Mr. M’Kinlay was awakened from a pleasant nap oyer the “Man of Feeling,”
which he had persuaded himself he was reading with all the enjoyment
it had once afforded him, by the French clock oyer the mantelpiece
performing a lively waltz, and then striking five!
He started, rubbed his eyes, and looked about him, not very certain for
some minutes where he was. The hum of the bees, the oppressive perfume
of the sweetbriar and the jessamine, and the gentle drip-drip of a
little trickling rivulet over some rock-work, seemed still to steep his
senses in a pleasant dreamy languor, and a sort of terror seized him
that the ladies might possibly have come in, and found him there asleep.
He rang the bell and summoned Rickards at once.
“Where are the ladies?” asked he, eagerly.
“Not come back yet, Sir. It’s very seldom they stay out so long. I can
make nothing of it.”
“You told her Ladyship I was here, didn’t you?”
“I told Miss Georgina, Sir, and of course she told my Lady.”
“What’s your dinner-hour?”
“Always early, Sir, when Sir Gervais is from home. My Lady likes four,
or half-past.”
“And it’s five now!”
“Yes, Sir; a quarter-past five. It’s the strangest thing I ever knew,”
said he, going to the window, which commanded a view of the road at
several of its windings through the valley. “We have an excellent lake
trout for dinner; but by good luck it’s to be grilled, not boiled, or it
would be ruined utterly.”
“Capital things, those red trout,” said M’Kinlay, to whom, like most
of his craft and way of life, the pleasures of the table offered great
temptations. “Is your cook a good one, Rickards?”
“Only a woman, Sir; but by no means bad. Sir Gervais always takes M.
Honoré with him on board the yacht; but you’ll see, Sir, that she knows
how to roast, and we have a sweet saddle of Welsh mutton to-day, if it’s
not over-done.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of, Rickards,” said the lawyer; and if a sigh
ever denoted sorrow, his did as he spoke. “Is the mutton small?”
“Very small, Sir. Mountain mutton.”
“And of course it will be done to rags! She serves it with
currant-jelly, I snppose?”
“No, Sir, with guava. Sir Gervais prefers it.”
“And what else was there on your bill of fare for to-day?”
“A very simple dinner, Sir. Partridges on toast, a salad of white
truffles, and a roast hare.”
“Quite enough, quite enough. Do you bring your wine down with you!”
“Only the Madeira, Sir. Sir Gervais gets some claret oyer from an Irish
house called Sneyd’s, which he calls very drinkable.”
“So do I, too; very drinkable, indeed; and your Madeira, you say, you
bring with you. I say, Rickards, I think a glass of it and a biscuit
wouldn’t be amiss, if I’m to wait much longer.”
“I was just thinking the same, Sir; and if you’ll step into the
dining-room and take a morsel of game-pie, I’ll fetch the Madeira out of
the sun. It’s fine and mellow by this time.”
“Is this your woman cook’s performance?” said Mr. M’Kinky, as he helped
himself for the second time to the pie.
“Yes, Sir; and she’d do better, too, if it wasn’t that the ladies don’t
like so much jelly. Here’s a fine whole truffle, Sir!”
“She’s a valuable woman--a very valuable woman. Tell her, Rickards, that
I drank her health in a bumper. Yes, up to the brim with it. She shall
have all the honours.”
“Something sweet, Sir? A little cherry tart?”
“Well, a little cherry tart I’ ll not object to. No, no, Rickards, don’t
open champagne for me.”
“It’s in the ice, Sir, and quite ready.”
“Let it stay there. I’m very simple about both eating and drinking. I’d
not have made a bad hermit, if I hadn’t been a lawyer.”
“No, indeed, Sir! I never saw a gentleman so easily pleased. You’re
not like Mr. Grenfell, Sir, that has the bill of fare brought up every
morning to his dressing-room; ay, and M. Honoré himself, too, summoned,
just as if it was before a magistrate, to explain what’s the meaning of
this, and why he doesn’t do the other.”
