Once, and once only, let me speak
Of all that I have felt for years;
You read it not upon my cheek,
You dreamed not of it in my tears.
L. E. L.
Whilst thus absorbed, a step whose sound the soft carpeting on which it
trod had not permitted her to hear, approached near to where Mary Seaham
sat, and a voice broke upon her reverie.
She started a little, but perceiving who was the intruder, with a smile
and only a slightly heightened colour, she arose and frankly extended
her hand with the gentle exclamation: "Mr. Temple!"
The person thus addressed was a man in the full vigour of his days; of
tall commanding figure, whose pale and noble countenance seemed to wear
less marks of worldly care than of high and chastened thought.
His temples were already partly bare, but the rest of his thick dark
curly hair bespoke the strength of manhood, and his eye, full and
eloquent, beamed with a spirit and enthusiasm which might have become a
martyr. The black dress he wore, seemed to denote his clerical
profession.
"I shall not apologize so much as I should otherwise have done, for thus
abruptly disturbing you Miss Seaham;" were the words of his rich
full-toned voice, "concluding as I do, that this evening, your
meditations must naturally be of somewhat melancholy a nature."
"About an hour ago you would have been but too right in your
conclusion, Mr. Temple;" responded the young lady. "The bustle of the
day over, the dreary feeling of being 'the last left,' was stealing over
me to a most insupportable degree, but since I quitted the deserted
house, the influence of this lovely evening has worked most effectually
on my feelings. In the open air I think this is generally the case," she
added. "However, the sense of isolation and separation, may oppress one
in the confinement of the house. Here, one can feel at least that the
same blue sky," and Miss Seaham as she spoke lifted up her clear serene
eyes to the heaven above, "over-canopies us all. I have," she continued
with simple feeling, and a slight suffusion of the eye-lid: "great need
for my comfort, to realise that perhaps rather vague idea, for we shall
be now indeed a most scattered family. Arthur in America, Jane and
Selina in India, Alice in Scotland and Aggy so soon to be in Italy."
She paused, her voice slightly faltering, as if the idea of this
domestic dispersion, when thus recorded in words, had brought the truth
before her with too much painful reality.
"And you, Miss Seaham," interrogated Mr. Temple, a slight tremor also
perceptible in his deep clear voice, and which a kind and friendly
sympathy in the young lady's sadness might naturally have occasioned,
"do you really desert Glan Pennant so very soon?"
"Yes, Mr. Temple, and had I not relied upon your promise of calling this
evening, I should have sent to let you know. I could not have gone
without seeing you again. I leave Glan Pennant to-morrow morning. I
travel part of the way with the Merediths, and some change in their
arrangements make this necessary. I own that it is a relief that I am
not to linger any longer here, though this speedy departure has come
upon me rather suddenly."
She looked up, as her companion did not immediately reply to this
intelligence, and then he inquired seriously if she still kept to her
resolution of visiting her relations in ----shire.
She answered in the affirmative.
"It is a long time since your cousin, Mr. de Burgh, and I have met," he,
after some little cautious consideration, remarked. "We were
schoolfellows and college friends. Our lives have taken a different turn
since then, and I suppose our tastes and manners of life likewise. At
least I understand"--slightly hesitating--"that he has married a gay
wife, and, with his large fortune, I suppose, acts up to his
circumstances and position; but in days of old, I remember Louis de
Burgh to have been a man of quieter tastes and habits than his friend
Edward Temple."
"I have seen nothing of my cousin since his marriage, nor of his wife
either. But their letters are the kindest and most affectionate, as you
may suppose," she added, "by my having accepted their invitation to pay
them so long a visit."
"Ah, I once knew a great deal of some members of her family," Mr.
Temple continued, speaking, not so much in the way of common
conversation, than as if moved by some under current of deep and serious
interest. "And you think," he added, "that you shall find your cousin's
house agreeable?"
There was something dubious in his tone of voice, as he uttered that
last enquiry, and Miss Seaham smiled.
"You think perhaps I shall find it too gay to suit my quiet fancy," she
said, again raising her eyes to her companion's face.
He looked down upon her, and after a short pause answered with simple
earnestness.
"I only think that we shall miss you sadly here."
Miss Seaham shook her head.
"I fear not, Mr. Temple," she said ingenuously; "not half so much, at
least, as Selina and Aggy must be missed. I am ashamed of myself, when I
think how little I have done, during the last five or six years, in
comparison with my more active sisters--how I have selfishly dreamt
away my time, whilst they--and Aggy, my younger sister too--have been
continually going about doing good. Truly like Wordsworth's old Mathew,
I have been, I am afraid,
"'An idler in the land,
Contented if I might enjoy what others understand.'
No, Mr. Temple, I fear you must have found me a very incompetent
disciple, and only flatter me when you talk of missing my services."
