"Doth not the world show men a very Judas' part, and betray them
unto Satan, saying, whom I kiss with a feigned sign of love, take
them--torture them?"
SUTTON.
"Mamma says," drawled out Grace, sauntering into the study one snowy
morning, as I sat busy at my German, "mamma says, that as you write a
good hand, you may direct these cards for her, and she will excuse you
to Mr. Waschlager, if you don't have time to finish your German before
he comes."
I could not help a slight exclamation of impatience as I relinquished my
books, and took the long list of names and the basketful of blank
envelopes that Grace handed me.
"How glad I am that I don't write a nice hand!" she ejaculated, as she
threw herself lazily into a chair by the window, and leaning on her
elbow, gazed out into the streets, now "dumb with snow," but where,
before an hour was over, the jingling of an occasional sleigh-bell would
be but a prelude to the merry music with which, till the snow vanished,
they were to resound.
"I should think you'd be glad to get rid of your German; though, I
suppose, it's only 'out of the frying-pan,' for you have a good
morning's work before you in those precious cards."
I didn't trust myself to answer, and, after a pause, Grace went on:
"I should think mamma might have set Josephine to write those things
herself, don't you? The party's all on her account, and she and Phil are
doing nothing down in the library this morning."
Grace looked a little longer at the lessening snow-flakes, then
continued, pleasantly:
"What shall you wear? For we've got to come down, mamma said so; and she
said, too, that she didn't believe you had anything fit to wear."
"I haven't given a thought to the subject. Pray, don't talk, Grace, you
confuse me."
"But you'll have to give it a thought," she exclaimed. "Josephine's
going to wear her new pink silk, and I should think you'd want to look
nicely the first time you go into company. Ella Wynkar was saying the
other day, she thought it was the queerest thing you never went
anywhere."
"Grace, really if you can't be quiet, I must go into my own room. I
won't waste any more time misdirecting these cards, which I cannot help
doing if you talk all the while."
She subsided for a few minutes, but pretty soon began again.
"It's going to be splendid sleighing; it's stopped snowing altogether,
and I believe the sun is actually coming out; don't you wish there was
any chance of your having a sleigh-ride?"
"No," I exclaimed, impatiently; "I don't wish for anything but quiet,
and if you must be lazy yourself, I don't see what need there is of
making other people so."
"You're shockingly out of temper this morning," said Grace, shrugging
her shoulders and getting up to go. "I think I shall have to 'leave you
to your own reflections,' as mamma always says after giving any of us a
lecture. I must go and see what mischief Esther is in. She has been too
quiet this morning."
I saw, by the sly gleam in Grace's eye, that Esther's peace was over; I
knew the futility of argument, and attempted none; ten minutes after, a
distressed little voice outside, crying, "Won't you speak to Grace?
She's got the brushes out of my paint-box, and she won't give 'em to
me," showed me how Grace was killing time. I opened the door for the
little _malheureuse_, told her not to mind about the paint-brushes, but
if she'd be a quiet child, she might sit down here and look at the big
"Pilgrim's Progress;" so I installed her in Grace's vacated seat, by the
window, and she dried her tears, and looked the book through twice;
then, kneeling in the chair, gazed out into the street, so quietly that
I almost forgot her existence. My task was a distasteful one, insomuch
as it interfered with pleasanter occupations, and I had great difficulty
in keeping my patience to its completion; but at last it was ended, and
the last name on the list copied on the envelope of the last card, and
replaced in the basket, and, fagged and dispirited, I pushed them away,
and, crossing over to the window, sat down by it, and took the child on
my knee.
