On a pleasant, although rather cloudy forenoon in July, our young
pleasure-seekers carried into execution a long-talked-of expedition to
the Deal Beach, distant about ten miles from Shrewsbury.
By Aunt Sarah's arrangement, Charley and Jeannie occupied the back
seat of the light wagon, and Sarah was to sit by Philip in front,
that she "might see the country." Having accomplished this apparently
artless manoeuvre, the good woman handed up to them a portly basket of
luncheon, and two or three additional shawls, in case of rain or change
of weather, and bade the gay party "good-bye" with a satisfied glow in
heart and face. To her guileless apprehension there was no question how
affairs were progressing between her niece and her nephew-in-law; and
in sundry conferences on the subject between "husband" and herself, it
had been agreed that a matrimonial alliance would be the best thing
that could happen to either of the supposed lovers. In her simple,
pious soul, the dear old lady already blessed the Providence that had
accomplished the meeting and intercourse under her roof, while she
wondered at "the strange things that come about in this world."
Philip had been aware of her innocent attempts to facilitate his suit
for several days past, and Sarah's blush, as she hesitated before
accepting the proffered seat by the driver, showed that this move
was so transparent as to convey the alarm to her also. For a full
half mile Philip did not speak, except a word now and then to the
pair of stout grays, who were Uncle Nathan's greatest earthly boast.
He appeared thoughtful, perhaps perturbed--so Sarah's single stolen
glance at him showed--and in the eyes that looked straight onward to
the horizon, there was a hardness she had never seen there before. She
was surprised, therefore, when he broke the silence by an unimportant
observation, uttered in his usual friendly tone, and for the remainder
of the ride was gay and kind, with a show of light-heartedness that was
not surpassed by the merry children behind them.
There was hardly enough variety in the unpicturesque country bordering
their route to give the shadow of reasonableness to Aunt Sarah's
pretext in selecting her namesake's seat, and, despite her escort's
considerate attentions, Sarah had an uncomfortable ride; while her
manner evinced more of the haughty reserve of their introduction than
she had shown at any subsequent stage of their acquaintance. The grays
traveled well, and a little after noon they were detached from the
carriage, and tied in the grove of scrub-oaks skirting the beach.
While Philip was busied with them, the others continued their course
down to the shore; the children, hand-in-hand, skipping over the
sand-hills, and stopping to pick up stones; Sarah strolling slowly
after them. She had seen the ocean surf before, but never aught like
this, with its huge swells of water, a mile in length, gathering
blackness and height on their landward career; as they struck the
invisible barriers that commanded, "Thus far and no farther!"
breaking in white fury, with the leap of a baffled fiend, and a roar
like thunder, against their resistless opponent, then recoiling,
sullenly, to gather new force for another, and as useless an attack.
The beach was wide and uneven, of sand, whose whiteness would have
glared intolerably had the day been sunny, drifted into hillocks and
undulating ridges, like the waves of the sea. Here and there the hardy
heather found a foothold amid the otherwise blank sterility, the green
patches adding to, rather than lessening the wild, desolate aspect
of the tract. Fragments of timber were strewn in all directions, and
Sarah's quick eye perceived that it was not formless, chance driftwood.
There were hewn beams and shapely spars, and planks in which great iron
bolts were still fast. When Philip overtook her, she was standing by an
immense piece of solid wood, lying far beyond the reach of the highest
summer tides. One end was buried in the sand; the other, bleached by
sun and wind, and seamed with cracks, was curved like the extremity of
a bow. Her late embarrassment or hauteur was forgotten in the direct
earnestness of her appealing look.
"Am I mistaken?" she said, in a low, awed tone. "Is not this the keel
of a ship?"
"It is. There have been many wrecked on this coast."
"Here!" She glanced from the fierce, bellowing breakers to the
melancholy testimonials of their destructive might. "I have never heard
that this was esteemed a dangerous point."
"You can form an imperfect idea of what this beach is in winter,"
remarked Philip, signing to her to seat herself upon the sand and
throwing himself down beside her. "I was here once, late in the autumn,
and saw a vessel go to pieces, scarcely a stone's throw from where we
are now sitting. The sea was high, the wind blowing a perfect gale,
and this schooner, having lost one of her most important sails, was at
the mercy of the elements. She was cast upon the shore, and her crew,
watching their opportunity, sprang overboard as the waves receded and
reached firm ground in safety. Then came a monster billow, and lifting
the vessel farther upon the sand, left her careened towards the land.
It was pitiful to see the poor thing! So like life were her shudders
and groans as the cruel surf beat against her, that my heart fairly
ached. The spray at every dash rose nearly as high as her mast-head,
and a cataract of water swept over her deck. Piece by piece she broke
up, and we could only stand and look on, while the scattered portions
were thrown to our feet. I shall never forget the sight. It taught me
the truth of man's impotence and nature's strength as I had never read
it before."
"But there were no lives lost! You were spared the spectacle of that
most terrible scene in the tragedy of shipwreck?"
"Yes. But the light of many a life has been quenched in that raging
caldron. A young man, a resident of Shrewsbury, with whom I hunted last
year, described to me a catalogue of horrors which he had beheld here,
that has visited me in dreams often since. An emigrant ship was cast
away on this coast in midwinter. High above the roar of the wind and
the booming surf was heard the cry of the doomed wretches, perishing
within hail of the crowd of fellow-beings who had collected at news
of the catastrophe. The cold was intense; mast and sail and rope were
coated with ice, and the benumbed, freezing wretches were exposed every
instant to the torrents of brine that swept over them like sleet. The
agony was horrible beyond description, but it was soon over. Before the
vessel parted, the accent of mortal woe was hushed. Not a man survived
to tell the tale."
