You are a worthy woman, Altemire,
But, Altemire, you have your faults!
_Altem._ My lord,
I am a woman!
_Phan._ Yes, exactly so;
If you were _not_ a woman, Altemire,
Or, being one, were some one else’s wife,
I’d take you there to-morrow!
_Altem._ But, my lord,
Why won’t you take me, being what I am?
_Phan._ Because, my wife, I don’t know what you are.
_Altem._ You know, at least, that I’m a faithful wife.
_Phan._ I think you’re more than faithful. I believe
You are a perfect woman, Altemire,
A pattern as a mother and a wife--
And, so believing, why I do not care
To run the risk of being undeceived!
_Altem._ (_annoyed_). My lord, you are unjust! Can you believe
I should expose myself to such a test
Had I been guilty of unfaithfulness?
I am no perfect woman, Phanor. I have faults
That advertise themselves. No need to say
That I’m quick-tempered, jealous, over-prone
To underrate the worth of womankind--
Impetuous--unreasonable--vain--
I am a woman, with a woman’s faults.
But, being woman, Phanor, I’m a wife;
And, in that I am one, I need not blush.
You have some better reason. Possibly
You dread the palace on your own account?
_Phan._ I dread the palace, Altemire? No, no.
I am a child of impulse. All my faults
Lie on the surface. I have naught to hide.
Such little faults as sully me you know.
_Altem._ Or guess.
_Phan._ Ha! Am I then to understand
My Queen suspects her husband?
_Altem._ Yes, you are!
_Phan._ Then this decides me. You _shall_ go with me.
_Altem._ But--
_Phan._ Not a word--King Phanor can not brook
The breath of jealousy. With all his faults
His married life has been as pure as snow.
We two will go this morning.
_Altem._ Stay! A thought!
Let us take Zeolide and Philamir,
They shall not know the fairy influence
To which they are subjected. If the maid
Does not love Philamir, she’ll show it then,
And the betrothal can be canceled. If
She loves him, why, she’ll show it all the more:
Then the betrothal shall be ratified.
_Phan._ We _will_ take Zeolide and Philamir,
Chrysal and Zoram--Aristæus too,
And Palmis--yes, and blameless Lady Mirza--
Mirza, the good, the beautiful, the pure!
_Altem._ Mirza! Eternal Mirza! Everywhere
I hear her irritating virtues praised!
I’m weary of the woman!
_Phan._ Stop a bit,
Till we are in the palace. Then we’ll learn
Not only your opinion of her worth,
But also why you hold it.
_Altem._ Well, well, well!
The maid is young and beautiful, and I
Am envious of that youth and beauty. See,
I can anticipate the influence
To which I’m going to subject myself.
There I was wrong. Mirza _shall_ go with us,
And by her conduct under such a test,
Prove the injustice of my estimate.
I’ll go and warn the Court. [_Exit QUEEN ALTEMIRE into house._
_Phan._ The course I take
Is rather rash, but the experiment
Will not be destitute of interest.
_Enter GÉLANOR from house._
Well, Gélanor, what tidings do you bring?
About our palace?
_Gélan._ Sir, the old, old tale.
Men come and go--and women come and go.
Although the palace gates are opened wide
To rich and poor alike--and rich and poor
Alike receive full hospitality
For any length of time they care to stay,
Few care to stay above a day or two.
Free entertainment in a princely home
Is little valued when it’s coupled with
The disadvantage of a dwelling-place
Where every one is bound to speak the truth.
When does my lord propose to start?
_Phan._ To-day.
But this time not alone, good Gélanor.
_Gélan._ And who is to accompany you, sir?
_Phan._ My wife.
_Gélan._ Your wife?
_Phan._ My wife.
_Gélan._ Great heavens, my lord,
Have you reflected?
_Phan._ Yes.
_Gélan._ To any place
Where one is bound to speak the baldest truth
Concerning all the actions of one’s life,
It’s hardly politic to take one’s wife!
_Phan._ Oh, I’ve the fullest confidence in her.
She’s a good woman, Gélanor.
_Gélan._ Ah, sir,
I have seen married couples by the score,
Who, when they passed within our crystal walls,
Have boldly advertised themselves prepared
To stake their souls upon each other’s faith--
But who, before they’ve spent an hour at most
Under the castle’s mystic influence,
Have separated ne’er to meet again!
Oh, have a care!
_Phan._ Queen Altemire knows all,
And knowing all she fears not for herself,
So I’ve no fear for her!
_Gélan._ But _you_, my liege--
How will you bear yourself ’neath such a test?
You have been married nearly eighteen years:
That’s a long time!
_Enter MIRZA, unobserved._
_Phan._ Well, yes--I’ve thought of that.
I’m a good husband--as good husbands go.
I love my wife--but still--you understand--
Boys will be boys! There _is_ a point or two--
Say two, as being nearer to the mark--
On which I do not altogether care
To stand examination by my wife.
Perhaps I may have given out that I’ve
Been dining _here_--when I’ve been dining _there_--
I may have said “with A”--when ’twas with B--
I may have said “with _him_”--when ’twas with _her_--
Distinctions such as these, good Gélanor,
Though strangely unimportant in themselves,
Still have a value, which the female mind’s
Particularly quick to apprehend.
Now here’s a talisman--a crystal box--(_producing it_).
Whoever carries this within those walls
May overcome the castle’s influence,
And utter truth or falsehood as he wills.
I should do well, I think, to take this box?
_Gélan._ From all accounts, my lord, I think you would!
(_Sees MIRZA_) Ahem! We are observed!
_Mirza._ My lord, I trust
My presence here is not inopportune?
I will withdraw.
_Phan._ No, Lady Mirza, no!
I was exhibiting to Gélanor
A curious specimen of crystal work--
He understands such things.
_Mirza._ (_taking box_). And so do I.
How marvelously pure! No single flaw
Affects its exquisite transparency!
A perfect emblem of a spotless life!
_Gélan._ But, Lady Mirza, perfect spotlessness
Is apt to smack of insipidity.
_Mirza._ No--hold it to the light, and see the change!
See how its exquisite prismatic hues,
Under the influence of searching light,
Are instantly made clear and manifest.
As shines this crystal in the sun, so shines
A perfect woman in the light of truth.
The modest beauties of a spotless life
Remain unknown and unsuspected, till
A ray of truth-light starts them into life,
And shows them--all unwilling--to the world!
_Gélan._ But there are hidden qualities of soul
That even truth can not detect. Suppose
This crystal, peerless in its spotlessness,
Turned out to be a potent talisman,
With power to work all kinds of devilry?
There are such things!
_Phan._ (_aside_). Why there are women, too
(I have known many such), to whom the box
Might still be very properly compared!
_Mirza._ Impossible, my lord. I’ll not believe
That aught so beautiful could be so base.
(_Returning it_) I thank you, sir. I’ve read a lesson here
That I shall take good heed to profit by.
_Enter the QUEEN ALTEMIRE, with ZEOLIDE, PHANOR, ARISTÆUS, ZORAM,
and PALMIS, from house._
_Altem._ Here comes your Court, my lord.
_Phan._ That’s well. My friends,
I have a palace, twenty miles away--
A lovely place, engirt with crystal walls;
Its grounds will show fair flowers and shady groves,
Huge forest trees, rare fountains, hill and dale.
There’s hunting, fishing--eighteen years preserved!
There the sun shines unclouded all day long.
What say you--will you go?
_Chrys._ Go? What care I
Whether it rain or shine so that I may
Bask in the sunshine of my King and Queen!
_Phan._ In half an hour we start. Once there, our life
Shall be a song, and Aristæus here,
The jolly, genial, laughing Aristæus,
Shall strike the key-note!
_Arist._ Well, I’ll do my best.
_Zor._ But pray consider. If the intervals
Throughout the diatonic series, sir,
Were mathematically equal, why
It would not greatly matter, as you know,
Upon what note your melody commenced.
But as it is not so, we must respect
The intervals the melody demands.
No key-note struck by Aristæus could
Be correspondent with those intervals!
_Phil._ _I’ll_ give the key-note. We will pass the day
By quivering willows at the waterside,
Lapped in a lazy luxury of love!
There we’ll forget the world of work-a-day,
And crown our happiness with songs of love!
What say you, dearest Zeolide?
_Zeo._ I’ve said
As much as it is maidenly to say--
I love you, Philamir--be satisfied!
ACT II.
SCENE.--_Interior of the Palace of Truth._
_Enter GÉLANOR, meeting KING PHANOR and QUEEN ALTEMIRE and
ZEOLIDE._
_Gélan._ Welcome, my lord! Madam, I humbly trust
The palace realizes all the hopes
That you had entertained concerning it.
_Altem._ Indeed, it far exceeds them, Gélanor.
There is no lovelier abode on earth!
And so says Zeolide.
_Zeo._ Indeed she does!
Why, father, I have lived near eighteen years,
And never knew until three hours ago
That you possessed so lovely a domain!
Why have I wasted eighteen years on earth,
When such a heaven as this awaited me?
_Gélan._ (_aside to PHANOR_).
You have not told the Princess or your Court
The palace’s peculiarity?
_Phan._ Not I. The secret is our own, as yet--
The Queen’s, and yours, and mine.
_Gélan._ With you and me
The secret’s safe. But then--Queen Altemire--
If you have told _her_ all--
_Phan._ No, no--not all!
Here is a secret which is yours and mine; (_producing crystal box_)
And yours and mine the secret shall remain.
Protected by this talisman, I stand,
A sturdy rock amid the shifting sands--
A salamander in a world of fire--
Achilles in a crowd of myrmidons--
Achilles, with an iron-plated heel!
Go, send my courtiers--I anticipate
No ordinary sport from watching them. [_Exeunt GÉLANOR and PHANOR._
_Altem._ What are you reading, Zeolide?
_Zeo._ (_with scroll_). A song
Written by Chrysal set to Zoram’s notes;
They gave it me before we left our home,
But in the hurry of the journey here,
I managed to mislay it--here it is.
_Enter ZORAM, CHRYSAL, and ARISTÆUS._
And here are author and composer, too--
And Critic, teeming with humanity.
Come let us hear it.
(_ZEOLIDE sings a song. At its conclusion CHRYSAL and ZORAM
applaud_)
_Chrys._ (_coming forward with all the action of a man who is
expressing extreme approval_).
Oh, I protest, my ears have never heard
A goodly song more miserably sung.