No wonder the scene had fascinated her so long; it certainly was bright
and picturesque. Snow is as magical a beautifier as moonlight; it
freshens up, gilds over, and brightens the worn-out surface of
every-day, and makes a pretty picture of a common reality. I had never
suspected Gramercy Park of beauty before, but under the light mantle of
this snow it became lovely. The trees bent with its light weight; it
capped and decorated the iron railings, and crested the roofs and
window-casings of the houses on the square. It lay white and unsullied
on the ground, and in the courtyards; only a few children had as yet
burst nursery bounds, and, wild with delight, rushed into the new
element; and but a few shovels and brooms were at work. The sky had come
out gorgeously blue, the sunshine was glittering gaily on the white
snow; it was altogether a brilliant picture, done in high colors, but
possessing the advantage that nature's pictures always enjoy, of not
having an inharmonious or jarring tinge. Even the sleigh-loads of
gaily-dressed people that began to dash past, seemed to have got
themselves up to match and not mar the scene. The bright colors of the
sleigh-robes, the flashing of the silver bells, the red cheeks of the
girls, the gay clothes of the pretty children, were quite harmonious and
quite effective. Esther looked at it for a long while in perfect
content, as she would have looked at a nice picture-book; by and by, it
began to assume a more personal character on her eyes.
"I should like to go out and ride myself," she said, at length.
"So should I, but there doesn't seem much chance of it," I answered;
"therefore, it's best not to think about it."
"Other children go," she said. "I don't see why I can't. I think mamma
might have a sleigh."
"That's mamma's business, and not yours," I said; "and there are more
little children who don't ride than there are little children who do.
There is one, for instance, coming out of the area, who has been poking
about, in all the ash-barrels in the square, for a few cinders to keep
him warm at home. Poor little fellow! Don't you feel sorry for him,
Essie? His ears and nose are so red, and his lips are almost purple. I
don't believe _he's_ had a sleigh-ride, do you?"
Essie looked down thoughtfully at him, but didn't answer; no more
repinings occurring, however, I inferred that she had profited by the
train of thought the shivering little object below us had suggested. I
still sat by the window, with Essie in my lap and a book in my hand,
when, with a cry of pleasure, she started up, exclaiming, as a sleigh
drew up at the door:
"There's Mr. Rutledge, and I know he's come for us to ride! Hurrah!"
I bent forward, just in time to meet his eye, as he sprang from the
sleigh, and to return awkwardly his salutation. Esther waited for no
permission, but bounded from my lap, flew across the room, and
downstairs before I could recall her, and opened the door for him before
he had rung the bell. There was a very enthusiastic meeting between
them, and an excited "That's good!" from the child, and in a moment she
was back again at my side, breathless and eager, exclaiming:
"Mr. Rutledge has come for us all, to drive out to High Bridge. Put on
your things quick--quick as ever you can."
"Who's going? Who did he ask?" I said, breathless as the child herself.
"You, me, mamma, Josephine, all of us! Be quick."
"But listen, Essie," I exclaimed, following her to the hall, as she
bounded off up to the nursery. "Stop a minute. What did he say?--did he
say _me?_"
"Yes, yes, he said, 'run up and ask your cousin if she'll take that ride
this morning that we talked about at Rutledge, and I'll go into the
parlor and ask your mamma and Miss Josephine;' and now let me run for
Félicie to get me ready;" and the child was off again, but came back
obediently when I called her. I held her tight by the hand, as, with a
beating heart, I leaned over the balusters, and heard the merry voices
in the hall below. I could not distinguish what Mr. Rutledge said, but I
heard Josephine's laughing rejoinder:
"I assure you, I didn't mean to hint, last night, when I said I longed
for a sleigh-ride again; but it was just like you, to remember it. It's
a charming day. How we shall enjoy it!"
I led Essie to the stairs, and leaning down, said:
"Go down and tell Mr. Rutledge, that he's very kind, but I beg he will
excuse me to-day."
The child looked bewildered, and exclaimed: "But, aren't you going?"
"No; go down and say just what I have told you, remember; and then come
back, and I'll help you get ready."
