
them, so skilfully managed that the watch-dogs remained quite
unsuspicious.
Nevertheless, Lilly had a rival on these occasions, which she feared
and hated, because it deprived her of the "comrade's" attention for
hours. Its very mention was enough to reduce Lilly to a mere cipher.
This rival was the Regiment. It was the time of the autumn
man[oe]uvres, and both men followed with feverish interest the tactical
movements of their old division as reported in the newspapers.
One evening they despatched a joint picture-postcard congratulating the
Regiment, and a day or two later the compliment was returned, a card
arriving through the post scribbled over with numerous signatures,
which it was the work of the world to make out. Two or three were
abandoned as hopeless, till at last Walter hit on a solution. They
belonged to three outside lieutenants who had joined the regiment
for the man[oe]uvres, and had signed their names with the other
officers--von Holten, Dehnicke, von Berg. They made no impression on
Lilly, except that "Dehnicke" struck her as sounding a little bourgeois
and discordant amongst the music of the old patrician "vons."
This greeting from his active past seemed to affect the colonel
unpleasantly. He became moody and cantankerous, and Lilly felt his eye
upon her now and then full of a grim savage reproach that made her jump
with terror. Henceforth his expeditions to the neighbouring garrison
town became more frequent than ever, and when an invitation to join a
shooting party arrived, he didn't refuse, in spite of his gout.
The first Sunday in October came. The colonel started off early to
visit a neighbour, and was not expected to return till late at night.
A soft grey mist, shot with violet and gold, as a promise of sunshine
later, enveloped the world, when Lilly, arm-in-arm with Fraeulein von
Schwertfeger, came out of church, almost groaning--she had been so
bored.
The sunflowers in the labourers' cottage gardens were already drooping
their scorched heads, and the asters showed signs of having suffered
from the first severe nip of frost. Yet the air was balmy and
sweet-scented as spring, and larks made a babel in the fields.
"To-day, to-day!" thought Lilly, and stretched herself in a vague
longing for private talk and jubilant pranks.
It seemed as if her thoughts had been heard, for Anna von Schwertfeger
asked suddenly, "What is the matter with you to-day?"
"I hardly know myself," Lilly answered, blushing. "I just feel as if
to-day were a festival."
Anna looked at her sideways, then, clearly emphasising every word, she
said, "I really might make a festival of it, and visit a friend in the
town. But the colonel being away, I don't know whether ..."
Lilly started so violently that for a moment she could not recover her
breath. Then she pulled herself together tactfully, and urged her
companion to go. She had not had a day off all the summer. She lived
like a prisoner, and must sorely need a holiday.
Anna nodded meditatively, and the fixed glassy stare that Lilly did not
like came into her eyes.
At the midday meal, which the two ladies took alone to-day, she was
still undecided, but directly it was over she ordered the carriage and
drove off without a word. Lilly, who, instead of resting, had been
watching from the upstairs landing, now flew to the pea-shooter. The
dense foliage of the Virginian creeper still so completely shut her in
that he could not catch a glimpse of her. But she saw him as he sat at
the open window frowning over his book.
"My good influence!" she thought triumphantly; and it seemed almost a
pity to decoy him away from his improving occupation.
The steward and book-keeper were pacing up and down, not far from the
house, smoking their Sunday afternoon cigar; so it was necessary to be
more cautious than usual.
The paper pellet that conveyed her message hit him on the forehead and
rebounded on to the grass outside. So well had he himself in hand that
he did not so much as raise his eyes to show he understood, but a few
minutes later he let his book fall out of the window, as if by
accident, and rose indifferently to pick it up.
Half an hour afterwards they met behind the carp-pond. He had on a new
black-and-white check suit similar to the fateful one worn by the
foreigner that night in the railway carriage.
"You are much too fine for me to-day," joked Lilly. "I would rather not
be seen with you."
"That would be an awful shame," he remarked, "for I ordered these
things on purpose for this day's outing."
"Why?"
"Because it's to be our festival."
"What has put that into your head?" stammered Lilly, shocked to think
of the communion of ideas it testified to.
"A fellow has his presentiments," he replied, smiling significantly.
Simultaneously they turned their footsteps to the secluded beech-wood,
whither they had wandered in the deepening dusk on the evening they had
renewed their friendship.
"Where's Tommy?" she asked, thinking of the third member of their
alliance.
"He's biting a hole in the boards," was the answer, "and making himself
a kennel to his own mind. He roosts in it like a screech-owl. I
shouldn't advise you to put the finger you wear your rings on into it;
you'd lose the rings and possibly the finger too."
"Why do you let him get so wild?" she asked reproachfully.
"Why do I let myself get so wild?" he asked in turn.
"Oh, you--you know you are becoming quite tame and gentle," she
replied, regarding him affectionately because it was all her doing.
"You really think so?" he asked; and his aspect assumed the
masterfulness of his lieutenant days.
"Of course I do. Didn't you give me your word of honour?" she boasted.
"Rot!"
Still Lilly gloried in the success of her work of salvation.
