Beatrice. The fault will be in the musicke cosin, if you

Executive Director's Notes:

In addition to the notes below, and so you will *NOT* think all

the spelling errors introduced by the printers of the time have

been corrected, here are the first few lines of Hamlet, as they

are presented herein:

Barnardo. Who's there?

Fran. Nay answer me: Stand & vnfold

your selfe

Bar. Long liue the King

* * * * *

As I understand it, the printers often ran out of certain words

or letters they had often packed into a "cliche". . .this is the

original meaning of the term cliche. . .and thus, being unwilling

to unpack the cliches, and thus you will see some substitutions

that look very odd. . .such as the exchanges of u for v, v for u,

above. . .and you may wonder why they did it this way, presuming

Shakespeare did not actually write the play in this manner. . . .

The answer is that they MAY have packed "liue" into a cliche at a

time when they were out of "v"'s. . .possibly having used "vv" in

place of some "w"'s, etc. This was a common practice of the day,

as print was still quite expensive, and they didn't want to spend

more on a wider selection of characters than they had to.

You will find a lot of these kinds of "errors" in this text, as I

have mentioned in other times and places, many "scholars" have an

extreme attachment to these errors, and many have accorded them a

very high place in the "canon" of Shakespeare. My father read an

assortment of these made available to him by Cambridge University

in England for several months in a glass room constructed for the

purpose. To the best of my knowledge he read ALL those available

. . .in great detail. . .and determined from the various changes,

that Shakespeare most likely did not write in nearly as many of a

variety of errors we credit him for, even though he was in/famous

for signing his name with several different spellings.

So, please take this into account when reading the comments below

made by our volunteer who prepared this file: you may see errors

that are "not" errors. . . .

So. . .with this caveat. . .we have NOT changed the canon errors,

here is the Project Gutenberg Etext of Shakespeare's play.

Michael S. Hart

Project Gutenberg

Executive Director

* * * * *

Scanner's Notes:

What this is and isn't. This was taken from a copy of

Shakespeare's first folio and it is as close as I can come in

ASCII to the printed text.

The elongated S's have been changed to small s's and the

conjoined ae have been changed to ae. I have left the spelling,

punctuation, capitalization as close as possible to the printed

text. I have corrected some spelling mistakes (I have put

together a spelling dictionary devised from the spellings of

the Geneva Bible and Shakespeare's First Folio and have unified

spellings according to this template), typo's and expanded

abbreviations as I have come across them. Everything within

brackets [] is what I have added. So if you don't like that you

can delete everything within the brackets if you want a purer

Shakespeare.

Another thing that you should be aware of is that there are

textual differences between various copies of the first folio. So

there may be differences (other than what I have mentioned above)

between this and other first folio editions. This is due to the

printer's habit of setting the type and running off a number of

copies and then proofing the printed copy and correcting the type

and then continuing the printing run. The proof run wasn't thrown

away but incorporated into the printed copies. This is just the

way it is. The text I have used was a composite of more than 30

different First Folio editions' best pages.

David Reed

=====================================================================

Much adoe about Nothing

Actus primus, Scena prima.

Enter Leonato Gouernour of Messina, Innogen his wife, Hero his

daughter,

and Beatrice his Neece, with a messenger.

Leonato. I learne in this Letter, that Don Peter of Arragon,

comes this night to Messina

Mess. He is very neere by this: he was not

three Leagues off when I left him

Leon. How many Gentlemen haue you lost in this

action?

Mess. But few of any sort, and none of name

Leon. A victorie is twice it selfe, when the atchieuer

brings home full numbers: I finde heere, that Don Peter

hath bestowed much honor on a yong Florentine, called

Claudio

Mess. Much deseru'd on his part, and equally remembred

by Don Pedro, he hath borne himselfe beyond the

promise of his age, doing in the figure of a Lambe, the

feats of a Lion, he hath indeede better bettred expectation,

then you must expect of me to tell you how

Leo. He hath an Vnckle heere in Messina, wil be very

much glad of it

Mess. I haue alreadie deliuered him letters, and there

appeares much ioy in him, euen so much, that ioy could

not shew it selfe modest enough, without a badg of bitternesse

Leo. Did he breake out into teares?

Mess. In great measure

Leo. A kinde ouerflow of kindnesse, there are no faces

truer, then those that are so wash'd, how much better

is it to weepe at ioy, then to ioy at weeping?

Bea. I pray you, is Signior Mountanto return'd from

the warres, or no?

Mess. I know none of that name, Lady, there was

none such in the armie of any sort

Leon. What is he that you aske for Neece?

Hero. My cousin meanes Signior Benedick of Padua

Mess. O he's return'd, and as pleasant as euer he was

Beat. He set vp his bils here in Messina, & challeng'd

Cupid at the Flight: and my Vnckles foole reading the

Challenge, subscrib'd for Cupid, and challeng'd him at

the Burbolt. I pray you, how many hath hee kil'd and

eaten in these warres? But how many hath he kil'd? for

indeed, I promis'd to eate all of his killing

Leon. 'Faith Neece, you taxe Signior Benedicke too

much, but hee'l be meete with you, I doubt it not

Mess. He hath done good seruice Lady in these wars

Beat. You had musty victuall, and he hath holpe to

ease it: he's a very valiant Trencher-man, hee hath an

excellent stomacke

Mess. And a good souldier too Lady

Beat. And a good souldier to a Lady. But what is he

to a Lord?

Mess. A Lord to a Lord, a man to a man, stuft with

all honourable vertues

Beat. It is so indeed, he is no lesse then a stuft man:

but for the stuffing well, we are all mortall

Leon. You must not (sir) mistake my Neece, there is

a kind of merry war betwixt Signior Benedick, & her:

they neuer meet, but there's a skirmish of wit between

them

Bea. Alas, he gets nothing by that. In our last conflict,

foure of his fiue wits went halting off, and now is

the whole man gouern'd with one: so that if hee haue

wit enough to keepe himselfe warme, let him beare it

for a difference betweene himselfe and his horse: For it

is all the wealth that he hath left, to be knowne a reasonable

creature. Who is his companion now? He hath

euery month a new sworne brother

Mess. Is't possible?