Esther wonderingly obeyed, and slid down the stairs like a spirit. I
scorned to listen any longer, though I would have given anything and
everything I possessed to have unravelled the tangled maze of voices in
the hall, and known how my refusal was received. Pride to the rescue!
however, and I was bending over my German, when my aunt looked in a
moment at the door, to inquire if I didn't care to go.
I said, "No, thank you; I have my translation to finish, and, if you are
willing, I will stay at home."
Just then, Josephine and Grace came up, and Essie burst into the room,
exclaiming:
"Mamma, mamma, what shall I wear? What frock had I better put on?"
"Why, you're not going," cried Josephine, pettishly. "Surely, mamma, you
do not mean to let that child go. There's no room for her if Phil goes,
and she'll be whimpering with the cold in ten minutes."
"Mr. Rutledge only asked her for politeness," said Grace. "He never
thought of such a snip really going."
"She'll spoil everything," said Josephine, decidedly. "I don't care to
go if she does."
"I think, on the whole, my dear Essie," said Mrs. Churchill, "that it is
best for you not to go. You must amuse yourself at home, and be a good
child; we shall not be gone very long."
The little girl's lips moved, as if she would speak, but no words came,
and, as the others left the room, I looked at her with some anxiety. I
never saw a face so changed. The brief radiance that had lighted it had
passed away, and in its place was a livid look of passion that fairly
frightened me.
"Why, Essie, child, don't take it so to heart," I said, soothingly,
attempting to touch her cold, clenched hand, but with a fierce gesture
she released herself and turned away. I tried to pacify and divert her,
but received no word in answer, till, from the window, we saw the party
enter the sleigh, and after a moment of adjusting sleigh-robes and furs,
the fine horses started spiritedly forward, to the music of their own
merry bells; then, with a violent scream, the child threw herself upon
the floor, and shook from head to foot with a passion that many men and
women pass through life without experiencing. Such tempests cannot fail
to blight the souls they sweep over; they bow the cracking forest, and
strip it of its leaves; the tender sapling, alone and unprotected in its
flexile youth, can hardly escape undesolated. Swayed and whipped about
with the fierce blast, all that is tender and delicate about it must be
blighted; the stem that should have been fair and straight, must, if it
survive the trial, be twisted, and rough, and gnarled; it may strike a
deeper root; it will never cast as fine a shade, nor be as fair a tree.
If, unable to sustain the storm, the frail stem snap, and the life-blood
ooze away, is it a questionable providence, or an utter mercy?
"Essie, my dear little girl," I continued, as the child still lay
sobbing on the floor, long after the first burst of temper had expended
itself, "Essie, you will surely make yourself sick; you are chilled
through already, and the room is getting cold; come upstairs with me."
But no, the headstrong child would not go upstairs, but would lie there,
and only there, and sob, and cry, and refuse all comfort. It was not
till the shaking of sleigh-bells at the door announced the return of the
party, that my arguments had the least effect.
"Don't let them see you lying there, Esther. Come up, and let me wash
the tears off your face and smooth your hair," I said; and she allowed
me to lift her up, and lead her upstairs, before her sisters came in.
Félicie was busy with a skirt of Josephine's, so I shut the nursery door
and kept the child with me. But this time there was no soothing her; she
was fretful and trying beyond anything I had ever seen; perhaps if I had
not been so miserable myself then, I could not have been as patient
with her, as I remember I was. I was wretched enough to have lain down
and sobbed myself, but the office of comforter is incompatible with that
of mourner, and so is an office twice blessed; for tempting as is the
luxury of tears, the reward of self-control is always greater and more
lasting.
"The dinner-bell will soon ring, Essie, and you will not be ready to
come down to dessert; come and let me brush your hair."
"I don't want to go down; I don't want any dessert," she whined.
Her hands were now hot and feverish, her teeth chattering with
nervousness, and I recognized the approach of one of her sick headaches.
I did not much wonder that she did not want to go down, so I coaxed her
to let me undress her, and put her to bed, "and if you'll be a good
child, you may sleep with me to-night."
