"Thy steps are dancing toward the bound
Between the child and woman,
And thoughts and feelings more profound,
And other years are coming."
SIDNEY WALKER.
If I say that my heart beat a little quicker, as I came in sight of the
group before the steps, I shall acknowledge to no inexcusable weakness.
Mrs. Roberts stood a little at one side, with a darker, more gloomily
prophetical cast of countenance than ever, and seemed to be giving some
unwelcome advice to Mr. Rutledge, who, saying briefly, "I cannot
disappoint her now," turned uneasily to Michael, who held the horses,
and who was to accompany me, and appeared to give him some emphatic
directions, to which the man, from time to time, nodded assent.
And the mare herself! Michael's whole strength was but sufficient to
control her under the unaccustomed restraint. She was a beautiful
animal, glossy black, clean-limbed, and delicately made, with a head and
neck that told "she came of gentle blood," as plainly as aristocratic
lineaments ever spoke. The insane absurdity of my controlling such a
fiery, powerful thing as she, rushed sickeningly over me, but I never
for a moment entertained the idea of giving up. If I had been ten times
surer than I was, that I should be thrown within the first half mile, I
should have rejected with scorn the advice of Mrs. Roberts, who now came
forward and favored me with her views on the subject of the proposed
expedition. I had more than one reason for desiring to keep her at a
distance; so raising my skirt as carefully as I could, I ran down the
steps to where Mr. Rutledge stood. When he saw me, he immediately
cleared his brow of the shade of anxiety that had been contracting it
during his conversation with Michael, and said, smilingly:
"Madge Wildfire is as impatient to be off as her mistress."
"Pretty creature!" I said, patting her neck with a hand that trembled
visibly; then, with a voice that was meant to be very cheerful and
unconcerned, I added:
"What a perfect afternoon it is! I wish you were going."
"I wish I were," he said, taking in at a glance the unsteadiness of the
hand that patted Madge's neck, and the direful whiteness of the lips
that spoke. After a moment of reflection he turned to Michael and gave
him some order that sent him rapidly toward the stable, while Thomas was
summoned to hold the horses, and telling me to wait a moment, Mr.
Rutledge hurried into the house. I did not rightly comprehend the reason
of this delay, till I saw him reappear, with riding gloves on and a whip
in his hand followed by Mrs. Roberts, whose astonishment and anxiety
were undisguised.
"It's madness sir! With one hand you can hardly guide your own horse,
let alone that creature she's to ride; and if you'll forgive me for
being so plain, you may have to pay dearly for it! You are humoring a
foolish girl at the risk of your life!"
Mr. Rutledge stopped short. "My old friend," he said in a tone of
decision, "you know I will always bear with more from you, than from
almost any one else; but you must remember, there is such a thing as
going too far. I cannot be interfered with in this way, even by you,"
and he descended the steps.
Mrs. Roberts groaned, and turned away, silenced temporarily. Michael
reappeared with Mr. Rutledge's horse, Madge was soothed, and brought to
where I stood, and Michael tossed me up on her back. Before I could
realize the dizzy height, or get the reins fairly in my grasp, she was
off with an eager bound that showed how great had been her impatience at
the delay. I kept my seat--more I did not attempt to do, as at a tearing
pace she darted down the avenue. The reins were in my hands, but they
might as well have been around her neck, for all the use I made of them.
Fortunately the gate was open, but before we reached it Mr. Rutledge was
by my side.
"To the left," he said, as we dashed through it. It was, however,
because Madge's fancy lay that way, that she took it; I cannot flatter
myself that my faintly suggestive touch on the left rein had anything to
do with influencing her decision. And _on_ we flew, Michael clattering
behind us. It was a pretty clear straight road, bordered on both sides
by trees, and slightly descending ground. In a moment, Mr. Rutledge
spoke, but so quietly and unexcitedly that I felt soothed even by the
tone.
"You sit very well; don't lean forward quite so much; that's better,"
and in a few minutes he added, "keep a steady rein, don't pull suddenly
or hard, but just firm. She is perfectly kind, and you can manage her
very nicely after you get used to her."