Beat. Very easily possible: he weares his faith but as

the fashion of his hat, it euer changes with y next block

Mess. I see (Lady) the Gentleman is not in your

bookes

Bea. No, and he were, I would burne my study. But

I pray you, who is his companion? Is there no young

squarer now, that will make a voyage with him to the

diuell?

Mess. He is most in the company of the right noble

Claudio

Beat. O Lord, he will hang vpon him like a disease:

he is sooner caught then the pestilence, and the taker

runs presently mad. God helpe the noble Claudio, if hee

haue caught the Benedict, it will cost him a thousand

pound ere he be cur'd

Mess. I will hold friends with you Lady

Bea. Do good friend

Leo. You'l ne're run mad Neece

Bea. No, not till a hot Ianuary

Mess. Don Pedro is approach'd.

Enter don Pedro, Claudio, Benedicke, Balthasar, and Iohn the

bastard.

Pedro. Good Signior Leonato, you are come to meet

your trouble: the fashion of the world is to auoid cost,

and you encounter it

Leon. Neuer came trouble to my house in the likenes

of your Grace: for trouble being gone, comfort should

remaine: but when you depart from me, sorrow abides,

and happinesse takes his leaue

Pedro. You embrace your charge too willingly: I

thinke this is your daughter

Leonato. Her mother hath many times told me so

Bened. Were you in doubt that you askt her?

Leonato. Signior Benedicke, no, for then were you a

childe

Pedro. You haue it full Benedicke, we may ghesse by

this, what you are, being a man, truely the Lady fathers

her selfe: be happie Lady, for you are like an honorable

father

Ben. If Signior Leonato be her father, she would not

haue his head on her shoulders for al Messina, as like him

as she is

Beat. I wonder that you will still be talking, signior

Benedicke, no body markes you

Ben. What my deere Ladie Disdaine! are you yet

liuing?

Beat. Is it possible Disdaine should die, while shee

hath such meete foode to feede it, as Signior Benedicke?

Curtesie it selfe must conuert to Disdaine, if you come in

her presence

Bene. Then is curtesie a turne-coate, but it is certaine

I am loued of all Ladies, onely you excepted: and

I would I could finde in my heart that I had not a hard

heart, for truely I loue none

Beat. A deere happinesse to women, they would else

haue beene troubled with a pernitious Suter, I thanke

God and my cold blood, I am of your humour for that, I

had rather heare my Dog barke at a Crow, than a man

sweare he loues me

Bene. God keepe your Ladiship still in that minde,

so some Gentleman or other shall scape a predestinate

scratcht face

Beat. Scratching could not make it worse, and 'twere

such a face as yours were

Bene. Well, you are a rare Parrat teacher

Beat. A bird of my tongue, is better than a beast of

your

Ben. I would my horse had the speed of your tongue,

and so good a continuer, but keepe your way a Gods

name, I haue done

Beat. You alwaies end with a Iades tricke, I know

you of old

Pedro. This is the summe of all: Leonato, signior Claudio,

and signior Benedicke; my deere friend Leonato, hath

inuited you all, I tell him we shall stay here, at the least

a moneth, and he heartily praies some occasion may detaine

vs longer: I dare sweare hee is no hypocrite, but

praies from his heart

Leon. If you sweare, my Lord, you shall not be forsworne,

let mee bid you welcome, my Lord, being reconciled

to the Prince your brother: I owe you all

duetie

Iohn. I thanke you, I am not of many words, but I

thanke you

Leon. Please it your grace leade on?

Pedro. Your hand Leonato, we will goe together.

Exeunt. Manet Benedicke and Claudio.

Clau. Benedicke, didst thou note the daughter of signior

Leonato?

Bene. I noted her not, but I lookt on her

Claud. Is she not a modest yong Ladie?

Bene. Doe you question me as an honest man should

doe, for my simple true iudgement? or would you haue

me speake after my custome, as being a professed tyrant

to their sexe?

Clau. No, I pray thee speake in sober iudgement

Bene. Why yfaith me thinks shee's too low for a hie

praise, too browne for a faire praise, and too little for a

great praise, onely this commendation I can affoord her,

that were shee other then she is, she were vnhandsome,

and being no other, but as she is, I doe not like her

Clau. Thou think'st I am in sport, I pray thee tell me

truely how thou lik'st her

Bene. Would you buie her, that you enquier after

her?

Clau. Can the world buie such a iewell?

Ben. Yea, and a case to put it into, but speake you this

with a sad brow? Or doe you play the flowting iacke, to

tell vs Cupid is a good Hare-finder, and Vulcan a rare

Carpenter: Come, in what key shall a man take you to

goe in the song?

Clau. In mine eie, she is the sweetest Ladie that euer

I lookt on

Bene. I can see yet without spectacles, and I see no

such matter: there's her cosin, and she were not possest

with a furie, exceedes her as much in beautie, as the first

of Maie doth the last of December: but I hope you haue

no intent to turne husband, haue you?

Clau. I would scarce trust my selfe, though I had

sworne the contrarie, if Hero would be my wife

Bene. Ist come to this? in faith hath not the world one

man but he will weare his cap with suspition? shall I neuer

see a batcheller of three score againe? goe to yfaith,

and thou wilt needes thrust thy necke into a yoke, weare

the print of it, and sigh away sundaies: looke, don Pedro

is returned to seeke you.

Enter don Pedro, Iohn the bastard.

Pedr. What secret hath held you here, that you followed

not to Leonatoes?