"Very well," she said, laconically, with a weary sigh; and before the
dinner-bell rang, I had laid her, quieted, in my bed, with, however, a
very wide-awake and nervous stare about her eyes, but no tears and not
much fretting.
For the next few days, the absorbing cares of the approaching party must
have prevented my Aunt Edith from seeing the real indisposition of
Esther. That her increasing irritability was the result of illness, I
could not doubt, as I had ascertained for myself, that she could be as
quiet as other children, when she was well. Josephine declared, I
spoiled the teasing little object. Grace said, with a laugh:
"You can't reproach yourself with anything of the kind, can you,
Joseph?"
And Phil, taking "the teasing little object" on his knee, said:
"Aunt Edith, upon my word, the child grows lighter every time I take her
up. Is she well?"
"I mean to have the doctor this morning," she answered, looking up from
her writing. "I am rather worried about her; she is a little feverish.
Esther, don't stay by the window; it is too cold for you. Go up to the
nursery, and tell Félicie to put a little sacque on you."
So Esther was remanded to the nursery, and it being the day before the
party, there was plenty to be done and thought of for all hands. And
though the doctor came, he did not seem much impressed with her state of
health--left a very innocent prescription that was not sent for till the
next day, and eased everybody's mind exceedingly. What a very
comfortable thing it is to be able to pin one's faith to a medical
coatsleeve, and according as it is elevated or depressed, be soothed or
terrified.
Any disinterested observer, I think, would have agreed with Esther and
me, that party-giving was not in any way conducive to home comfort. That
wretched day, lessons of course were given up; the study being turned
into a dressing-room, and the nursery sharing the same fate--my room was
the sanctuary where Grace and Esther sought refuge from the bustle and
confusion of the first and second floors, and no paradise it proved,
Essie being unbearably peevish and Grace unbearably provoking. Aunt
Edith tore herself away from the claims of upholsterer, florist, and
waiter for a moment, to look in upon us--gave the final directions about
our dresses, and pronounced Esther's sentence, which she had been
dreading for days, to wit, that she must not go downstairs. It was a
most proper sentence, but it was a cruel disappointment, and the child
of course cried herself into another headache. I induced her to go to
bed about seven o'clock, but she sat bolt upright, watching eagerly the
operations of the hairdresser, who had come to Grace and me, before
arranging Josephine's hair.
"Esther, do go to sleep, and stop bothering!" cried Grace. "You've done
nothing but worry this whole day."
A fresh burst of tears was the answer to this, and Grace was more
incensed than ever.
"I think this is a pursuit of pleasure under difficulties, indeed," I
exclaimed, despairing. "I hope all parties are not as much trouble! Will
it pay, do you suppose?"
"_Cela dépend_," said Grace; "if you get attended to, it may; if you
have to talk to the old ladies, and look over books of engravings in the
corner, it wont."
I inly wondered which would be my fate, as I glanced at the pretty
muslin on the foot of the bed. "Not the old ladies and the engravings I
hope." It was my first party, and though everything seemed to conspire
to make it a punishment, still I would have been more than human if I
had felt no excitement when I first dressed myself in party-dress. White
muslin and coral ornaments were not very elaborate certainly, but they
were a great contrast to the plain clothes I had seen myself in since I
could remember. When Grace was dressed, she went down, but Essie clung
to me and begged me to stay so piteously, that I could not resist; and
turning out the gas, I sat down on the bed by her, and told her stories
by the dozen, and sung her hymns, in the vain hope of getting her to
sleep; but she seemed to grow wider awake every minute. Ten o'clock
chimed; the music began; the carriages were rolling to the door, and
still she held my hand firmly, and said, "go on," in a hopelessly-clear
voice, every time I paused in my recital. I was beginning to be in dire
perplexity about leaving her, when the door opened, and Grace put her
head in, saying, hurriedly:
"Mamma sent me up to say you must come down directly; half the people
are here, and they are beginning to dance. Come as quick as you can,"
and Grace disappeared.
