AGED AT SEVENTEEN
How beautiful it is to be young! How fair is the spring! Yours is life,
joy, hope; the meadows lavish flowers upon you; the earth's fair halo of
love surrounds you with glory: a nation, a fatherland, mankind entrusts
to you its future; old men are proud of you; women love you: every
brightening day of heaven is yours.
Oh, how I love the spring! how I love youth! In spring I see the fairest
work of God, the earth, take new life; in youth I see the fairest work
of man, his nation, reviving.
"In those days" I did not yet belong to the "youth:" I was a child.
Never do I remember a brighter promise of spring, than in that year;
never were the eyes of the old men gladdened by the sight of a more
spirited "youth" than was that of those days.
Spring began very early: even at the end of February the fields were
green, parks hastened to bedeck themselves in their leafy wings, the
blossoms hastened to bloom and fall; the opening days of May saw fruit
on the apple-trees; and prematurely ripe cherries were "hawked" in the
streets, beside bouquets of late blooming violets.
Of the "youths" of that year the historian has written: "These youths
were in general very serious, very lavish in patriotic feeling, fiery
and spirited in the defence of freedom and national dignity. The new
tendency which manifested itself so vividly in our country was reflected
by their impetuous and susceptible natures with all its noble yearnings,
its virtues and excesses exaggerated. The frivolous pastimes, the
senseless or dissolute amusements that were so fashionable in those days
were abandoned for serious reading, gathering of information and
investigation of current events. They had already opinions of their own,
which not rarely they could utter with striking audacity."--I could only
envy these lines of gold; not one word of them had any reference to me:
for I was still but a child. During a night that followed a lovely May
day, the weather suddenly changed: winter, who was during the days of
his dominion, watching how the warm breezes played with the flower-bells
of the trees, all at once returned: with the full vigor of vengeance he
came, and in three days destroyed everything, in which man happened to
delight. To the last leaf everything was frozen off the trees.
On this most inclement of the three wintry May evenings Lorand was
standing alone at his window, and gazing abstractedly at the street
through the ice-flower pattern of the window-panes.
Just such ice-flowers lay frozen before his soul. The lottery of fate
has appointed his time: ten years his life would last; then he must die.
From seventeen to twenty-seven is just the fairest part of life. Many
had made their whole earthly career during that period.
And what awaits him?
His ardent yearning for freedom, his audacious plans, his misplaced
confidence; friends' treason, and the consequent freezing rigor, where
were they leading to?...
Every leaf had fallen from the trees. Only ten years to live: the decree
was unalterable.
From the opponent, whom he despised, it is not possible even to accept
as a present, that to which chance has once given him the right.
And these ten years, with what will they begin? Perhaps with a long
imprisonment? The time which is so short--(ten years are light!) will
seem so long _there_! (ten years are heavy!) Would it not be better not
to wait for the first day? To say: if it is time, take it away: let me
not take the days on lease from thee! The hateful, freezing days.
Why, when nature dies in this wise, man himself would love to die after
her.
If only there were not that weeping face at home, that white-haired
head, mother and grandmother.
In vain Fate is inevitable. The eighth bed was already made;--but _that_
no one must know for ten years. Should someone learn, he might
perpetrate the outrage of occupying earlier the eighth niche in the
family vault; and then his successor would have nothing left but the
church-yard grave.
What a thought, a youthful spring with these frozen leaves!
He did not think for the next few moments. Is it worth while to try to
avoid the fate, which is certain? Let it come. The keystone of the arch
had been removed, the downfall of the whole must follow. His room was
already in darkness, but he did not light a lamp. The dancing flames of
the fire-place gazed out sometimes above the embers, in curiosity, as if
they would know whether any living being were there: and still he did
not stir.
In this dim twilight Lorand was thinking upon those who had passed away
before him.
That bony-faced figure, whose death face he was painting,--his ordinary
physiognomy was terrible enough: those empty eye-sockets, into which he
fears to gaze:--suppose between these two hollows a third was darkling,
the place of the bullet that pierced his forehead!
Lorand now knew what torture must have been theirs, who had left him
this sorrowful bequest, before they could make up their minds to raise
their own hands against their own lives! with what power of God they
must have struggled, with what power of devils have made a compact! Oh,
if they would only come for him now!
Who?
Those who picked the fruit that dared so early to ripen?
Yes, rather those, than these quiet, bloodless faces, in their bloody
robes. Rather those who come with clank of arms, tearing open the door
with drawn sword, than those who with inaudible step steal in, gently
open the door, whisperingly speak and tremblingly pronounce your name.
"Lorand."
"Ha! Who is that?"
Not one of the dead, though her robe is white: one far worse than
they:--a beautiful woman.
It was Hermine who opened the door and entered Lorand's room so
silently, with inaudible steps. Her ball-robe was on her: she had
dressed for the dance in her room above, and thus dressed had descended.
"Are you ready now, Lorand?"
"Oh, good evening: pardon me. I will light a candle in a moment."
"Never mind about that," whispered the woman. "It is quite light enough
as it is. To-day no candle may burn in this room."
"You are going to a ball," said Lorand, masking the sorrow of his soul
by a display of good spirits: "and you wish me to accompany you?"
"Fancy the thought of dancing coming into my head just now!" replied
Hermine, coming so close to Lorand that she could whisper in his ear.
"Did you get my letter?"
"Yes, thank you. Don't be alarmed, there is no danger."
"Indeed there is. I know it well. The danger is in the hands of
Balnokhazy: therefore certain."
"What great harm can happen to me?"
Hermine placed her hand on Lorand's shoulder and tremblingly hissed:
"They will arrest you to-night."
"They may do so."
"Oh no, they may not, kind Heaven! That they shall not do. You must
escape, immediately, this hour."
"Is it sure they will arrest me?"
"Believe me, yes."
"Then just for that reason I shall not stir from my place."
"What are you saying? Why? Why not?"
"Because I should be ashamed, if they who wanted me should draw me out
from under my bed in my mother's house, like a child who has played some
mischief."
"Who is speaking now of your mother's house? You must fly far: away to
foreign lands."
"Why?" asked Lorand coldly.
"Why? My God, what questions you put. I don't know how to answer! Can
you not see that I am in despair, that every limb of my body trembles
for my fear on your account? Believe me, I cannot possibly allow them to
take you away from before my eyes, to imprison you for years, so that I
shall never see you again."
To appeal the more to Lorand's feelings, and to show him how her hands
trembled she tore off her beautiful ball gloves, and grasped his hands
in her own and then sobbed before him.
As she touched him Lorand began to feel, instead of his previous
tomblike chillness, a kind of agitating heat as if the cold bony hand of
death had given over his hand to some other unknown demon.
"What shall I do in a foreign country? I have no one, nothing, no way
there. Everyone I love is here, in this land. There I should go mad."
"You will not be alone there, because the one who loves you best on
earth, who worships you above all, who loves you better than her health,
her soul, better than heaven itself, goes with you and will never leave
you."
The young man could make no mistake as to whom she meant: Hermine
encircled his young neck with her beautiful arms and overwhelmed his
face with kisses.
Lorand was no longer his own. In one hour he lost his home, his fortune,
and his heart.