A confidence in Madge's good disposition, certainly was encouraging, and
as Mr. Rutledge didn't seem to feel any alarm or discomposure of any
kind, but on the contrary, an assurance that I was equal to what I had
undertaken, perhaps, after all I was; and under these influences,
something like composure began to return to my startled nerves and
something like strength to tighten my hold upon the reins. Still we were
tearing onward, Michael now left far behind, and the question of
_stopping_ began to exercise me painfully. I knew from the pull upon the
bridle, and the eager bounds of the animal beneath me, that as yet, it
formed no part of _her_ intention. Presently Mr. Rutledge said, quite
nonchalantly--
"I think, when we begin to ascend that hill on our right, we'd better
pull up a little. Keep a steady rein till we get there. Let Madge know
who's mistress; the lower one's the curb; now, pull; whoa, Madge!"
And Madge _did_ whoa, that is, she slackened in a slight, a very slight
degree, her frantic pace, checked perhaps by the new determination of
her rider's rein, and the startling emphasis of that decided "whoa."
It was but a very slight symptom of irresolution on her part, but it
gave me the advantage; from that moment I determined to be mistress, and
before we reached the brow of the hill, Madge had quieted to a walk. I
was as white as a ghost, and shook all over, but my companion was
considerate enough not to notice it, and checked with a look, Michael's
exclamations of alarm, as with open eyes and mouth, that attendant
galloped up.
Several miles of country had been got over, before I began, in any
degree, to realize that I was out for the purpose of enjoying myself, or
before I was able to think of anything in heaven or earth, save the
beast I rode.
At last, however, I began to feel, with a sense of exultation the more
elating in proportion to the struggle I had had to gain it, that I had
my horse under entire control, and with that consciousness, color came
to my cheeks, and warmth to my numb hands and feet; I could laugh and
talk then, could see that the sky was clear and sunny, and the country
we were crossing, the very prettiest and most picturesque imaginable;
could feel the wind blowing fresh against my face, as we galloped
rapidly over the open road; or listen, with an ear keenly awake to every
phase of pleasure, to the rustling of the dead leaves beneath our
horses' feet, and the clear ringing of our voices in the still air, as
we sauntered along woody passes, or threaded our way through
unfrequented bridle-paths.
"How delightful it is!" I exclaimed, and my exclamation was echoed in my
companion's look of intense enjoyment. There was a freedom from
restraint, an abandonment to the pleasures of the present, that I had
not seen in him before. Ten years of care and trial seemed lifted from
his brow; a glow of health on his face, and a clear light in his eye,
made him almost handsome; and for the time, it was easy for me to forget
the differences of age and circumstances; it was an involuntary thing to
look upon him as the companion whom most I liked of all I had ever
found; the readiest, the keenest, the kindest; one who understood me,
himself, and all the world; who could govern me, but whose very tyranny
was pleasant; who was, in fact, so far and unquestionably my superior,
that it pleased him to lay aside all differences, and be, for the time,
the companion and equal of a child, whose very youth and ignorance,
appeared the passports to his favor.
For the first time, during this ride he talked to me of himself, and of
his past life, but a past far separated from all association or
connection with Rutledge. He recounted, for my entertainment, travels
and adventures, that had the most exciting charm to my crude ear, at
least. And indeed I doubt whether an older and more critical taste could
have found anything but pleasure in his vigorous sketches of scenes and
incidents that had impressed themselves upon his memory. He was, indeed,
an excellent _raconteur_, and had, beyond any one I have ever known, the
power of bringing up, in bodily shape and presence, the places and
characters he chose to recall. Whether it was a sunrise among the Alps,
or a scene in a French café, it was equally distinct and life-like; I
saw the glittering of the sharp cloud piercing icy peaks, as, one by
one, they caught the rosy sunlight; or, the men and women in their
foreign dress and eager manner, lived and spoke before me, gesticulated,
rattled off their voluble absurdities, and vanished from the scene, to
give place to pictures of quiet English villages, with sunny meadows and
long green lanes, grey churches and mossy gravestones, or quaint old
Flemish towns, with their "cathedrals vast and dim," and tall, gloomy
houses overhanging the narrow streets; or the rich warmth of some
Italian landscape; or the vastness of the illimitable plains of Granada,
that stretch away on all sides from the ruined Alhambra; Constantinople,
with its mosques and minarets; the Holy City, with its mongrel
population and half profaned associations, all were distinctly realized
by me, as if I had in very deed been there. Mr. Rutledge rarely
exercised his talents for description, and my enraptured attention
seemed to surprise him.
