Transcribed from the 1860 John Murray edition by David Price, email
ccx074@pglaf.org. Many thanks to Birmingham Library, England, for the
generous provision of the material from which this transcription was
made. http://www.birmingham.gov.uk/libraries.bcc.
THE SLEEPING BARD;
OR
Visions of the World, Death, and Hell,
BY
ELIS WYN.
TRANSLATED FROM THE CAMBRIAN BRITISH
BY
GEORGE BORROW,
AUTHOR OF
"THE BIBLE IN SPAIN," "THE GYPSIES OF SPAIN," ETC.
LONDON:
JOHN MURRAY, ALBEMARLE STREET.
1860.
Preface.
The Sleeping Bard was originally written in the Welsh language, and was
published about the year 1720. The author of it, Elis Wyn, was a
clergyman of the Cambro Anglican Church, and a native of Denbighshire, in
which county he passed the greater part of his life, at a place called Y
las Ynys. Besides the Sleeping Bard, he wrote and published a book in
Welsh, consisting of advice to Christian Professors. The above scanty
details comprise all that is known of Elis Wyn. Both his works have
enjoyed, and still enjoy, considerable popularity in Wales.
The Sleeping Bard, though a highly remarkable, is not exactly entitled to
the appellation of an original work. There are in the Spanish language
certain pieces by Francisco Quevedo, called "Visions or Discourses;" the
principal ones being "The Vision of the Carcases, the Sties of Pluto, and
the Inside of the World Disclosed; The Visit of the Gayeties, and the
Intermeddler, the Duenna and the Informer." With all these the Visions
of Elis Wyn have more or less connection. The idea of the Vision of the
World, was clearly taken from the Interior of the World Disclosed; the
idea of the Vision of Death, from the Vision of the Carcases; that of the
Vision of Hell, from the Sties of Pluto; whilst many characters and
scenes in the three parts, into which the work of Elis Wyn is divided,
are taken either from the Visit of the Gayeties, the Intermeddler, or
others of Quevedo's Visions; for example Rhywun, or Somebody, who in the
Vision of Death makes the humorous complaint, that so much of the
villainy and scandal of the world is attributed to him, is neither more
nor less than Quevedo's Juan de la Encina, or Jack o' the Oak, who in the
Visit of the Gayeties, is made to speak somewhat after the following
fashion:--
"O ye living people, spawn of Satan that ye are! what is the reason
that ye cannot let me be at rest now that I am dead, and all is over
with me? What have I done to you? What have I done to cause you to
defame me in every thing, who have a hand in nothing, and to blame me
for that of which I am entirely ignorant?" "Who are you?" said I with
a timorous bow, "for I really do not understand you." "I am," said
he, "the unfortunate Juan de la Encina, whom, notwithstanding I have
been here many years, ye mix up with all the follies which ye do and
say during your lives; for all your lives long, whenever you hear of
an absurdity, or commit one, you are in the habit of saying, 'Juan de
la Encina could not have acted more like a fool;' or, 'that is one of
the follies of Juan de la Encina.' I would have you know that all you
men, when you say or do foolish things, are Juan de la Encina; for
this appellation of Encina, seems wide enough to cover all the
absurdities of the world."
Nevertheless, though there is a considerable amount of what is Quevedo's
in the Visions of Elis Wyn, there is a vast deal in them which strictly
belongs to the Welshman. Upon the whole, the Cambrian work is superior
to the Spanish. There is more unity of purpose in it, and it is far less
encumbered with useless matter. In reading Quevedo's Visions, it is
frequently difficult to guess what the writer is aiming at; not so whilst
perusing those of Elis Wyn. It is always clear enough, that the Welshman
is either lashing the follies or vices of the world, showing the
certainty of death, or endeavouring to keep people from Hell, by
conveying to them an idea of the torments to which the guilty are
subjected in a future state.
Whether Elis Wyn had ever read the Visions of Quevedo in their original
language, it is impossible to say; the probability however is, that he
was acquainted with them through the medium of an English translation,
which was published in London about the beginning of the eighteenth
century; of the merits of that translation the present writer can say
nothing, as it has never come to his hand: he cannot however help
observing, that a person who would translate the Visions of Quevedo, and
certain other writings of his, should be something more than a fair
Spanish scholar, and a good master of the language into which he would
render them, as they abound not only with idiomatic phrases, but terms of
cant or Germania, which are as unintelligible as Greek or Arabic to the
greater part of the Spaniards themselves.
The following translation of the Sleeping Bard has long existed in
manuscript. It was made by the writer of these lines in the year 1830,
at the request of a little Welsh bookseller of his acquaintance, who
resided in the rather unfashionable neighbourhood of Smithfield, and who
entertained an opinion that a translation of the work of Elis Wyn, would
enjoy a great sale both in England and Wales. On the eve of committing
it to the press however, the Cambrian Briton felt his small heart give
way within him: "Were I to print it," said he, "I should be ruined; the
terrible descriptions of vice and torment, would frighten the genteel
part of the English public out of its wits, and I should to a certainty
be prosecuted by Sir James Scarlett. I am much obliged to you, for the
trouble you have given yourself on my account--but Myn Diawl! I had no
idea till I had read him in English, that Elis Wyn had been such a
terrible fellow."
