THE JOKE ON WILLIAM PHILANDER
The news Tom had brought created much interest in Brill. In the past
anything in the shape of public amusement for the students had been
scarce. Once in a while a cheap theatrical company would stop at
Ashton and give a performance, but usually it was of such a poor order
that if the boys went they would poke fun at it.
"How do you know it will be any good, Tom?" asked Songbird.
"Oh, I'm not sure that it will be. But the druggist told me that the
men were well-known in the movies and had some first-class show-houses
elsewhere, so I'm hoping it will be all right."
"Is it going to be a five or ten-cent house?" asked another.
"Five in the afternoon and ten at night."
"Then I'm going to begin to save my pennies," announced Spud,
seriously. "I've got two saved already and if I am careful for the
next month or two I'll have enough to buy a ticket."
"That is, provided I'll lend you one cent," added Tom, and this caused
a general grin. He looked around and saw William Philander
approaching. "Hi, Tubblets!" he called out. "Here's a job for you."
And he waved his hand quickly for the dudish student to approach.
"Now, no more jokes, Tom Rover," was the warning of the
stylishly-dressed one. "No more jokes."
"Jokes?" repeated Tom. "This is a job--a splendid situation--open to
just such a handsome, well-proportioned young gentleman like yourself."
"What--ah--do you want?" asked William Philander, curiously.
"Wouldn't you like to assist during the evening at a new entertainment
at Ashton? A couple of gentlemen are getting up an entertainment for
the benefit of the ladies and gentlemen and they wish the aid of a real
nice young man, to show the folks to their seats and make them
comfortable, and all that. And maybe they'll want you to sing--just to
help things along, you know."
"Oh, is that it?" and the dudish student's face brightened. On several
occasions he had assisted at charity bazaars and the like, and had been
in his element among the well-dressed girls and their mothers.
"I think you would just fill the bill, Willie," went on Tom. "You are
the best looking fellow here, and of course we know nobody dresses
quite as well as you do."
"Oh, yes, of course--it's very kind to mention that, Tom," and William
Philander commenced to swell up with pride. "Yes, I do try to keep up
with the fashions. But about this entertainment. Who is getting it up
and what benefit is it for?"
"Two gentlemen named Carr and Beckwith are getting it up. I don't know
about the benefit. You can find out about that from them. But it's a
splendid chance to show what you can do. You know all about showing
folks to seats, and all that, don't you?"
"Why, yes, of course."
"And you could sing, eh?"
"Well,--ah--I might render that spring song--'Come Where the Flowers
are Blooming, Dearest Mary.'"
"Just the cheese--I mean it would be fine, Tubby. They'd all go wild
about that song. It's the same one you sang for the Prince of Moneco,
isn't it?--or was it the Duke of Twisters?"
"I--er--I never sang for those folks, Tom--I sang it at the Ladies Aid
of the Golden Hope Society, and at the Quarterly Gathering of the
Poladic Society."
"Yes, yes, I remember now. Well, you are just the one to fill the
bill, Bill, yes, you are."
"Please don't call me Bill, it's horrid. But where shall I find out
about this--er--entertainment?"
"At Carter's new drug-store. The gentlemen are to be there Saturday
afternoon, to make all arrangements. You go by all means--I know they
will be delighted to have your assistance."
"This isn't a--er--a joke, Tom?" asked William Philander, suspiciously.
"They want somebody, I tell you, honest. Don't they, Jepson?" went on
Tom, turning to a lad who had been to Ashton with him.
"They sure do," answered Jepson, and then turned away to hide the broad
grin on his face.
"How long is the entertainment to last?"
"You will have to get all the information from the gentlemen," answered
Tom, calmly. "Just go down to the drug store and ask for Mr. Carr and
Mr. Beckwith, and they'll tell you all about it. It's a fine chance
for you, Tubby," concluded Tom, and then walked away, followed by his
chums.
"Tom, what is the game?" demanded Sam, when they were out of hearing.
"We'll go down to the drug store Saturday afternoon and see," was the
reply.
"Are Carr and Beckwith the moving picture men?"
"Yes, and they want a young man to play usher, and do a lot of other
things--one who can sing preferred," and the fun-loving Tom grinned
broadly.
"Oh, Tom, and you would send William Philander there!" cried Songbird.
"Such a dude as he is! He'll never forgive you!"
"There is seven dollars a week in it to start," answered the fun-loving
Rover calmly, and this made all in the crowd roar, for they knew how
rich Tubbs was and how working for seven dollars a week would appeal to
him.
This conversation occurred on Thursday and the crowd of boys waited
impatiently for Saturday to come. Sam was glad to notice that Tom
seemed to improve daily and was acting very much like his old self.
On Saturday, directly after lunch, Sam and Tom saw William Philander
start off for Ashton. He was stylishly dressed as usual and carried a
gold-headed cane, and in his buttonhole was a large carnation.
"Now for the fun!" cried Tom, and he and Sam quickly gathered their
chums together and all went after the dude, but kept out of his sight.
The drug store that William Philander was bound for was located on a
corner, with doors opening on both streets. On the side street there
was also an ordinary window, and both doors and window were wide open.
"We'll go around to the side and watch him," suggested Tom, and this
was done.