"You are an admirable listener," he said, laughingly; "no flattery could
be subtler than that attitude of interest. I should grow positively
garrulous if you were with me much. I must send you away! I hate a
talking man; with such an eloquent face before me, I shall learn to talk
hours at a time."
"I won't look at you if you don't want me to, only don't stop talking.
Ah! please!" I exclaimed, as he pointed to the rapidly sinking sun, and
turned his horse's head toward home. "I cannot go home yet."
"But it will be dark before we reach it, as it is," he said.
"There's a moon!"
"I shall never let you come again, if you are not 'good' about going
home. Come!"
His tone wasn't alarming, and I said: "I've just got in the spirit of
it; and that's the best piece of road we've seen yet. I couldn't think
of going back under another mile; indeed I couldn't."
Mr. Rutledge still persisted in refusing permission, though, as I said,
his tone was not alarming; not, for instance, as it had been last
evening, when he called me in from the terrace. Though his face was
perfectly serious, there was a look of smothered merriment about his
mouth, that quite recalled the crayon sketch in my trunk. He was a good
horseman, and no attitude could have been more advantageous to him than
his present one, sitting easily and gracefully on his fine horse, and
indicating with a turn of his head, the direction which he desired, nay,
commanded me to take. We were just on the summit of a hill; the sunset
was lighting up the woods behind, the road stretched smooth and broad
before us. I turned my head us decidedly in that direction, saying:
"There's another road turns off to the left of that bridge toward
Rutledge, I know, for we drove there the other day; and it isn't more
than two miles further. That's the way _I'm_ going home. 'They'll have
fleet steeds that follow.'"
And, touching Madge, I was off, without a look behind. It was, indeed
some minutes before I turned around to see how near Mr. Rutledge might
be; but what was my chagrin on finding myself alone, Michael only
visible descending the hill at full speed. I paused to wait for him with
ill-concealed impatience.
"Where's your master, Michael?"
"Gone back, miss."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, miss. I think he's going home by way of the village, and that he's
going to get the letters from the office on his way."
"Couldn't we overtake him possibly?"
"I'm afraid not, miss; we've got two miles further to go, and the horses
are not as fresh as when we started, miss."
That was a very palpable fact; indeed, both Michael's arguments seemed
equally invincible; but I evaded them by exclaiming:
"Isn't there any shorter way back to the village? Think quick, Michael,
I know there must be."
Michael thought, as quickly as he could, no doubt, but very slowly, it
seemed to me.
"Yes, Miss," he said, meditatively, after a moment's pause, "yes, Miss,
there is another; but it's but a wild road for the like of you to be
travelling--so late too."
"Which way is it?" I said, with an impatient wave of the hand.
"To the right, Miss, about a quarter of a mile further on; it strikes
off through Hemlock Hollow. It's a lonesome road, though, Miss, and
there may be one or two pairs of bars to take down before we get to the
end."
"You're sure, however, that you know the way, and that it's shorter?" I
asked.
Michael thought he was sure.
"Then, my man, we'll try it; and keep as near to me as you can."
And turning Madge's head, I gave her liberty to do her best. Michael had
much ado, I fear, to keep in sight of me; but I cared very little for
his guardianship, or indeed for any other circumstance or occurrence
whatsoever, so long as I reached the village and the post-office before
Mr. Rutledge quitted them.