Yet there is no harm in the book. It is true that the Author is any
thing but mincing in his expressions and descriptions, but there is
nothing in the Sleeping Bard which can give offence to any but the over
fastidious. There is a great deal of squeamish nonsense in the world;
let us hope however that there is not so much as there was. Indeed can
we doubt that such folly is on the decline, when we find Albemarle Street
in '60, willing to publish a harmless but plain speaking book which
Smithfield shrank from in '30?
The Vision of the Course of the World.
One fine evening of warm sunny summer, I took a stroll to the top of one
of the mountains of Wales, carrying with me a telescope to assist my
feeble sight by bringing distant objects near, and magnifying small ones.
Through the thin, clear air, and the calm and luminous heat, I saw many
delightful prospects afar across the Irish sea. At length, after
feasting my eyes on all the pleasant objects around me, until the sun had
reached his goal in the west, I lay down upon the green grass,
reflecting, how fair and enchanting, from my own country, the countries
appeared whose plains my eyes had glanced over, how delightful it would
be to obtain a full view of them, and how happy those were who saw the
course of the world in comparison with me: weariness was the result of
all this toiling with my eyes and my imagination, and in the shadow of
Weariness, _Mr. Sleep_ came stealthily to enthrall me, who with his keys
of lead, locked the windows of my eyes, and all my other senses securely.
But it was in vain for him to endeavour to lock up the soul, which can
live and toil independently of the body, for my spirit escaped out of the
locked body upon the wings of Fancy, and the first thing which I saw by
the side of me was a dancing ring, and a kind of rabble in green
petticoats and red caps dancing away with the most furious eagerness. I
stood for a time in perplexity whether I should go to them or not,
because in my flurry I feared they were a gang of hungry gipsies, and
that they would do nothing less than slaughter me for their supper, and
swallow me without salt: but after gazing upon them for some time, I
could see that they were better and handsomer than the swarthy, lying
Egyptian race. So I ventured to approach them, but very softly, like a
hen treading upon hot embers, that I might learn who they were; and at
length I took the liberty of addressing them in this guise, with my head
and back lowered horizontally: "Fair assembly, as I perceive that you are
gentry from distant parts, will you deign to take a Bard along with you,
who is desirous of travelling?" At these words the hurly-burly was
hushed, and all fixed their eyes upon me: "_Bard_," squeaked
one--"_travel_," said another--"_along with us_," said the third. By
this time I saw some looking particularly fierce upon me; then they began
to whisper in each others ears certain secret words, and to look at me;
at length the whispering ceased, and each laying his gripe upon me they
raised me upon their shoulders, as we do a knight of the shire, and then
away with me they flew like the wind, over houses and fields, cities and
kingdoms, seas and mountains; and so quickly did they fly that I could
fasten my sight upon nothing, and what was worse, I began to suspect that
my companions, by their frowning and knitting their brows at me, wanted
me to sing blasphemy against my King and Maker.
"Well," said I to myself, "I may now bid farewell to life, these cursed
witches will convey me to the pantry or cellar of some nobleman, and
there leave me, to pay with my neck for their robberies; or they will
abandon me stark naked, to freeze to death upon the sea-brink of old
Shire Caer, {3} or some other cold, distant place;" but on reflecting
that all the old hags whom I had once known had long been dead and
buried, and perceiving that these people took pleasure in holding or
waving me over hollow ravines, I conjectured that they were not witches
but beings who are called fairies. We made no stop until I found myself
by the side of a huge castle, the most beautiful I had ever seen, with a
large pool or moat surrounding it: then they began to consult what they
should do with me; "shall we go direct to the castle with him?" said one.
"No, let us hang him or cast him into the lake, he is not worth being
shown to our great prince," said another. "Did he say his prayers before
he went to sleep?" said a third. At the mention of prayers, I uttered a
confused groan to heaven for pardon and assistance; and as soon as I
recollected myself, I saw a light at a vast distance bursting forth, Oh,
how glorious! As it drew nigh, my companions were darkening and
vanishing, and quickly there came floating towards us a form of light
over the castle, whereupon the fairies abandoned their hold of me, but as
they departed they turned upon me a hellish scowl, and unless the angel
had supported me, I should have been dashed into pieces small enough for
a pasty, by the time I reached the ground.