There was another burst of grief from Esther to be soothed and subdued,
and at last, taking my gloves and fan, and kissing her good night, I
stole out of the room, thinking her quite reconciled; but when half way
down the stairs, I looked back, and saw the child, in her long white
nightgown, standing at the head of the staircase, and heard her
heart-broken voice begging me to come back, it was so lonesome, she was
so sick. At the foot stood Grace.
"Mamma is displeased that you do not come."
What should I do? I ran upstairs again. Essie stood shivering at the
door, a bright spot on each cheek, and an excited glitter in her eye.
"Essie!" I exclaimed, "why will you be so naughty? Don't you know mamma
has sent for me twice? Do you want me to be scolded?"
"No, but I don't want to be left; it is so lonesome up here."
"But don't you know I promised to send Félicie up; and do I ever break
my promises?"
"I don't want Félicie to come; she's cross," said the child.
"Well, then, Frances shall come; will she do?"
"Frances is busy, and you'll forget all about me when you get down there
among the people."
"No, I won't, my darling," I said, stooping down, as she put her arms
around my neck. "I will send Frances, and come up and see you in a
little while myself. Be a good child, and go get in bed. Good night."
She laid her burning little cheek against mine for a moment; then
submissively went in, and I turned to go downstairs. As I rose from my
stooping attitude, I looked in at the nursery door, which, in my hurry,
I had forgotten was the gentlemen's dressing-room; and that, as well as
the hall, was strongly lighted. Two gentlemen, just within the door, had
been witnesses of the scene of distress just enacted, and apparently not
inattentive ones either. They were evidently strangers to each other,
and one was so to me; I never remembered to have seen him before. The
other was Mr. Rutledge.
He held out his hand with a smile, as I started back in confusion on
seeing them. I gave him mine with a desperate blush, and saying,
hurriedly, that I must go down for Frances, without giving him time for
another word, I ran down the stairs, and into the second hall, whence,
picking my way as daintily as I could, I threaded the narrowness and
darkness of the private staircase, that led to the butler's pantry.
There I found, as I had expected, an eager group of domestics gazing in
through the windows into the parlors, watching the dancing with an
interest only second to that of the dancers themselves. I singled out
Frances from the group, and calling her to me, told her my errand, and
she, with a submissive sigh for the lost festivities, followed me
upstairs. I saw her safely at the door of Essie's room, then, turning,
began to descend, this time more slowly, and to think seriously of the
alarming matter of my entrée. As I neared the parlors, the music, the
odor of the flowers, the brilliant lights, the gay dresses, all crowded
intoxicatingly upon my brain.
"I only knew 'twas fair and sweet,
'Twas wandering on enchanted ground,
With dizzy brow and tottering feet."
It was not a ball-room, it was the fairy-land, the magic, the romance,
of which I had dreamed; what adventures lay within it for me; what
untold delirious joy should I experience when I had crossed the
threshold. And how should I cross it? Alone and timid, how could I stem
that flashing, glittering crowd? And, among them all, whose protection
should I seek, to whose side should I make my way? There was no time for
hesitation; I was at the door; the gentleman whom I had seen upstairs,
stood aside to let me pass; two or three ladies made way for me, and in
a moment more I found myself at my aunt's side.
"You are very late," she said, in a low tone.
"I could not help it, Aunt Edith," I began; but a new arrival took up
her attention, and I was left to make my own reflections upon the scene
before me. It took a few minutes for me to come to my senses
sufficiently to look about, and see things reasonably. It was some time
before I recognized Josephine among the many strange faces. She was not
dancing, but, with an admiring crowd around her, stood at the other end
of the room, dispensing her coquettish smiles with tact and judgment.
