THE BITER, THE BITTEN, AND THE UN-BITTEN
"Mais tout le monde," began the chasseur of the Hôtel des
Michetons--"mais, monsieur, tout le grand monde----"
"Exactly," said I, complacently. "Le grand monde means the great world;
and," I added, "the world is a planet of no unusual magnitude, inhabited
by bipeds whose entire existence is passed in attempting to get
something for nothing."
The chasseur of the Hôtel des Michetons bowed, doubtfully.
"You request me," I continued, "not to forget you when I go away. Why
should I not forget you? Are you historical, are you antique, are you
rococo, are you a Rosacrucian?"
The chasseur, amiably perplexed, twirled his gold-banded cap between his
fingers.
"Have you," I asked, "ever done one solitary thing for me besides
touching your expensive cap?"
The chasseur touched his cap, smiled, and hopefully held out his large
empty hand.
"Go to the devil," I said gently; "it is not for what you have done but
for what you have not done that I give you this silver piece," and I
paid the tribute which I despised myself for paying. Still, his gay
smile and prompt salute are certainly worth something to see, but what
their precise value may be you can only determine when, on returning to
New York, you hear a gripman curse a woman for crossing the sacred
tracks of the Metropolitan Street Railroad Company. So, with my daughter
Dulcima and my daughter Alida, and with a wagon-load of baggage, I left
the gorgeously gilded Hôtel des Michetons--for these three reasons:
Number one: it was full of Americans.
Number two: that entire section of Paris resembled a slice of the
Waldorf-Astoria.
Number three: I wanted to be rid of the New York _Herald_. Surely
somewhere in Paris there existed French newspapers, French people, and
French speech. I meant to discover them or write and complain to the
_Outlook_.
The new hotel I had selected was called the Hôtel de l'Univers. I had
noticed it while wandering out of the Luxembourg Gardens. It appeared to
be a well situated, modest, clean hotel, and not only thoroughly
respectable--which the great gilded Hôtel des Michetons was not--but
also typically and thoroughly French. So I took an apartment on the
first floor and laid my plans to dine out every evening with my
daughters.
They were naturally not favourably impressed with the Hôtel de
l'Univers, but I insisted on trying it for a week, desiring that my
daughters should have at least a brief experience in a typical French
hotel.
On the third day of our stay my daughters asked me why the guests at the
Hôtel de l'Univers all appeared to be afflicted in one way or another. I
myself had noticed that many of the guests wore court-plaster on hands
and faces, and some even had their hands bandaged in slings.
I thought, too, that the passers-by in the street eyed the modest hotel
with an interest somewhat out of proportion to its importance. But I set
that down to French alertness and inbred curiosity, and dismissed the
subject from my mind. The hotel was pretty clean and highly
respectable. Titled names were not wanting among the guests, and the
perfect courtesy of the proprietor, his servants, and of the guests was
most refreshing after the carelessness and bad manners of the crowds at
the Hôtel des Michetons.
"Can it be possible?" said Alida, as we three strolled out of our hotel
into the Boulevard St. Michel.
"What?" I asked.
"That we are in the Latin Quarter? Why this boulevard is beautiful, and
I had always pictured the Latin Quarter as very dreadful."
"It's the inhabitants that are dreadful," said I with a shudder as a
black-eyed young girl, in passing, gave me an amused and exceedingly
saucy smile.
The "Quarter!" It is beautiful--one of the most beautiful portions of
Paris. The Luxembourg Gardens are the centre and heart of the Latin
Quarter--these ancient gardens, with their groves of swaying chestnuts
all in bloom, quaint weather-beaten statues in a grim semicircle looking
out over the flowering almonds on the terrace to the great blue basin of
the fountain where toy yachts battle with waves almost an inch high.
Here the big drab-colored pigeons strut and coo in the sunshine, here
the carp splash in the mossy fountain of Marie de Medici, here come the
nursemaids with their squalling charges, to sit on the marble benches
and coquette with the red-trousered soldiers, who are the proper and
natural prey of all nursemaids in all climes.
"What is that banging and squeaking?" asked Alida, as we entered the
foliage of the southern terrace. "Not Punch and Judy--oh, I haven't seen
Punch since I was centuries younger! Do let us go, papa!"