Bened. I would your Grace would constraine mee to

tell

Pedro. I charge thee on thy allegeance

Ben. You heare, Count Claudio, I can be secret as a

dumbe man, I would haue you thinke so (but on my allegiance,

marke you this, on my allegiance) hee is in

loue, With who? now that is your Graces part: marke

how short his answere is, with Hero, Leonatoes short

daughter

Clau. If this were so, so were it vttred

Bened. Like the old tale, my Lord, it is not so, nor 'twas

not so: but indeede, God forbid it should be so

Clau. If my passion change not shortly, God forbid it

should be otherwise

Pedro. Amen, if you loue her, for the Ladie is verie

well worthie

Clau. You speake this to fetch me in, my Lord

Pedr. By my troth I speake my thought

Clau. And in faith, my Lord, I spoke mine

Bened. And by my two faiths and troths, my Lord, I

speake mine

Clau. That I loue her, I feele

Pedr. That she is worthie, I know

Bened. That I neither feele how shee should be loued,

nor know how shee should be worthie, is the

opinion that fire cannot melt out of me, I will die in it at

the stake

Pedr. Thou wast euer an obstinate heretique in the despight

of Beautie

Clau. And neuer could maintaine his part, but in the

force of his will

Ben. That a woman conceiued me, I thanke her: that

she brought mee vp, I likewise giue her most humble

thankes: but that I will haue a rechate winded in my

forehead, or hang my bugle in an inuisible baldricke, all

women shall pardon me: because I will not do them the

wrong to mistrust any, I will doe my selfe the right to

trust none: and the fine is, (for the which I may goe the

finer) I will liue a Batchellor

Pedro. I shall see thee ere I die, looke pale with loue

Bene. With anger, with sicknesse, or with hunger,

my Lord, not with loue: proue that euer I loose more

blood with loue, then I will get againe with drinking,

picke out mine eyes with a Ballet-makers penne, and

hang me vp at the doore of a brothel-house for the signe

of blinde Cupid

Pedro. Well, if euer thou doost fall from this faith,

thou wilt proue a notable argument

Bene. If I do, hang me in a bottle like a Cat, & shoot

at me, and he that hit's me, let him be clapt on the shoulder,

and cal'd Adam

Pedro. Well, as time shall trie: In time the sauage

Bull doth beare the yoake

Bene. The sauage bull may, but if euer the sensible

Benedicke beare it, plucke off the bulles hornes, and set

them in my forehead, and let me be vildely painted, and

in such great Letters as they write, heere is good horse

to hire: let them signifie vnder my signe, here you may

see Benedicke the married man

Clau. If this should euer happen, thou wouldst bee

horne mad

Pedro. Nay, if Cupid haue not spent all his Quiuer in

Venice, thou wilt quake for this shortly

Bene. I looke for an earthquake too then

Pedro. Well, you will temporize with the houres, in

the meane time, good Signior Benedicke, repaire to Leonatoes,

commend me to him, and tell him I will not faile

him at supper, for indeede he hath made great preparation

Bene. I haue almost matter enough in me for such an

Embassage, and so I commit you

Clau. To the tuition of God. From my house, if I

had it

Pedro. The sixt of Iuly. Your louing friend, Benedick

Bene. Nay mocke not, mocke not; the body of your

discourse is sometime guarded with fragments, and the

guardes are but slightly basted on neither, ere you flout

old ends any further, examine your conscience, and so I

leaue you.

Enter.

Clau. My Liege, your Highnesse now may doe mee

good

Pedro. My loue is thine to teach, teach it but how,

And thou shalt see how apt it is to learne

Any hard Lesson that may do thee good

Clau. Hath Leonato any sonne my Lord?

Pedro. No childe but Hero, she's his onely heire.

Dost thou affect her Claudio?

Clau. O my Lord,

When you went onward on this ended action,

I look'd vpon her with a souldiers eie,

That lik'd, but had a rougher taske in hand,

Than to driue liking to the name of loue:

But now I am return'd, and that warre-thoughts

Haue left their places vacant: in their roomes,

Come thronging soft and delicate desires,

All prompting mee how faire yong Hero is,

Saying I lik'd her ere I went to warres

Pedro. Thou wilt be like a louer presently,

And tire the hearer with a booke of words:

If thou dost loue faire Hero, cherish it,

And I will breake with her: wast not to this end,

That thou beganst to twist so fine a story?

Clau. How sweetly doe you minister to loue,

That know loues griefe by his complexion!

But lest my liking might too sodaine seeme,

I would haue salu'd it with a longer treatise

Ped. What need y bridge much broder then the flood?

The fairest graunt is the necessitie:

Looke what will serue, is fit: 'tis once, thou louest,

And I will fit thee with the remedie,

I know we shall haue reuelling to night,

I will assume thy part in some disguise,

And tell faire Hero I am Claudio,

And in her bosome Ile vnclaspe my heart,

And take her hearing prisoner with the force

And strong incounter of my amorous tale:

Then after, to her father will I breake,

And the conclusion is, shee shall be thine,

In practise let vs put it presently.

Exeunt.

Enter Leonato and an old man, brother to Leonato.

Leo. How now brother, where is my cosen your son:

hath he prouided this musicke?

Old. He is very busie about it, but brother, I can tell

you newes that you yet dreamt not of

Lo. Are they good?

Old. As the euents stamps them, but they haue a good

couer: they shew well outward, the Prince and Count

Claudio walking in a thick pleached alley in my orchard,

were thus ouer-heard by a man of mine: the Prince discouered

to Claudio that hee loued my niece your daughter,

and meant to acknowledge it this night in a dance,

and if hee found her accordant, hee meant to take the

present time by the top, and instantly breake with you

of it

Leo. Hath the fellow any wit that told you this?

Old. A good sharpe fellow, I will send for him, and

question him your selfe

Leo. No, no; wee will hold it as a dreame, till it appeare

it selfe: but I will acquaint my daughter withall,

that she may be the better prepared for an answer, if peraduenture

this bee true: goe you and tell her of it: coosins,

you know what you haue to doe, O I crie you mercie

friend, goe you with mee and I will vse your skill,

good cosin haue a care this busie time.

Exeunt.

Enter Sir Iohn the Bastard, and Conrade his companion.

Con. What the good yeere my Lord, why are you

thus out of measure sad?

Ioh. There is no measure in the occasion that breeds,

therefore the sadnesse is without limit

Con. You should heare reason

Iohn. And when I haue heard it, what blessing bringeth

it?

