I MEET AN ECCENTRIC DOCTOR AND ENTER INTO HIS SERVICE.
The sapling and I fell directly on a fire of branches, from which came
the light at which I had been gazing.
I was slightly stunned, but I scrambled to my feet just as a heavy hand
was laid on my collar, and a gruff voice said:
“Vell! here’s a precious go!”
I looked up, and saw that the voice and hand belonged to the same
person--a short, stout man, with sallow complexion and glistening black
eyes. His dress was a curious compound of broad, glazed hat and blue
shift of a sailor and the flashy check vest and pantaloons of a peddler.
“Vere did you come from, anyhow,” he demanded, before I had finished my
survey, “a-busting down on a chap vithout varning, and a smashing of his
pots and kettles?”
“Pots and kettles?” I repeated, inquiringly.
For answer he pointed indignantly to the ground, and then I saw what
damage my descent had caused.
A rusty coffee-pot, a little dish and a skillet were scattered among the
embers of the fire.
“That’s vot you did,” said he, resentfully. “Here vos I, a-cooking my
supper and a-thinking of just nothink at all, when all of a suddent down
you come, like a cannon-ball, and avay goes everythink! It was werry
aggerwating because it was nearly done.”
“I assure you, sir,” said I, very contritely, “that I had no intention
of falling on your fire or your supper.”
Then I explained the cause of my sudden descent, and wound up by
offering to pay for the damage.
By this time the man had entirely recovered his temper--if he had ever
lost it, which I very much doubt--and smiled kindly.
“Vell, vell, there ain’t much harm done except putting my supper back
half an hour. Put up your money, my boy, and join me.”
Then he righted the utensils, and whistling a lively air, prepared the
meal anew. And this he did with an adroitness that proved the task to be
by no means an unusual one.
Within half an hour, he had made a pot of coffee, a pan of biscuits and
a savory stew, and we were soon discussing this supper very amiably
together.
After supper he washed out the dishes and utensils in a brook near by,
and lying at full length on the ground, composed himself for a smoke.
All this time I had been regarding him in silence, but with considerable
curiosity, and I had about made up my mind that he was a gipsy, on his
way to join his tribe, when he startled me by saying, abruptly:
“Look ’ere!”
I intimated that I was all attention.
“Who are you?” he asked, bluntly.
“Jack Wood,” I answered, promptly, although a trifle nervously.
“My name is Miles Norris,” he rejoined, after a long pause. “I’m a
wender of physics and knickknacs.”
“A doctor?”
“Not exactly,” he replied, rising on his elbow and winking at me
significantly. “I cures people as hasn’t got nothink the matter vith ’em
and thinks they has.”
This sentence was too deep for me to fathom, and on my intimating as
much, he condescended to explain.
“I go round the country selling my own medicines, which is Norris’s
Golden Balsam, wot cures all kinds of pains, cuts and bruises,
whatsomedever they may be; fifty cents a bottle, small bottles
twenty-five. Then there’s the Lightning Toothache Drops, wot cures that
hagonizing malady in one second, or money refunded--twenty-five cents a
bottle. And finally, ’ere we ’ave the Great American Tooth Powder, which
makes the blackest teeth vite in less’n no time, and makes the gums
strong and ’elthy--ten cents a box. And each and every purchaser is
presented vith a book containing fifty songs, all new and prime, free
gratis and for nothink! Valk hup, ladies and gentlemen; who’ll ’ave
another bottle?”
During this recital, Doctor Norris gradually assumed a professional
demeanor, and near the close he rose to his feet, and gesticulated as if
addressing a large audience.
But at the close he suddenly cooled down, and assuming his recumbent
position, said, listlessly:
“Now you know me.”
“Certainly,” said I; “but then I do not see--”
“I hunderstand,” said he. “You don’t see no Balsam, nor Drops, nor
Powder?”
“I do not.”
“And you vonder vere they are?”
“Yes.”
“Your surprise is werry natural,” said Doctor Norris, with great
gravity. “I am out of those inwaluable medicines at present, but ven I
get to my laboratory, I shall roll ’em out wholesale.”
“Then you make them?”
“In course. I couldn’t trust anybody else.”
Then, after a pause, he added, slowly:
“I don’t know but that I might let you into my secrets if-- What did you
say your name was?”
I repeated my alias, and told my fictitious history.
“So you ain’t got nothink to do?”
“Nothing.”
“How would you like to work for me?”
“Doing what?”
“Selling my medicines.”
“Done!” cried I, joyfully.
“Hold hup!” said he, quickly. “I ain’t quite certain. Can you patter?”
“Can I what?”
“Gab, I mean--talk? Are you good on that?”
“I think I am,” I answered, modestly.
“And ’ave you got plenty of cheek?”
“Oh, yes! Why?”
“Because you’ll need it. You wouldn’t be afraid to stand hup before a
big crowd and blow away about the Balsam, or the Powder, nor yet the
Drops--hey?”
I assured him that the prospect did not dismay me in the least.
My companion then brought the conversation to a conclusion very
summarily.
“Then, Jack Wood,” said he, “you’re my man!”
Then he rolled over and went to sleep, and although somewhat astonished
at the suddenness of the doctor’s resolution, I thought his action a
good one, and _I_ rolled over and went to sleep, also.