Tossil's Barton, estimating the British Post by the standard of Joe
Queen's boy, placed but little confidence in that institution.
Moreover, Tossil's Barton held that a "papper scrawl," as it termed a
letter, was certain to be lost for want of size, unless it were secured
in something large, "something as a man can zee and hold on to," as the
farmer himself expressed it.
Therefore I was not surprised at receiving, instead of a letter by post,
a packet delivered by the parcels van. This packet was bound round like
the handle of a whip. and stuck at either end with a mass of cobbler's
wax. bearing the vivid impress of a mighty thumb. Within the wrappings
first appeared an ominous crumpled scroll. Ye stars, where angels so
buffooned by eminent painters dwell! Once more I behold Eli on the
turnpike gate, the Great Western steamer, Job with a potsherd of
willow-pattern plate, the Prodigal Son, and worse than all, that hideous
Death and the Lady. Recklessly I tumble out all the rest of the packet.
Three great bolts with silver clasps, three apostle spoons, two old
silver salt-cellars marked W.H.J.H., a child's christening cup, a horn
tobacco-stopper with a silver tip, an agate from the beach, a
tortoise-shell knife with a silver blade, half a dozen coins and a
bronze fibula found upon the farm, an infant's coral, a neck-pin
garnished with a Bristol diamond, a number of mother-of-pearl buttons
and blue beads, and a mass of mock jewelry bought by the farmer from the
Cheapjacks at Barum fair with the produce of his wrestling triumphs.
Separate from the rest, and packed most carefully, were all but two of
the trinkets I had sent as Christmas gifts for the family.
Touched to the heart by all this loving kindness, I felt so ashamed of
my paltry petulance at Eli, Jonah, and the rest, that I would not
indulge in a peep at Sally's letter, which came last of all, until I had
starved myself for a day. That literary effort showed so much
improvement, both in writing and in spelling, that any critic would have
endorsed Mr. Huxtable's conclusion that the gift must be in the family.
A few words still there were of rather doubtful texture, but who can
bind or bound the caprice and luxury of the English language? Moreover,
Sally's stops were left once more to the discretion of the reader. But
if Lord Byron could not grasp the mysteries of punctuation, how could
Sally Huxtable? Yet that eager little maid would have learned in half
an hour the art which might have mellowed the self-tormentor's howling.
Sally's was a healthy, sweet, and wholesome nature.
Tossil's Barton Farm, Trentisoe.
The tenth day of March A.D. 1851.
"DEAR MISS CLARA DEAR,--If you please, father and mother and me and our
little Jack hope this letter will find you in good health as it leaves
all of us at this present, or when it will be finished, thank God for
the same, and hoping no offence. The baby as was born on the 20th day
of October last is a very fine and lusty wench at this time of writing,
and have got two teeth, and her hair coming again, and answers to the
name of Clara, as you know Miss you was so kind to give her leave and
liberty, and father call Clara to her now, and so do I and Jack, but
mother will call her Babby still, and so the chillers does.
Father often say, "Babby! Why there be a hundred babbies in the world,
and a thousand either, for ought I knows again it, but I reckon there
isn't half a dozen Claras." But mother say she can't help it: she
always did call them babbies till they was put into short-clothes, and
longer too, if so be there wasn't another, and she feels a call on her
to do it, and no offence Miss Clara for that same. If you please Miss,
when the parson say "Name this child," and Aunt Muxworthy, from over to
Rowley Mires, say, quite peart, "Clara, sir"--father had been learning
her, you see Miss, all the morning--parson look, so mother say, the same
as a skinned sheep all skivered out to dry; and Tim Badcock go haw haw,
till father was forced to slip behind the godmothers and fetch him a
little clout on the side of his head. Then parson say at last, "Clara
maam! There be no child of that name to this side of Coom, and it seem
to me to go again the rub rick." Father say the parson must be a high
farmer, for none of us ever hear tell of that rick in this country.
"Now take my advice and think better of it Mrs. Muxworthy," the parson
say again. So she looks to father, for you see Miss she were not
edified about it being right, because she could not find it in the Bible
nowhere. And she say, "Think better of it farmer now; if you wants a
handsome name, there's Tryphena and Tryphosa, and has been in the family
afore." "Mother," says my father, and he looked the way he do when he
don't intend to talk about a thing, "Mother, go home with the child, and
I'll take her to Parracombe Church next Sunday: and tell Suke not to put
the goose down."