Around the painted puppet box children sat, open-mouthed. Back of them
crowded parents and nurses and pretty girls and gay young officers,
while, from the pulpit, Punch held forth amid screams of infantile
delight, or banged his friends with his stick in the same old fashion
that delighted us all--centuries since.
"Such a handsome officer," said Alida under her breath.
The officer in question, a dragoon, was looking at Dulcima in that
slightly mischievous yet well-bred manner peculiar to European officers.
Dulcima did not appear to observe him.
"Why--why, that is Monsieur de Barsac, who came over on our ship!" said
Alida, plucking me by the sleeve. "Don't you remember how nice he was
when we were so--so sea--miserable? You really ought to bow to him,
papa. If you don't, I will."
I looked at the dragoon and caught his eye--such a bright, intelligent,
mischievous eye!--and I could not avoid bowing.
Up he came, sword clanking, white-gloved hand glued to the polished
visor of his crimson cap, and--the girls were delighted.
Now what do you suppose that Frenchman did? He gave up his entire day to
showing us the beauties of the Rive Gauche.
Under his generous guidance my daughters saw what few tourists see
intelligently--the New Sorbonne, with its magnificent mural decorations
by Puvis de Chavannes; we saw the great white-domed Observatory, piled
up in the sky like an Eastern temple, and the beautiful old palace of
the Luxembourg. Also, we beheld the Republican Guards, _à cheval_,
marching out of their barracks on the Rue de Tournon; and a splendid
glittering company of cavalry they were, with their silver helmets,
orange-red facings, white gauntlets, and high, polished boots--the
picked men of all the French forces, as far as physique is concerned.
In the late afternoon haze the dome of the Pantheon, towering over the
Latin Quarter, turned to purest cobalt in the sky. Under its majestic
shadow the Boulevard St. Michel ran all green and gold with gas-jets
already lighted in lamps and restaurants and the scores of students'
cafés which line the main artery of the "Quartier Latin."
"I wish," said Alida, "that it were perfectly proper for us to walk
along those terraces."
Captain de Barsac appeared extremely doubtful, but entirely at our
disposal.
"You know what our students are, monsieur," he said, twisting his short
blond moustache; "however--if monsieur wishes----?"
So, with my daughters in the centre, and Captain de Barsac and myself
thrown out in strong flanking parties, we began our march.
The famous cafés of the Latin Quarter were all ablaze with electricity
and gas and colored incandescent globes. On the terraces hundreds of
tables and chairs stood, occupied by students in every imaginable
civilian costume, although the straight-brimmed stovepipe and the
_béret_ appeared to be the favorite headgear. At least a third of the
throng was made up of military students from the Polytechnic, from
Fontainebleau, and from Saint-Cyr. Set in the crowded terraces like
bunches of blossoms were chattering groups of girls--bright-eyed,
vivacious, beribboned and befrilled young persons, sipping the
petit-verre or Amer-Picon, gossiping, babbling, laughing like dainty
exotic birds. To and fro sped the bald-headed, white-aproned waiters,
balancing trays full of glasses brimming with red and blue and amber
liquids.
Here was the Café d'Harcourt, all a-glitter, with music playing
somewhere inside--the favorite resort of the medical students from the
Sorbonne, according to Captain de Barsac. Here was the Café de la
Source, with its cascade of falling water and its miniature mill-wheel
turning under a crimson glow of light; here was the famous Café
Vachette, celebrated as the centre of all Latin Quarter mischief; and,
opposite to it, blazed the lights of the "CAFÉ DES BLEAUS," so called
because haunted almost exclusively by artillery officers from the great
school of Fontainebleau.
Up the boulevard and down the boulevard moved the big double-decked
tram-cars, horns sounding incessantly; cabs dashed up to the cafés,
deposited their loads of students or pretty women, then darted away
toward the river, their lamps shining like stars.
It was truly a fairy scene, with the electric lights playing on the
foliage of the trees, turning the warm tender green of the chestnut
leaves to a wonderful pale bluish tint, and etching the pavements
underfoot with exquisite Chinese shadows.
"It is a shame that this lovely scene should not be entirely
respectable," said Alida, resentfully.
"Vice," murmured de Barsac to me, "could not exist unless it were made
attractive."
As far as the surface of the life before us was concerned, there was
nothing visible to shock anybody; and, under escort, there is no earthly
reason why decent women of any age should not enjoy the spectacle of the
"BOUL' MICH." on a night in springtime.