(_Clapping hands_) Oh, very poor indeed--oh, very weak,
No voice--no execution--out of tune--
Pretentious too--oh, very, very poor!
(_Applauding as if in ecstacies._)
_Altem._ (_amused_). Indeed! I think I’ve often heard you say
No voice could rival Princess Zeolide’s?
_Chrys._ (_enthusiastically_).
I’ve often said so--I have praised her voice,
Because I am a courtier--paid to praise.
I never meant one word of what I said;
I have the worst opinion of her voice,
And so has Zoram.
_Zor._ I? Oh, dear me, no!
I can form no opinion on the point,
I am no judge of music.
_Chrys._ Eh?
_Zor._ Not I!
I hardly know the treble from the bass,
And as to harmony--I know the word,
But hang me if I guess at what it means!
_Zeo._ Oh, Zoram, you are jesting--why you wrote
The air I sung!
_Zor._ _I_ wrote the air? Not I,
I paid a poor musician for his work,
And palmed it off upon you as my own.
A common trick with melodists who stand
Far higher in the world’s esteem than I!
_Altem._ Well, Aristæus there has still to speak.
What says that rollicking philosopher?
Come, growl it out!
_Arist._ (_gruffly, as if finding fault._)
It’s sweetly pretty, ma’am,
And very nicely sung. I like it much.
_Zeo._ What! Aristæus pleased?
_Arist._ (_very savagely_). Of course I am;
I’m always pleased with every thing.
_Altem._ Indeed!
Men look on Aristæus as a man
Whom nothing satisfies.
_Arist._ (_with outrageous bluntness_). Then men are wrong,
No child’s more easily amused than I.
But, here at Court, where every one is pleased
With every thing, my amiability
Would go for naught; so I have coined myself
A disposition foreign to my own,
In hopes my clumsy boorish insolence
Might please you by its very novelty;
And prove, perchance, a not unwelcome foil
To Zoram’s mockery of cultured taste,
And Chrysal’s chronic insincerity!
I’m rough and honest, frank--outspoken--blunt.
_Chrys._ Boor! when you dare to say I’m insincere
You tell the truth--there, make the most of that!
_Zor._ Chrysal, your hand; I’m glad to find at last
Your eyes are opened to your many faults.
_Chrys._ How, sir, is this intentional affront?
_Zor._ No, not intentional. I tried to frame
A pleasant speech, but, by some awkward slip,
The truth escaped me quite against my will.
(_With great admiration_) You systematic liar!
_Chrys._ Insolent!
_Zor._ Sir!
_Chrys._ This shall cost or you or me his life.
In half an hour you shall hear from me! [_Exit CHRYSAL._
_Zor._ (_in terror_). What _have_ I said?
_Altem._ (_aside_). These boobies must not fight,
But how to stop them? Here comes Philamir!
Now he and Zeolide can meet. But first
I must get rid of Zoram. (_To ZORAM_). Get you hence,
I will contrive to pacify your foe.
_Zor._ But--
_Altem._ Go!
_Zor._ (_piteously_). I’m sure I don’t know what I’ve done!
[_Exeunt ZORAM and QUEEN ALTEMIRE._
_Enter PHILAMIR,--ZEOLIDE runs to him and embraces him--he turns
away._
_Zeo._ My love, is Philamir unhappy?
_Phil._ Yes.
I have heard people talking of our troth,
And prophesying that it will soon cease.
_Zeo._ Indeed! They think you do not love me, then?
_Phil._ They doubt not that--they doubt your love for me.
Some say it sleeps; some say that it is dead;
Some that it never lived. Oh, Zeolide,
If love for Philamir is yet unborn,
Why bring it now to light! Where will you find
A fitter nursery for love than this?
If that love lives, but sleeps, why wake it now
And let it revel in these golden groves.
If it is dead, why here’s a paradise
That well might summon it to second life!
_Zeo._ It sleeps not, Philamir, nor is it dead,
It lives and can not die.
_Phil._ But people say
That love should advertise itself in words
More fervid than the weary formula,
“I love you, Philamir.” You love your friends.
Why, Zeolide, I think I’ve heard you say
You love your horse!
_Zeo._ Unjust! You ask me, then,
To limit my illimitable love,
And circle, with a boundary of words,
A wealth of love that knows no bounds at all!
There is a love that words may typify--
A mere material love--that one may weigh
As jewelers weigh gold. Such love is worth
The gold one pays for it--it’s worth no more.
Why, Philamir, I might as well attempt
To set a price upon the universe--
Or measure space--or time eternity,
As tell my love in words!
_Phil._ (_astonished_). Why, Zeolide,
At last you speak! Why this, indeed, is love!
_Zeo._ (_aside_). What have I said?
(_Aloud and coldly_) Indeed, I’m glad to think
My words have pleased you!
_Phil._ (_with enthusiasm_). Pleased me? They’ve done more--
They’ve gratified my vanity, and made
Me feel that I am irresistible!
_Zeo._ Indeed!
_Phil._ Indeed, dear Zeolide, they have.
Why how you frown!
_Zeo._ (_coldly_). If such a love as mine
Serves but to feed your sense of vanity,
I think it is misplaced.
_Phil._ My vanity
Must needs be fed, and with such love as yours.
I have worked hard to gain it, Zeolide!
You are not nearly as attractive as
Five hundred other ladies I could name,
Who, when I said I loved them, stopped my lips--
_Zeo._ (_astonished_). I’m glad they did!
_Phil._ With kisses, ere I could
Repeat the sentence; and it hurt me much
That you, who are comparatively plain,
Should give me so much trouble, Zeolide.
_Zeo._ (_aside_). What can he mean?
(_Aloud._) Oh, you are mocking me--
_Phil._ Mocking you, Zeolide? You do me wrong!
(_With enthusiasm_) Oh, place the fullest value on my words,
And you’ll not overvalue them! I swear,
As I’m a Christian knight, I speak the truth!
_Zeo._ Why, Philamir, you’ve often told me that
You never loved a woman till we met!
_Phil._ (_with all the appearance of rapture_).
I always say that. I have said the same
To all the women that I ever woo’d!
_Zeo._ And they believ’d you?
_Phil._ Certainly they did.
They always do! Whatever else they doubt,
They don’t doubt that! (_He tries to embrace her._)
_Zeo._ (_horror-struck_). Away, and touch me not!
_Phil._ What? Has my earnestness offended you,
Or do you fear that my impassioned speech
Is over-colored? Trust me, Zeolide,
If it be over-charged with clumsy love,
Or teem with ill-selected metaphor,
It is because my soul is not content
To waste its time in seeking precious stones,
When paste will answer every end as well!
_Zeo._ Why, Philamir, dare you say this to me?
_Phil._ All this, and more than this, I dare to say.
I dare to tell you that I like you much,
For you are amiable, refined, and good--
Saving a little girlish diffidence
I have no serious fault to find with you!
_Zeo._ You’re very good!
_Phil._ Indeed, I think I am,
But let that pass. In truth I like you much.
At first I loved you in an off-hand way!
_Zeo._ At first?
_Phil._ Until the novelty wore off,
And then, receiving but a cold response
To all the seeming fury of my love,
My pride was nettled, and I persevered
Until I made you tell me of your love,
In words that bore comparison with mine.
I’ve done that, and I’m amply satisfied.
_Zeo._ (_in blank astonishment_).
And this is Philamir, who used to breathe
Such words of passion and such songs of love!
Those words that fiercely burnt with such false fire,
Those songs that sung so lovingly of lies,
Bore unsuspected fruit--I gathered it
And garnered it away. Oh, Philamir,
As misers store up gold, I stored my love
In all the inmost corners of my heart,
Dreading to speak or look at Philamir,
Lest some unguarded word or tell-tale glance
Should give a clew to all the wealth within!
I laughed within myself, as misers laugh,
To find my hoard increasing day by day,
And now--the coin I hoarded up is base--
The flowers that decked my life are worthless weeds--
The fruit I plucked is withered at the core--
And all my wealth has faded into air!
_Phil._ Faded? Why, Zeolide, what do you mean?
I do not love you as a lover should,
Yet you reproach me! Oh, you are unjust.
_Zeo._ Indeed, I’ll not reproach you! Let me go.
My grief shall be as silent as my love.
Farewell! [_Exit._
_Phil._ That woman’s mad! Unquestionably mad!
My show of love has sent her brain adrift.
Poor girl! I really like her very much.
I tell her that I love her--and in words
Which never yet were known to miss their mark
When uttered by Prince Philamir--in words
So charged with passion that they well might charm
The very proudest maid in Christendom;
And off she bounces as indignantly
As if I’d told the very plainest truth!
_Enter CHRYSAL._
_Chrys._ Your Royal Highness seems disturbed.
_Phil._ I am!
I’m much annoyed with Princess Zeolide.
You know how coldly she has hitherto
Received the protestations of my love?
_Chrys._ (_politely_). I do indeed. You’ve been the laughing-stock
Of all the Court for months on that account.
_Phil._ (_amazed_). Oh, have I so?
_Chrys._ Upon my soul, you have.
_Phil._ You’re candid, sir.
_Chrys._ (_still as if paying a compliment_). I can afford to be
Extremely candid with Prince Philamir.
But let that pass. You were reminding me
How coldly Princess Zeolide received
Your vows. What then?
_Phil._ Why, not ten minutes since
Her manner changed, and all her pent-up love
Burst from her lips in frenzied eloquence.
I was astounded!--I, of course, began
To echo all her sentiments ten-fold.
I picked the very fairest flowers that grow
Upon the dreamy plains of metaphor,
And showered them upon her. White with rage
She started from me--telling me, with tears,
Her dream of love had melted into air!
I see you don’t believe me, Chrysal--
_Chrys._ Well,
I half believe you. I can scarcely think
The Princess spoke with rapture of your love;
But I can quite believe that when you spoke
In what you’re pleased to think is metaphor,
The well-bred Princess shrank instinctively
From such a florid prince as Philamir (_with a respectful bow_).
_Phil._ (_haughtily_). This form of compliment is new to me!
_Chrys._ My lord, my speciality consists
In framing novel forms of compliment.
But who comes here--a modest little maid--
_Enter AZÈMA--she starts on seeing PHILAMIR and CHRYSAL._
And rather pretty too.
_Phil._ (_angrily_). She hears you, sir!
(_Politely to AZÈMA_) I fear we’ve frightened you?