“Your master permits this?”
“He likes it, Sir; he laughs heartily at it.”
“And the ladies, do they like it?”
“Oh, Mr. Grenfell only comes over to Beau Park when the ladies is away,
Sir, up in town, or at the sea-side.”
“He’s no favourite of theirs, then?”
“I don’t believe they ever saw him, Sir. At all events, he was never
down with us when we were all at home.”
“I suspect I know why,” said M’Kinlay, knowingly.
“Yes, Sir,” replied Rickards, as knowingly, while he took up a jar of
pickled onions from the sideboard, and held it ostentatiously forward.
“You’re right, Rickards, you’ve hit it correctly. One glass more of
that admirable wine. What’s that great ringing at the gate? Is that your
mistress?”
“No, Sir. The lodge people have orders never to keep her waiting; they
always have a look-out when she’s coming. There it is again. If you’ll
excuse me a moment, Sir, I’d better step out and see what it means!”
The permission was graciously accorded, and Mr. M’Kinlay emptied the
last of the Madeira into his glass, discussing with himself whether the
world had anything really more enjoyable to offer than a simple cottage
life, with a good cook, and a capital cellar! Little heed did he give
to the absence of Rickards, nor was he in the least aware that the bland
butler had been above a quarter of an hour away, when he entered flushed
and excited.
“It’s the same as a burglary, Sir, there’s no difference; and it’s by
good luck you are here to declare the law of it!”
“What’s the matter--what has happened, Rickards?”
“They’re in the drawing-room, Sir; they walked in by the open windows;
there was no keeping them out.”
“Who are in the drawing-room?”
“The tourists, Sir,” exclaimed Rickards. “The tourists! The people that
would force their way into Windsor Castle and go through it, if the King
was at his dinner there!”
Strong in a high purpose, and bold with the stout courage of that
glorious Madeira, Mr. M’Kinlay arose. “This is an unparalleled
outrage,” cried he; “follow me, Rickards;” and he took his way to
the drawing-room. Though the noise and tumult bespoke the presence of
several people, there were not above half a dozen in the room. One,
however, a pale, sickly-looking young man, with long hair, which
required everlasting tossing of his head to keep out of his eyes, sat
at the piano, playing the most vigorous chords, while over his shoulder
leaned a blue-eyed, fair, ringletted lady, whose years--past the
forties--rather damaged the evident determination she evinced to be
youthful and volatile.
“Do, Manny, do dearest, there’s a love,” said she, with the faintest
imaginable lisp, “do compothe something. A Fanthasia, on visiting
Dinaslryn. A dhream----”
“Pray be quiet, Celestina!” said he, with a wave of his hand. “You
derange me!”
“Have they got a ‘catalog’ of the gimcracks?” exclaimed a nasal voice
that there was no mistaking. “I a’n’t posted in brass idols and boxwood
saints, but I’d like to have ‘em booked and ticketed.”
“Are you aware, gentlemen and ladies,” said Mr. M’Kinlay, with a voice
meant to awaken the very dullest sense of decorum--“are you aware that
you are in the house of a private gentleman, without any permission or
sanction on his part?”
“Oh, don’t, don’t disturb him, Sir,” broke in the ringletted lady.
“You’ll never forgive yourself if you spoil it;” and she pointed to the
artist, who had now let all his hair fall forward, after the fashion of
a Skye terrier, and sat with his head drooped over the piano, and his
hands suspended above the keys.
“Say what for the whole bilen,” cried the Yankee. “It ain’t much of a
show; but I’ll take it over to New York, and charge only twenty-five
cents for the reserved seats!”
“I repeat, Sir,” exclaimed M’Kinlay, “your presence here, and that of
all your companions, is a most unreasonable intrusion--a breach of all
propriety--one of those violations of decency, which, however practised,
popular, and approved of in a certain country, neither distinguished
for the civilisation of its inhabitants, nor for their sense of
refinement----”
“Is it Ireland you mane, Sir--is it Ireland?” said a short,
carbuncled-nosed little man, with a pair of fiery red eyes. “Say the
word if it is.”