Grace was dancing with a lazy sort of grace that became her. Her partner
was a painfully shy, undeveloped college youth, of whom, I could see,
she was making all manner of ridicule, judging from the contortions of
merriment visible on the face of her _vis-à-vis_, Captain McGuffy, with
whom she exchanged a whispered witticism every time they met. Phil, with
a self-denying heroism I had not given him credit for, was doing the
agreeable to every one, dancing with all the girls who didn't seem to be
having a nice time, and doing the honors of the house to the gentlemen
without a groan. An occasional smile from Josephine, and a few words of
approval from Mrs. Churchill, seemed to be all the reward he asked.
Many of the faces about me were familiar. Grace had pointed them out to
me in the street, and I had occasionally met them in the hall; but, of
all the crowd, only one was an acquaintance, and that very far from a
familiar one. Josephine's most intimate and particular confidante, Miss
Ella Wynkar, gave me a look in passing, that was not striking for its
graciousness, and a little nod. I had seen her at dinner more than once,
when she had dined with us, and gone to the opera under my aunt's
chaperonage. I never could understand her intimacy with Josephine; I
knew they were dying of jealousy of each other, and Josephine, for one,
never omitted an opportunity of saying an ill-natured thing about her
friend behind her friend's back; and her friend, I felt certain, was not
any more scrupulous; notwithstanding, they were the most loving and
tender of companions, and continually seeking each other's society.
Josephine made visits with Ella, and Ella shopped with Josephine. Mrs.
Churchill took Ella to the opera, and Mrs. Wynkar chaperoned Josephine
to matinées and weddings. Ella was the whitest of blondes, and neither
intellectually nor physically at all in Josephine's style; she had not a
pretty or expressive feature in her face; a general look of whiteness
and sweetness about her, being her sole attraction. She was very much
below Josephine in intelligence, but was not destitute of a certain
shrewdness of her own, which, with some little exertion, kept her up to
her friend's level. She lacked Josephine's nice French tact and polish,
and was very American and very New York in her rather "loud" style, and
very high-colored mode of expressing herself. Josephine must have an
intimate friend, however, and so, I suppose, the most advantageous and
proper one was selected. Such coalitions are recognized in society,
whereunto, of course, people must conform.
Ella, as I have said, was not at the pains to recognize me very affably
on the evening of the party. I bit my lip and didn't mind, but somehow
the glamor of romance was beginning to recede from the scene, and I was
beginning only to see a roomful of people, strange to me, and none too
affectionate to each other, flirting, dancing, quizzing each other;
dowagers in velvet watching daughters in tarletan, young beaux elbowing
old beaux, and every man showing himself unmistakably for himself. At
first, it amused me to watch the people and their ways, but soon, like
Essie and her sleigh-ride, I began to feel as if it would be very
pleasant to have somebody to talk to, and be entertained by, as the
other young ladies had. I felt hopelessly frightened, and shrunk as far
as possible into the corner behind my aunt, whenever I caught any one's
eye; which wasn't often, however, for every one seemed too busy with
themselves and their partners, or companions, to notice me. Grace,
passing near me with a young collegian or two, whispered, "Are you
having a stupid time?" and the truth that I was having just such a
time, made the blood rush to my cheeks. My aunt turned to me and said:
"Why are you so quiet? Go and amuse yourself; you are at home, you
know--talk to some one," and she turned away.
I was at home, yes, I knew that. As one of the young ladies of the
house, I was of course entitled to be freed from some of the trammels
that society imposes upon those of my age and sex. I might with
propriety go and talk to any young ladies who were disengaged and
silent; but I really felt no inclination to avail myself of this
privilege. Every one seemed engaged but me; no one noticed me, and I
retreated further into the corner than before. It was very kind in my
aunt to tell me to go and amuse myself. I wondered if she had contented
herself with giving such a kind permission to Josephine on the night of
her first party, when she was new to society, and strange and
partner-less in it?
"This is society, then," I said to myself. "Mr. Rutledge needn't have
warned me so against it. I do not see much danger of my loving it too
well. It isn't any too pleasant to be alone and unattended to; it is
rather bitter to feel that every one who looks at me must think, 'what a
dull time that girl is having!' and wonder why I know no one."
