CONCERNING MR. WARING
Psmith pushed back his chair slightly, stretched out his legs, and
lit a cigarette. The resources of the Knickerbocker Hotel had
proved equal to supplying the fatigued staff of _Cosy Moments_ with
an excellent dinner, and Psmith had stoutly declined to talk
business until the coffee arrived. This had been hard on Billy,
who was bursting with his news. Beyond a hint that it was
sensational he had not been permitted to go.
"More bright young careers than I care to think of," said Psmith,
"have been ruined by the fatal practice of talking shop at dinner.
But now that we are through, Comrade Windsor, by all means let us
have it. What's the name which Comrade Gooch so eagerly divulged?"
Billy leaned forward excitedly.
"Stewart Waring," he whispered.
"Stewart who?" asked Psmith.
Billy stared.
"Great Scott, man!" he said, "haven't you heard of Stewart Waring?"
"The name seems vaguely familiar, like Isinglass or Post-toasties.
I seem to know it, but it conveys nothing to me."
"Don't you ever read the papers?"
"I toy with my _American_ of a morning, but my interest is confined
mainly to the sporting page which reminds me that Comrade Brady has
been matched against one Eddie Wood a month from to-day. Gratifying
as it is to find one of the staff getting on in life, I fear this
will cause us a certain amount of inconvenience. Comrade Brady
will have to leave the office temporarily in order to go into
training, and what shall we do then for a fighting editor? However,
possibly we may not need one now. _Cosy Moments_ should be able
shortly to give its message to the world and ease up for a while.
Which brings us back to the point. Who is Stewart Waring?"
"Stewart Waring is running for City Alderman. He's one of the
biggest men in New York!"
"Do you mean in girth? If so, he seems to have selected the right
career for himself."
"He's one of the bosses. He used to be Commissioner of Buildings
for the city."
"Commissioner of Buildings? What exactly did that let him in for?"
"It let him in for a lot of graft."
"How was that?"
"Oh, he took it off the contractors. Shut his eyes and held out his
hands when they ran up rotten buildings that a strong breeze would
have knocked down, and places like that Pleasant Street hole
without any ventilation."
"Why did he throw up the job?" inquired Psmith. "It seems to me
that it was among the World's Softest. Certain drawbacks to it,
perhaps, to the man with the Hair-Trigger Conscience; but I gather
that Comrade Waring did not line up in that class. What was his
trouble?"
"His trouble," said Billy, "was that he stood in with a contractor
who was putting up a music-hall, and the contractor put it up with
material about as strong as a heap of meringues, and it collapsed
on the third night and killed half the audience."
"And then?"
"The papers raised a howl, and they got after the contractor, and
the contractor gave Waring away. It killed him for the time being."
"I should have thought it would have had that excellent result
permanently," said Psmith thoughtfully. "Do you mean to say he got
back again after that?"
"He had to quit being Commissioner, of course, and leave the town
for a time; but affairs move so fast here that a thing like that
blows over. He made a bit of a pile out of the job, and could
afford to lie low for a year or two."
"How long ago was that?"
"Five years. People don't remember a thing here that happened five
years back unless they're reminded of it."
Psmith lit another cigarette.
"We will remind them," he said.
Billy nodded.
"Of course," he said, "one or two of the papers against him in this
Aldermanic Election business tried to bring the thing up, but they
didn't cut any ice. The other papers said it was a shame, hounding
a man who was sorry for the past and who was trying to make good
now; so they dropped it. Everybody thought that Waring was on the
level now. He's been shooting off a lot of hot air lately about
philanthropy and so on. Not that he has actually done a thing--not
so much as given a supper to a dozen news-boys; but he's talked,
and talk gets over if you keep it up long enough."
Psmith nodded adhesion to this dictum.
"So that naturally he wants to keep it dark about these tenements.
It'll smash him at the election when it gets known."
"Why is he so set on becoming an Alderman," inquired Psmith.
"There's a lot of graft to being an Alderman," explained Billy.
"I see. No wonder the poor gentleman was so energetic in his
methods. What is our move now, Comrade Windsor?"