"What is your business here?" said the angel. "In verity my lord," I
replied, "I do not know what place _here_ is, nor what is my business,
nor what I am myself, nor what has become of my other part; I had four
limbs and a head, and whether I have left them at home, or whether the
fairies, who have certainly not acted fairly with me, have cast me into
some abyss, (for I remember to have passed over several horrid ravines,)
I cannot tell, sir, though you should cause me to be hung." "Fairly
indeed," said he, "they would have acted with you, if I had not come just
in time to save you from the clutches of these children of hell."
"Since you have such a particular desire to see the course of the _little
world_," said he, "I have received commands to give you a sight of it, in
order that you may see your error in being discontented with your
station, and your own country. Come with me," he added, "for a
peregrination," and at the word he snatched me up, just as the dawn was
beginning to break, far above the topmost tower of the castle; we rested
in the firmament upon the ledge of a light cloud to gaze upon the rising
sun; but my heavenly companion, was far more luminous than the sun, but
all his splendour was upward, by reason of a veil which was betwixt him
and the nether regions. When the light of the sun became stronger, I
could see, between the two luminaries, the vast air-encircled world, like
a little round bullet, very far beneath us. "Look now," said the angel,
giving me a different telescope from that which I had on the mountain.
When I peeped through this I saw things in a manner altogether different
from that in which I had seen them before, and in a much clearer one. I
saw a city of monstrous size, and thousands of cities and kingdoms within
it; and the great ocean, like a moat, around it, and other seas, like
rivers, intersecting it.
By dint of long gazing I could see that it was divided into three
exceedingly large streets; each street with a large, magnificent gate at
the bottom, and each gate with a fair tower over it. Upon each tower
there was a damsel of wonderful beauty, standing in the sight of the
whole street; and the three towers appeared to reach up behind the walls
to the skirts of the castle afore-mentioned. Crossing these three huge
streets I could see another; it was but little and mean in comparison
with them, but it was clean and neat, and on a higher foundation than the
other streets, proceeding upward towards the east, whilst the three
others ran downward towards the north to the great gates. I now ventured
to enquire of my companion whether I might be permitted to speak.
"Certainly," said the angel, "speak out! but listen attentively to my
answers, so that I may not have to say the same thing to you more than
once." "I will, my lord," said I. "Now pray, what place is the castle
yonder in the north?" "The castle above in the air," said he, "belongs
to Belial, prince of the power of the air, and governor of all the great
city below: it is called Delusive Castle, for Belial is a great deluder,
and by his wiles he keeps under his banner all you see, with the
exception of the little street yonder. He is a great prince, with
thousands of princes under him--what were Caesar or Alexander the Great
compared with him? What are the Turk and old Lewis of France, but his
servants? Great, yea, exceeding great, are the power, subtlety, and
diligence of the prince Belial; and his armies in the country below are
innumerable." "For what purpose," said I, "are the damsels standing
yonder, and who are they?" "Softly," said the angel, "one question at
once: they are there to be loved and to be adored." "And no wonder
indeed," said I, "since they are so amiable; if I possessed feet and
hands as formerly, I would go and offer love and adoration to them
myself." "Hush, hush," said he, "if you would do so with your members,
it is well that you are without them; know, thou foolish spirit, that
these three princesses are only three destructive deluders, daughters of
the prince Belial, and all their beauty and affability, which are
irradiating the streets, are only masks over deformity and cruelty; the
three within are like their father, replete with deadly poison." "Woe's
me; is it possible," said I, quite sad, and smitten with love of them!
"It is but too true, alas," said he. "Thou admirest the radiance with
which they shine upon their adorers; but know that there is in that
radiance a very wondrous charm; it blinds men from looking back, it
deafens them lest they should hear their danger, and it burns them with
ceaseless longing for more of it; which longing, is itself a deadly
poison, breeding, within those who feel it, diseases not to be got rid
of, which no physician can cure, not even death, nor anything, unless the
heavenly medicine, which is called repentance, is procured, to cast out
the evil in time, before it is imbibed too far, by excessive looking upon
them." "But how is it," said I, "that Belial does not wish to have these
adorers himself?" "He has them," said the angel; "the old fox is adored
in his daughters, because, whilst a man sticks to these, or to one of the
three, he is securely under the mark of Belial, and wears his livery."
"What are the names," said I, "of those three deceivers?" "The farthest,
yonder," said he, "is called _Pride_, the eldest daughter of Belial; the
second is _Pleasure_; and _Lucre_ is the next to us: these three are the
trinity which the world adores." "Pray, has this great, distracted
city," said I, "any better name than _Bedlam the Great_?" "It has," he
replied, "it is called _The City of Perdition_." "Woe is me," said I,
"are all that are contained therein people of perdition?" "The whole,"
said he, "except some who may escape out to the most high city above,
ruled by the king Emmanuel." "Woe's me and mine," said I, "how shall
they escape, ever gazing, as they are, upon the thing which blinds them
more and more, and which plunders them in their blindness?" "It would be
quite impossible," said he, "for one man to escape from thence, did not
Emmanuel send his messengers, early and late, from above, to persuade
them to turn to him, their lawful King, from the service of the rebel,
and also transmit to some, the present of a precious ointment, called
_faith_, to anoint their eyes with; and whosoever obtains this _true_
ointment, (for there is a counterfeit of it, as there is of every thing
else, in the city of Perdition,) and anoints himself with it, will see
his wounds, and his madness, and will not tarry a minute longer here,
though Belial should give him his three daughters, yea, or the fourth,
which is the greatest of all, to do so."