You see, Miss, we was going to have a supper after church, and the best
goose on the farm, and the parson was coming too. "Sober now," say the
parson, "if so be now, farmer John, you have put your mind upon naming
this here infant Clara, why I will christen her so, only an under
Protestant, and with difference to the chapter." Father only say "Amen,
so be it;" and then parson do it, and do it uncommon well too, father
say. and she only laugh when they give her the splash. Father told us
afterwards as he believed parson was feared he couldn't spell Clara
fitty; but mother say he be wrong there, and all along of his pride, for
parson be a college chap and so he can spell anything amost, in one way
or another.
Miss Clara, all them beautiful things as you sent for us to Christmas
time, with the forepart of all our names upon them, except Sally, was
sunk in the bottom of the brook in the hole below the stickle by the
hollow ash, where the big trout hath his hover, all along of Joe the
Queen's boy; and we never knew ought about it till your after letter
come. Then our little Jack, who be quite a big boy now, and button his
own corduroys, go down to the brook at once, and pull off all his
things, and there he rake and feel among the stones for the biggest part
of a day, though the ice was on the edge but the water were quite clear;
and Tabby Badcock want to pull off her things and go in too, but Jack
would not let her, and be ashamed of herself, and I sat on the bank and
Tabby, and Jack pull out nine beautiful things, as were meant for
father, and mother, and him, and Billy, and little Honor, and Bobby, and
Peggy, and the two weanies, but he couldn't find nothing as were meant
for me Sally, unless Tabby stole it, and she be quite equal to it I am
afeared: and we all returns you many many kind thanks and love,
especially the ones as had it, and me. Our Jack say, No her wouldn't do
it, he'll go bail for that, no fie! But I shake my head; though perhaps
she never had the chance, if so be there wasn't none marked Sally, and
thank you every bit the same, Miss, so long as there wasn't none for
Tabby."
Poor little Sally! She must have cried bitterly to think of her being
forgotten. But the best of all, next to the farmer's, was for her, and
there was one for Tabby too.
"Miss Clara dear, the things was not hurt at all by being under water
for a week, and father say they must be made of the very same gold as
Queen Victoria's crown and sceptre is, as never can rust with the briny
waves; and Beany Dawe feel cock sure as it was the fairy of the brook
stole them from Joe's breeches pocket, and keep mine still he say
because it be the prettiest. But there, he never know much, any more
than Tabby does.
If you please Miss, asking your pardon, when Aunt Muxworthy were here,
to the christening time, she said she never see such writing in her life
as mine, and it wasn't my best copy neither, and she said it was a sin
to make a scholar of a honest wench like that, and I should want to be
the parson next, and read the forty-two generations and play the fort
piano; and I didn't know, Miss, whether to laugh or cry, so I began to
eat an apple; but father say quite slowly, "Sister Muxworthy, you was
never gifted with no eddication no more nor I Jan Uxtable, and how be us
to know if it be good or bad? Once I had a horse, say father, as afore
ever he went into the field, turned up his nose at the grass like, and
with turning up so much he died at last of the glanders. But I never
see that there horse persuade the others to starve." Aunt Muxworthy
toss her head, and we thought she wouldn't eat no goose, but the smell
of the stuffing and the weather was too many for her; and she eat a
wing, and a leg, and one side of the breast, and it do her good. And
afore she had had much brandy, "John," she say, "you was right and I was
wrong. Let the little wench crack on, and some day they'll hear of her
to tother side of Hexmoor." So father laugh and kiss her, and the
chillers was put to bed, and we drink your health Miss, and Clara's nine
times nine, and father say he'll learn himself some day, when he give up
wrestling, only he fear it would make his hand shake terrible, and then
some laugh and some of us cry, and they has more hot water, and Beany
Dawe set to, and make so many poems he turn the stairs somehow inside
out, and Suke and Tim was forced to heave him into the tallat, and keep
him from going abroad by a rope of onions round him and two truss of hay
on the top. Next day, he make no poems at all till he drink more than a
gallon of cider.
Oh Miss Clara dear, what ever is the matter with you? Father be in such
a taking I never see. To-day your letter come about selling that
knob-thing of Beany Dawe's, and we knows it must be all along of the
crown jewels you bought for us, as we meant to keep in the family to the
end of all our time. Mother double up, and cry into the churn, and
spoil all the butter; and father were that upset he stamp out of the
house a trying hard to whistle, and he couldn't see no one there to let
it off on but Timothy Badcock, and he were a little saucy, so he toss
Tim up on the linhay roof and his legs come through the thatch, and
father was forced to ease him out with the pitchfork. Tim was stiff a
bit in the evening, and serve him right say mother, for laughing so at
the Cornishers; but father give him some neatsfoot oil and cider, and we
knew us couldn't hurt him because he be double-jointed.