It _was_ bitter enough, and for a while I longed to get out of it all,
and steal upstairs, and be by myself, but I knew for the present that
was hopeless, so I did the wisest thing I could have done, viz., set to
work to reason myself out of my discontent and folly, and tried the
"dodge" recommended in the old Greek comedy, that is, "being revenged on
fortune by becoming a philosopher." And a philosopher, in white muslin
and coral, then and there I became; and in ten minutes, the pettishness
had all vanished from my heart, and, _par conséquent_, from my face, and
I was myself again.
This was a strange termination of all my day-dreams; a strange entrée
into the world; but no doubt it was the best thing that could have
happened to me. Had I not promised to renounce it, and had it not been
very wrong for me to have gone on hoping to reap some pleasure from it,
notwithstanding? Was not this the kindest way to bring to my remembrance
the vow and promise that I had so nearly forgotten. Was it not better
for me to remember at the outset, that it and I were never to be in
league, never to be other than enemies? That if "there was no way but
this," this was not so very hard and cruel a way? Poor Frances upstairs,
with her swollen eyes and wan face, had doubtless a harder yoke to bear
in her youth than I had, and so, with a hundred other swollen-eyed and
wan-faced girls whom I daily met in the streets. "Let's think on our
marcies," I mentally ejaculated, quoting with a half smile, the words of
old "Aunt Chloe" to her husband on their cruel parting. Which, by the
way, is the finest passage in all that strange story of "Uncle Tom;" a
passage unalloyed by affectation, exaggeration or false
sentiment--simple, great, and heroic--worth twenty little Eva's dying
speeches, and unnatural angelhood.
After the lapse of an hour, I thought I might be allowed to keep my
promise to Essie, so I stole quietly out of the gay crowd, and went up
to my room. Esther had gone to sleep, and Frances, startled from an
attitude of weeping, obeyed my permission to go down and watch the
dancing for half an hour, while I should relieve guard and take care of
the child, whose burning temples and restless moaning made me certain
that it was not right to leave her alone. She did not wake up, however,
during my vigil, and Frances came back very punctually. I kissed the
little sleeper again, and with a very much sobered fancy, descended to
the parlors. Mr. Rutledge stood at the foot of the stairs, and joined me
as I reached the hall.
"Hasn't _la petite_ gone to sleep yet?" he asked, offering me his arm.
"Oh yes! some time ago."
"Then you prefer upstairs to downstairs, even on gala nights?" he
inquired, with a smile.
"I don't know exactly," I answered; but at this moment, Phil made his
appearance with the gentleman who had been at the dressing-room door
when Essie had made her unexpected _début_.
"Ah, here you are!" he exclaimed; "we have been hunting you high and low
for a good half hour." And he presented, "Mr. Viennet."
The name, and his very slight foreign accent, assured me that this was
the young Frenchman of whom I had heard so much from Grace and
Josephine. He was at once "the best dancer," "the handsomest fellow,"
and "the cleverest man" in society, so when he bowed very low and asked
me to dance, it was as if the planet Mercury had slid down the starry
floor of heaven and demanded the honor of my hand. All I could do was to
drop my eyes, blush very much, and assent.
Mr. Rutledge released me instantly, bowed and drew back. Mr. Viennet
gave me his arm, and in a moment we were on the floor.
Nobody that dances well but loves it. I danced well, and I loved it. Mr.
Viennet told me he knew _that_, the moment he looked at me, and as he
seemed to take a wicked pleasure in saying such things, and making me
blush, I soon regained my self-possession, and a certain degree of
sauciness wherewith to parry these remarks. The captain was my
vis-à-vis, and he whispered as we met:
"Upon my soul, Miss Josephine'll have to look to her laurels; my friend
Victor seems mightily _épris._"
"Is the captain asking you to dance?" demanded Mr. Viennet.