"What are those great streets called?" said I. "Each is called," he
replied, "by the name of the princess who governs it: the first is the
street of _Pride_, the middle one the street of _Pleasure_, and the
nearest, the street of _Lucre_." "Pray tell me," said I, "who are
dwelling in these streets? What is the language which they speak? What
are the tenets which they hold; and to what nation do they belong?"
"Many," said he, "of every language, faith, and nation under the Sun, are
living in each of those vast streets below; and there are many living in
each of the three streets alternately, and every one as near as possible
to the gate; and they frequently remove, unable to tarry long in the one,
from the great love they bear to the princess of some other street; and
the old fox looks slyly on, permitting every one to love his choice, or
all three if he pleases, for then he is most sure of him."
"Come nearer to them," said the angel, and hurried with me downwards,
shrouded in his impenetrable veil, through much noxious vapour which was
rising from the city; presently we descended in the street of Pride, upon
a spacious mansion open at the top, whose windows had been dashed out by
dogs and crows, and whose owners had departed to England or France, to
seek there for what they could have obtained much easier at home; thus,
instead of the good, old, charitable, domestic family of yore, there were
none at present but owls, crows, or chequered magpies, whose hooting,
cawing and chattering were excellent comments on the practices of the
present owners. There were in that street, myriads of such abandoned
palaces, which might have been, had it not been for Pride, the resorts of
the best, as of yore, places of refuge for the weak, schools of peace and
of every kind of goodness; and blessings to thousands of small houses
around.
From the summit of this ruin, we had scope and leisure enough to observe
the whole street on either side. There were fair houses of wondrous
height and magnificence--and no wonder, as there were emperors, kings,
and hundreds of princes there, and thousands of nobles and gentry, and
very many women of every degree. I saw a vain high-topt creature, like a
ship at full sail, walking as if in a frame, carrying about her full the
amount of a pedlar's pack, and having at her ears, the worth of a good
farm, in pearls; and there were not a few of her kind--some were singing,
in order that their voices might be praised; some were dancing, to show
their figures; others were painting to improve their complexions; others
had been trimming themselves before the glass, for three hours, learning
to smile, moving pins and making gestures and putting themselves in
attitudes. There was many a vain creature there, who did not know how to
open her lips to speak, or to eat, nor, from sheer pride, to look under
her feet; and many a ragged shrew, who would insist that she was as good
a gentlewoman as the best in the street; and many an ambling fop, who
could winnow beans with the mere wind of his train.
Whilst I was looking, from afar upon these, and a hundred such, behold!
there passed by towards us, a bouncing, variegated lady with a lofty
look, and with a hundred folks gazing after her; some bent themselves as
if to adore her; some few thrust something into her hand. Being unable
to imagine who she was, I enquired. "Oh," replied my friend, "she is one
who has all her portion in sight, yet you see how many foolish people are
seeking her, and the meanest of them in possession of all the attainments
she can boast of. _She will not have what she can gain_, _and will never
gain what she desires_, and she will speak to no one but her betters, on
account of her mother's telling her, 'that a young woman cannot do a
worse thing, than be humble in her love.'" Thereupon came out from
beneath us a pillar of a man, who had been an alderman, and in many
official situations; he came spreading his wings as if to fly, though he
could scarcely draw one knee after the other, on account of the gout, and
various other genteel disorders: notwithstanding which, you could not
obtain from him, but through a very great favour, a glance or a nod,
though you should call him by his titles and his offices.
From this being I turned my eyes to the other side of the street, where I
beheld a lusty young nobleman, with a number of people behind him; he had
a sweet smile and a condescending air to every one who met him. "It is
strange," said I, "that this young man and yonder personage should belong
to the same street." "Oh, the same princess Pride rules them both,"
answered the angel,--"this young man is only speaking fair on account of
the errand he comes upon; he is seeking popularity at present, with the
intent to raise himself thereby to the highest office in the kingdom--it
is easy for him to lament to the people how much they are wronged by the
oppression of bad masters; but his own exaltment, and not the weal of the
kingdom, is the heart of the matter." After gazing for a long time, I
perceived at the gate of Pride, a fair city upon seven hills, and on the
top of its lofty palace there was a triple crown, with swords and keys
crossed. "Lo! there is Rome," said I, "and therein dwells the Pope."