Mr. Temple smiled.
"I did not indeed speak professionally when I talked of missing you," he
rejoined in a low, earnest tone, "though I by no means subscribe to your
self-accusations, on the score of uselessness; besides, there are such
things as moral influences," he added more seriously, with no assumption
of superiority, but almost reverence in his tone and manner, "and in
such, I am sure, as more than one can testify, you have not been found
wanting, whilst at the same time remember, _Mary_ more than Martha
found acceptance in the eyes of Him they equally desired to serve."
"Alas! alas! Mr. Temple, if you do not flatter, you make me deeply
ashamed, and I fear for the first time," she added with a degree of
playful reproach, "I must set you down as an unfaithful pastor--speaking
false-praise, when you should be sending me away with serious
exhortation and advice as to my future course of life." The colour
mounted in sudden force to Mr. Temple's brow.
"Then, God forgive me my unfaithfulness if so it be!" he murmured with
strong emotion, "for I do indeed confess, that never did I feel less
competent to act the part of Mentor, than I do now, standing before you
this evening, only trembling to be awakened from a dream I fear as
futile--though not less sweet--as any day-dream which may have coloured
the pure light of your existence, Miss Seaham."
She looked up. Startled by the thrilling earnestness of the speaker's
voice, and still more struck by the expression of the countenance bent
down upon her, Mary Seaham withdrew her gaze in some confusion the
crimson blood suffusing her temples, and with averted countenance, she
said, with some hurried embarrassment, whilst striving to recover from
the sort of alarm her feelings had undergone, yet scarcely conscious of
what she uttered.
"I am not sorry then to find that _you_ also can indulge in the weakness
of a day-dream!"
But the awkward pause then followed--for Mr. Temple was silent after she
made this remark and beginning to fear lest she might have offended him
by its apparent lightness, she turned a timid glance towards her
companion.
He was stooping down caressing the little dog by her side, not looking
offended, but grave and abstracted.
She was reassured, and regarding him as thus he continued, seemingly
absorbed in his own particular thoughts--his fine, strikingly handsome
and intellectual countenance on which seemed to have been originally
impressed the stamp of talent of a higher order, and fitted for a wider
field of action than the little theatre in which they at present found
employment--the feelings to which this observation gave rise, moved her
to express herself in accents not devoid of gentle, admiring interest,
when she said:
"Mr. Temple, do not think me impertinent, but I sometimes wonder that
you should linger so long in this remote, retired spot, where all the
good that it is in your power to effect is necessarily of so limited and
contracted a nature. Indeed," with a blush and a smile at her own
temerity, "I shall feel almost a melancholy regret in thinking of you,
when I am away, hiding your talents, wasting your powers amongst the
mountain heather, or on the humble inhabitants of this obscure, though
lovely valley."
"'What dost thou here, frail wanderer from thy task?
Why hast thou left those few sheep in the wild?'"
quoted Mr. Temple, a look of pleasure nevertheless lighting up the face
which he again raised towards her.
"But a self-imposed task may not yours at present be?" persisted Miss
Seaham.
He shook his head, but with the same smile continued:
"I never thought to have found _you_ my tempter; but now tell me,
whither would you direct me?"
"_I_ direct you! oh, Mr. Temple, you speak ironically; but surely, there
must be ways and means, by which one like you, may more effectually use
your powers to the glory of God and the good of mankind, than by
remaining in this secluded place, amongst people, who for the most part,
do not even comprehend your language. If I understood aright, you only
retired for a time, when some sorrow or trouble came upon you. I am very
bold, to-night;" breaking off in some confusion, for she perceived a
deep palor overspread his countenance, "but, I hope, now that there is
such an excellent man as Mr. Lloyd to fulfil your voluntary duties,
amongst the poor people of this dear place, you will not doom yourself
longer to such--I could almost fancy it--ungenial retirement."
"Where should I go?" he sadly said, but with an earnestness which again
surprised and startled Mary, whilst he fixed his eyes on her face as if
on her answer his future course depended.
"Where?" she repeated with embarrassment, "you ask _me_, who know so
little of the world, _you_ who know so much?"
"I do indeed," he replied, with something of bitterness in his tone,
"and my experience, my dear Miss Seaham, has not made that text to me so
difficult of fulfilment which says, 'Love not the world, neither the
things that are in the world.' But you will think that I speak to-night
more like a disappointed melancholy misanthrope than a minister of that
Word, which breathes forth the spirit of peace and goodwill towards men;
nor will you think it kind that I thus unfavourably impress you
concerning this world, with which, it may be said, you, almost for the
first time, are about to make acquaintance."
"_I_, Mr. Temple? oh no, indeed. I look upon myself as far too
insignificant a being, one destined to play far too insignificant a part
on that great stage to fear much its enmity."