"Remember, mademoiselle, you are engaged to me for the next."
The next dance proved a polka. I had half resolved never to dance
anything but quadrilles; I had not thought much about the matter, but I
had an indefinite sort of idea that some people condemned polkas and
waltzes, and that it would be better not to indulge in them. But I had
made no resolution strong enough to resist my partner's persuasions, and
that fine floor, and the magic of the music. Before I knew it, I was
flying down the room with Mr. Viennet, and having once tasted of that
delirious pleasure, there was no putting the cup from my lips. One dance
merged into another, polka, redowa, waltz, succeeded each other in
intoxicating rapidity; a turn in the hall, or an ice in the library,
being the only rest between. It did not take one whit from my pleasure,
rather added extremely thereunto, that a face I knew too well, but
sterner and colder than I had ever seen it, was watching me with marked
disapproval. I avoided meeting his eye as I floated past him; I never
laughed so gaily or danced so well as when I knew we were near him; my
handsome partner owed half the smiles I gave him, to the fact of that
stern face. I had been unnaturally depressed too long not to be
unnaturally excited now. I was all my school-days' self again, with an
under-current of something stronger and deeper, and more dangerous.
"You don't look like the same girl. How you do love to dance!" said
Phil, in a low tone, as he brought up some one else to introduce.
"Victor, my fine fellow, you must come and talk with somebody else. Mrs.
Churchill says you shall not dance with her niece again. Go and make
your peace with her."
"_De tout mon coeur_," he returned. "And I will release mademoiselle for
this dance; but of course she remembers that she has promised me the
next."
I laughed at this bold invention, as I went off with my new partner; but
Mr. Viennet claimed me resolutely at the end of the quadrille, and
though there was no lack of partners now, still he continued to be the
prominent one, _malgré_ Josephine's black looks, and Aunt Edith's
distant coldness. Not all the king's horses, nor all the king's men,
could bring me back to where I had stood before I knew my power. I was
dizzy with my triumph yet; it was no time to talk to me of moderation. I
had just begun to feel that there was no reason why I should not enjoy
myself as other girls enjoyed themselves. I did not feel submissive
toward those who had kept me down so long. I answered Josephine's
sarcasm with a sarcasm as biting. I returned Grace's compliment with
interest. To Ellerton Wynkar, who asked me to dance, I regretted, but
was engaged for the rest of the evening, and sent him away with a
hauteur that paid off all old scores. At supper, I held a miniature
court at one end of the room, and not Josephine's self ever swayed a
more despotic rule. And when "the German" began, no one ever led the
German but Victor Viennet, and with no one else would he dance, so I was
then and there initiated into the intricacies of that genteel game of
romps.
As we paused in the first figure, I glanced at my silent mentor. He was
just bidding my aunt good night, and left the room without a look toward
the dancers. My interest in the game began to flag somewhat after that,
but still it was dancing, and I loved that well enough never to tire.
The dance was ended, and the room nearly deserted, before my partner
left me. As the door closed on the last guest, Josephine threw herself
into an easy-chair, exclaiming:
"I'm tired to death! I thought they would never go."
"Tired! I could dance till noon," I cried. "It's a positive punishment
to go to bed. Good night," and I ran upstairs.
It was one thing to go to bed, and another thing to go to sleep--one
thing to shut my eyes, but quite another thing to shut out the pageantry
of fancy that the darkness did not quench. Conjecture, hope,
anticipation, longing, made wild work in my brain that night. Everything
was too new, and strange, and dazzling, to yield at once to the control
of reason. The curtain had risen upon too brilliant a scene to fade from
my imagination, even after it had fallen. New faces, snatches of music,
conversations, danced through my mind; but above all other sensations, a
new sense of injustice and resentment made itself felt, and defiance
took the place of the unquestioning submission I had rendered before.
This was the thorn in my new crown of roses that took away from it its
simplicity, its unalloyed beauty, and, perhaps, its innocence.