We have just heard of an event which has shaken the peace of a highly
respectable house in St. Martin's Court, from the chimney-pots to the
coal-cellar. Mrs. Brown, the occupier of the first floor, happened, on
last Sunday, to borrow of Mrs. Smith, who lived a pair higher in the
world, a German silver teapot, on the occasion of her giving a small
twankey party to a few select friends. But though she availed herself of
Mrs. Smith's German-silver, to add respectability to her _soirée_, she
wholly overlooked Mrs. Smith, who was _not_ invited to partake of the
festivities. This was a slight that no woman of spirit could endure; and
though Mrs. Smith's teapot was German-silver, she resolved to let Mrs.
Brown see that she had herself some real Britannia _mettle_ in her
composition. Accordingly when the teapot was sent up the following morning
to Mrs. Smith's apartments, with Mrs. Brown's "compliments and thanks,"
Mrs. Smith discovered or affected to discover, a serious contusion on the
lid of the article, and despatched it by her own servant back to Mrs.
Brown, accompanied by the subjoined note:--
"Mrs. Smith's compliments to Mrs. Brown, begs to return the
teapott to the latter--in consequence of the ill-usage it has
received in her hands."
Mrs. Brown, being a woman who piques herself upon her talent at epistolary
writing, immediately replied in the following terms:--
"Mrs. Brown's compliments to Mrs. Smith, begs to say that her
paltry teapot received no ill usage from Mrs. Brown.--Mrs. B. will
thank Mrs. S. not to put two _t_'s at the end of _teapot_ in
future."
This note and the teapot were forthwith sent upstairs to Mrs. Smith, whose
indignation being very naturally roused, she again returned the battered
affair, with this spirited missive:--
"Mrs. Smith begs to inform Mrs. Brown, that she despises her
insinuations, and to say, that she will put as many _t_'s as she
pleases in her _teapot_.
"P.S.--Mrs. S. expects to be paid 10s. for the injured article."
Again the teapot was sent upstairs, with the following reply from Mrs.
Brown:--
"Mrs. Brown thinks Mrs. Smith a low creature.
"P.S.--Mrs. B. won't pay a farthing."
The correspondence terminated here, the German-silver teapot remaining in
_statu quo_ on the lobby window, between the territories of the hostile
powers; and there it might have remained until the present moment, if Mrs.
Brown had not declared, in an audible voice, at the foot of the stairs,
that Mrs. Smith was acting under the influence of gin, which reaching the
ears of the calumniated lady, she rushed down to the landing-place, and
seizing the teapot, discharged it at Mrs. Brown's head, which it
fortunately missed, but totally annihilated a plaster figure of Napoleon,
which stood in the hall, and materially damaged its own spout. Mrs. Brown,
being wholly unsupported at the time, retired hastily within the defences
of her own apartments, which Mrs. Smith cannonaded vigorously for upwards
of ten minutes with a broom handle; and there is every reason to believe
she would shortly have effected a practicable breach, if a reinforcement
from the kitchen had not arrived to aid the besieged, and forced the
assailant back to her second-floor entrenchments. Mrs. Smith then demanded
a truce until evening, which was granted by Mrs. Brown; notwithstanding
which the former lady was detected, in defiance of this arrangement,
endeavouring to _blow up_ Mrs. Brown through the keyhole.
There is no telling how this unhappy difference will terminate; for though
at present matters appear tolerably quiet, we know not (as in the case of
the Canadas) at what moment we may have to inform our readers that
[Illustration: THE BORDERS ARE IN A FLAME.]
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