"Or its friendship?" Mr. Temple responded interrogatively; "for we must
remember, 'that the _friendship_ of the world is enmity with God!'"
He spoke these words with a certain sad solemnity.
Miss Seaham listened to the exhortation in meek, submissive silence,
though to look upon her calm, sweet, holy countenance one might have
thought the sin of worldliness could scarcely cleave to the soul which
seemed reflected thereupon.
A silence again succeeded, broken by Mr. Temple.
"Miss Seaham, do you think you shall find the life in this same great
world, so suited to your tastes as that which has glided by so
peacefully in this quiet sphere of action?"
"Perhaps not," she answered; but with frank simplicity quickly added,
"yet I cannot but fancy I might enjoy this all the more if I were
permitted to return from having been parted from my old pursuits for a
little time--from having seen more, and entered upon a more varied scene
of existence."
"This is but a natural fancy," Mr. Temple resumed, "but the trial is a
dangerous one. Of thousands who so return, like soldiers from the battle
field, to their peaceful homes, there are few, I fear, who come not back
to find their former existence of innocent enjoyment blighted by the
wounds and bruises wherewith their hearts and spirits have been
inflicted during that sorrowful campaign. They return--may be to live
resigned, but seldom happy--happy at least with that same peaceful joy
which was before their portion, they come either thus to pass their days
or--die."
Mr. Temple paused for a moment, evidently to command the agitation of
his voice; he then resumed:
"And, alas! Miss Seaham, it is not always the least proud and
unconspicuous objects of assault who are thus brought low--made the mark
of this same, blasting world. Not the eagle only, but the dove, is
pierced and wounded by the archer. No, the purest and holiest must, more
or less, sooner or later, if not amalgamated in its sin, at least be
stricken by its sorrow and its evil--I should rather say its evil men
'the men of this world.' Oh, Miss Seaham, beware of such men."
He spoke again with an earnestness so bordering on enthusiastic
excitement that Miss Seaham, though almost inclined to treat with
playful lightness a warning which might have seemed to exceed the
occasion, or her case, suddenly felt the words thrill through her heart
with that peculiar feeling, which the superstitious, or sometimes even
those who deride such significance, are apt to interpret as a
_presentiment_. An involuntary shudder ran through her frame, and "the
evening fair as ever," began to her altered sensation to turn chill and
dusk.
"You forget," she murmured, in faltering, almost reproachful accents,
"you forget, Mr. Temple, while you thus, in kindness I am sure, diminish
any attractive idea I may have formed of society, for it is, I conclude,
the society of the world, not anything appertaining to the good and
beautiful world itself, which can prove so hurtful and invidious, you
forget that I do not voluntarily seek its dangers, or rush upon its
temptations, but that I am in a manner thrown upon its mercy. It is not
permitted me to stay here. My sister in Scotland would gladly receive
me, but she is not entirely mistress of her own actions, and her large
family would make such an addition inconvenient. Is it not then natural
that thus situated I should, until the return of my brother, accept the
pressing invitations of such kindly disposed relations as my cousin and
his wife, though their position and circumstances may involve me in a
wider and perhaps gayer circle of acquaintance than that into which I
have hitherto been thrown."
She spoke in a half pleading tone, and with almost tearful eyes, for the
urgent manner in which the subject under discussion had been pressed
upon her consideration, began gradually to work upon her mind in the
manner we have described.
Mr. Temple listened with eager attention to her words, bending down his
head as if to prevent his losing one syllable of their significance,
and then when she ceased to speak, his countenance brightened hopefully.
"But were your circumstances--your position the only motive which
compelled you to such a resource?" he earnestly rejoined, "and if a hand
were stretched forth would you repulse it--a hand which would fain
withhold one too pure and good for a soil uncongenial to qualities of
that nature, to all that is pure, lovely and of good report. Oh, Miss
Seaham, would you, will you reject it when it _is_ extended, and with it
a heart trembling for the answer which is to proceed from your lips.
Yes!" he hurried on as if with the nervous desire to postpone what he so
eagerly awaited; "this is as you say, a world most good and beautiful.
The glories of the Great Jehovah still gild this ruined earth. Yes,
beautiful it is--beyond even what this fair country, wild and lovely of
its kind, as it may be, can convey an idea to those whose experience
extends no farther. Yes, it is most right and natural that you, with a
mind above the common range, should thirst for such enjoyment; and oh!
what happiness--what privilege to be the means of ministering to the
desire--to be your guide--your guardian dear Miss Seaham, to regions
whose charms even your refined imaginative mind is scarce able to
conceive. But what do I say? My fears were indeed too well grounded, my
dream dissolves apace, if I read aright the expression of that calm
astonished countenance!"