"Yes, most usually," said the angel; "but he has a palace in each of the
other streets." Over against Rome, I could see a city with an
exceedingly fair palace, and upon it was mounted on high, a half-moon on
a banner of gold, and by that I knew that the Turk was there. Next to
the gate after those, was the palace of Lewis XIV., of France, as I
understood by his arms, three fleurs-de-lis upon a silver banner hanging
aloft. Whilst looking on the height and majesty of these palaces, I
perceived that there was much passing and repassing from the one to the
other, and I asked what was the cause thereof? "Oh, there is many a dark
cause," said the angel, "why those three crafty, powerful heads should
communicate; but though they account themselves fully adapted to espouse
the three princesses above, their power and subtlety are nothing when
compared with these; yes, Belial the Great does not esteem the whole
city, (though so numerous be its kings), as equivalent to his daughters.
Notwithstanding that he offers them in marriage to everybody, he has
still never given one entirely to anybody yet. There has been a rivalry
between these three concerning them:--the Turk, who calls himself _God
upon earth_, wished for the eldest, Pride, in marriage. 'No,' said the
king of France, 'she belongs to me, as I keep all my subjects in her
street, and likewise bring many to her from England and other countries.'
Spain would have the princess Lucre, in despite of Holland and all the
Jews. England would have the princess Pleasure, in despite of the
Pagans. But the Pope would have the whole three, and with better reason
than all the rest together, therefore Belial has stationed him next to
them in the three streets." "And is it on this account that there is
this intercourse at present," said I. "No;" he replied, "Belial has
arranged the matter between them for some time; but at present he has
caused them to lay their heads together, how they may best destroy the
cross street yonder, which is the city of Emmanuel, and particularly one
great palace which is there, out of sheer venom at perceiving that it is
a fairer edifice than exists in all the city of Perdition. Belial
moreover has promised to those who shall accomplish its destruction, the
half of his kingdom during his life, and the whole when he is dead. But,
notwithstanding the greatness of his power and the depth of his wiles;
notwithstanding the multitude of crafty emperors, kings, and rulers, who
are beneath his banner in the vast city of Perdition; and notwithstanding
the bravery of his countless legions on the outer side of the gates in
the world below; notwithstanding all this," said the angel, "he shall see
that it is a task above his power to perform. Yes; however great Belial
may be, he shall find that there is One greater than he, in the little
street yonder."
I was unable to hear his angelic reasons completely, from the tumbling
there was along this slippery street every hour, and I could see some
people with ladders scaling the tower, and having reached the highest
step fall headlong to the bottom. "To what place are those fools seeking
to get?" said I. "To a place high enough," said he; "they are seeking to
break into the treasury of the princess." "I will warrant it is full
enough," said I. "It is," he replied; "and with every thing which
belongs to this street, for the purpose of being distributed amongst the
inhabitants. There you will find every species of warlike arms to subdue
and to over-run countries; every species of arms of gentility, banners,
escutcheons, books of pedigree, stanzas and poems relating to ancestry,
with every species of brave garments; admirable stories, lying portraits;
all kinds of tints and waters to embellish the countenance; all sorts of
high offices and titles; and, to be brief, there is every thing there
that is adapted to cause a man to think better of himself, and worse of
others than he ought. The chief officers of this treasury are masters of
ceremonies, vagabonds, genealogists, bards, orators, flatterers, dancers,
tailors, mantua-makers, and the like." From this great street we
proceeded to the next, where the princess Lucre reigns; it was a full and
prodigiously wealthy street, yet not half so splendid and clean as the
street of Pride, nor its people half so bold and lofty looking; for they
were skulking mean-looking fellows, for the most part.
There were in this street thousands of Spaniards, Hollanders, Venetians,
and Jews, and a great many aged, decrepit people were also there. "Pray,
sir," said I, "what kind of men are these?" "They have all gain in
view," said he. "At the lowest extremity, on one side, you will still
see the Pope; also subduers of kingdoms and their soldiers, oppressors,
foresters, shutters up of the common foot-paths, justices and their
bribers, and the whole race of lawyers down to the catchpole. On the
other side," said he, "there are physicians, apothecaries, doctors,
misers, merchants, extortioners, usurers, refusers to pay tithes, wages,
rents, or alms which were left to schools and charity houses; purveyors
and chapmen who keep and raise the market to their own price; shopkeepers
(or sharpers) who make money out of the necessity or ignorance of the
buyer; stewards of every degree, sturdy beggars, taverners who plunder
the families of careless men of their property, and the country of its
barley for the bread of the poor. All these are thieves of the first
water," said he; "and the rest are petty thieves, for the most part, and
keep at the upper end of the street; they consist of highway robbers,
tailors, weavers, millers, measurers of wet and dry, and the like." In
the midst of this discourse, I heard a prodigious tumult at the lower end
of the street, where there was a huge crowd of people thronging towards
the gate, with such pushing and disputing as caused me to imagine that
there was a general fray on foot, until I demanded of my friend what was
the matter. "There is an exceeding great treasure in that tower," said
the angel, "and all that concourse is for the purpose of choosing a
treasurer to the princess, in lieu of the Pope, who has been turned out
of that office." So we went to see the election.
