_Monday, April 23rd._--Any intelligent foreigner who obtained admission to
the Distinguished Strangers' Gallery in the expectation that on the
feast-day of our national saint and the birthday of our national poet he
would be privileged to listen to a series of eloquent speeches upon
patriotism, delivered by our most accomplished orators, must have been
deeply disappointed. The one subject that the House of Commons seems to
care about is food.
The CONTROLLER has hit one section of the House in its tenderest portion.
Those Members who make their mid-day meal off tea and bread-and-butter
think it very hard that they should be allowed no more bread than others
who take the full luncheon. On their behalf Mr. LONDON, like _The
Carpenter_, said, "Give us another slice." But, despite a slight facial
resemblance to _The Walrus_, Colonel LOCKWOOD was inexorable.
The late Mr. JUSTIN MCCARTHY was once described by his ex-leader as "a nice
old gentleman for a quiet tea-party." If anyone had said that a Sunday-
School treat would furnish the appropriate _milieu_ for that ardent
Pacifist, Mr. JOWETT, I should, until this afternoon, have been inclined to
agree with him. But it is evident that his acquaintance with Sunday-School
treats is purely academic, for in requesting the FOOD CONTROLLER to remove
the ban lately placed upon them he spoke of the treat as a "simple meal,
consisting of _a_ bun and tea only." The italic is our own comment on this
estimate of the capacity of our brave tea-fighters.
_Tuesday, April 24th._--Those Members to whom their constituents have given
notice to quit at the next election, and who have recently been somewhat
depressed by the thought of the impending loss to the nation of their
valuable services, are plucking up heart again now that the life of
Parliament is to be once more extended. Mr. KING, for example, was in his
best form this afternoon. It goes without saying that his advice to the
Board of Agriculture to set a good example to the country by sending their
racehorses out to grass was well received, for any reference to the
Government stud is equivalent to the "Pass the mustard" of the established
humourist. His real success came when Mr. BONAR LAW denied that Sir GEORGE
MCCRAE had been appointed Chief Whip to the Government. Mr. KING drawled
out, "As _The Times_ has stated that this gentleman was so appointed will
its foreign circulation be stopped?" Then the laughter came spontaneous and
loud.
[Illustration: _Hodge._ "I'M TO BE QUEEN OF THE MAY."]
Another little joke which tickled the House was, I suspect, the outcome of
a conspiracy. At least I cannot understand why Mr. OUTHWAITE should have
been so anxious to know the amount of ginger imported into this country
last year, unless it was to afford Mr. MACVEAGH an opportunity of asking,
when the amount, some three thousand tons, had been announced, "How is it
that the new Government has got none of it?"
There is a growing tendency on the part of Ministers, when charged with the
conduct of a Bill, to speak of it as "a poor thing not mine own." They
imagine, I suppose, that an air of deprecation, not to say depreciation, is
likely to commend the measure to an audience in which party-spirit is
supposed to be defunct.
[Illustration: VISCOUNT CHAPLIN MAKING NOTES ON THE MILLENNIUM FROM THE
PEERS' GALLERY.]
At first it seemed as if Mr. PROTHERO, in moving the second reading of the
Corn Production Bill, was going to adopt the modern attitude of
_insouciance_, for he spoke of it as "bristling with controversial points"
(as if it were intended to promote the growth of quite another kind of
corn), and observed that he himself had originally been opposed to State
interference with agriculture. But he soon warmed to his work, and spoke
with all the zeal of the convert. Among his most appreciative listeners
were the occupants of the Peers' Gallery--the Duke of MARLBOROUGH, who has
transformed the sword of Blenheim into a ploughshare, and Viscount CHAPLIN,
to whom the announcement of State bounties for wheat-growing seems like the
arrival of the Millennium.
Another ex-Minister of Agriculture was, to put it mildly, less
enthusiastic. I should be doing Mr. RUNCIMAN little injustice to say that
for the moment the politician in him rose superior to the patriot. If after
the War the old party-quarrels are to break out again with all their fatal
futility I can imagine that Liberal wire-pullers in the rural districts
will be much embarrassed by the existence of bounties which economically
they cannot approve but which politically they dare not remove. But surely
we shall have learned our lesson badly if the old strife of Tory and
Liberal is to be revived in all its former virulence and sterility. Besides
there is the Labour Party to be considered, as Mr. GEORGE ROBERTS reminded
the House in the best speech he has made since he went on the Treasury
Bench. He pointed out that if high wages and good conditions were to be
secured for agricultural workers the prosperity of the agricultural
industry as a whole must be ensured; and he hoped that the policy of
State-aid would not stop there. No wonder the hard-shell Free Traders
looked glum.
Sir HEDWORTH MEUX must be careful or he will jeopardize his reputation as a
humourist. Mr. PARTINGTON having asked whether the Government would put
down their racehorses, the gallant Admiral could think of no better jest
than that the proposal was as futile as that of the hon. Member's namesake,
who endeavoured to keep out the Atlantic with a mop. Shortly afterwards Mr.
YEO asked whether the Government would consider the destruction of cats,
with a view, perhaps, to the suppression of MEUX.
The Corn Production Bill had to run the gauntlet of a good many criticisms
during the second day's debate. The unkindest cut of all was delivered by
the SPEAKER. Mr. MOLTENO had asked whether Members who were landowners or
farmers might vote on a measure affecting their financial interests, and
Mr. LOWTHER replied that the benefits were "so problematical and so
uncertain" that he thought they might. Mr. MOLTENO used his freedom to vote
against the Second Reading; but only a handful of Members followed his
example. Mr. RUNCIMAN and his friends decided that abstention was the
better part of valour.
_Thursday, April 26th._--Major BAIRD made a modest and candid defence of
the Air Board against its many critics. He did not pretend that they were
yet satisfied--in the case of so new a service there could be no finality--
but he claimed that the departments had worked much more harmoniously since
they were all housed under the hospitable roof of the Hotel Cecil, a
statement which Lord HUGH of that ilk subsequently endorsed. Major BAIRD,
despite the general mildness of his voice and demeanour, can deliver a good
hard knock on occasion. He warned the House against indulging in a certain
class of criticism, on the ground that there was no surer way of killing an
airman than to destroy his confidence in the machine he was flying; and he
asserted that the "mastery of the air" was a meaningless phrase impossible
of realization. I think Mr. PEMBERTON-HICKS and Mr. JOYNSON-BILLING took
the rebuke to heart, for they were much less aggressive than usual.
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[Illustration: "BE A GOOD BOY AND STOP YOUR 'OLLERIN, AND I'LL LET YER SEE
THE OLD GENT FALL ORF THE BUS."]
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