Michael was nearer right than he generally had the good fortune to be,
when he described the Hemlock Hollow road as a wild and lonesome one. It
was an unfrequented wood road; the trees met above it; there was neither
foot-path nor fence on either side; it was just a way hewn down and
cleared for one wagon to pass. Lying in a hollow, it was always damper,
and colder, and darker, than anywhere else, and as I pressed on, I
couldn't help being struck with the chilliness of the air, and "the rich
moist smell of the rotting leaves" that lay thick upon the road. How
fast the light had faded! I never knew twilight to come on so rapidly.
"Never mind," I reasoned, "it cannot be long before we are out of this
hollow, and then we shall be so near the village that I shall not mind
the dark, and after that Mr. Rutledge will be with us. He will not be
angry, I know; there was too much laughing about his mouth, when he
motioned me homeward. I am sure he won't be angry; but I almost
wish----Michael!"
"Yes, Miss," called out my attendant in the distance.
"How long before we are out of this wood?"
"I don't rightly remember the length of it, Miss," gasped the panting
esquire, as he reached me.
"Well," I said, "it's growing dark so fast, you must whip up, and make
all the haste you can."
"Saving your presence, that's exactly what I've been doing for the last
three hours; and though I'm as anxious to get on as yourself, Miss, my
horse is just a bit _exhausted._"
I had to suppress a laugh at his dejected looks. Melancholy had marked
for her own both horse and rider.
"Well, Michael," I said, encouragingly, "it cannot be very long before
we reach the village, and then you shall have time to rest. Keep up as
well as you can, meantime."
And unable to control my own impatience, I rode on, and in a little
while was again out of sight, or rather out of hearing, for sight was
fast becoming a useless gift, so rapidly had night descended, and so
effectually did the thick trees shut out what of light might have been
still left in the sky. I again called to Michael, who again was far
behind, and again had to be waited for. I was certain we had gone three
or four miles, and yet there was no sign of an opening, no change in the
monotonous, narrow road.
"Are you quite positive, Michael," I said, "that this is the right road?
Are you certain it leads to the village?"
He had never been over it but once, he said, and that was two years ago,
but he thought he knew it; it didn't seem so long to him before, though,
he must confess.
A genuine pang of fear crossed me as I saw the man's bewilderment and
uncertainty, and as I realized that I must depend on myself, for he knew
no more about the road than I did, it was plain, and seemed, indeed,
fast losing his wits, from sheer fatigue and terror.
"Think a minute, Michael," I said, in a firm voice, "how ought the road
to terminate? Does it come directly out on the turnpike, or do we have
to cross any fields before we reach it?"
If he remembered right, there was a field to cross--no--he couldn't be
sure, on the whole, that the road didn't open right into the turnpike,
after all. Perhaps it didn't, though; it was two years since he had been
over it, and how could he remember--so dark as it was, too!
A moment's reflection told me that there was no use in going back till
we had tried a little further, for the turnpike could not be very
distant. I thought I had a general idea of where the village lay, and
that we were going toward it. So cheering up my attendant as well as I
could, and suiting my pace to his, I endured another half mile of pretty
uncomfortable suspense before an opening in the trees, and a patch of
cloudy sky, sent a ray of comfort to my heart.
"Courage, Michael!" I cried, "here's the end of our troubles--here's an
opening in the woods. Is this the way the road looked, do you think?"
Michael sprang down from his horse with great alacrity, to let down the
bars that retarded our progress. Ah, yes! This was all right--just as he
said; he knew we had to cross a field.
Quite reassured, I told him to ride on in front, as he seemed to know
the way now, and he valiantly led on, along the edges of what seemed to
me a ploughed field; but Michael being positive that there was a beaten
road along it, I submitted to his judgment. By and by, we came to
another pair of bars, which Michael confidently took down, and
conscientiously put up after we had passed through, and again led the
van.
In the meantime, I watched the sky with anxiety. The wind was rising,
and swept cold across the fields; the clouds, though broken and flying,
obscured the light of the moon, yet low in the east. I had no way but
to trust to Michael, and I tried to do it without any misgivings, as he
seemed so confident; but it was not long before he began to waver again.
After a pause, and a moment's bewildered gaze around, he struck his hand
upon his forehead, and exclaimed:
"Upon my honor, Miss, it's my opinion we're in a dreadful fix! I know no
more than the dead where we are!"