“It is not Ireland, Sir. I respect the Irish. I esteem them.”
“Could you get them to be quiet, Celestina?” said the artist, faintly;
“could you persuade the creatures to be still?”
“Hush, hush!” said she, motioning with both her hands.
A tremendous crash now resounded through the room. It was Mr. Herodotus
M. Dodge, who, in experimenting with his umbrella on a Sèvres jar, to
detect if it were cracked, had smashed it to atoms, covering the whole
floor with the fragments.
“Send for the police! Tell the porter to lock the gate, and fetch the
police!” shouted M’Kinlay. “I trust to show you, Sir, that you’re not
in Fifteenth-street, or Forty-sixth Avenue. I hope to prove to you that
you’re in a land of law and order.”
Overcome by his rage, he followed Rickards out of the room, declaring
that he’d make all England ring with the narrative of this outrage.
The legal mind, overbalanced for an instant, suddenly recovered its
equanimity, and he began to reflect how far he was justified in a
forcible detention. Would “a claim lie” for false imprisonment? Were he
to detain them, too, what should be his charge? Was it a trespass? Had
they been warned off? “Wait a moment, Rickards,” said he; “I must think
a minute or two. There’s a difficulty here. Where a person, passing in
the street, smashes accidentally--it must be accidentally--a pane of
plate-glass, of the value of, let us say five-and-twenty or thirty
guineas, the law only holds him responsible for the damage of an
ordinary window-pane; so that here it will be quite open to the defence
to show that this man imagined he was breaking a common jug, a mere
earthenware pipkin. It is, then, to the trespass we must look. Call the
lodge-keeper; say I wish to have a word with him.”
While Rickards hastened on his errand, Mr. M’Kinlay sat down to ponder
carefully over the case. Your men conversant with great causes in equity
and weighty trials at bar, are nervously fearful of meddling with the
small cases which come before petty tribunals. They really know little
about them, and are almost certain to fail in them; and they feel--very
naturally--ashamed at the sorry figure they must exhibit in such
failures.
“They’re all gone, Sir--they’ve made a regular retreat of it--not one
left.”
“Who--who are gone?”
“Them tourists, Sir. They overtook me as I went down the avenue, and
made George open the gate; and away they are, the whole of ‘em.”
“I’m not sorry for it, Rickards. I declare I’m not sorry. It would cost
more time and more trouble to follow them up than they’re worth; and
I am certain, besides, Sir Gervais wouldn’t have the affair in the
newspapers for ten times the amount of all the damage they’ve done him.
What’s that noise without--who’s coming now?”
“My Lady!” exclaimed Rickards, and hastened out to receive her. Mr.
M’Kinlay could notice that a short dialogue took place between the
ladies and the butler before they entered the door, and that they both
laughed at something he was telling them. Was the story that amused
them of him, or of the invasion? He had not time to consider, when they
entered.
“How d’ye do, Mr. M’Kinlay?” said Lady Vyner, quietly. “We’ve kept you
very long waiting, I fear. You may serve dinner at once, Rickards. Mr.
M’Kinlay will excuse our dining in morning dress, Georgina.”
“I should hope so,” said her sister, with a very saucy toss of the head.
“Your Ladyship will excuse my not remaining to dinner,” said he, with
a marked coldness. “I only wanted to see you, and ask if you had any
commissions for Sir Gervais.”
“No, there’s nothing, I fancy. I wrote yesterday--I think it was
yesterday.”
“Tell him not to meddle with Irish property, and come away from that
country as soon as he can,” said Georgina.
“Say the garden is looking beautiful since the rain,” said Lady Vyner,
rising. “Good-by, and a pleasant journey!”
“Good-by!” said Georgina, giving him the tips of her fingers.
And Mr. M’Kinlay bowed and took his leave, carrying away as he went
very different thoughts of cottage life and its enjoyments from those
he might have felt had he gone when he had finished the last glass of
Madeira.