Con. If not a present remedy, yet a patient sufferance

Ioh. I wonder that thou (being as thou saist thou art,

borne vnder Saturne) goest about to apply a morall medicine,

to a mortifying mischiefe: I cannot hide what I

am: I must bee sad when I haue cause, and smile at no

mans iests, eat when I haue stomacke, and wait for no

mans leisure: sleepe when I am drowsie, and tend on no

mans businesse, laugh when I am merry, and claw no man

in his humor

Con. Yea, but you must not make the ful show of this,

till you may doe it without controllment, you haue of

late stood out against your brother, and hee hath tane

you newly into his grace, where it is impossible you

should take root, but by the faire weather that you make

your selfe, it is needful that you frame the season for your

owne haruest

Iohn. I had rather be a canker in a hedge, then a rose

in his grace, and it better fits my bloud to be disdain'd of

all, then to fashion a carriage to rob loue from any: in this

(though I cannot be said to be a flattering honest man)

it must not be denied but I am a plaine dealing villaine, I

am trusted with a mussell, and enfranchisde with a clog,

therefore I haue decreed, not to sing in my cage: if I had

my mouth, I would bite: if I had my liberty, I would do

my liking: in the meane time, let me be that I am, and

seeke not to alter me

Con. Can you make no vse of your discontent?

Iohn. I will make all vse of it, for I vse it onely.

Who comes here? what newes Borachio?

Enter Borachio.

Bor. I came yonder from a great supper, the Prince

your brother is royally entertained by Leonato, and I can

giue you intelligence of an intended marriage

Iohn. Will it serue for any Modell to build mischiefe

on? What is hee for a foole that betrothes himselfe to

vnquietnesse?

Bor. Mary it is your brothers right hand

Iohn. Who, the most exquisite Claudio?

Bor. Euen he

Iohn. A proper squier, and who, and who, which way

lookes he?

Bor. Mary on Hero, the daughter and Heire of Leonato

Iohn. A very forward March-chicke, how came you

to this:

Bor. Being entertain'd for a perfumer, as I was smoaking

a musty roome, comes me the Prince and Claudio,

hand in hand in sad conference: I whipt behind the Arras,

and there heard it agreed vpon, that the Prince should

wooe Hero for himselfe, and hauing obtain'd her, giue

her to Count Claudio

Iohn. Come, come, let vs thither, this may proue food

to my displeasure, that young start-vp hath all the glorie

of my ouerthrow: if I can crosse him any way, I blesse

my selfe euery way, you are both sure, and will assist

mee?

Conr. To the death my Lord

Iohn. Let vs to the great supper, their cheere is the

greater that I am subdued, would the Cooke were of my

minde: shall we goe proue whats to be done?

Bor. Wee'll wait vpon your Lordship.

Exeunt.

Actus Secundus.

Enter Leonato, his brother, his wife, Hero his daughter, and

Beatrice his

neece, and a kinsman.

Leonato. Was not Count Iohn here at supper?

Brother. I saw him not

Beatrice. How tartly that Gentleman lookes, I neuer

can see him, but I am heart-burn'd an howre after

Hero. He is of a very melancholy disposition

Beatrice. Hee were an excellent man that were made

iust in the mid-way betweene him and Benedicke, the one

is too like an image and saies nothing, and the other too

like my Ladies eldest sonne, euermore tatling

Leon. Then halfe signior Benedicks tongue in Count

Iohns mouth, and halfe Count Iohns melancholy in Signior

Benedicks face

Beat. With a good legge, and a good foot vnckle, and

money enough in his purse, such a man would winne any

woman in the world, if he could get her good will

Leon. By my troth Neece, thou wilt neuer get thee a

husband, if thou be so shrewd of thy tongue

Brother. Infaith shee's too curst

Beat. Too curst is more then curst, I shall lessen Gods

sending that way: for it is said, God sends a curst Cow

short hornes, but to a Cow too curst he sends none

Leon. So, by being too curst, God will send you no

hornes

Beat. Iust, if he send me no husband, for the which

blessing, I am at him vpon my knees euery morning and

euening: Lord, I could not endure a husband with a

beard on his face, I had rather lie in the woollen

Leonato. You may light vpon a husband that hath no

beard

Beatrice. What should I doe with him? dresse him in

my apparell, and make him my waiting gentlewoman? he

that hath a beard, is more then a youth: and he that hath

no beard, is lesse then a man: and hee that is more then a

youth, is not for mee: and he that is lesse then a man, I am

not for him: therefore I will euen take sixepence in earnest

of the Berrord, and leade his Apes into hell

Leon. Well then, goe you into hell

Beat. No, but to the gate, and there will the Deuill

meete mee like an old Cuckold with hornes on his head,

and say, get you to heauen Beatrice, get you to heauen,

heere's no place for you maids, so deliuer I vp my Apes,

and away to S[aint]. Peter: for the heauens, hee shewes mee

where the Batchellers sit, and there liue wee as merry as

the day is long

Brother. Well neece, I trust you will be rul'd by your

father

Beatrice. Yes faith, it is my cosens dutie to make curtsie,

and say, as it please you: but yet for all that cosin, let

him be a handsome fellow, or else make an other cursie,

and say, father, as it please me

Leonato. Well neece, I hope to see you one day fitted

with a husband

Beatrice. Not till God make men of some other mettall

then earth, would it not grieue a woman to be ouermastred

with a peece of valiant dust: to make account of

her life to a clod of waiward marle? no vnckle, ile none:

Adams sonnes are my brethren, and truly I hold it a sinne

to match in my kinred

Leon. Daughter, remember what I told you, if the

Prince doe solicit you in that kinde, you know your answere

Beatrice. The fault will be in the musicke cosin, if you

be not woed in good time: if the Prince bee too important,

tell him there is measure in euery thing, & so dance

out the answere, for heare me Hero, wooing, wedding, &

repenting, is as a Scotch jigge, a measure, and a cinquepace:

the first suite is hot and hasty like a Scotch jigge

(and full as fantasticall) the wedding manerly modest,

(as a measure) full of state & aunchentry, and then comes

repentance, and with his bad legs falls into the cinquepace

faster and faster, till he sinkes into his graue

Leonato. Cosin you apprehend passing shrewdly

Beatrice. I haue a good eye vnckle, I can see a Church

by daylight

Leon. The reuellers are entring brother, make good

roome.