"Fool!" I cried, starting forward in an agony of apprehension, "why
didn't you say so before?"
Michael gave a miserable groan, and seemed utterly confounded.
"Let us go back as fast as ever we can!" I exclaimed.
"That's just what I can't see how to do," whined my hopeful guide, "for
between letting down, and putting up bars, and crossing backward and
forward, I can't seem to to remember where we did come in."
It was too true; the place we had entered seemed a wild open common,
fenced on two sides, while on the others, it stretched away into woods
and hills; but since we had entered it, we had ridden so irregularly,
that I was, as well as Michael, at a loss to tell on which side we had
come in, and if there was a wagon track, it was too dark to see it. I
made a strong effort to command myself, and said concisely, "The best
way, Michael, is for me to ride along the fence here, and see if I can't
find something that will direct me to the place where we came in, while
you ride across the fields, there, on the left, and see if you can't
find a road through the woods, and come back as soon as you've found
any, and tell me."
Michael obeyed, and spurred off toward the woods, while I picked my way
back along the irregular fence, which in some places was quite hidden by
the high bushes, that grew thick on either side, while in others, it was
quite open and unobscured. But the uncertain light, the similarity of
one pair of bars, and one side of the common to another, completely
baffled me, and I was as much bewildered as Michael himself. I tried,
however, to be brave and keep up my courage, trusting momentarily that
Michael would return and report favorably of a road on the other side,
which would lead _somewhere;_ anything was better than this pathless
common.
I tried to be patient as the moments passed without any signs of his
return. I walked my horse up and down beside the fence, and struggled
manfully to be calm. There was not light enough left to see him till he
got near me; all I could do was to wait. And I did wait; hours, it
seemed to me, till every nerve throbbed with fear, and the nameless
horrors that night and solitude always bring to those who brave them for
the first, crowded so upon me, that I would rather have ridden into
certain danger, than have waited there another moment; and I dashed
across the common, toward the dark woods that skirted it. I halted and
called as loudly as I could, but no answer came. Then riding along the
edge of the wood, I called again, with all my strength, and waited for
the reply as if my life hung upon the sound of a human voice. None came,
and half wild at the dawning of this new terror, entire isolation, I
whipped Madge to her utmost speed, and flew along the whole length of
the wood, then back again, shouting Michael's name.
At that moment the moon came out from behind the shifting clouds, and
halting suddenly, I looked around me; the common, as far as I could see,
was bare; the woods were before me; I had halted at the entrance of a
road that led into them. Perhaps Michael was wandering there, and
calling once more, I waited in vain for any answer but the swaying of
the boughs in the night wind, and the panting of my tired horse. At this
renewed disappointment, all my firmness gave way, and all the perils and
horrors that fancy suggested rushed upon me; dropping the reins upon the
horse's neck, and covering my face with my hands, I uttered a cry of
despair. Startled by it, and by the sudden relaxing of the reins, the
horse gave a bound forward, and dashed terrified into the woods. That I
was not unseated, is the strangest part of all my strange adventure; but
conscious of nothing, save an agonized fear of losing this my only
living companion, I clung tightly to her neck, as brushing against the
overhanging boughs, and swaying from side to side of the narrow road,
she tore onward in her headlong race. Of the length of time that passed
before, spent with fatigue and shuddering in every limb, she paused
suddenly before a fallen tree that blockaded the road, I can form no
idea. It was all, as then in acting, so now in recalling, one wild dream
of terror. It may have been moments, or perhaps only seconds, before,
raising myself from my crouching attitude, I looked around, and saw the
position of the horse, and the fright that she was in. The moon was
shining fitfully through the naked branches of the forest around us, and
right across the road, lay the giant trunk of a fallen tree; while the
only sound except the moaning of the wind, was the brawling of a stream
that ran beside the road. Madge shook violently, while I tried to soothe
her, but in vain.