Billy stared.
"Why, publish the name, of course."
"But before then? How are we going to ensure the safety of our
evidence? We stand or fall entirely by that slip of paper, because
we've got the beggar's name in the writing of his own collector,
and that's proof positive."
"That's all right," said Billy, patting his breast-pocket.
"Nobody's going to get it from me."
Psmith dipped his hand into his trouser-pocket.
"Comrade Windsor," he said, producing a piece of paper, "how do we
go?"
He leaned back in his chair, surveying Billy blandly through his
eye-glass. Billy's eyes were goggling. He looked from Psmith to the
paper and from the paper to Psmith.
"What--what the--?" he stammered. "Why, it's it!"
Psmith nodded.
"How on earth did you get it?"
Psmith knocked the ash off his cigarette.
"Comrade Windsor," he said, "I do not wish to cavil or carp or rub
it in in any way. I will merely remark that you pretty nearly
landed us in the soup, and pass on to more congenial topics.
Didn't you know we were followed to this place?"
"Followed!"
"By a merchant in what Comrade Maloney would call a tall-shaped hat.
I spotted him at an early date, somewhere down by Twenty-ninth
Street. When we dived into Sixth Avenue for a space at Thirty-third
Street, did he dive, too? He did. And when we turned into
Forty-second Street, there he was. I tell you, Comrade Windsor,
leeches were aloof, and burrs non-adhesive compared with that
tall-shaped-hatted blighter."
"Yes?"
"Do you remember, as you came to the entrance of this place,
somebody knocking against you?"
"Yes, there was a pretty big crush in the entrance."
"There was; but not so big as all that. There was plenty of room
for this merchant to pass if he had wished. Instead of which he
butted into you. I happened to be waiting for just that, so I
managed to attach myself to his wrist with some vim and give it a
fairly hefty wrench. The paper was inside his hand."
Billy was leaning forward with a pale face.
"Jove!" he muttered.
"That about sums it up," said Psmith.
Billy snatched the paper from the table and extended it towards
him.
"Here," he said feverishly, "you take it. Gum, I never thought I
was such a mutt! I'm not fit to take charge of a toothpick. Fancy
me not being on the watch for something of that sort. I guess I was
so tickled with myself at the thought of having got the thing, that
it never struck me they might try for it. But I'm through. No more
for me. You're the man in charge now."
Psmith shook his head.
"These stately compliments," he said, "do my old heart good, but I
fancy I know a better plan. It happened that I chanced to have my
eye on the blighter in the tall-shaped hat, and so was enabled to
land him among the ribstones; but who knows but that in the crowd
on Broadway there may not lurk other, unidentified blighters in
equally tall-shaped hats, one of whom may work the same
sleight-of-hand speciality on me? It was not that you were not
capable of taking care of that paper: it was simply that you didn't
happen to spot the man. Now observe me closely, for what follows is
an exhibition of Brain."
He paid the bill, and they went out into the entrance-hall of the
hotel. Psmith, sitting down at a table, placed the paper in an
envelope and addressed it to himself at the address of _Cosy
Moments_. After which, he stamped the envelope and dropped it into
the letter-box at the back of the hall.
"And now, Comrade Windsor," he said, "let us stroll gently
homewards down the Great White Way. What matter though it be fairly
stiff with low-browed bravoes in tall-shaped hats? They cannot harm
us. From me, if they search me thoroughly, they may scoop a matter
of eleven dollars, a watch, two stamps, and a packet of
chewing-gum. Whether they would do any better with you I do not
know. At any rate, they wouldn't get that paper; and that's the
main thing."
"You're a genius," said Billy Windsor.
"You think so?" said Psmith diffidently. "Well, well, perhaps you
are right, perhaps you are right. Did you notice the hired ruffian
in the flannel suit who just passed? He wore a baffled look, I
fancy. And hark! Wasn't that a muttered 'Failed!' I heard? Or was
it the breeze moaning in the tree-tops? To-night is a cold,
disappointing night for Hired Ruffians, Comrade Windsor."