BLUE MONDAY.
It was to all intents and purposes "blue Monday" with the rector of
St. Mark's, for, aside from the weariness and exhaustion which always
followed his two services on Sunday, and his care of the Sunday
school, there was a feeling of disquiet and depression, occasioned
partly by that _rencontre_ with pretty Lucy Harcourt, and partly by
the uncertainty as to what Anna's answer might be. He had seen the
look of displeasure on her face as she stood watching him and Lucy,
and though to many this would have given hope, it only added to his
nervous fears lest his suit should be denied. He was sorry that Lucy
Harcourt was in the neighborhood, and sorrier still for her tenacious
memory, which had evidently treasured up every incident which he could
wish forgotten. With Anna Ruthven absorbing every thought and feeling
of his heart, it was not pleasant to remember what had been a genuine
flirtation between himself and the sparkling belle he had met among
the Alps.
It was nothing but a flirtation, he knew, for in his inmost soul he
absolved himself from ever having had a thought of matrimony connected
with Lucy Harcourt. He had admired her greatly and loved to wander
with her amid the Alpine scenery, listening to her wild bursts of
enthusiasm, and watching the kindling light in her blue eyes, and the
color coming to her thin, pale cheeks, as she gazed upon some scene of
grandeur, nestling close to him as for protection, when the path was
fraught with peril.
Afterwards, in Venice, beneath the influence of those glorious
moonlight nights, he had been conscious of a deeper feeling which, had
he tarried longer at the siren's side, might have ripened into love.
But he left her in time to escape what he felt would have been a most
unfortunate affair for him, for, sweet and beautiful as she was, Lucy
was not the wife for a clergyman to choose. She was not like Anna
Ruthven, whom both young and old had said was so suitable for him.
"And just because she is suitable, I may not win her, perhaps," he
thought, as he paced up and down his library, wondering when she would
answer his letter, and wondering next how he could persuade Lucy
Harcourt that between the young theological student, sailing in a
gondola through the streets of Venice, and the rector of St. Mark's,
there was a vast difference; that while the former might be Arthur
with perfect propriety, the latter should be Mr. Leighton, in Anna's
presence, at least.
And yet the rector of St. Mark's was conscious of a pleasurable
emotion, even now, as he recalled the time when she had, at his own
request, first called him Arthur, her bird-like voice hesitating just
a little, and her soft eyes looking coyly up to him, as she said:
"I am afraid that Arthur is hardly the name by which to call a
clergyman."
"I am not in orders yet, so let me be Arthur to you. I love to hear
you call me so, and you to me shall be Lucy," was his reply.
A mutual clasp of hands had sealed the compact, and that was the
nearest to love-making of anything which had passed between them, if
we except the time when he had said good-by, and wiped away a tear
which came unbidden to her eye as she told him how lonely she would be
without him.
Hers was a nature as transparent as glass, and the young man, who for
days had paced the ship's deck so moodily, was fighting back the
thoughts which had whispered that in his intercourse with her he had
not been all guiltless, and that if in her girlish heart there was a
feeling for him stronger than that of friendship he had helped to give
it life.
Time and absence and Anna Ruthven had obliterated all such thoughts
till now, when Lucy herself had brought them back again with her
winsome ways, and her evident intention to begin just where they had
left off.
"Let Anna tell me yes, and I will at once proclaim our engagement,
which will relieve me from all embarrassments in that quarter," the
clergyman was thinking, just as his housekeeper came up, bringing him
two notes--one in a strange handwriting, and the other in the
graceful, running hand which he recognized as Lucy Harcourt's.
This he opened first, reading as follows:
Prospect Hill, June--.
"MR. LEIGHTON: Dear Sir--Cousin Fanny is to have a picnic down
in the west woods to-morrow afternoon, and she requests the
pleasure of your presence. Mrs. Meredith and Miss Ruthven are to
be invited. Do come.
"Yours truly,
"LUCY."
Yes, he would go, and if Anna's answer had not come before, he would
ask her for it. There would be plenty of opportunities down in those
deep woods. On the whole, it would be pleasanter to hear the answer
from her own lips, and see the blushes on her cheeks when he tried to
look into her eyes.
The imaginative rector could almost see those eyes, and feel the touch
of her hand as he took the other note--the one which Mrs. Meredith had
shut herself in her bedroom to write, and sent slyly by Valencia, who
was to tell no one where she had been.
A gleam of intelligence shot from Valencia's eyes as she took the note
and carried it safely to the parsonage, never yielding to the
temptation to read it, just as she had read the one abstracted from
the book, returning it when read to her mistress's pocket, where she
had found it while the family were at church.
Mrs. Meredith's note was as follows:
"MY DEAR MR. LEIGHTON: It is my niece's wish that I answer the
letter you were so kind as to inclose in the book left for her
last Saturday. She desires me to say that, though she has a very
great regard for you as her clergyman and friend, she cannot be
your wife, and she regrets exceedingly if she has in any way led
you to construe the interest she has always manifested in you
into a deeper feeling.
"She begs me to say that it gives her great pain to refuse one so
noble and good as she knows you to be, and she only does it
because she cannot find in her heart the love without which no
marriage can be happy.