Enter Prince, Pedro, Claudio, and Benedicke, and Balthasar, or

dumbe Iohn,

Maskers with a drum.

Pedro. Lady, will you walke about with your friend?

Hero. So you walke softly, and looke sweetly, and say

nothing, I am yours for the walke, and especially when I

walke away

Pedro. With me in your company

Hero. I may say so when I please

Pedro. And when please you to say so?

Hero. When I like your fauour, for God defend the

Lute should be like the case

Pedro. My visor is Philemons roofe, within the house

is Loue

Hero. Why then your visor should be thatcht

Pedro. Speake low if you speake Loue

Bene. Well, I would you did like me

Mar. So would not I for your owne sake, for I haue

manie ill qualities

Bene. Which is one?

Mar. I say my prayers alowd

Ben. I loue you the better, the hearers may cry Amen

Mar. God match me with a good dauncer

Balt. Amen

Mar. And God keepe him out of my sight when the

daunce is done: answer Clarke

Balt. No more words, the Clarke is answered

Vrsula. I know you well enough, you are Signior Anthonio

Anth. At a word, I am not

Vrsula. I know you by the wagling of your head

Anth. To tell you true, I counterfet him

Vrsu. You could neuer doe him so ill well, vnlesse

you were the very man: here's his dry hand vp & down,

you are he, you are he

Anth. At a word I am not

Vrsula. Come, come, doe you thinke I doe not know

you by your excellent wit? can vertue hide it selfe? goe

to mumme, you are he, graces will appeare, and there's

an end

Beat. Will you not tell me who told you so?

Bene. No, you shall pardon me

Beat. Nor will you not tell me who you are?

Bened. Not now

Beat. That I was disdainfull, and that I had my good

wit out of the hundred merry tales: well, this was Signior

Benedicke that said so

Bene. What's he?

Beat. I am sure you know him well enough

Bene. Not I, beleeue me

Beat. Did he neuer make you laugh?

Bene. I pray you what is he?

Beat. Why he is the Princes ieaster, a very dull foole,

onely his gift is, in deuising impossible slanders, none

but Libertines delight in him, and the commendation is

not in his witte, but in his villanie, for hee both pleaseth

men and angers them, and then they laugh at him, and

beat him: I am sure he is in the Fleet, I would he had

boorded me

Bene. When I know the Gentleman, Ile tell him what

you say

Beat. Do, do, hee'l but breake a comparison or two

on me, which peraduenture (not markt, or not laugh'd

at) strikes him into melancholly, and then there's a Partridge

wing saued, for the foole will eate no supper that

night. We must follow the Leaders

Ben. In euery good thing

Bea. Nay, if they leade to any ill, I will leaue them

at the next turning.

Exeunt.

Musicke for the dance.

Iohn. Sure my brother is amorous on Hero, and hath

withdrawne her father to breake with him about it: the

Ladies follow her, and but one visor remaines

Borachio. And that is Claudio, I know him by his bearing

Iohn. Are not you signior Benedicke?

Clau. You know me well, I am hee

Iohn. Signior, you are verie neere my Brother in his

loue, he is enamor'd on Hero, I pray you disswade him

from her, she is no equall for his birth: you may do the

part of an honest man in it

Claudio. How know you he loues her?

Iohn. I heard him sweare his affection

Bor. So did I too, and he swore he would marrie her

to night

Iohn. Come, let vs to the banquet.

Ex. manet Clau.

Clau. Thus answere I in name of Benedicke,

But heare these ill newes with the eares of Claudio:

'Tis certaine so, the Prince woes for himselfe:

Friendship is constant in all other things,

Saue in the Office and affaires of loue:

Therefore all hearts in loue vse their owne tongues.

Let euerie eye negotiate for it selfe,

And trust no Agent: for beautie is a witch,

Against whose charmes, faith melteth into blood:

This is an accident of hourely proofe,

Which I mistrusted not. Farewell therefore Hero.

Enter Benedicke.

Ben. Count Claudio

Clau. Yea, the same

Ben. Come, will you goe with me?

Clau. Whither?

Ben. Euen to the next Willow, about your own businesse,

Count. What fashion will you weare the Garland

off? About your necke, like an Vsurers chaine? Or

vnder your arme, like a Lieutenants scarfe? You must

weare it one way, for the Prince hath got your Hero

Clau . I wish him ioy of her

Ben. Why that's spoken like an honest Drouier, so

they sel Bullockes: but did you thinke the Prince wold

haue serued you thus?

Clau. I pray you leaue me

Ben. Ho now you strike like the blindman, 'twas the

boy that stole your meate, and you'l beat the post

Clau. If it will not be, Ile leaue you.

Enter.

Ben. Alas poore hurt fowle, now will he creepe into

sedges: But that my Ladie Beatrice should know me, &

not know me: the Princes foole! Hah? It may be I goe

vnder that title, because I am merrie: yea but so I am

apt to do my selfe wrong: I am not so reputed, it is the

base (though bitter) disposition of Beatrice, that putt's

the world into her person, and so giues me out: well, Ile

be reuenged as I may.

Enter the Prince.

Pedro. Now Signior, where's the Count, did you

see him?

Bene. Troth my Lord, I haue played the part of Lady

Fame, I found him heere as melancholy as a Lodge in a

Warren, I told him, and I thinke, told him true, that your

grace had got the will of this young Lady, and I offered

him my company to a willow tree, either to make him a

garland, as being forsaken, or to binde him a rod, as being

worthy to be whipt

Pedro. To be whipt, what's his fault?