The men who were competing for the office were the _Stewards_, the
_Usurers_, the _Lawyers_, and the _Merchants_, and the richest of the
whole was to obtain it, because the more you have the more you shall
crave, is the epidemic curse of the street. The Stewards were rejected
at the first offer, lest they should impoverish the whole street, and, as
they had raised their palaces on the ruins of their masters, lest they
should in the end turn the princess out of her possession; then the
dispute arose between the three others; the Merchants had the most silks,
the Lawyers most mortgages on lands, and the Usurers the greatest number
of full bags, and bills and bonds. "Ha! they will not agree to night,"
said the angel, "so come away; the Lawyers are richer than the Merchants,
the Usurers are richer than the Lawyers, and the Stewards than the
Usurers, and Belial than the whole, for he owns them all, and their
property too."
"For what reason is the princess keeping these thieves about her?" I
demanded. "What can be more proper," said he, "when she herself is the
arrantest of thieves." I was astonished to hear him call the princess
thus, and the greatest potentates thieves of the first water. "Pray, my
lord," said I, "how can you call those illustrious people greater thieves
than robbers on the highway?" "You are but a dupe," said he; "is not the
villain who goes over the world with his sword in his hand and his
plunderers behind him, burning and slaying, wresting kingdoms from their
right owners, and looking forward to be adored as a conqueror, worse than
the rogue who takes a purse upon the highway? What is the tailor who
cabbages a piece of cloth, to the great man who takes a piece out of the
parish common? Ought not the latter to be called a thief of the first
water, or ten times more a rogue than the other?--the tailor merely takes
snips of cloth from his customer, whilst the other takes from the poor
man the sustenance of his beast, and by so doing the sustenance of
himself and his little ones--what is taking a handful of flour at the
mill, to keeping a hundred sacksfull to putrify, in order to obtain
afterwards a four-fold price?--what is the half-naked soldier who takes
your garment away with his sword, to the lawyer, who takes your whole
estate from you with a goose's quill, without any claim or bond upon
it?--and what is the pickpocket who takes five pounds, to the cogger of
dice who will cheat you of a hundred in the third part of a night?--and
what is the jockey who tricks you in some old unsound horse, to the
apothecary who chouses you of your money, and your life also with some
old unwholesome physic?--and yet what are all these thieves to the
mistress-thief there, who takes away from the whole all these things, and
their hearts and their souls at the end of the fair?" From this dirty,
disorderly street we proceeded to the street of the princess Pleasure, in
which I beheld a number of Britons, French, Italians, Pagans, &c. She
was a princess exceedingly beautiful to the eye, with a cup of drugged
wine in the one hand, and a crown and a harp in the other. In her
treasury there were numberless pleasures and pretty things to obtain the
custom of every body, and to keep them in the service of her father. Yea!
there were many who escaped to this charming street, to cast off the
melancholy arising from their losses and debts in the other streets. It
was a street prodigiously crowded, especially with young people; and the
princess was careful to please every body, and to keep an arrow adapted
to every mark. If you are thirsty, you can have here your choice of
drink; if you love dancing and singing, you can get here your fill. If
her comeliness entice you to lust for the body of a female, she has only
to lift up her finger to one of the officers of her father, (who surround
her at all times, though invisibly), and they will fetch you a lass in a
minute, or the _body_ of a harlot newly buried, and will go into her in
lieu of a _soul_, rather than you should abandon so good a design.
Here there are handsome houses with very pleasant gardens, teeming
orchards, and shadowy groves, adapted to all kinds of secret meetings, in
which one can hunt birds and a certain fair coney; here there are
delightful rivers for fishing, and wide fields hedged around, in which it
is pleasant to hunt the hare and fox. All along the street you could see
farces being acted, juggling going on, and all kinds of tricks of
legerdemain; there was plenty of licentious music, vocal and
instrumental, ballad singing, and every species of merriment; there was
no lack of male and female beauty, singing and dancing; and there were
here many from the street of Pride, who came to receive praise and
adoration. In the interior of the houses I could see people on beds of
silk and down, wallowing in voluptuousness; some were engaged at billiard-
playing, and were occasionally swearing or cursing the table keeper;
others were rattling the dice or shuffling the cards. My guide pointed
out to me some from the street of Lucre, who had chambers in this street;
they had run hither to reckon their money, but they did not tarry long
lest some of the innumerable tempting things to be met with here should
induce them to part with their pelf, without usury. I could see throngs
of individuals feasting, with something of every creature before them;
oh, how every one did gorge, swallowing mess after mess of dainties,
sufficient to have feasted a moderate man for three weeks, and when they
could eat no more, they belched out a thanks for what they had received,
and then gave the health of the king and every jolly companion; after
which, they drowned the savour of the food, and their cares besides, in
an ocean of wine; then they called for tobacco, and began telling stories
of their neighbours--and, I observed, that all the stories were well
received, whether true or false, provided they were amusing and of late
date, above all if they contained plenty of scandal: there they sat, each
with his clay pistol puffing forth fire and smoke, and slander to his
neighbour. At length I was fain to request my guide to permit me to move
on; the floor was impure with saliva and spilt drink, and I was
apprehensive that certain heavy hiccups which I heard, might be merely
the prelude to something more disagreeable.