Sprucing up, so as to look his very best, William Philander strode into
the drug store. As it chanced, several young ladies of the town were
having soda at the fountain, and as he had once met one of them, he
made a most profound bow, lifting his hat as he did so. Then he
approached the proprietor of the shop, who was putting up a
prescription at the rear counter, close to the open window.
"Mr. Carter I believe?" he lisped.
"Yes, sir. What can I do for you?"
"I am Mr. William Philander Tubbs, from Brill College," was the lofty
answer. "Perhaps you have heard of me. I came in to meet two
gentlemen, Mr. Carr and Mr. Beckwith. Are they here?"
"Not yet, Mr--er--Mr. Phillips?"
"No, no, Mr. William Philander Tubbs. When will they be here, may I
ask?"
"I expect 'em any moment, Mr--er--Mr. Tubbs."
"Then I'll wait for them," answered the dude, and sank down in a chair.
"Have you got an interest in that show?" asked the druggist, as he
continued to compound the prescription.
"Not yet, but I may have," answered William Philander, calmly. "It
will be quite a grand affair, I presume."
"They say it will be the best Ashton ever had."
"Is that so! Then I am very glad I came to take part," went on William
Philander, warming up. "I am sure I can be of great service to Messrs.
Carr and Beckwith. I have had a great deal of experience, you know."
"Thought you said you were from Brill?"
"Oh, yes, but, don't you know, I have assisted at many entertainments,"
gushed William Philander. "Why, some entertainments would have been
absolute failures if I had not taken part."
"Hum, is that so!" returned the druggist. Tubbs' dudish ways did not
strike him very favorably. "Well, here is Mr. Beckwith now, you can
tell him about it," he added.
A burly, red-faced man, with a heavy moustache, had entered. He was
evidently in a hurry and full of business.
"Anybody call about that job, Mr. Carter?" he asked, abruptly.
"This young man wants to see you," answered the druggist, and indicated
William Philander.
"You are Mr. Beckwith?"
"Yes."
"Permit me," and the stylish-dressed student presented his card. "I
was told you were getting up an entertainment and needed some
assistance," continued William Philander. "Now I have had a great deal
of experience in that line, and the ladies always seem to be glad to
see me. I can aid in getting up the proper programme, and all that,
you know. I was on the committee of the Charity Bazaar, and the
Plainvine Dog Show, and the Ladies' Aid of the Golden Hope Society, and
the Blue Banner Social, and----"
"Say, what are you pouring into me?" gasped Mr. Beckwith, in
astonishment. "Do you think I am running a pink tea, or a ladies'
sewing circle? I don't need anybody to help me to get up a programme;
my partner, Mr. Carr, attends to that end of it. What I need is a
strong, willing fellow to take tickets and usher folks to seats, and
keep the floor free of rubbish, and all that."
"W-h-a-t!" shrieked William Philander. "You--you--what sort of an
entertainment are you going to give?" he faltered.
"Why, didn't you know? We are going to open the Eclipse Moving Picture
Theater, in Cameron's Hall, over yonder. We advertised for a young
man, to take tickets, usher, and make himself generally useful. We'll
have a little vaudeville with the photo plays, and if the young fellow
can sing, or dance, we'll give him a chance at it."
"Oh, dear me! Did you ever!" gasped poor William Philander. And then,
as he saw that the girls at the soda fountain had heard all that was
going on, he turned red.
"I hardly think you will do for the job," went on the moving picture
man. "You don't look--er--well, strong enough."
"Job," wailed William Philander. "I--er--I don't want any job! Oh,
this is dreadful, horrible! It's one of Tom Rover's jokes! I might
have known it. Sent me all the way to Ashton to try to get a position
in a horrid moving picture show! Oh, this is the worst ever!" And
looking the picture of despair, poor Tubbs rushed from the drug store,
with the laughter of the proprietor, the show man, and the girls
ringing in his ears.
From the window and the side door Tom, Sam, and the others had seen and
heard all that took place. They had all they could do to suppress
their mirth, and when Tubbs came storming out of the drug store they
lost no time in disappearing out of sight behind the building. They
watched the stylishly-dressed student prance down the street,
brandishing his cane viciously in the air.
"Just wait till he catches you, Tom," remarked Spud.
"He'll about half kill you," added Stanley.
"Oh, I guess I can stand it," answered the fun-loving Rover, calmly.
"It was rather a rough joke," was Sam's comment.
"Oh, he needs something like that, to take the awful conceit out of
him," came from Songbird. "Why, he is getting worse and worse every
day. Half the students are down on him. This may do him good."
"I doubt if you can make William Philander improve," was Stanley's
comment. "The only thing that will do it is to send him off to sea, or
on a ranch, and make him rough it for a while."
Tom expected to see Tubbs that evening, but the dudish student kept out
of sight. He did not show himself until Sunday afternoon, and then he
had but little to say. But he eyed Tom in a manner that was new to
William Philander.
"He is going to get back at you, Tom," said Sam. "Better keep your
eyes open."
On Monday afternoon Tom and Sam went down to the water for a short row.
They came back just before supper and rushed up to their room to fix up
a bit.
"Hello, the door is locked!" cried Tom, trying it.
"And the keyhole is plugged," added Sam, taking a look.
Then the brothers looked at each other.
"I guess William Philander Tubbs did it," said Tom.