And if you please Miss Clara dear, we would not stoop to ask Beany Dawe
and he nothing but a sawing poet; so father go to the old oak chest with
the whitewash on it, and pull it open without the key, and take out some
old rubbish he saith, and order mother to pack it without a word, and
mother want to put in a pair of linen sheets and the best table-cloth,
but father say quite crusty like, "Do e take our Miss Clara for a common
packman?" And when I say, "Please father what shall I say about it
all?" he answer me quite low, "How ever can I tell child? Ask your
mother there. Only give my best respects and most humble duty, and tell
Miss Clara I wishes I could find a man to throw me all four pins, for
being such a drunken hosebird not to have more to send her. But I know
her won't take money from the likes of us. Stop," father say, "ask her
to please to lift our horn up as the horn of an unicorn. I knows where
to go for lots of money and all to be had for asking. I'll go to Bodmin
town next week," say father, "and show them Cornishers a trick of
Abraham Cann. Since honest Abraham took the sprain, he left it all to
me, though God knows, and thank him for the same, I never want it yet.
I should like to see the Cornisher as could stand my grip." And then
father pull both his hands out of his pockets. Mother say he wear them
out he do spraddle both his thumbs so.
It seems a curious thing, Miss Clara dear, father never get vexed or
weist like, but what he want to wrestle, and other times he never think
of it, unless it be to fair or revel time.
When I asked mother and said as father tell me to, the tears was in her
eyes, and she try to look angry with me, and then she broke out crying
as loud as Suke when the cow Molly kick her. So between the both of
them, Miss, I can't know what to say, so please to make it yourself
Miss, for I am sure I can't find any thing only the best love of our
hearts and a side of bacon us would like to send, and the butter from my
own little cow, all sweet hay and no turmots; I be to sit in Coom
market, all by myself, on Saturday, and mother not come nigh me, and I
know you'll let me send you the money, and I expects elevenpence a
pound, because you never was proud with your loving scholar ever to
command and obey. SALLY HUXTABLE.
All this here underneath and over the leaf is going to be written after
the rest of this here paper.
If you please Miss Clara dear, there come now just a very fine spoken
gentleman with a long coat the colour of udder, and blue flaps, and blue
at the hands, and ever so many great silver buttons with a print like
pats of best butter, and gold ribbon round his hat. We seemed at first
he be an officer of dragoons, till we see'd the flour in his hair, and
then us knowed he was the Queen's miller. Father was a great mind to
show him a forehip and send his buttons to you Miss, because he see they
be worth ever so much more than these little things all put together,
only mother stop him.
Then the gentleman say he know Mr. Henwood well, and respect him much,
and he be sent here by expression to discover where you be Miss Clara,
and it be most particular, and if we wished you well, us would tell him
to once. Father and mother and me puts him in the parlour and gives him
a jug of the very best cider, and then we goes and lays our heads
together about him in the cheese-room, and mother and me was for telling
him, only father say no. You never give us leave, and us wants to do
what is right and upright, unless you order us contrary, and us has no
right to tell without ask you, and you so full of enemies.
So father say, very grand for him: "Honoured sir, us hopes the honour of
a papper scrawl from Miss Clara in ten days time, or may be a fortnight,
according to the weather please God, and us be satisfied too. My eldest
daughter here be writing to Miss Clara for a week or more, and if so be
she have got room left on the papper scrawl she ask Miss Clara's leave,
and us shall have time enough to hear what her say in a fortnight, or
mebbe three weeks."
"Oh then, she be gone to Hitaly at the least." The gentleman say.
Father never hear tell of Hitaly whether it be in London town or no, but
he look to mother and me to hold our noise. The gentleman say something
sound very much like "Dang," and father hoped he would be saucy, because
then he send his buttons in spite of mother and me; but when he look at
father he think better of it, and go off very civil in the carriage he
come by, only say he would find out in spite of us.
And please Miss Clara dear, mother say she be ashamed to send you a
parcel all rubbage, except the pictures, but she do hope they wont cheat
you about them there, for they be the finest ever come to these parts,
and warranted real London made. All the farmers hereaway want to buy
them of us. And father say, "Dang the pictures, tell Miss Clara to come
to us, and her shan't want Beany Dawe's things, nor the Queen's miller
either." Oh do come, Miss Clara dear, the banks be yellow with
primroses, and white and blue with violets, and I know three blackbirds
nests already and an ousel's down by the river. Oh do come. I have got
such a lot to tell you, things as I can't make head or tail of when I
try to spell them, and you shall milk my own cow Sally, and have all my
black hen's eggs, and the ducks too if they hatch,--and sling all the
small potatoes from the plough field to the hazel hedge. Your best
scholar as ever was and loving pupil.
SALLY HUXTABLE."