_Azèma._ Oh no, indeed,
I am not frightened, though I seem to be.
(_AZÈMA’S manner is characterized by the extremest modesty and
timidity throughout this scene._)
_Chrys._ But why affect a fear you do not feel?
_Azèma._ (_with extreme timidity_).
Because, although I entered here to seek
Prince Philamir, I’m anxious he should think
This meeting is a simple accident.
Do not suppose that this is modesty,
’Tis but an artifice to make you think
That I am timid as a startled fawn!
_Chrys._ (_aside to PHILAMIR_). This is a character. I’ll open fire
And storm her weakest point--her vanity.
Now, my artillery of compliments,
A salvo, if you please. (_Aloud, with the air of one who is paying
an elaborate compliment_) I have remarked
That you’ve a certain girlish prettiness,
Although your nose is sadly underbred.
(_Aside_) That’s rather neat!
_Azèma._ Are you Prince Philamir?
_Chrys._ Not I, indeed, fair lady. This is he--
The most conceited coxcomb in the world
(_with an elaborate bow to PHILAMIR, who starts angrily_).
No thanks--indeed ’tis true.
_Azèma._ (_to CHRYSAL_). Then go your way--
I don’t want you! I only want the prince.
’Twas Philamir I came to captivate.
_Chrys._ Here’s candor if you like!
_Azèma._ Oh, leave us, sir!
Find some excuse to go, that he and I
May be alone together.
_Phil._ Leave me, sir.
I’ll give your tongue a lesson ere the night!
_Chrys._ How has my tongue offended?--Oh, I see--
Exactly--don’t explain! (_Aside_) Poor Zeolide! [_Exit._
_Phil._ Insolent scoundrel! (_following him._)
_Azèma._ Oh, don’t follow him.
I want you here alone. You can begin--
I am not shy, though I appear to be.
Indeed, I entered here ten minutes since,
Because I heard from those outside the gates,
That you, Prince Philamir, had just arrived.
_Phil._ Then you’re a stranger here?
_Azèma._ I am, indeed!
The people told me any one was free
To enter.
_Phil._ Yes, quite right. Did they say more?
_Azèma._ Oh, yes, much more. They told me, then, that you
Received but sorry treatment at the hands
Of Princess Zeolide. They told me, too,
That your betrothal might ere long collapse;
(_With extreme modesty_) So thought I, as I am beyond dispute
The fairest maid for many a mile around--
And as, moreover, I possess the gift
Of feigning an enchanting innocence,
I possibly may captivate the prince,
And fill the place once filled by Zeolide.
(_Sits; her ankle is exposed._)
_Phil._ The Princess has a candid enemy!
I beg your pardon, but the furniture
Has caught your dress.
_Azèma._ (_re-arranging her dress hastily_) Oh, I arranged it so,
That you might see how truly beautiful
My foot and ankle are (_as if much shocked at the exposé_).
_Phil._ I saw them well,
They’re very neat.
_Azèma._ I now remove my glove
That you may note the whiteness of my hand.
I place it there in order that you may
Be tempted to inclose it in your own.
_Phil._ To that temptation I at once succumb.
(_Taking her hand--she affects to withdraw it angrily._)
_Azèma._ (_with affected indignation._)
Go on! If you had any enterprise,
You’d gently place your arm around my waist
And kiss me. (_Struggling to release herself_)
_Phil._ It might anger you!
_Azèma._ Oh, no!
It’s true that I should start with every show
Of indignation, just in order to
Maintain my character for innocence--
But that is all.
_Phil._ (_puts his arm round her and kisses her_).
There, then--’tis done!
_Azèma._ (_starting, with a great show of rage_). How, sir?
I think it’s time that I should take my leave.
(_Very indignantly_) I shall be in the Avenue of Palms
At ten o’clock to-night. I mention this
That you may take the hint and be there, too! (_going._)
_Phil._ One moment, pray. Let me assure you now,
That such an unmistakable coquette,
And one who shows her cards so candidly,
Will not supplant the Princess Zeolide!
_Azèma._ (_surprised_). Supplant the Princess Zeolide? Why, sir,
By what authority do you imply
That I have cherished any such design?
_Phil._ Your own admission.
_Azèma._ Oh, impossible!
(_Indignantly_) But as it seems that I’ve no chance with you,
I’ll try the gentleman who left us here.
He comes!
_Enter CHRYSAL._
Oh, sir, I crave a word with you!
Are you a wealthy man? (_with extreme delicacy of manner._)
_Chrys._ I am, indeed.
_Azèma._ And you’ve a title?
_Chrys._ Yes, of highest rank.
_Azèma._ A bachelor?
_Chrys._ A bachelor as yet,
Betrothed to Palmis.
_Azèma._ (_shrinking_). Oh! (_Hopefully._) But possibly
You do not love her much!
_Chrys._ (_with enthusiasm_). Oh, not at all!
_Azèma._ You’ll do--give me your arm. (_He does so--she shrinks._)
Oh, sir, indeed--
(_Impatiently to CHRYSAL, who hesitates_)
Do take my hand and put it through your arm.
(_He does so_) That’s it! Oh, sir, indeed I know you not!
[_Exeunt CHRYSAL and AZÈMA,--AZÈMA affecting to try and release
herself. PHILAMIR stands astounded for a moment._
_Phil._ I’ve found a clew that solves these mysteries!
This palace is enchanted ground! It’s plain
That there’s some subtle influence at work,
Affecting everybody here--but me!
Chrysal, the honey-tongued, turns out to be
A blunt and scurrilous outspoken boor;
Zoram, the musical enthusiast,
Can hardly tell the treble from the bass;
Then Aristæus, surly, blunt and gruff,
Turns out to be the gentlest soul alive;
And, most inexplicable change of all,
The amiable but prudish Zeolide
Becomes a foolish vixen, blind with love,
Maddened with jealous and unreasoning rage!
Then comes a girl--a commonplace coquette--
Who, while she lays her plans with practiced skill,
Explains their aim, and holds them to the light
That all may see their arrant hollowness!
It’s evident there’s some enchantment here
That shows up human nature as it is,
And I alone resist its influence!
Ah, here is Mirza--lovely paragon--
I’ll notice how it operates on her.
_Enter MIRZA._
_Mirza._ (_starts_). I beg your pardon. I was looking for
My diary; I’ve dropped it hereabouts.
_Phil._ Allow me to assist you in your search?
_Mirza._ (_hastily_). No, no; that must not be. My diary
Must ne’er be seen by other eyes than mine!
_Phil._ Indeed! and why?
_Mirza._ My very inmost thoughts--
The secret utterances of my heart--
Are there inscribed. I would not for my life,
That any eyes but mine should rest on it.
_Phil._ Can Lady Mirza harbor any thought
That all the world may not participate?
I’ll not believe it.
_Mirza._ (_eagerly_). Hush--I charge you, sir!
Ask me no questions here--for I have learnt
That this is fairy ground, where every one
Is bound, against his will, to speak the truth.
If you interrogate me, I am bound
To answer truly. I need say no more
To such a courteous knight as Philamir.
_Phil._ (_aside_). It is then as I thought!
(_Aloud_) I guessed the truth--
This palace doubtless is enchanted ground,
And I alone resist its influence!
_Mirza._ Indeed!
_Phil._ I had occasion some time since
To feign unbounded love for Zeolide
(For whom I don’t particularly care):
Well, notwithstanding my indifference,
I spoke with all my usual gush of love,
From which I venture to conclude that I
Am unaffected by this magic power.
_Mirza._ You do not love the Princess Zeolide?
You who professed unutterable love?
_Phil._ I liked her well enough at first, but now
I’m weary of my liking. She displays
So much unreasonable petulance,
Such causeless anger--such unbridled wrath,
That I’m resolved to break the weary link
That binds us. I’ll be free to love again. (_Taking MIRZA’S hand_)
_Mirza._ (_releasing herself_).
Oh, Philamir! Oh, shame upon you, sir.
She loves you! You are loved by Zeolide!
Why there’s a heaven opened to your eyes,
And you’ll not enter, Philamir! Oh, shame
To blight so true a heart as hers! Oh, fool,
To throw aside in wrath so fair a prize!
_Phil._ But listen--I’ve a fairer prize in view.
Mirza--I love _you_!
_Mirza._ (_shuddering with terror_). Spare me, sir, I pray!
_Phil._ Now by this castle’s mystic influence,
I challenge you to answer truthfully--
Do you love me?
_Mirza._ (_shrinking from him_). Have pity, Philamir!
Withdraw your question, I beseech you, sir!
If you insist, I must perforce reply--
I charge you, on your knighthood, press me not!
(_PHILAMIR pauses, struggling with his feelings._)
_Phil._ (_releasing her_). My Lady Mirza, you are free to go.
[_Exit MIRZA hastily._
How subtly works the mystic influence,
That all seem subject to,--excepting me!
And from the fearful ordeal only one
Of all the women here comes out unscathed.
The peerless Mirza--good, and wise, and pure,
Most excellent and unapproachable!
To know that Mirza loves me, is to know
That she is mortal--that I knew before.
To know that Mirza’s worthy of my love,
And that, despite the searching influence
That I alone resist--oh, this indeed
Is happiness!--I’m sure she loves me well!
_Enter ZEOLIDE._
_Zeo._ Indeed she does! If half-an-hour ago
She spoke abruptly to her Philamir,
She bitterly repents it. Oh, my love,
Forgive me, for in truth I love you well!
_Phil._ (_embracing her fondly_).
But my remark did not apply to you;
I spoke of Lady Mirza.
_Zeo._ (_recoiling_). Mirza?
_Phil._ Yes,
I’m quite convinced she loves me!
_Zeo._ Philamir,
You should not jest with such a sacred word.
You’ve played your joke upon me and you’ve seen
How readily I fell into the trap;
Let that content you. There--I’m not annoyed--
I’ll not be caught again!
_Phil._ (_earnestly_). Dear Zeolide,
Indeed I do not jest--nor did I when
You left me in unwarrantable rage.
I love the Lady Mirza--she loves me.
_Zeo._ (_horrified_). She told you so?
_Phil._ Well, no. I’m bound to say
She did not tell me so in open words;
Her love for you restrained her. She’s too good--
Too pure--too honorable--to allow
A passion for her dearest friend’s betrothed
To master her. You should have heard her plead
Your hopeless cause. She struggles with her love,
And tries to keep it down--but still she loves.
_Zeo._ (_astounded_). And you return this love?