Bene. The flat transgression of a Schoole-boy, who

being ouer-ioyed with finding a birds nest, shewes it his

companion, and he steales it

Pedro. Wilt thou make a trust, a transgression? the

transgression is in the stealer

Ben. Yet it had not been amisse the rod had beene

made, and the garland too, for the garland he might haue

worne himselfe, and the rod hee might haue bestowed on

you, who (as I take it) haue stolne his birds nest

Pedro. I will but teach them to sing, and restore them

to the owner

Bene. If their singing answer your saying, by my faith

you say honestly

Pedro. The Lady Beatrice hath a quarrell to you, the

Gentleman that daunst with her, told her shee is much

wrong'd by you

Bene. O she misusde me past the indurance of a block:

an oake but with one greene leafe on it, would haue answered

her: my very visor began to assume life, and scold

with her: shee told mee, not thinking I had beene my

selfe, that I was the Princes Iester, and that I was duller

then a great thaw, hudling iest vpon iest, with such impossible

conueiance vpon me, that I stood like a man at a

marke, with a whole army shooting at me: shee speakes

poynyards, and euery word stabbes: if her breath were

as terrible as terminations, there were no liuing neere

her, she would infect to the north starre: I would not

marry her, though she were indowed with all that Adam

had left him before he transgrest, she would haue made

Hercules haue turnd spit, yea, and haue cleft his club to

make the fire too: come, talke not of her, you shall finde

her the infernall Ate in good apparell. I would to God

some scholler would coniure her, for certainely while she

is heere, a man may liue as quiet in hell, as in a sanctuary,

and people sinne vpon purpose, because they would goe

thither, so indeed all disquiet, horror, and perturbation

followes her.

Enter Claudio and Beatrice, Leonato, Hero.

Pedro. Looke heere she comes

Bene. Will your Grace command mee any seruice to

the worlds end? I will goe on the slightest arrand now

to the Antypodes that you can deuise to send me on: I

will fetch you a tooth-picker now from the furthest inch

of Asia: bring you the length of Prester Iohns foot: fetch

you a hayre off the great Chams beard: doe you any embassage

to the Pigmies, rather then hould three words

conference, with this Harpy: you haue no employment

for me?

Pedro. None, but to desire your good company

Bene. O God sir, heeres a dish I loue not, I cannot indure

this Lady tongue.

Enter.

Pedr. Come Lady, come, you haue lost the heart of

Signior Benedicke

Beatr. Indeed my Lord, hee lent it me a while, and I

gaue him vse for it, a double heart for a single one, marry

once before he wonne it of mee, with false dice, therefore

your Grace may well say I haue lost it

Pedro. You haue put him downe Lady, you haue put

him downe

Beat. So I would not he should do me, my Lord, lest

I should prooue the mother of fooles: I haue brought

Count Claudio, whom you sent me to seeke

Pedro. Why how now Count, wherfore are you sad?

Claud. Not sad my Lord

Pedro. How then? sicke?

Claud. Neither, my Lord

Beat. The Count is neither sad, nor sicke, nor merry,

nor well: but ciuill Count, ciuill as an Orange, and something

of a iealous complexion

Pedro. Ifaith Lady, I thinke your blazon to be true.

though Ile be sworne, if hee be so, his conceit is false:

heere Claudio, I haue wooed in thy name, and faire Hero

is won, I haue broke with her father, and his good will

obtained, name the day of marriage, and God giue

thee ioy

Leona. Count, take of me my daughter, and with her

my fortunes: his grace hath made the match, & all grace

say, Amen to it

Beatr. Speake Count, tis your Qu

Claud. Silence is the perfectest Herault of ioy, I were

but little happy if I could say, how much? Lady, as you

are mine, I am yours, I giue away my selfe for you, and

doat vpon the exchange

Beat. Speake cosin, or (if you cannot) stop his mouth

with a kisse, and let not him speake neither

Pedro. In faith Lady you haue a merry heart

Beatr. Yea my Lord I thanke it, poore foole it keepes

on the windy side of Care, my coosin tells him in his eare

that he is in my heart

Clau. And so she doth coosin

Beat. Good Lord for alliance: thus goes euery one

to the world but I, and I am sun-burn'd, I may sit in a corner

and cry, heigh ho for a husband

Pedro. Lady Beatrice, I will get you one

Beat. I would rather haue one of your fathers getting:

hath your Grace ne're a brother like you? your father

got excellent husbands, if a maid could come by them

Prince. Will you haue me? Lady

Beat. No, my Lord, vnlesse I might haue another for

working-daies, your Grace is too costly to weare euerie

day: but I beseech your Grace pardon mee, I was borne

to speake all mirth, and no matter

Prince. Your silence most offends me, and to be merry,

best becomes you, for out of question, you were born

in a merry howre

Beatr. No sure my Lord, my Mother cried, but then

there was a starre daunst, and vnder that was I borne: cosins

God giue you ioy

Leonato. Neece, will you looke to those things I told

you of?

Beat. I cry you mercy Vncle, by your Graces pardon.

Exit Beatrice.

Prince. By my troth a pleasant spirited Lady

Leon. There's little of the melancholy element in her

my Lord, she is neuer sad, but when she sleepes, and not

euer sad then: for I haue heard my daughter say, she hath

often dreamt of vnhappinesse, and wakt her selfe with

laughing

Pedro. Shee cannot indure to heare tell of a husband

Leonato. O, by no meanes, she mocks all her wooers

out of suite

Prince. She were an excellent wife for Benedick

Leonato. O Lord, my Lord, if they were but a weeke

married, they would talke themselues madde

Prince. Counte Claudio, when meane you to goe to

Church?

Clau. To morrow my Lord, Time goes on crutches,

till Loue haue all his rites

Leonato. Not till monday, my deare sonne, which is

hence a iust seuen night, and a time too briefe too, to haue

all things answer minde

Prince. Come, you shake the head at so long a breathing,

but I warrant thee Claudio, the time shall not goe

dully by vs, I will in the interim, vndertake one of Hercules

labors, which is, to bring Signior Benedicke and the

Lady Beatrice into a mountaine of affection, th' one with

th' other, I would faine haue it a match, and I doubt not

but to fashion it, if you three will but minister such assistance

as I shall giue you direction

Leonato. My Lord, I am for you, though it cost mee

ten nights watchings

Claud. And I my Lord

Prin. And you to gentle Hero?