"She is really very wretched about it, because she fears she may
lose your friendship, and, as a proof that she has not, she asks
that the subject may never in any way, be alluded to again; that
when you meet it may be exactly as heretofore, without a word or
sign on your part that ever you offered her the highest honor a
man can offer a woman.
"And sure I am, my dear Mr. Leighton, that you will accede to her
wishes. I am very sorry it has occurred, sorry for you both, and
especially sorry for you; but, believe me, you will get over it
in time and come to see that my niece is not a proper person to
be a clergyman's wife.
"Come and see us as usual. You will find Anna appearing very
natural.
"Yours cordially and sincerely,
"JULIE MEREDITH."
This was the letter which the cruel woman had written, and it dropped
from the rector's nerveless fingers as, with a groan, he bent his head
upon the back of a chair, and tried to realize the magnitude of the
blow which had fallen so suddenly upon him. Not till now did he
realize how, amid all his doubts, he had still been sure of winning
her, and the shock was terrible.
He had staked his all on Anna, and lost all; the world, which before
had been so bright, looked very dreary now, while he felt that he
could never again come before his people weighed down with so great a
load of pain and humiliation: for it touched the young man's pride
that, not content to refuse him, Anna had chosen another than herself
as the medium through which her refusal must be conveyed to him. He
did not fancy Mrs. Meredith. He would rather she did not possess his
secret, and it hurt him cruelly to know that she did.
It was a bitter hour for the clergyman, for, strong and clear as was
his faith in God, who doeth all things well, he lost sight of it for a
time, and poor weak human nature cried:
"It's more than I can bear."
But as the mother does not forget her child, even though she passes
from her sight, so God had not forgotten, and the darkness broke at
last--the lips could pray again for strength to bear and faith to do
all that God might require.
"Though He slay me I will trust Him," came like a ray of sunlight
into the rector's mind, and ere the day was over he could say with a
full heart, "Thy will be done."
He was very pale, and his lip quivered occasionally as he thought of
all he had lost, while a blinding headache, induced by strong
excitement, drove him nearly wild with pain. He had been subject to
headaches all his life, but he had never suffered as he was suffering
now but once, and that was on a rainy day in Rome, when, boasting of
her mesmeric power, Lucy had stood by him, and passed her dimpled
hands soothingly across his throbbing temples.
Those little hands, how soft and cool they were--but they had not
thrilled him as the touch of Anna's did when they hung the Christmas
wreaths and she wore that bunch of scarlet berries in her hair.
That time seemed very far away, farther even than Rome and the
moonlight nights of Venice. He did not like to think of it, for the
bright hopes which were budding then were blighted now and dead; and,
with a moan, he laid his aching head upon his pillow and tried to
forget all he had ever hoped or longed for in the future.
"She will marry Thornton Hastings. He is a more eligible match than a
poor clergyman," he said, and then, as he remembered Thornton's
letter, and that his man Thomas would be coming soon to ask if there
were letters to be taken to the office, he arose, and, going to the
study table, wrote hastily:
"DEAR THORNE: I am suffering from one of those horrid headaches
which used to make me as weak as a helpless woman, but I will
write just enough to say that I have no claim on Anna Ruthven,
and you are free to press your suit as urgently as you please.
She is a noble girl, worthy even to be Mrs. Thornton Hastings,
and if I cannot have her, I would rather give her to you than any
one I know. Only don't ask me to perform the ceremony.
"There, I've let the secret out; but no matter, I have always
confided in you, and so I may as well confess that I have offered
myself and been refused. Yours truly,
"ARTHUR LEIGHTON."
The rector felt better after that letter was written. He had told his
grievance to some one, and it seemed to have lightened half.
"Thorne is a good fellow," he said, as he directed the letter. "A
little fast, it's true, but a splendid fellow, after all. He will
sympathize with me in his way, and I would rather give Anna to him
than any other living man."
Arthur was serious in what he said, for, wholly unlike as they were,
there was between him and Thornton Hastings one of those strong,
peculiar friendships which sometimes exist between two men, but rarely
between two women, of so widely different temperaments. They had
roomed together four years in college, and countless were the
difficulties from which the sober Arthur had extricated the luckless
Thorne, while many a time the rather slender means of Arthur had been
increased in a way so delicate that expostulation was next to
impossible.
Arthur was better off now in worldly goods, for, by the death of an
uncle, he had come in possession of a few thousand dollars, which
enabled him to travel in Europe for a year, and left a surplus, from
which he had fed the poor and needy with not sparing hand.
St. Mark's was his first parish, and, though he could have chosen one
nearer to New York, where the society was more congenial to his taste,
he had accepted what God offered to him, and been very happy there,
especially since Anna Ruthven came home from Troy and made such havoc
with his heart. He did not believe he should ever be quite so happy
again, but he would try to do his work, and take thankfully whatever
of good might come to him.
This was his final decision, and when at last he laid him down to
rest, the wound, though deep and sore, and bleeding yet, was not quite
as hard to bear as it had been earlier in the day, when it was fresh
and raw, and faith and hope seemed swept away.