_Phil._ Most heartily.
(_With affectionate gesture_). I’m getting weary of you, and I wish
That I could find sufficient argument
To justify me in releasing you. (_She shrinks from him._)
Why now you frown again! Oh, Zeolide,
This willfulness is insupportable!
_Zeo._ (_enraged_). Support it then no longer, Philamir!
There--you are free--our bond is at an end;
Choose your path, I’ll choose mine. Our roads diverge.
We part and may not meet again. Farewell!
(_Changing her manner_) Oh, Philamir, heed not my words, I spoke
In reckless haste--I spoke my death-warrant!
Philamir, do not leave me, let me live;
See how I love you! I am at your feet--
I, Zeolide, whom once you thought so cold--
I, Zeolide, who am not wont to kneel!
Oh, give me till to-night, and pass the hours
That intervene in marshaling the past,
And let that plead my cause! You loved me once,
You asked me for my love--I gave my life,
For I must die if you abandon me!
Have mercy on me! Give me till to-night!
There’s some enchantment in this fearful place.
This is not Philamir--it is his shape,
But does not hold his soul. Before the night
I’ll seek my father, and I’ll gain from him
The key that solves this fearful mystery.
Go now--nay, do not speak--no--not a word--
I’ll not believe that this is Philamir.
Go, leave me now--and we will meet to-night!
[_He hesitates; then exit._
Oh, Philamir, my love, my love, my love!
(_She falls sobbing on couch_).
_Enter PALMIS._
_Palmis._ What? Zeolide in tears? Has Philamir
Been too emphatic in his vows of love?
Have pity on him!
_Zeo._ Palmis, pity _me_--
He loves me not!
_Palmis._ Indeed?
_Zeo._ He told me so.
_Palmis._ (_relieved_). Oho! He told you so?
_Zeo._ Most openly.
_Palmis._ Then there is hope for you. Come dry your eyes;
When men are over head and ears in love,
They can not tell the truth--they must deceive,
Though the deception tell against themselves!
Here Chrysal comes--(_astonished_) a lady on his arm!
_Enter CHRYSAL and AZÈMA--he leaves AZÈMA abruptly on seeing
PALMIS._
_Palmis._ Why, Chrysal, who is this? Where have you been?
_Chrys._ (_affectionately_).
I have been wandering through shady groves
With that exceedingly attractive girl.
_Palmis._ You have been flirting, sir?
_Chrys._ (_putting his arm round her waist_). Exceedingly!
I always do when I’m away from you.
_Palmis._ (_to AZÈMA_). Oh, you’re a brazen woman!
_Azèma._ (_with great modesty_). That I am!
An ordinary every-day coquette,
Who lives on admiration, and resolves
To gain it by whatever means she can.
_Zeo._ (_aside to PALMIS_).
Palmis, there’s some enchantment in this place--
I know not what--it influences all.
Do not dismiss him yet, until we learn
Its nature!
_Chrys._ (_with affection_). Yes, my Palmis, wait awhile,
Do not dismiss me yet; although it’s true
I never loved you, yet I want your love
Because you have much influence at Court,
And have it in your power to help me on
To further favor.
_Palmis._ (_astounded_). Chrysal, are you mad?
You never loved me?
_Chrys._ (_enthusiastically_). Never, on my soul!
In point of fact, I always hated you,
And mean to tell you so when I have won
The highest rank your mistress can confer.
In the mean time, however, I am fain
To make you think that I adore you still.
Observe the heaving of my swelling heart;
My fervid manner--my ecstatic gaze--
It’s all assumed!
_Palmis._ Oh, miserable man!
Go--get you hence, sir.
_Chrys._ (_astonished_). Palmis, what on earth
Possesses you?
_Palmis._ Don’t speak to me again,
I can’t endure you!
_Re-enter ZORAM._
_Zor._ I am glad of this.
Dear Palmis, I for many a weary day
Have sought to win your love from Chrysal here,
By every mean, contemptible device
That my unequaled cunning could suggest.
_Chrys._ (_amazed_). And you admit this to my very face?
_Zor._ (_cordially_). With pleasure, Chrysal. I have sought in vain,
By daily blackening your character,
To sicken pretty Palmis of her love.
I’ve told her you’re an unexampled rake,
A gambler and a spendthrift, mean, poor, base,
Selfish and sordid; cruel, tyrannical;
But all in vain, she loves you all the more.
(_Taking his hand_) Forget the angry words you spoke to-day;
In the glad glow of hope that I shall gain
Your Palmis’ love, I freely pardon you.
_Chrys._ (_in furious rage_). This evening, in the Avenue of Palms,
I shall await you, sir.
_Zor._ (_in blank astonishment_). Oh dear, oh dear,
What _have_ I said?
_Enter GÉLANOR._
_Gélan._ Hush, gentlemen--the Queen.
_Re-enter QUEEN ALTEMIRE hastily._
_Altem._ (_in a rage_). Where is the King? Go, send him here to me.
Oh, Zeolide, go, get you hence away,
For I have words for Phanor that ’twere best
His daughter did not hear.
_Zeo._ My father comes.
_Re-enter PHANOR and MIRZA._
_Altem._ Now, sir, I’ve every reason to believe,
From what I’ve heard, that you’re deceiving me!
I’ll question you--oh, infamous old man!
_Phan._ (_aside_). The Queen is jealous. Where’s my talisman?
(_finds it._)
All right--it’s well I have it with me now.
(_Aloud_) Interrogate me. Conscious innocence
Has little fear of Palaces of Truth!
_Altem._ You have been walking in the shrubbery,
What were you doing there?
_Phan._ (_with great show of love for ALTEMIRE_).
Why, making love
To Mirza. I invariably do
Whenever I’ve a chance; but all in vain.
She’s a good woman, and despises me.
(_To MIRZA_) Haven’t I offered love to you?
_Mirza._ You have.
_Phan._ And you despise me, don’t you?
_Mirza._ Heartily.
_Phan._ (_to ALTEMIRE_). I told you so, and she indorses it.
Believe me, I am bound to speak the truth!
_Altem._ (_bitterly_). I do believe you.
_Phan._ (_taking her by the hand_). Thank you, Altemire.
_Altem._ Stand off, don’t touch me, horrible old man!
You tell me you’ve made love to Mirza?
_Phan._ (_astonished_). No!
Did I say that?
_Altem._ Most unmistakably.
_Phan._ Oh, come, I say!
_Zor._ You did indeed, my lord!
_Phan._ I said that I made love to Mirza?
_Chrys._ Yes,
Those were the very words!
_Phan._ Oh, Mirza, come,
You can deny this!
_Mirza._ Would, my lord, I could.
To spare the Queen I would be silent, but
Some unknown power masters me, and makes
Me own, against my will, that it was so!
_Altem._ There, sir--you hear her words!
_Phan._ (_aside to GÉLANOR_). Why, Gélanor,
How’s this? The talisman is out of gear! (_Showing box to GÉLANOR_).
_Gélan._ Let me examine it. (_Takes it and returns it._) A forgery!
A clever imitation; virtueless!
It lacks the small inscription on the hinge!
(_PHANOR falls breathless into a chair._)
_Phan._ To-morrow morning we go home again!
ACT III.
SCENE.--_The Avenue of Palms--night. CHRYSAL discovered with a
drawn sword in his hand._
_Enter GÉLANOR._
_Gélan._ Chrysal, alone! And with a naked sword!
_Chrys._ I’m waiting Zoram. I have challenged him.
He meets me here--the Avenue of Palms.
_Gélan._ Has he offended you?
_Chrys._ Most grievously.
You heard the words he used to me to-day?
_Gélan._ I did.
_Chrys._ Then blood must flow. I am a knight.
My knightly honor claims this sacrifice,
I’ve been insulted--one of us must die!
_Gélan._ You are a valiant man, if one may judge
By your demeanor.
_Chrys._ (_very valiantly_). My demeanor? Bounce!
Mere idle empty froth and nothing more.
Why, notwithstanding that I look so brave,
I’d give the riches of a universe
To find some decent means of backing out;
But, no, my honor must be satisfied!
If I endured with patience Zoram’s taunts,
I should deserve to have my knightly spurs
Struck from my heels! ’Sdeath, sir, I’m bound to fight!
_Gélan._ Is Zoram a good swordsman?
_Chrys._ Not at all.
I’m far more skilled--but still I can’t repress
A certain sense of terror. Accident
May give him victory.
_Gélan._ Apologize!
_Chrys._ (_indignantly_). To Zoram? Never! Would you have me stain
My hitherto untarnished ’scutcheon? Shame!
Stand back--he comes!
_Enter ZORAM, with drawn sword._
Well, sir, you’ve kept your word.
_Zor._ Of course I have!
_Chrys._ (_very sternly_). I’m very much surprised--
I may say disappointed--to remark
That you’re prepared to fight, and do not show
The signs of terror that I hoped to see.
_Zor._ (_very bravely_). Oh, sir, I pray you don’t deceive yourself!
My valiant manner hides an inward fear
That almost robs me of the power of thought!
Chrysal, you’ve grievously insulted me,
My sense of honor forces me to fight!
But I would rather have my hand cut off
(Could that be done without inflicting pain)
Than measure swords with you!
_Chrys._ You craven hound!
_Zor._ Craven yourself!
_Chrys._ (_furiously_). I am, but you don’t know it,
You musical impostor!
_Zor._ Ha, what’s that?
I can stand much abuse and never flinch,
But when you twit me with my ignorance
Of musical expressions, blood alone
(Unless we’re interrupted) can extract
The venom of the insult! Come! On guard! (_They fight._)
_Gélan._ (_aside_). These donkeys must not fight!
(_Aloud_) Come--let me try
To reconcile you.
_Chrys._ Reconcile us? No!
But you can interfere to stop the fight! (_They desist._)
_Zor._ (_looking reproachfully at GÉLANOR_).
I little thought when I called Chrysal on,
That such a venerable gentleman
Would suffer two impetuous headstrong youths
To cut each other’s throats.
_Gélan._ Come, come--desist.
_Chrys._ This hound abused me!
_Zor._ He insulted me!
_Both._ Our honor must be satisfied! (_They cross swords._)
_Gélan._ No, no--
Attend to me. Within these crystal walls
A strange mysterious influence prevails:
All men are bound to speak the plainest truth!
And this they do, without suspecting it.
(_To ZORAM_) When Chrysal spoke the words that angered you
He did not mean to speak them. He believed
That he was paying you a compliment.