"You may underrate my influence if you like," she replied, "but I can
assure you everyone else notices the change in you. Herr Leichtweg says
you are always punctual now; and then you borrowed that great
agricultural encyclopaedia from the colonel--that greatly impressed
him--and Fraeulein von Schwertfeger declares you look quite 'delicious'
in these days!"
"Come, baronissima, shall we have a game of catch?" he asked. "It will
be good for the circulation of your noble blood."
At once with a shout of joy she started off running at a mad pace up
the slope, which was veiled in the purple autumnal haze. But she didn't
go far. She caught her foot in the plaid that she had refused to let
him carry for her, and fell full length on the ground. He was there in
a moment to help her up, yet the fall had cured her of her desire to
run.
They walked on at a sedate pace and climbed the heights on the other
side, whence their eyes could wander over a sea of waving foliage right
away to the open country. The beeches glowed pure red, the maples
danced in all the colours of the rainbow, the birches quivered like
slender flames of fire, the elm let fall coins of gold, while the oak
alone retained the sombre green of his late summer dress. With folded
hands she gazed at the distance, which was lost in a veil of violet.
The sun went down behind vagrant shafts of fire from out the lap of
gilt-edged clouds. A band of rosy mist lined the horizon, spangled with
sparks from the sun's reflection.
"Shall we sit down here?" he asked.
"No, not here," she answered, seized with a vague anxiety; "here I
should soon begin to cry."
She ran on ahead of him, back into wood, and found the path again
beside the brook. Here it was as dark as evening, but the magic of the
sun's radiance was still felt, and filled her with worship of Nature.
Oh, how happy she was! how happy!
No danger, nothing to be afraid of ... not even of her own secret
heart ... for he with whom she was walking was her comrade and
playfellow--nothing more. He must not, could not, be anything more. She
felt conscious of no evil; he gave her no furtive glances of desire,
and she did not try to lead him on.
The bond between them and everything connected with it was above-board
and clear as daylight, and though it was politic to keep it from
others, there was not the least sin to hide. Their intercourse was
purely fun for both.
She wanted to take his hand in her warm-hearted, impulsive way, but
refrained in case her action should be misunderstood. Thus side by side
they went on till they reached the spot where the brook, confined in a
basin of rotten wood, gushed with a low murmur out of the earth. The
pale green mossy floor was covered with rugged fronds of red-lined
ferns, and leaves from the branches of the beeches fluttered down
lazily.
"Here is the place to rest," said Lilly.
"But rather damp, isn't it?" he objected.
"We'll spread the plaid," she exclaimed, eagerly snatching it from him,
for he had insisted on carrying it after her fall. She unfolded and
threw it over the carpet of ferns. She crouched on the extreme right
side of it, leaving him the lion's share, so that he should not spoil
his beautiful new suit.
"Now we must have something to eat," he said.
"But we, poor church-mice, have nothing!" she laughed.
"Who told you so?" he asked, and produced proudly a paper bag from his
coat pocket.
It contained a squashed crumbly piece of confectionery. He laid it
between them and they spooned the crumbs up to their mouths with their
hands. It had a sweet winey flavour, and Lilly identified it at once as
punch-tart, for which she had a special weakness.
"The English call it tipsy-cake," he said. "You can get quite screwed
on it."
"I don't mind risking it," she answered gleefully.
She threw herself on her back, folding her hands as a cushion behind
her head. She lay thus motionless for a few minutes, gazing up at the
round patch of sky that gleamed through a parting in the masses of
foliage above. Luminous pink flakes of cloud floated in the ocean of
ether; a little further away a blue shimmer broke through the lower
sky, like the earnest of another heaven. Lilly stretched up her arms in
longing.
"Are you trying to catch larks?" he asked.
"No, not larks, but the falling leaves," she said.
Like maimed birds, they kept dropping from the boughs, fluttering about
in spirals when they reached the ground, as if uncertain where to sit.
"Let us see on which of us a leaf falls first," he said, and he too
stretched himself on his back.
"The first to get one will have a great piece of good luck," she added.
They both lay still and waited, and then came a leaf floating towards
his nose; but he refused to let it settle there, for she deserved the
first great piece of luck, so he blew it over to her.
She was too proud to accept such a noble gift from him, and blew it
back.
So the game went on. They laughed and threw themselves about after the
whirling leaf. Then suddenly, in the heat of combat their lips met, and
the next minute their arms were round each other.
* * * * *
The brook babbled on, and the leaves rained down as if nothing had
happened. But the earth seemed clothed in a mist of fire, and
everywhere rainbow suns glittered.
Why had they done this thing? She sank back, dazed, and noticed that
the sky too was on fire. Her comrade sat next her, with his back bent
like a schoolboy awaiting a flogging.
"Ah! now we may as well go home," she said despondently.
"Certainly, if the gracious baroness wishes," he replied in mock
politeness.
She laughed a tired joyless laugh. Evidently his one desire was to
forget what had passed as speedily as possible.
"It doesn't matter now," she said, "whether we call each other by our
Christian names or not."