Hero. I will doe any modest office, my Lord, to helpe

my cosin to a good husband

Prin. And Benedick is not the vnhopefullest husband

that I know: thus farre can I praise him, hee is of a noble

straine, of approued valour, and confirm'd honesty, I will

teach you how to humour your cosin, that shee shall fall

in loue with Benedicke, and I, with your two helpes, will

so practise on Benedicke, that in despight of his quicke

wit, and his queasie stomacke, hee shall fall in loue with

Beatrice: if wee can doe this, Cupid is no longer an Archer,

his glory shall be ours, for wee are the onely louegods,

goe in with me, and I will tell you my drift.

Enter.

Enter Iohn and Borachio.

Ioh. It is so, the Count Claudio shal marry the daughter

of Leonato

Bora. Yea my Lord, but I can crosse it

Iohn. Any barre, any crosse, any impediment, will be

medicinable to me, I am sicke in displeasure to him, and

whatsoeuer comes athwart his affection, ranges euenly

with mine, how canst thou crosse this marriage?

Bor. Not honestly my Lord, but so couertly, that no

dishonesty shall appeare in me

Iohn. Shew me breefely how

Bor. I thinke I told your Lordship a yeere since, how

much I am in the fauour of Margaret, the waiting gentlewoman

to Hero

Iohn. I remember

Bor. I can at any vnseasonable instant of the night,

appoint her to looke out at her Ladies chamber window

Iohn. What life is in that, to be the death of this marriage?

Bor. The poyson of that lies in you to temper, goe

you to the Prince your brother, spare not to tell him, that

hee hath wronged his Honor in marrying the renowned

Claudio, whose estimation do you mightily hold vp, to a

contaminated stale, such a one as Hero

Iohn. What proofe shall I make of that?

Bor. Proofe enough, to misuse the Prince, to vexe

Claudio, to vndoe Hero, and kill Leonato, looke you for any

other issue?

Iohn. Onely to despight them, I will endeauour any

thing

Bor. Goe then, finde me a meete howre, to draw on

Pedro and the Count Claudio alone, tell them that you

know that Hero loues me, intend a kinde of zeale both

to the Prince and Claudio (as in a loue of your brothers

honor who hath made this match) and his friends reputation,

who is thus like to be cosen'd with the semblance

of a maid, that you haue discouer'd thus: they will scarcely

beleeue this without triall: offer them instances which

shall beare no lesse likelihood, than to see mee at her

chamber window, heare me call Margaret, Hero; heare

Margaret terme me Claudio, and bring them to see this

the very night before the intended wedding, for in the

meane time, I will so fashion the matter, that Hero shall

be absent, and there shall appeare such seeming truths of

Heroes disloyaltie, that iealousie shall be cal'd assurance,

and all the preparation ouerthrowne

Iohn. Grow this to what aduerse issue it can, I will

put it in practise: be cunning in the working this, and

thy fee is a thousand ducates

Bor. Be thou constant in the accusation, and my cunning

shall not shame me

Iohn. I will presentlie goe learne their day of marriage.

Enter.

Enter Benedicke alone.

Bene. Boy

Boy. Signior

Bene. In my chamber window lies a booke, bring it

hither to me in the orchard

Boy. I am heere already sir.

Enter.

Bene. I know that, but I would haue thee hence, and

heere againe. I doe much wonder, that one man seeing

how much another man is a foole, when he dedicates his

behauiours to loue, will after hee hath laught at such

shallow follies in others, become the argument of his

owne scorne, by falling in loue, & such a man is Claudio.

I haue known when there was no musicke with him but

the drum and the fife, and now had hee rather heare the

taber and the pipe: I haue knowne when he would haue

walkt ten mile afoot, to see a good armor, and now will

he lie ten nights awake caruing the fashion of a new dublet:

he was wont to speake plaine, & to the purpose (like

an honest man & a souldier) and now is he turn'd orthography,

his words are a very fantasticall banquet, iust so

many strange dishes: may I be so conuerted, & see with

these eyes? I cannot tell, I thinke not: I will not bee

sworne, but loue may transforme me to an oyster, but Ile

take my oath on it, till he haue made an oyster of me, he

shall neuer make me such a foole: one woman is faire, yet

I am well: another is wise, yet I am well: another vertuous,

yet I am well: but till all graces be in one woman,

one woman shall not come in my grace: rich shee shall

be, that's certaine: wise, or Ile none: vertuous, or Ile neuer

cheapen her: faire, or Ile neuer looke on her: milde,

or come not neere me: Noble, or not for an Angell: of

good discourse: an excellent Musitian, and her haire shal

be of what colour it please God, hah! the Prince and

Monsieur Loue, I will hide me in the Arbor.

Enter Prince, Leonato, Claudio, and Iacke Wilson.

Prin. Come, shall we heare this musicke?

Claud. Yea my good Lord: how still the euening is.

As husht on purpose to grace harmonie

Prin. See you where Benedicke hath hid himselfe?

Clau. O very well my Lord: the musicke ended,

Wee'll fit the kid-foxe with a penny worth

Prince. Come Balthasar, wee'll heare that song again

Balth. O good my Lord, taxe not so bad a voyce,

To slander musicke any more then once

Prin. It is the witnesse still of excellency,

To slander Musicke any more then once

Prince. It is the witnesse still of excellencie,

To put a strange face on his owne perfection,

I pray thee sing, and let me woe no more

Balth. Because you talke of wooing, I will sing,

Since many a wooer doth commence his suit,

To her he thinkes not worthy, yet he wooes,

Yet will he sweare he loues

Prince. Nay pray thee come,

Or if thou wilt hold longer argument,

Doe it in notes

Balth. Note this before my notes,

Theres not a note of mine that's worth the noting

Prince. Why these are very crotchets that he speaks,

Note notes forsooth, and nothing

Bene. Now diuine aire, now is his soule rauisht, is it

not strange that sheepes guts should hale soules out of

mens bodies? well, a horne for my money when all's

done.

The Song.

Sigh no more Ladies, sigh no more,

Men were deceiuers euer,

One foote in Sea, and one on shore,

To one thing constant neuer,

Then sigh not so, but let them goe,

And be you blithe and bonnie,

Conuerting all your sounds of woe,

Into hey nony nony.