(_To CHRYSAL_) When Zoram said that he considered you
A systematic liar, mean, poor, base,
Selfish, and sordid, cruel, tyrannical,
’Twas what he _thought_--not what he would have _said_!
_Chrys._ I see--if that was only what he _thought_
It makes a difference.
_Gélan._ What _could_ he say?
He was compelled, you know, to speak the truth.
_Chrys._ Of course, I understand. Zoram, your hand!
_Zor._ With pleasure. (_Shaking hands with CHRYSAL._)
Chrysal, I should like to say
That I esteem you--but indeed I can’t.
My detestation of you knows no bounds.
_Chrys._ How, sir? A fresh affront?
_Zor._ What can I do?
I try my best to say agreeable things,
But you’re so utterly contemptible!
I’d put it more politely, but I can’t!
I’m bound against my will to speak the truth!
I’d not insult you openly, for worlds--
Indeed, it’s only what I _think_ of you!
_Chrys._ If it is only what you _think_ of me,
Why say no more; give me your hand again--
My knightly honor’s amply satisfied!
[_They sheathe their swords, then exeunt arm in arm._
_Gélan._ So dies that breeze away! Oh, honor, honor!
Let no one take you at the estimate
Your self-elected champions price you at!
More harm is worked in that one virtue’s name,
Than springs from half the vices of the earth!
_Enter QUEEN ALTEMIRE, in violent rage._
_Altem._ Why, Gélanor, this is no spot for you,
You’d better go--the King will wish you gone.
_Gélan._ Indeed! And why?
_Altem._ I’ll tell you, Gélanor,
His majesty has an appointment here.
Oh, Gélanor, I’ve been alone with him
This afternoon, and I have learnt such things!
Why, even here--despite the castle’s charm,
Despite the sacred influence of the place,
He prosecutes his infidelities!
At first he persecuted Mirza, but
Failing to find much favor in her eyes,
He looked for other game. Why, Gélanor,
He meets some woman called Azèma here,
At ten o’clock to-night!
_Gélan._ The deuce he does!
_Altem._ Then I resolved to know the very worst.
I locked him in my room and questioned him
For full three hours about his married life.
Oh, I elicited such fearful things!
Why, Gélanor, there’s not a woman’s name
In all the long baptismal catalogue
That’s not identified with his intrigues!
Tall, short, stout, slender, fair, dark, old and young,
High, low, rich, poor, good, bad, maid, widow, wife,
Of every country and of every clime!
All’s fish that his nets catch!
_Gélan._ And a king’s net
Is very comprehensive. Here she comes!
_Enter AZÈMA._
_Altem._ Is this the woman? Tell me, who are you?
_Azèma._ I am Azèma.
_Altem._ And _I_ am the Queen!
_Azèma._ (_bowing_). Then, madam, you’re extremely in the way.
_Altem._ How so?
_Azèma._ I’ve an appointment with the King,
Of which you are entirely unaware;
But though I’m much annoyed to find you here,
I’m glad to find you here with Gélanor.
_Altem._ And why?
_Azèma._ If our intrigue should come to light,
We can retaliate by giving out
That you and Gélanor are just as bad.
_Altem._ Upon my word!
_Gélan._ Oh, this is past belief!
_Altem._ Infamous hussy, you shall pay for this!
_Azèma._ Why, madam, how have _I_ offended you?
_Altem._ How?--you are here to meet the King, alone;
At night--by pre-arrangement--in the dark!
_Azèma._ Oh, madam, this indeed is terrible!
That poor Azèma should be charged with this!
It’s true I’ve an appointment with the King,
But as you’re not aware of it, your words
Are utterly unjustifiable.
These flashing eyeballs and this angry blush
(At least I hope I’m blushing) represent
The noble rage of outraged innocence.
I’ll to the King, and let him know at once
How, as I wandered through the grove, alone,
_I_ found you here with wicked Gélanor,
At night--by pre-arrangement--in the dark.
Oh, shame upon you--shame upon you, Queen!
[_Exit AZÈMA--ALTEMIRE and GÉLANOR stand confounded._
_Gélan._ Your majesty, I think I’d better go.
_Altem._ Absurd! the notion is preposterous!
You’re old enough to be my father.
_Gélan._ Quite!
And wise enough to know that proper folk
Will only say “that makes the matter worse!”
_Altem._ But surely here, in this enchanted home,
Where all are bound to speak the truth, our word
Will guarantee our perfect innocence!
_Gélan._ Yes, if the King is pleased to take our word;
But, as you’ve brought a charge against the King,
Analogous to that which will be brought
Against ourselves, he may ignore the fact
That truth is truth. No, no, upon the whole,
I think, your majesty, I’d better go! [_Exit GÉLANOR._
_Enter PALMIS and ZEOLIDE, ZEOLIDE weeping._
_Palmis._ Nay, do not weep, dear mistress.
_Zeo._ Ah, my friend,
What comfort can _you_ offer me?
_Palmis._ I’ve heard
That when one is oppressed with weight of woe,
Some solace may be found in dwelling on
The grief of one more sorely laden still.
_Zeo._ More sorely laden? Where will Zeolide
Find one whose misery outweighs her own?
_Palmis._ Your misery, though great, is but a grain
When balanced in the scales with mine!
_Zeo._ With yours?
_Palmis._ Yes; Philamir respects you. He esteems
Your moral excellence, although no doubt
He does not love you as a lover should;
But Chrysal always hated me, and sought
To gain that love I gave so willingly
To hasten his promotion at the Court.
Your case and mine are different. Besides,
You angered Philamir. I never gave
My Chrysal any reason for his hate.
_Zeo._ How did I anger him?
_Palmis._ Your petulance
Annoyed him.
_Zeo._ Petulance! He told me that
He only liked me!
_Altem._ (_coming forward_). True, but you forget
He was compelled to speak the plainest truth,
And knew not that he spoke it. He believed
(While he was telling you he loved you not)
That he was breathing ardent words of love;
Believing this, your reasonable rage
Seemed in his eyes irrational caprice,
And changed his waning love to sheer dislike.
_Zeo._ Is this the truth then?
_Altem._ Yes, I think it is.
The test has been exceedingly severe.
_Zeo._ I’ll wed no man who can not stand this test.
_Palmis._ Then, Zeolide, you’ll surely die a maid!
_Altem._ Come, come, be reasonable. Philamir
Is but a man--a vain and idle one,
But under this veneer of coxcombry
There’s sterling stuff. The man is honest gold,
And vanity has silver-plated him.
_Palmis._ At all events, you know he _likes_ you well.
How many maidens when they wed a man
Have reason to be sure of half as much!
_Zeo._ But then his love for Mirza!
_Altem._ Idle pique!
No doubt he hoped--as other lovers hope--
In the fierce whirlpool of a new-born love
To drown remembrance of the love just dead.
Here comes the Lady Mirza! We will go,
And leave you with her. Tell her every thing;
She is a noble lady--wise and pure!
She will not rob you of your Philamir.
There--tell her all!
_Zeo._ Forgive me, mother dear,
My heart is softened. I have been unjust.
[_Exeunt ALTEMIRE and PALMIS._
_Enter MIRZA._
_Mirza._ Oh, Zeolide, I know what you would say.
Say on, dear Zeolide, and have no fear.
_Zeo._ Mirza, for three long years we two have been
As sisters are, and I would speak to you
As younger sister speaks to elder-born.
Give me your counsel, Mirza, it will be
As pure, as true, as honest as those eyes.
_Mirza._ If counsel such as mine can serve you aught,
’Tis thine, dear Zeolide. My sister, speak.
_Zeo._ With all my soul I love Prince Philamir.
A lady--good and beautiful and wise--
Unwittingly hath robbed me of my love;
She is too pure, too gentle, too divine,
To seek a love that rightly is not hers.
No, no, this lady hath not sought his love--
Of that I’m certain, yet she hath his love!
Oh, Mirza, when my Philamir declared
His love for me, I cast away the world
To enter Paradise. Now, Philamir
Has led this lady (all unwillingly)
Within its gates, and I am left without--
A lonely wanderer ’twixt earth and heaven.
Mirza, dear sister, say--what shall I do?
Give me thy counsel--I’ll abide by it.
_Mirza._ No need to speak to me in parable.
I am that lady whom you over-praise--
That most unhappy woman, Zeolide!
Despite myself, I must admit the truth,
I do love Philamir--shrink not from me.
Mine is no idle love. Four years ago,
Ere you had ever seen Prince Philamir,
I was a lady of his father’s Court.
He loved me even then, and I loved him--
No need to tell you, dearest Zeolide,
The nature of that love; you know too well
How women love who love Prince Philamir!
We were betrothed, but secretly. Alas!
I was a humble waiting lady, he
A mighty Prince--so we concealed our love.
Then it was rumored that he sought your hand,
That policy, the curse of kings, required
That he should marry you. Then I fell ill--
(_Struggling with her emotion_)
Pass over that. Let it suffice that I
Released him--for I loved him passing well!
_Zeo._ (_amazed_). I never knew of this!
_Mirza._ No, Zeolide,
I’ve learnt to bear my sorrow silently.
But for the sacred genius of this spot,
Whose influence no mortal can resist,
My secret would have passed away with me.
But I was true to you; for though I saw
How coldly you received his vows of love--
_Zeo._ (_rising astonished_). Coldly! Why, every word he spoke to me
Rang through my brain, and would have waked up love
Had love been dead!
_Mirza._ I thought you loved him not.
But though I grieved for him, yet when he spake
(As he at times would speak) of our old love,
I checked him with a simulated scorn,
For then, dear Zeolide, I loved you both!
_Zeo._ You love me still?
_Mirza._ Most heartily!
_Zeo._ Why, then,
Have mercy on me, give me Philamir--
He is the soul and essence of my life!
Dear sister Mirza, give him back to me.
Oh, rather take my life than take my love,
And leave me here to linger on, alone!
_Mirza._ Fear not, dear Zeolide, I love him well,
But I will never see his face again!
_Zeo._ Promise me this--swear to renounce his love!
_Mirza._ As there’s a shining sun in heaven I swear!
See, I am brave, and I will fight my love
As I have fought ere this. Take courage, dear,
I’ll leave this place to-night, and Philamir
Shall ne’er set eyes upon my face again.
There, go--I’ll tell him this. He’s coming now--
Go dry your eyes--he should not see them so.
