I hopes as I shall not be blamed for my hordacity in writin as I am
writin, but it's reelly all the fault of my good-natred Amerrycan
frend. He says as it's my bounden dooty to do so, if ony to prove the
trooth of the old prowerb that tells us, "that Waiters rushes in where
Docters fears to tread!" He's pleased to say as he has never bin in
better helth than all larst Jennewerry at the Grand Hotel, and that he
owes it all to my sage adwice.
[Illustration]
"Allers let Nater be your Dick Tater!" In depressin times like these
here, keep the pot a bilin' so to speak; and stand firm to the three
hesses, Soup, Shampane, and Sunlight.
The Soup must be Thick Turtel, such as Natur purwides in this here
cold seeson, not the Thin Turtel of Summer. The Shampane must be Rich
Clicko, or the werry best Pummery, sitch as you can taste the ginerous
grapes in, not the pore dry stuff as young Swells drinks, becoz
they're told as how it's fashnabel; and the Sunlight can ginerally be
got if you knows where to look for it. For instance now, in one of the
cold foggy days of last month, my Amerrycan frend said to me, "What
on airth, ROBERT, can a gentleman find to do on sitch a orful day
as this?" So sez I, "Take a Cab to Wictoria Station, and go to the
Cristel Pallis, wark about in the brillient sunshine as you will find
there a waiting for you, for about two howers, not a moment longer,
then cum strait back, and you shall find a lovly lunch."
And off he went, a larfing to think how he would emuse himself when he
came back by pitching into pore me. But it does so happen as Waiters
ain't not quite so deaf as sum peeple thinks 'em, and I've offen 'erd
peeple say, that amost always, if you sees the Sun a trying for to
peep thro the fog, and see how we all gits on without him, a leetle
way out of town, on an 'ill, you will see him a shining away like fun!
Well, xacly at 2:30, in cums my frend, a grinnin away like the fablus
Chesher Cat, and he says, says he, why Mr. ROBERT, you're a reglar
conjurer! It was all xacly as you prosefied! I had two hours' glorious
stroll in the Cristel Pallis Gardings in the lovly sunshine!
Hin ten minutes' time he was seated at a purfekly luvly lunch, and a
peggin away with sitch a happytight as princes mite enwy!
In times like these, dine out reglar either two or three times a week,
and drink generusly, but wisely, not too well, and on receiving the
accustomed At, think of the ard times the pore Waiter has had to pass
through lately, and dubble, or ewen tribbel the accustumd Fee. You'll
never miss it, but, on the contrairy, will sleep all the sounder for
it.
Never read no accounts in Noosepapers of hillnesses and sich-like,
and keep a few little sixpences in your ticket pocket; then if a pore
woman arsks you if you have a penny to spare, say no, but praps this
will do as well, and give her a sixpence, and then see her look of
estonished rapcher, aye, and ewen share it to some small degree.
Check a frown, and encouridge a smile, and the one will wanish away,
and the other dewelope into a larf. Let your principle virtues be
ginerosity and ope, and allers look on the brite side of ewerythink,
as the Miller said to the Sweep.