From thence we went to a place where we heard a terrible noise, a medley
of striking, jabbering, crying and laughing, shouting and singing.
"Here's Bedlam, doubtless," said I. By the time we entered the den the
brawling had ceased. Of the company, one was on the ground insensible;
another was in a yet more deplorable condition; another was nodding over
a hearthful of battered pots, pieces of pipes, and oozings of ale. And
what was all this, upon enquiry, but a carousal of seven thirsty
neighbours--a goldsmith, a pilot, a smith, a miner, a chimney-sweeper, a
poet, and a parson who had come to preach sobriety, and to exhibit in
himself what a disgusting thing drunkenness is. The origin of the last
squabble was a dispute which had arisen among them, about which of the
seven loved a pipe and flagon best. The poet had carried the day over
all the rest, with the exception of the parson, who, out of respect for
his cloth, had the most votes, being placed at the head of the jolly
companions--the poet singing:--
"Oh, where are there seven beneath the sky,
Who with these seven for thirst can vie?
But the best for good ale, these seven among,
Are the jolly divine, and the son of song."
Disgusted with these drunken swine, we went nearer to the gate, to take a
peep at the follies of the palace of _Love_, the purblind king; it is a
place easy to enter and difficult to escape from, and in it there is a
prodigious number of chambers. In the hall opposite to the door was
insane Cupid, with his two arrows upon his bow, shooting tormenting
poison, which is called _bliss_. Upon the floor I could see many fair
damsels, finely dressed, walking about, and behind them a parcel of
miserable youths gazing upon their beauty, and each eager to obtain a
glance from his mistress, fearing her frown far worse than death. One
was bending to the ground and placing a letter in the hands of his
goddess; another a piece of music, all in fearful expectation, like
school-boys showing their tasks to their master; and the damsels would
glance back upon them a smile, to keep up the fervour of their adorers,
but nothing more, lest they should lose their desire, become cured of
their wound and depart. On going forward to the parlour, I beheld
females learning to dance and to sing, and to play on instruments, for
the purpose of making their lovers seven times more foolish than they
were already: on going to the buttery, I found them taking lessons in
delicacy and propriety of eating: on going to the cellar, I saw them
making up potent love drinks, from nail-parings and the like: on going to
the chambers, we beheld a fellow in a secret apartment, putting himself
into all kinds of attitudes, to teach his beloved elegant manners;
another learning in a glass to laugh in a becoming manner, without
showing to his love too much of his teeth; another we found embellishing
his tale before going to her, and repeating the same lesson a hundred
times. Tired of this insiped folly, I went to another chamber, where
there was a nobleman, who had sent for a bard from the street of Pride,
to compose a eulogistic strain on his angel, and a laudatory ode on
himself; the bard was haranguing upon his talent--"I can," said he,
"compare her to all the red and white under the sun, and say that her
hair is a hundredfold more yellow than gold; and as for your ode, I can
carry your genealogy through the bowels of an infinity of knights and
princes, and through the waters of the deluge, even as high up as Adam."
"Lo!" said I, "here is a bard who is a better inventor than myself."
"Come away, come away," said the angel, "these people are thinking to
bamboozle the woman, but when they go to her, they will be sure to obtain
from her as good as they bring."
On leaving these people, we caught a glimpse of some cells, where more
obscene practices were going on than modesty will suffer me to mention,
which caused my companion to snatch me away in wrath, from this palace of
whimsicality and wantonness, to the treasury of the princess, (because we
went where we pleased, in spite of doors and locks.) There we beheld a
multitude of beautiful damsels, all sorts of drink, fruit, and dainties;
all kinds of instruments and books of music, harps, pipes, poems, carols,
&c.; all kinds of games of chance, draught-boards, dice-boxes, dice,
cards, &c.; all kinds of models of banquets and mansions, figures of men,
contrivances and amusements; all kinds of waters, perfumes, colors and
salves to make the ugly handsome, and the old look young, and to make the
harlot and her putrid bones sweet for a time.