Come back again when they are at their best. [_Exit ZEOLIDE._
_Enter PHILAMIR._
_Phil._ Mirza--I have some words to say to you--
The diary you lost to-day?
_Mirza._ (_eagerly_). Well, sir,
And have you found it?
_Phil._ Mirza, I have found
A portion of it--one loose leaf--behold! (_Producing page._)
_Mirza._ And you have read it, Philamir?
_Phil._ (_guiltily_). I have!
_Mirza._ Oh, shame upon you--shame upon you, sir!
You gave your knightly word--you are forsworn!
_Phil._ But, Mirza, hear me out, ere you condemn.
I saw a paper tossed before the wind,
And little dreaming ’twas your diary,
I picked it up. I knew not what it was
Till I began to read it. Then I knew,
And knowing so much, burnt to know still more!
_Mirza._ But when you knew it held my secret thoughts,
You read no further?
_Phil._ (_abashed_). Mirza, I read on!
_Mirza._ Lost! lost! Give me that leaf, Prince Philamir;
You have deceived me, sir--I trusted you.
_Phil._ But, Mirza, where is the knight who would have stopped
When of himself he read such words as these?--
(_Reads_) “I still love Philamir, but I must strive
To battle with my love. Oh, give me grace
To fight this fight.”
_Mirza._ I charge you read no more!
_Phil._ “By day his every look--his every word--
Renews some mem’ry that should be long dead;
By night the phantom of my loved one’s face
Burns in my eyes and robs me of my rest!”
_Mirza._ My secret has gone forth. I strove to keep
That love as silent as my silent heart;
But it was not to be. You now know all!
Yet no--not all!
_Phil._ Then, Mirza, tell me all.
Speak openly--hide nothing from me now.
_Mirza._ I will speak openly. I love you, sir;
And, loving you, I leave the Court to-night,
That I may never see your face again.
_Phil._ Recall those words!--we will not--must not part!
(_He detains her._)
_Enter ZEOLIDE, unobserved._
_Mirza._ Release me, Philamir, and let me go!
I love you! Let me hide myself away.
I love you! Leave me with myself alone.
I love you! Show me gratitude for this,
And leave me free to sanctify my vow,
For I have sworn to see your face no more!
_Phil._ To whom have you sworn this?
_Mirza._ To Zeolide,
Whom you once loved so well--who still loves you.
_Phil._ I never loved her, Mirza--who is she,
That she should come between me and my love?
She loves me not, and I have done with her.
_Mirza._ Oh, this will kill her, sir!
_Zeo._ No--Mirza--no!
It will not kill me. I can bear this blow. (_Coming forward._)
Prince Philamir, we two have been betrothed--
Your word is plighted--well, I set you free.
Mirza, you swore to leave Prince Philamir--
Your word is plighted--well, I set you free.
(_She takes MIRZA’S hand and places it in PHILAMIR’S._)
Oh, Philamir--this is indeed the end!
Be true to her--such sacred love as hers
Should purify its object--oh, be true!
I’m but a chapter in your book of life,
I who had thought to be the book itself!
The chapter’s ended, and to Zeolide
The book is closed forever! Philamir,
When you are tempted to do Mirza wrong,
Turn to that chapter--read it through and through--
And let the tale of all that I have borne
Warn you from fresh inconstancy; my grief
May thus be Mirza’s safeguard to the end.
Mirza--my sister--he will love you well--
Here, in the home of truth, he tells you so.
May you be happy in his new-born love,
May he be worthy of such love as yours--
(_To PHILAMIR_) Speak not, but let me go.
(_Kisses MIRZA’S forehead._)
Farewell--farewell!
[_Exit ZEOLIDE, weeping--PHILAMIR and MIRZA stand for a moment
gazing at each other--then they fall into each other’s arms._
_Phil._ Mirza, my own! At last--at last my own!
_Mirza._ Oh, Philamir! I am so cruelly racked
By sentiments I can not reconcile,
I know not whether this is joy or grief!
True, when I think of Philamir, the air
Seems charged with music, and the earth I tread
All flowers. When I remember Zeolide
I could go mad with sorrow!
_Phil._ Then, my love,
Think not of Zeolide!
_Mirza._ Ah, Philamir,
You speak as men speak of a worn-out love.
You only know one kind of love, you men!
My love for Zeolide is otherwise,
Unselfish, generous, a sister’s love.
Yet I have stolen from her gentle heart
That which in all the world she loved the best!
_Phil._ You are too sensitive. Say, rather, she
Hath freely given that she prizes least.
_Mirza._ Oh, Philamir, indeed you do her wrong,
And may perchance wrong me, as you wronged her.
_Phil._ (_rising_). Impossible! For if the words I breathe
Were dashed with any mockery of love,
I should against my will, confess it now.
Mirza, I love you! These are idle words
When spoken in the unenchanted world,
But, spoken here, they bear significance
That rivals in its worth a life-long test!
Let us exchange some trinket which shall serve
As evidence of this our solemn troth.
Here is my pledge. (_Giving a ring._)
_Mirza._ My love, what can I give?
I have no trinkets--I am very poor!
_Phil._ A handkerchief--a glove--no matter what!
(_She feels in pocket and takes out handkerchief--the crystal box
falls out with it--he picks it up and retains it._)
This crystal box--nay, give it me, ’twill serve
To chronicle--
_Mirza._ (_hastily_). No, no, Prince Philamir!
Not that--not that! it is a talisman!
_Phil._ Then I will steal it as I stole your heart,
And I will keep it while I keep that heart.
_Mirza._ Give me that box, or I must own the truth--
That I am miserably false to all! (_Throwing herself at his feet._)
That my morality is all assumed!
That I am mean, and base, and treacherous!
A shameless schemer! heartless--impudent!
Give me that box, or I must own that I
Abstracted it from Phanor’s cabinet,
And substituted one that I possessed
Exactly like it. I must own to you
That I’m unutterably infamous--
A hypocrite--a traitress to my friend--
All this, and more, I must admit, if you
Retain that talisman! Oh, give it me,
And let this locket testify our love!
The King! The King! The King! I am undone! [_Exit MIRZA hastily._
_Phil._ Gone, gone!--and Philamir, who thought he knew
The ways of woman well, had still to learn
That in one woman’s body there is place
For such a goodly show of purity,
And such unequalled treachery of heart!
Oh, Zeolide, for how much infamy
Have I rejected thine unequaled love?
_Enter PHANOR with CHRYSAL and ZORAM._
_Phan._ Congratulate me, I’m half mad with joy;
Azèma comes to tell me that she found
The Queen and Gélanor together here--
Alone--at night!
_Phil._ Well, sir, and what of that?
_Phan._ Nothing at all, my boy! Why that’s the joke.
Old Gélanor has dandled Altemire
Upon his aged knee five hundred times!
_Phil._ What--lately?
_Phan._ No! I won’t commit myself
By telling you how many years ago,
But long before her majesty was weaned.
_Phil._ (_shrugging his shoulders_).
I see no reason to condole with you,
Because her majesty and Gélanor
Were here together--neither do I see
Why should you be congratulated, sir!
_Phan._ You’re very dull! The Queen has just found out
That I had an appointment in this grove
To meet Azèma--don’t you understand?
I can retort and take indignant ground.
What was she doing here with Gélanor?
You’ll see! (_Sees box_) Hallo! What’s that?
_Phil._ A talisman.
It fell from Mirza’s pocket as you came.
_Phan._ The deuce it did! Allow me, this is mine! (_Taking it._)
_Phil._ I know: she stole it from your cabinet,
She owned as much!
_Phan._ Confound her impudence!
_Phil._ Oh, I have been deceived!
_Phan._ And so have I!
Most seriously deceived! Hush, here’s the Queen,
And with that gay deceiver, Gélanor!
The talisman has turned up just in time.
_Enter ALTEMIRE and GÉLANOR, with AZÈMA and MIRZA._
So, madam, I’ve detected you!
_Altem._ (_indignantly_). How, sir?
_Phan._ Never mind how--and you too, Gélanor.
Oh, I’m ashamed of you! (_Crossing to GÉLANOR._)
_Gélan._ Your majesty,
I don’t know what you mean.
_Phan._ You bad old man!
(_Affecting to weep_) You whom I trusted so!
(_Aside_) Don’t be alarmed,
I’m not in earnest. (_Aloud_) Oh, it’s infamous!
Why, let me see--how old are you?
_Gélan._ My lord,
If you imply--
_Phan._ Imply! (_Aside_) Don’t be a fool,
I’m not in earnest; I have found the box!
(_aloud_) Explain this conduct!
_Altem._ Sir, this is a joke?
_Phan._ Well, not exactly, madam; you’ve been found
Philandering at night with Gélanor.
Being within the influence of these walls,
You’re bound to speak the truth. If you can say
Your meeting’s innocent, I’m satisfied.
_Altem._ As innocent as truth itself, I swear.
_Phan._ I’m satisfied! Your hand--
_Altem._ Nay, hear me first.
I charge you with appointing here to meet
Azèma; you are bound to tell the truth,
Being within the influence of these walls.
If you can unreservedly deny
This charge, I also shall be satisfied.
_Phan._ Emphatically I deny the charge!
_Altem._ (_astounded_). You do?
_Phan._ I do! (_Piously_) This is the Home of Truth,
And all are subject to its influence.
_Altem._ (_puzzled_). But you admitted it when you confessed
Your gallantries to me this afternoon!
_Phan._ Oh, you’ve been dreaming!
_Altem._ Do I understand
That you deny that you confessed all this?
_Phan._ Distinctly! (_Piously_) This is the Abode of Truth.
_Altem._ I _have_ been dreaming! Phanor, there’s my hand--
I’ve deeply wronged you.
_Phan._ Altemire, you have!
But say no more--we are good friends again.
_Altem._ Then you forgive me?
_Phan._ Heartily I do!
_Altem._ I’ll never be a jealous fool again.
_Phan._ I’m very glad indeed to hear you say so!
_Enter ZEOLIDE--ALTEMIRE retires with GÉLANOR, and converses with
ZEOLIDE--PHILAMIR, seeing ZEOLIDE, comes down abashed._
_Phan._ (_to PHILAMIR_). Well, and what’s wrong with you?
_Phil._ I’ve been a fool,
A madman, and a true-born idiot!
_Phan._ By the mysterious influence of this place,
I can believe it!
