Now let me turn from the interior life of JESUS and Mary to my own.
JESUS lived His interior life for me. If He allowed Mary to share it, He
will allow me, for He said once that He counted as His Mother all those
who do His Will. His Will is quite clear: "Learn of me for I am
_humble_." Dare I go to the "Gate of Heaven" and say that I want to
learn to be humble, that is, that I want to copy JESUS and Mary in their
humiliations? It takes a great deal of courage to ask for humiliations,
and perhaps it is almost impossible to do so without some pride lurking
in the request; but what I can do is to be so anxious to learn to be
humble as He bids me, that I ask for strength to bear the humiliations
that He sends. How _do_ I bear them? Do I say: Oh well, it is a
humiliation, I must bear it! or, Oh well, I shall never learn humility
without humiliations! or: I am always getting humiliations, some people
are, but I gladly accept them! All such speeches have their source, not
in humility but in pride. Can we imagine Mary talking like this?
Humiliations will never do their blessed work of making me humble if I
thus use them to attract attention to my supposed virtue. A humiliation
is spoiled the moment it sees the light; it has no strength left in it
wherewith to produce humility. Do I want to be humble? Then let me go to
that quiet retreat where JESUS is humiliating Himself for me, let me
take all my humiliations there. When I am left out, forgotten, despised,
when my help is unasked, my opinion disregarded, when things are said of
me that are hard to bear, when reflections are made on my actions, let
me go at once to where JESUS is hidden and hide myself and my pain
there, my one fear being lest anyone but He should suspect my pain, and
this not from stoicism or natural self-restraint, so pleasing and
consoling to self, but because I am afraid of spoiling my chance and
preventing the humiliation from doing its work. If I can only deposit it
safely in His Heart before another sees it and robs me of my jewel, all
will be well. He who suffered all those humiliations for me, will know
how to ease my pain, He will tell me what a consolation it is to Him
that His child understands and is trying to make a faithful copy.
_Colloquy._ O Mary, "Gate of Heaven" keep the gate wide open and beckon
me in whenever you see me in danger of falling through my pride. You
know the dangerous moments, please forestall them for me, and when I am
safe, and listening to the Sacred Heart beating for me, the pain of the
humiliation will be turned into joy and perhaps I shall make Him feel
that His humiliations have not been in vain.
_Resolution._ To examine myself to-day on how I take my humiliations and
to resolve how I will take them for the future.
_Spiritual Bouquet._ "Learn of Me for I am humble."