To be brief, there were here all kinds of _shadows_ of pleasure, all
kinds of _seeming_ delight; and to tell the truth, I believe this place
would have ensnared me, had not my friend, without ceremony, snatched me
far away from the three deceitful towers, to the upper end of the street,
and set me down by a castellated palace of prodigious size, and very
agreeable at first sight, but vile and terribly revolting on the farthest
side, though it was only seen with great difficulty on the side of its
deformity; it had a multitude of doors, and all the doors were splendid
on the outside, but filthy within. "Pray, my lord," said I, "if it
please you, what is this wonderful place?" "This," said he, "is the
palace of another daughter of Belial, who is called _Hypocrisy_; she here
keeps her school; there is not a youth or damsel within the whole city,
that has not been her scholar, and the people in general, have so well
imbibed what she has taught, that her lessons have become a second
nature, and intertwined with all their thoughts, words and actions,
almost since the time of their childhood." After I had inspected for a
time the falsehood of every corner of the edifice, a procession passed by
with a deal of weeping and groaning, and many men and horses dight in
habits of deep mourning. Presently came a wretched widow, closely
muffled, in order that she might look no more on this vile world; she was
feebly crying, and groaning slowly in the intervals of fainting
fits--verily, I could not help weeping myself, out of pity. "Pooh,
pooh," said the angel, "keep your tears for something more worthy; these
faintings are only a lesson of Hypocrisy, and in her great school these
black garments were fashioned. There is not one of these people weeping
seriously; the widow, before the body left the house, had wedded another
man, in her heart; and if she could get rid of the expense attending the
body, she would not care a rush if the soul of her husband were at the
bottom of hell; nor would her relations, more than herself; because when
his disease was hardest upon him, instead of giving him salutary counsel
and praying fervently, for the Lord to have mercy upon him, they only
talked to him about his effects, and about his testament, or his
pedigree, or what a handsome vigorous man he had been, and the like; so
all this lamenting is mere sham--some are mourning in obedience to custom
and habit, others for company's sake, and others for hire."
Scarcely had this procession passed by, when, lo, another crowd came in
sight. A certain nobleman, prodigiously magnificient, and his lady at
his side, were going along in state; many respectable men were capping
them, and there were a thousand also behind them, shewing them every kind
of submission and reverence, and by the _favours_, I perceived that it
was a wedding: "He must be a very exalted nobleman," said I, "who merits
so much respect from all these people." "If you should consider the
whole, you would say something quite different," said my guide; "that
nobleman is one from the street of Pleasure; and the female, is a damsel
from the street of Pride, and the old man yonder, who is speaking with
him, is one from the street of Lucre, who has lent money upon nearly all
the land of the nobleman, and is to-day come to settle accounts." We
drew nigh to hear the conversation.
"Verily, sir," says the usurer, "I would not for all I possess, that you
should want any thing that I can offer, in order that you may appear to-
day like yourself, especially since you have met with a lady so amiable
and illustrious as this." (The subtle old dog knowing perfectly well
what she was all the time.) "By the Lord above," said the nobleman, "the
next greatest pleasure, to looking at her beauty, is to listen to your
obliging discourse; I would rather pay you usury than obtain money gratis
from any one else." "Of a surety, my lord," said one of his principal
associates, who was called flatterer, "my uncle shows you no respect but
what is fully your right; but with your permission, I will assert, that
he has not bestowed half the commendation on her ladyship which she
deserves. I cannot myself produce, and I will defy any man to produce
one lovelier than herself, in the whole street of Pride; nor one more
gallant than you, my lord, in the whole street of Pleasure; nor one more
courteous than you, dear uncle, in the whole street of Lucre." "Oh, that
is only your good opinion," replied the lord, "but I certainly believe
that two never came together with more mutual love than we." As they
proceeded, the crowd increased, and every one had a fair smile and a low
bow for the other, and forward they ran to meet each other with their
noses to the ground, like two cocks going to engage. "Know now," said
the angel, "that you have not yet seen a _bow_ here, nor heard a _word_,
that did not belong to the lessons of Hypocrisy. There is not here one,
after all this courtesy, that has a farthing's worth of love for the
other; indeed they are for the most part enemies to one another. The
nobleman here is only a butt amongst them, and every one has his hit at
him. The lady has her mind fixed upon his _grandeur_ and his _nobility_,
whereby she hopes to obtain precedence over many of her acquaintances.
The miser has his eye upon his _land_, for his own son; and the others,
to a man, on the money, which he is to receive as her portion, because
they are all his subjects, that is, his merchants, his tailors, his
shoemakers, or his other tradesmen, who have arrayed him and maintained
him in all this great splendour, without yet obtaining one farthing, nor
any thing but fair words, and now and then, threats perhaps. Now observe
how many masks, how many twists, Hypocrisy has given to the face of the
truth? He is promising grandeur to his love, having already disposed of
his land; and she is promising portion and purity, whereas she has no
purity, but purity of dress, and as for her portion it will not be long
in existence, there being an inveterate cancer in it, even as there is in
her own body."