_Phil._ I have given up
The noblest woman that I ever knew,
For that abominable cockatrice
Who quitted me as you arrived.
_Phan._ Well! well!
You may regain her yet.
_Phil._ Impossible!
_Phan._ Oh, not at all! there--take this talisman.
(ZEOLIDE _overhears this speech._)
With this you’re proof against the influence
That rules this place; you can declare to her
That you adore the very ground she walks,
And wallow in the foolish flummery
That used to make you so ridiculous.
She will believe it all--there, take it, boy,
And make good use of it to win her back.
_Phil._ I’ll use it, Phanor, and I’ll use it well!
_Zeo._ (_aside_) He takes the box. And thus he thinks to win
The hand of his forsaken Zeolide!
Oh, Philamir, this is contemptible.
I think I could have loved you, but for this!
_Phil._ Dear Zeolide, I hold a talisman,
Enabling me to counteract the charm
That reigns within these walls. With this in hand
I can tell truth or falsehood as I please,
And you must needs believe me. Zeolide,
I’ve learned to set a value on your love
Transcending all the riches of the earth;
Yet would I rather live without that love--
A life of self-reproach without that love--
Repentant and alone without that love--
Than stoop to gain it by such treachery.
Here is the talisman. (ZEOLIDE _takes it_.) No longer armed
Against the sacred influence of Truth,
I tell you of my sorrow and my love
With all the warmth of a repentant heart!
(_He presses ZEOLIDE to his heart and kisses her._)
_Altem._ (_indignantly_). Give me that talisman!
(_Takes it_) I have a clew
To much that was a mystery: Behold!
(_She breaks it--a loud crash--all come forward._)
_Enter ARISTÆUS._
_Gélan._ You know not what you’ve done! The castle’s charm
Is bound up with that mystic talisman!
Now that the box is broken, these fair walls
Are disenchanted!
_Phan._ P’raps it’s quite as well.
Now that the place has lost its influence
We shall get on much better. We have learnt
A lesson that should last us till we die--
We’ve learnt how matrimonial constancy
By causeless jealousy is sometimes tried--
(_Looking reproachfully at ALTEMIRE._)
_Altem._ How jealousy is sometimes justified--
(_Looking reproachfully at PHANOR._)
_Chrys._ How Zoram--music’s vaunted pioneer--
Don’t even know his notes--and has no ear!
Even his cant expressions are the wrong ones!
_Zor._ I _have_ an ear!
_Phan._ (_shaking his hand_). You have--two very long ones!
_Palmis._ You’ve learnt to doubt the love that those profess,
Who by such love gain temporal success--
(_Looking angrily at CHRYSAL._)
_Zor._ That surly misanthropes, with venom tainted--
_Arist._ Are often not as black as they are painted!
_Azèma._ To doubt all maids who of their virtue boast:
That they’re the worst who moralize the most! (_Looking at MIRZA._)
_Mirza._ That blushes, though they’re most becoming, yet
Proclaim, too oft, the commonplace coquette! (_Looking at AZÈMA._)
I can declare, with pardonable pride,
I never blush!
_Azèma._ You couldn’t if you tried!
_Phil._ Under the influence that lately reigned
Within these walls I breathed my love unfeigned;
Now that that power no longer reigns above,
I ratify the accents of my love.
Forgive me, Zeolide, my life, my bride!
_Zeo._ (_very demurely_). I love you, Philamir--be satisfied!
TRIAL BY JURY:
_A Dramatic Cantata_,
IN ONE ACT.
DRAMATIS PERSONÆ.
THE LEARNED JUDGE MR. F. SULLIVAN.
COUNSEL FOR THE PLAINTIFF.
THE DEFENDANT MR. W. FISHER.
FOREMAN OF THE JURY MR. CAMPBELL.
USHER MR. KELLEHER.
THE PLAINTIFF MISS BROMLEY.
BRIDESMAIDS, GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY, &C.
TRIAL BY JURY.
SCENE.--_A Court of Justice._
_BARRISTERS, ATTORNEYS, and JURYMEN discovered with USHER._
_Chorus_
Hark, the hour of ten is sounding!
Hearts with anxious fears are bounding;
Hall of Justice crowds surrounding,
Breathing hope and fear--
For to-day in this arena,
Summoned by a stern subpœna,
Edwin, sued by Angelina,
Shortly will appear.
(_The USHER marshals the Jury into Jury-box._)
_Solo, USHER._
Now, Jurymen, hear my advice--
All kinds of vulgar prejudice
I pray you set aside:
With stern judicial frame of mind,
From bias free of every kind,
This trial must be tried.
_Chorus._
From bias free of every kind
This trial must be tried.
(_During Choruses, USHER says, fortissimo, “Silence in Court!”_)
USHER.
Oh, listen to the plaintiff’s case:
Observe the features of her face--
The broken-hearted bride.
Condole with her distress of mind--
From bias free of every kind
This trial must be tried!
_Chorus._
From bias free, &c.
USHER.
And when amid the plaintiff’s shrieks,
The ruffianly defendant speaks--
Upon the other side;
What _he_ may say you needn’t mind--
From bias free of every kind
This trial must be tried.
_Chorus._
From bias free, &c.
_Enter_ DEFENDANT.
DEFENDANT, (_recit._).
Is this the Court of the Exchequer?
ALL.
It is!
DEFENDANT (_aside_).
Be firm, my moral pecker,
Your evil star’s in the ascendant!
ALL.
Who are you?
DEFENDANT.
I’m the defendant!
_Chorus of JURYMEN (shaking their fists)_.
Monster, dread our damages!
We’re the jury,
Dread our fury!
DEFENDANT.
Hear me, hear me, if you please,
These are very strange proceedings--
For, permit me to remark,
On the merits of my pleadings,
You’re at present in the dark.
(_DEFENDANT beckons to JURYMEN--they leave the box, and gather
round him as they sing the following_):--
Ha! ha! ha!
That’s a very true remark--
On the merits of your pleadings,
We’re entirely in the dark!
Ha! ha!--ha! ha!
_Song_, DEFENDANT.
When first my old, old love I knew,
My bosom swelled with joy;
My riches at her feet I threw--
I was a love-sick boy!
No terms seemed extravagant
Upon her to employ--
I used to mope, and sigh, and pant,
Just like a love-sick boy!
But joy incessant palls the sense;
And love, unchanged, will cloy,
And she became a bore intense
Unto her love-sick boy!
With fitful glimmer burnt my flame,
And I grew cold and coy,
At last, one morning, I became
Another’s love-sick boy!
_Chorus of_ JURYMEN (_advancing stealthily_).
Oh, I was like that when a lad;
A shocking young scamp of a rover!
I behaved like a regular cad;
But that sort of thing is all over.
I’m now a respectable chap,
And shine with a virtue resplendent,
An therefore I haven’t a scrap
Of sympathy with the defendant!
He shall treat us with awe,
If there isn’t a flaw,
Singing so merrily--Trial-la-law!
Trial-la-law--Trial-la-law!
Singing so merrily--Trial-la-law!
_Recit._ USHER.
Silence in Court, and all attention lend.
Behold your Judge! In due submission bend!
_Enter JUDGE on Bench._
_Chorus._
All hail, great Judge!
To your bright rays
We never grudge
Ecstatic praise.
All hail!
May each decree
As statute rank,
And never be
Reversed in banc.
All hail!
_Recit._ JUDGE.
For these kind words accept my thanks, I pray!
A Breach of Promise we’ve to try to-day;
But firstly, if the time you’ll not begrudge,
I’ll tell you how I came to be a judge.
ALL.
He’ll tell us how he came to be a judge!
JUDGE.
Let me speak.
ALL.
Let him speak.
JUDGE.
Let me speak.
ALL.
Let him speak. Hush! hush!! hush!!!
(_fortissimo_) He’ll tell us how he came to be a judge!
_Song_, JUDGE.
When I, good friends, was called to the bar,
I’d an appetite fresh and hearty,
But I was, as many young barristers are,
An impecunious party:
I’d a swallow-tail coat of a beautiful blue--
A brief which I bought of a booby--
A couple of shirts and a collar or two,
And a ring that looked like a ruby.
_Chorus_.
A couple of shirts, &c.
JUDGE.
In Westminster Hall I danced a dance,
Like a semi-despondent fury;
For I thought I should never hit on a chance
Of addressing a British jury--
But I soon got tired of third-class journeys
And dinners of bread and water;
So I fell in love with a rich attorney’s
Elderly, ugly daughter.
CHORUS.
So he fell in love, &c.
JUDGE.
The rich attorney he jumped with joy,
And replied to my fond professions:
“You shall reap the reward of your pluck, my boy,
“At the Bailey and Middlesex Sessions.
“You’ll soon get used to her looks,” said he,
“And a very nice girl you’ll find her!
“She may very well pass for forty-three
“In the dusk, with a light behind her!
_Chorus._
“She may very well, &c.”
JUDGE.
The rich attorney was good as his word:
The briefs came trooping gayly,
And every day my voice was heard
At the Sessions or Ancient Bailey.
All thieves who could my fees afford
Relied on my orations,
And many a burglar I’ve restored
To his friends and his relations.
_Chorus._
And many a burglar, &c.
JUDGE.
At length I became as rich as the Gurneys--
An incubus then I thought her,
So I threw over that rich attorney’s
Elderly, ugly daughter.
The rich attorney my character high
Tried vainly to disparage--
And now, if you please, I’m ready to try
This breach of promise of marriage!
_Chorus._
And now if you please, &c.
JUDGE.
For now I am a Judge!
ALL.
And a good Judge too!
JUDGE.
Yes, now I am a Judge!
ALL.
And a good Judge too!
JUDGE.
Though all my law is fudge,
Yet I’ll never, never budge,
But I’ll live and die a Judge!
ALL.
And a good Judge too!
JUDGE (_pianissimo_).
It was managed by a job!
ALL.
And a good job too!
JUDGE.
It was managed by a job!
ALL.
And a good job too!
JUDGE.
It is patent to the mob,
That my being made a nob
Was effected by a job.
ALL.
And a good job too!
_Enter COUNSEL for PLAINTIFF._
COUNSEL (_recit._).
Swear thou the Jury!
USHER.
Kneel, Jurymen, oh! kneel!
(_All the Jury kneel in the Jury-box and so are hidden from
audience._)
USHER.
Oh, will you swear by yonder skies,
Whatever question may arise
’Twixt rich and poor--’twixt low and high,
That you will well and truly try?