Sing no more ditties, sing no moe,

Of dumps so dull and heauy,

The fraud of men were euer so,

Since summer first was leauy,

Then sigh not so, &c

Prince. By my troth a good song

Balth. And an ill singer, my Lord

Prince. Ha, no, no faith, thou singst well enough for a

shift

Ben. And he had been a dog that should haue howld

thus, they would haue hang'd him, and I pray God his

bad voyce bode no mischiefe, I had as liefe haue heard

the night-rauen, come what plague could haue come after

it

Prince. Yea marry, dost thou heare Balthasar? I pray

thee get vs some excellent musick: for to morrow night

we would haue it at the Lady Heroes chamber window

Balth. The best I can, my Lord.

Exit Balthasar.

Prince. Do so, farewell. Come hither Leonato, what

was it you told me of to day, that your Niece Beatrice

was in loue with signior Benedicke?

Cla. O I, stalke on, stalke on, the foule sits. I did neuer

thinke that Lady would haue loued any man

Leon. No, nor I neither, but most wonderful, that she

should so dote on Signior Benedicke, whom shee hath in

all outward behauiours seemed euer to abhorre

Bene. Is't possible? sits the winde in that corner?

Leo. By my troth my Lord, I cannot tell what to

thinke of it, but that she loues him with an inraged affection,

it is past the infinite of thought

Prince. May be she doth but counterfeit

Claud. Faith like enough

Leon. O God! counterfeit? there was neuer counterfeit

of passion, came so neere the life of passion as she discouers

it

Prince. Why what effects of passion shewes she?

Claud. Baite the hooke well, this fish will bite

Leon. What effects my Lord? shee will sit you, you

heard my daughter tell you how

Clau. She did indeed

Prince. How, how I pray you? you amaze me, I would

haue thought her spirit had beene inuincible against all

assaults of affection

Leo. I would haue sworne it had, my Lord, especially

against Benedicke

Bene. I should thinke this a gull, but that the whitebearded

fellow speakes it: knauery cannot sure hide

himselfe in such reuerence

Claud. He hath tane th' infection, hold it vp

Prince. Hath shee made her affection known to Benedicke:

Leonato. No, and sweares she neuer will, that's her

torment

Claud. 'Tis true indeed, so your daughter saies: shall

I, saies she, that haue so oft encountred him with scorne,

write to him that I loue him?

Leo. This saies shee now when shee is beginning to

write to him, for shee'll be vp twenty times a night, and

there will she sit in her smocke, till she haue writ a sheet

of paper: my daughter tells vs all

Clau. Now you talke of a sheet of paper, I remember

a pretty iest your daughter told vs of

Leon. O when she had writ it, & was reading it ouer,

she found Benedicke and Beatrice betweene the sheete

Clau. That

Leon. O she tore the letter into a thousand halfpence,

raild at her self, that she should be so immodest to write,

to one that shee knew would flout her: I measure him,

saies she, by my owne spirit, for I should flout him if hee

writ to mee, yea though I loue him, I should

Clau. Then downe vpon her knees she falls, weepes,

sobs, beates her heart, teares her hayre, praies, curses, O

sweet Benedicke, God giue me patience

Leon. She doth indeed, my daughter saies so, and the

extasie hath so much ouerborne her, that my daughter is

somtime afeard she will doe a desperate out-rage to her

selfe, it is very true

Prince. It were good that Benedicke knew of it by some

other, if she will not discouer it

Clau. To what end? he would but make a sport of it,

and torment the poore Lady worse

Prin. And he should, it were an almes to hang him,

shee's an excellent sweet Lady, and (out of all suspition,)

she is vertuous

Claudio. And she is exceeding wise

Prince. In euery thing, but in louing Benedicke

Leon. O my Lord, wisedome and bloud combating in

so tender a body, we haue ten proofes to one, that bloud

hath the victory, I am sorry for her, as I haue iust cause,

being her Vncle, and her Guardian

Prince. I would shee had bestowed this dotage on

mee, I would haue daft all other respects, and made her

halfe my selfe: I pray you tell Benedicke of it, and heare

what he will say

Leon. Were it good thinke you?

Clau. Hero thinkes surely she wil die, for she saies she

will die, if hee loue her not, and shee will die ere shee

make her loue knowne, and she will die if hee wooe her,

rather than shee will bate one breath of her accustomed

crossenesse

Prince. She doth well, if she should make tender of her

loue, 'tis very possible hee'l scorne it, for the man (as you

know all) hath a contemptible spirit

Clau. He is a very proper man

Prin. He hath indeed a good outward happines

Clau. 'Fore God, and in my minde very wise

Prin. He doth indeed shew some sparkes that are like

wit

Leon. And I take him to be valiant

Prin. As Hector, I assure you, and in the managing of

quarrels you may see hee is wise, for either hee auoydes

them with great discretion, or vndertakes them with a

Christian-like feare

Leon. If hee doe feare God, a must necessarilie keepe

peace, if hee breake the peace, hee ought to enter into a

quarrell with feare and trembling

Prin. And so will he doe, for the man doth fear God,

howsoeuer it seemes not in him, by some large ieasts hee

will make: well, I am sorry for your niece, shall we goe

see Benedicke, and tell him of her loue

Claud. Neuer tell him, my Lord, let her weare it out

with good counsell

Leon. Nay that's impossible, she may weare her heart

out first

Prin. Well, we will heare further of it by your daughter,

let it coole the while, I loue Benedicke well, and I

could wish he would modestly examine himselfe, to see

how much he is vnworthy to haue so good a Lady

Leon. My Lord, will you walke? dinner is ready

Clau. If he do not doat on her vpon this, I wil neuer

trust my expectation

Prin. Let there be the same Net spread for her, and

that must your daughter and her gentlewoman carry:

the sport will be, when they hold one an opinion of anothers

dotage, and no such matter, that's the Scene that I

would see, which will be meerely a dumbe shew: let vs

send her to call him into dinner.

Exeunt.