I slipped down from the saddle, still holding the bridle over my arm,
and almost fell, from the dizzy feeling on first touching the ground
after being so long in one position. I regained my feet, and approaching
her, patted her neck, and tried to urge her to make the leap; it was
unbearable to think of staying an instant here! But it was hopeless;
with her feet planted in the earth, and eyes dilated with terror, she
refused to move. A groan of misery escaped me as this last hope was cut
off; I tied the bridle to a low branch, and sitting down upon the fallen
tree, buried my face in my hands, in hopeless, stupefied despair. The
cold night-air was chilling me to the heart; my habit was, at best, but
barely warm enough in the day, and when heated with exercise; now, the
wind seemed to strike through and through me; and I crouched down,
hiding my eyes from the ghastly, fitful dancing of the moonbeams, and
shook from head to foot.
Look in whatever way I might, there was nothing but terror staring me in
the face. How many miles I was from any human habitation, I did not dare
to think; but indeed it mattered little; I could not, benumbed and
aching as I was, have walked half a mile, even with the certainty of
help before me; and I doubted whether, if the horse could have been
coaxed over the cruel obstacle that stopped her course, I could have
mounted her again. I was bound, helpless, hopeless! My exaggerated fancy
refused all hope, and seized all that was frightful, and held up before
me the dread that, unless some unforeseen help should come, I should
perish during the slow waning of the awful night that had but just
begun. I saw life and youth,
"And time and hope behind me cast,"
and one black shadow creeping toward me, slowly, but with unswerving
tread; silently, but with intensest gaze, freezing me with horror. And
with a sort of mockery, the words that had seemed so soothing and
peaceful, when, life was sure and unthreatened, rang in my ears:
"Death comes to set thee free--
O meet him cheerily
As thy true friend."
Starting to my feet, I cried aloud, as if stung with sudden pain: "No,
no! not such death as this; I cannot! Oh, is there no help!" And calling
passionately Mr. Rutledge's name, I listened as if it were impossible
that I could call on him in vain. But no voice nor answer came; the
swaying branches moaned loudly as the angry wind swept through them; the
swollen stream rushed by with a mournful sound; the dead leaves
fluttered in the fitful blast: this was my answer--this was all the
help my appeals would gain. With a cry of anguish, I cast myself down
upon the earth, and sent to heaven such a prayer as only despair and
mortal terror can wring from the heart. Not as people pray at home,
morning and evening, with Death at worst a distant enemy, and Terror and
Temptation just so many words; not as people pray from duty, or from
habit, or out of respect to religion, I prayed then. Not as I had often
asked for mercy, Sunday after Sunday, in the Litany, and thought I was
in earnest, did I ask for it now; but with such agony of earnestness,
such wild entreaty, as those ten men in the Samaritan village put into
their prayer for mercy; a De Profundis that came from the lowest depths
of abasement and despair. It was a fearful struggle, but it passed over,
and left me calmer.
Whether it was that hope was dead, and the quiet that crept over me was
the quiet of despair, or that really faith and resignation had come at
last, I could not tell; but exhausted, benumbed, half dead, I lay
motionless upon the ground, while the moments, crept slowly on, and
formed themselves into hours; and still, with an ear that never lost a
note of all the dirge that sounded through the forest, I lay, face
downward, indifferent and apathetic. Consciousness never slept a single
moment of the dreadful hours that passed over me, but Fear and
Excitement did; and these terrible enemies only woke, when a sound that
was not brawl of stream or roar of wind, profaned the ghastly solitude.
It was a sound far fainter and less appalling than those I had been
listening to, unmoved, so long, but it roused the keenest terror. Far
down the road, I first caught it, so low that it might have been the
falling of a nut the high wind had shaken from its tree; again, this
time nearer, and the leaves rustle, and a chance bough crackles. I do
not stir a hair's breadth from where I lie--the step approaches--I do
not raise my head nor move a muscle--I do not think, nor wonder what it
is, but all faculties absorbed in one, all energies concentrated in
that one effort, I listen for the approaching sound. Nearer and nearer;
and the quick terror shoots through every chilled vein. In another
moment--but with resistless power, horror sweeps over every sense, and
in one wild surge, blots out reason, memory, and consciousness.