JURY (_raising their hands, which alone are visible_).
To all of this we make reply,
By the dull slate of yonder sky:
That we will well and truly try.
(_All rise with the last note, both hands in air._)
_Recit._ USHER.
This blind devotion is indeed a crusher--
Pardon the tear-drop of the simple Usher! (_He weeps._)
_Recit._ COUNSEL.
Call the plaintiff!
_Recit._ USHER.
Oh, Angelina! Angelina!! Come thou into Court.
_Enter the BRIDESMAIDS, each bearing two palm branches, their
arms crossed on their bosoms, and rose-wreaths on their arms._
_Chorus of_ BRIDESMAIDS.
Comes the broken flower--
Comes the cheated maid--
Though the tempest lower,
Rain and cloud will fade!
Take, oh maid, these posies:
Though thy beauty rare
Shame the blushing roses,
They are passing fair!
Wear the flowers till they fade:
Happy be thy life, oh maid!
(_The JUDGE, having taken a great fancy to FIRST BRIDESMAID,
sends her a note by USHER, which she reads, kisses rapturously,
and places in her bosom._)
_Solo_, ANGELINA.
O’er the season vernal,
Time may cast a shade;
Sunshine, if eternal,
Makes the roses fade!
Time may do his duty;
Let the thief alone--
Winter hath a beauty
That is all his own.
Fairest days are sun and shade:
I am no unhappy maid!
(_By this time the JUDGE has transferred his admiration to
ANGELINA._)
_Chorus of_ BRIDESMAIDS.
Comes the broken flower, &c.
(_During Chorus ANGELINA collects wreaths of roses from
BRIDESMAIDS and gives them to the JURY, who put them on, and
wear them during the rest of the piece._)
JUDGE (_to ASSOCIATE._)
Oh, never, never, never, since I joined the human race,
Saw I so exquisitely fair a face.
THE JURY (_shaking their forefingers at JUDGE_).
Ah, sly dog! Ah, sly dog!
JUDGE (_to JURY_).
How say you, is she not designed for capture?
FOREMAN (_after consulting with the JURY_).
We’ve but one word, my lord, and that is--Rapture!
PLAINTIFF (_courtesying_).
Your kindness, gentlemen, quite overpowers!
THE JURY.
We love you fondly, and would make you ours!
THE BRIDESMAIDS (_shaking their forefingers at JURY_).
Ah, sly dogs! Ah, sly dogs!
COUNSEL _for_ PLAINTIFF (_recit._)
May it please you, my lud!
Gentlemen of the Jury!
_Aria._
With a sense of deep emotion,
I approach this painful case;
For I never had a notion
That a man could be so base,
Or deceive a girl confiding,
Vows, _etcætera_, deriding.
ALL.
He deceived a girl confiding,
Vows, _etcætera_, deriding.
(_PLAINTIFF falls sobbing on COUNSEL’S breast, and remains
there._)
COUNSEL.
See my interesting client,
Victim of a heartless wile!
See the traitor all defiant
Wears a supercilious smile!
Sweetly smiled my client on him.
Coyly woo’d and gently won him!
ALL.
Sweetly smiled, &c.
COUNSEL.
Swiftly fled each honeyed hour
Spent with this unmanly male!
Camberwell became a bower,
Peckham an Arcadian Vale,
Breathing concentrated otto!--
An-existence _à la_ Watteau.
ALL.
Bless us, concentrated otto! &c.
COUNSEL (_coming down with PLAINTIFF, who is still sobbing on his
breast_).
Picture, then, my client naming
And insisting on the day:
Picture him excuses framing--
Going from her far away;
Doubly criminal to do so,
For the maid had bought her _trousseau_!
ALL.
Doubly criminal, &c.
COUNSEL (_to PLAINTIFF, who weeps_).
Cheer up, my pretty--oh, cheer up!
JURY.
Cheer up, cheer up, we love you!
(_COUNSEL leads PLAINTIFF fondly into Witness-box; he takes a
tender leave of her and resumes his place in Court._)
(PLAINTIFF _reels, as if about to faint._)
JUDGE.
That she is reeling
Is plain to me!
FOREMAN.
If faint you’re feeling,
Recline on me!
(_She falls sobbing on to the foreman’s breast._)
PLAINTIFF (_feebly_).
I shall recover
If left alone.
ALL (_shaking their fists at DEFENDANT_).
Oh, perjured lover,
Atone! atone!
FOREMAN.
Just like a father
I wish to be. (_Kissing her._)
JUDGE (_approaching her_).
Or, if you’d rather,
Recline on me!
(_She staggers on to bench, sits down by the JUDGE, and falls
sobbing on his breast._)
COUNSEL.
Oh! fetch some water
From far Cologne!
ALL.
For this sad slaughter
Atone! atone!
JURY (_shaking fists at DEFENDANT_).
Monster, monster, dread our fury,
There’s the Judge, and we’re the Jury!
_Song_, DEFENDANT.
Oh, gentlemen, listen, I pray,
Though I own that my heart has been ranging,
Of nature the laws I obey,
For nature is constantly changing.
The moon in her phases is found,
The time and the wind and the weather,
The months in succession come round,
And you don’t find two Mondays together.
Consider the moral, I pray,
Nor bring a young fellow to sorrow,
Who loves this young lady to-day,
And loves that young lady to-morrow.
BRIDESMAIDS (_rushing forward, and kneeling to_
JURY).
Consider the moral, &c.
You can not eat breakfast all day,
Nor is it the act of a sinner,
When breakfast is taken away,
To turn your attention to dinner;
And it’s not in the range of belief,
That you could hold him as a glutton,
Who, when he is tired of beef,
Determines to tackle the mutton.
But this I am ready to say,
If it will appease their sorrow,
I’ll marry one lady to-day,
And I’ll marry the other to-morrow.
BRIDESMAIDS (_rushing forward as before_).
But this he is ready to say, &c.
JUDGE (_recit._)
That seems a reasonable proposition,
To which I think your client may agree.
ALL.
Oh, Judge discerning!
COUNSEL.
But, I submit, my lord, with all submission,
To marry two at once is Burglaree!
(_Referring to law book._)
In the reign of James the Second,
It was generally reckoned
As a very serious crime
To marry two wives at one time.
(_Hands book up to JUDGE, who reads it._)
ALL.
Oh, man of learning!
_Quartette._
JUDGE.
A nice dilemma we have here,
That calls for all our wit:
COUNSEL.
And at this stage it don’t appear
That we can settle it.
DEFENDANT.
If I to wed the girl am loth
A breach ’twill surely be!
PLAINTIFF.
And if he goes and marries both
It counts as Burglaree!
ALL.
_A_ nice dilemma, &c.
_Duet, PLAINTIFF and DEFENDANT._
PLAINTIFF (_embracing DEFENDANT rapturously_).
I love him--I love him--with fervor unceasing,
I worship and madly adore;
My blind adoration is always increasing,
My loss I shall ever deplore.
Oh, see what a blessing--what love and caressing
I’ve lost, and remember it, pray,
When you I’m addressing, are busy assessing
The damages Edwin must pay.
DEFENDANT (_repelling her furiously_).
I smoke like a furnace--I’m always in liquor,
A ruffian--a bully--a sot.
I’m sure I should thrash her--perhaps I should kick her,
I am such a very bad lot!
I’m not prepossessing, as you may be guessing,
She couldn’t endure me a day!
Recall my professing when you are assessing
The damages Edwin must pay!
(_She clings to him passionately; he drags her round stage, and
flings her to the ground._)
JURY.
We would be fairly acting,
But this is most distracting!
JUDGE (_recit._).
The question, gentlemen, is one of liquor;
You ask for guidance--this is my reply:
If he, when tipsy, would assault and kick her,
Let’s make him tipsy, gentlemen, and try!
COUNSEL.
With all respect
I do object!
ALL.
With all respect
We do object!
DEFENDANT.
I don’t object!
ALL.
We do object!
JUDGE (_tossing his books and papers about_).
All the legal furies seize you!
No proposal seems to please you,
I can’t stop up here all day,
I must shortly go away.
Barristers, and you, attorneys,
Set out on your homeward journeys;
Put your briefs upon the shelf,
I will marry her myself!
(_He comes down from Bench to floor of Court. He embraces
ANGELINA._)
_Finale._
PLAINTIFF.
Oh, joy unbounded!
With wealth surrounded,
The knell is sounded
Of grief and woe.
COUNSEL.
With love devoted
On you he’s doted:
To castle moated
Away they go!
DEFENDANT.
I wonder whether
They’ll live together
In marriage tether
In manner true?
USHER.
It seems to me, sir,
Of such as she, sir,
A judge is he, sir,
A good judge too.
CHORUS.
It seems to me, sir, &c.
JUDGE.
Oh, yes, I am a Judge.
ALL.
And a good Judge too!
JUDGE.
Oh, yes, I am a Judge.
ALL.
And a good Judge too!
JUDGE.
Though homeward as you trudge,
You declare my law is fudge,
Yet of beauty I’m a judge.
ALL.
And a good judge too!
(_JUDGE and PLAINTIFF dance back on to the Bench--the BRIDESMAIDS
take the eight garlands of roses from behind the Judge’s desk
(where one end of them is fastened) and draw them across floor
of Court, so that they radiate from the desk. Two plaster
Cupids in bar wigs descend from flies. Red fire._)
_Franklin Press: Rand, Avery, & Co., Boston._
* * * * * *
Transcriber’s note:
Some obvious misprints have been corrected.
Archaic and unusual spellings have been maintained.
The page number listed in the Table of Contents is the cover page for
that play. In the original book, the page number listed for each play
was the first page of the text of the play. Also, the Note, Table of
Contents and the Transcriber’s Note have been added to the Table of
Contents.
In ‘Charity’ the character Ruth speaks in pidgin.
In ‘THE WICKED WORLD’:
On page 63: _Dar._ Go, sir, get thee gone!
Originally: _Dar._ Go, sir, get thee gone?
In ‘THE PRINCESS’:
On page 253: Give her a sou!
Originally: Giver her a sou!
On page 270: _Chrys._ He’s vinegar, my lord, and we are oil.
Originally: _Chyrs._ He’s vinegar, my lord, and we are oil.
In the play ‘CHARITY’ on page 191, where it says “Ruth (rushing
forward)”--this does not say it is an entrance, but since she is not on
stage at the time, I assume that this is her entrance.