An innocent woman, married or unmarried, ought not to detect anything
unpleasant in the St. Michel district; but, alas! what is known as
"Smart Society" is so preternaturally wise in these piping times o'
wisdom, that the child is not only truly the father of the man, but also
his instructor and interpreter--to that same man's astonishment and
horror. It may always have been so--even before the days when our
theatres were first licensed to instruct our children in object lessons
of the seven deadly sins--but I cannot recollect the time when, as a
youngster, I was tolerantly familiar with the scenes now nightly offered
to our children through the courtesy of our New York theatre managers.
Slowly we turned to retrace our steps, strolling up the boulevard
through the fragrant May evening, until we came to the gilded railing
which encircles the Luxembourg Gardens from the School of Mines to the
Palais-du-Sénat.
Here Captain De Barsac took leave of us with all the delightful and
engaging courtesy of a well-bred Frenchman; and he seemed to be grateful
for the privilege of showing us about over a district as tiresomely
familiar to him as his own barracks.
I could do no less than ask him to call on us, though his devotion to
Dulcima both on shipboard and here made me a trifle wary.
"We are stopping," said I, "at the Hôtel de l'Univers----"
He started and gazed at me so earnestly that I asked him why he did so.
"The--the Hôtel de l'Univers?" he repeated, looking from me to Dulcima
and from Dulcima to Alida.
"Is it not respectable?" I demanded, somewhat alarmed.
"--But--but perfectly, monsieur. It is, of course, the very best hotel
of _that_ kind----"
"_What_ kind?" I asked.
"Why--for the purpose. Ah, monsieur, I had no idea that you came to
Paris for _that_. I am so sorry, so deeply grieved to hear it. But of
course all will be well----"
He stopped and gazed earnestly at Dulcima.
"It is not--not _you_, mademoiselle, is it?"
My children and I stared at each other in consternation.
"What in heaven's name is the matter with that hotel?" I asked.
Captain de Barsac looked startled.
"Is there anything wrong with the guests there?" asked Dulcima, faintly.
"No--oh, no--only, of course, they are all under treatment----"
"Under treatment!" I cried nervously. "For what!!!"
"Is it possible," muttered the captain, "that you went to that hotel not
knowing? Did you not notice anything peculiar about the guests there?"
"They all seem to wear court-plaster or carry their arms in slings,"
faltered Dulcima.
"And they come from all over the world--Russia, Belgium, Spain,"
murmured Alida nervously. "What do they want?"
"Thank heaven!" cried De Barsac, radiantly; "then you are not there for
the treatment!"
"Treatment for what?" I groaned.
"Hydrophobia!"
I wound my arms around my shrinking children.
"It is the hotel where all the best people go who come to Paris for
Pasteur's treatment," he said, trying to look grave; but Dulcima threw
back her pretty head and burst into an uncontrollable gale of laughter;
and there we stood on the sidewalk, laughing and laughing while passing
students grinned in sympathy and a cloaked policeman on the corner
smiled discreetly and rubbed his chin.
That evening, after my progeny were safely asleep, casting a furtive
glance around me I slunk off to my old café--the Café Jaune. I hadn't
been there in over twenty years; I passed among crowded tables, skulked
through the entrance, and slid into my old corner as though I had never
missed an evening there.
They brought me a Bock. As I lifted the icy glass to my lips, over the
foam I beheld Williams, smiling.
"Eh bien, mon vieux?" he said, pleasantly.
"By gad, Williams, this seems natural--especially with you sitting
next."
"It sure does," he said.
I pointed toward a leather settee. "Archie used to sit over there with
his best girl. Do you remember? And that was Dillon's seat--and Smithy
and Palmyre--Oh, Lord!--And Seabury always had that other corner."... I
paused, lost in happy reminiscences. "What has become of Jack Seabury?"
I inquired.
"The usual."
"Married?"
"Oh, very much."
"Where does he live."
"In Philadelphia."
I mused for a while.
"So he's married, too," I said, thoughtfully. "Well--it's a funny life,
isn't it, Williams."
"I've never seen a funnier. Seabury's marriage was funny too--I mean his
courtship."
I looked up at Williams, suspiciously.
"Is this one of your professional literary stories?"
"It's a true one. What's the harm in my enveloping it in a professional
glamour?"
"None," I said, resignedly; "go ahead."
"All right, mon vieux."
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