For an hour they sat thus and talked. The subject had, for Sarah, a
fearful fascination, and, led on by her absorbed attention, Philip
rehearsed to her wonders and stories of the mysterious old ocean, that
to-day stretched before them, blanched and angry, under the veil of
summer cloud, until to his auditor there were bitter wailings blent
with the surge's roar; arms, strained and bare, were tossed above the
dark, serpent-like swell of water, in unavailing supplication, and
livid, dead faces stared upon her from beneath the curling crests of
the breakers.
That day on the Deal Beach! How quietly happy was its seeming! How full
of event, emotion, fate--was its reality! Charley and Jeannie wandered
up and down the coast, filling their baskets with shells and pebbles;
chasing the retiring waves as far as they dared, and scampering back,
with shrieks of laughter, as the succeeding billow rolled rapidly after
them; building sand-houses, and digging wells to be filled by salt
water; exulting greatly when a rough coralline fragment or a jelly-fish
of unusual dimensions was thrown in their way. They all lunched
together, seated upon the heather-clumps, around Aunt Sarah's liberal
hamper.
"Sister," said Jeannie, when the edge of her seaside appetite was
somewhat blunted by her repast, "I like living here better than in New
York--don't you?"
"It is more pleasant in summer, my dear."
"But I mean that I am happier here. I wish you would write to mother
and ask her to let us live here always."
"But what would she do without her baby?" asked Philip, emphasizing the
last word.
The little lady bridled instantly.
"Cousin Philip, I do wish you would never call me a 'baby' again. I
am seven years and two weeks old. I could get along very well without
mother for awhile. Of course, I would go over sometimes and pay her
a visit and get new dresses. Shrewsbury is a nice place; I would
like to buy that pretty white house next to Uncle Nathan's, and live
there--sister and Charley and I--and you--if you would promise not to
tease me ever."
"Thank you!" said Philip, with admirable gravity, seeming not to notice
Sarah's heightened color at this proposal of co-partnership. "You are
very kind to include me in your household arrangements, and nothing
would please me better, if I could stay here. But you know, Jeannie,
my dear little cousin, that my home is far away from this quarter of
the world. I have remained here too long already." There was a touch
of feeling or nervousness in his voice. "I had a letter last night,
reminding me that I ought to have left a week ago to join a party of
friends, whom I promised to meet in New York and travel with them until
the time for our return to the South."
He did not look at Sarah, but she felt that the explanation was
intended for her--that, whether intentionally or not, he was preparing
her for a blow to heart and hope.
"I shall be obliged to leave Shrewsbury and all my friends there
to-morrow morning, Jeannie."
The child's exclamation of dismay, and Charley's quick, mute
remonstrance to his cousin, as his playfellow communicated the news to
him, gave Sarah time to rally firmness and words.
"This is unexpected intelligence," she said, calmly. "We shall miss
you. Your kindness has, directly and indirectly, been the means of
affording us much pleasure during our visit to our good aunt. It will
seem dull when you are gone."
There was a flash in Philip's eye that looked like pleasure--a mixture
of relief and surprise, as he turned to her.
"I am selfish enough to hope that you will miss me for a time, at
least. I shall not then be so soon forgotten. We have had some pleasant
days and weeks together, have we not?"
"I have enjoyed them, assuredly."
She was a little pale, Philip thought, but that might be the effect of
fatigue. Her cheek was seldom blooming, unless when flushed in animated
speech, or by brisk exercise. She spoke of his going with politeness,
that seemed scarce one remove from carelessness; and, man-like, his
pleasure at the thought that their association in the country house
had not been followed by the results Aunt Sarah wished and predicted,
gave way to a feeling of wounded vanity and vexation, that his summer's
companion could relinquish him so easily. While he repeated to himself
his congratulations that his friendly and gallant attentions had not
been misconstrued, had not awakened any inconvenient because futile
"expectations," he wondered if it were a possibility for a girl of
so much sense and feeling, such genuine appreciation of his talents
and tastes, to know him well--even intimately--without experiencing a
warmer sentiment than mere approval of an agreeable associate's mind
and manners, and Platonic liking for him on these accounts.
With the respectful familiarity of a privileged acquaintance, he
drew her hand within his arm as they arose at the conclusion of the
collation.
"We have yet two hours and more to spend here, before we set out for
home. We can have one more walk and talk together."
They took but one turn on the beach, and returning to their morning's
seat beside the half-buried keel tried to talk as they had done then.
It was hard work, even to the man of the world, the heart-free student
of human nature. Gradually the conversation languished and died away,
and for awhile both sat silent, looking out upon the sea. Then Philip's
gaze came back to his companion--stealthily at first, and, as she
remained unconscious of his scrutiny, it lingered long and searchingly
upon features, form and attire.
There were white, tight lines about her mouth, and a slight knitting of
the brow, that imparted a care-worn look to the young face it pained
him to see. Her hands were clasped upon her knee, and the fingers were
bloodless where they interlaced one another. Was she suffering? Was the
threatened parting the cause of her disquiet? If this were so, what was
his duty as a man of honor--of common humanity? And if he were forced
to admit that he held her happiness in his power, and to accept the
consequences that must ensue from his idle gallantry and her mistaken
reading of the same, was the thought really repulsive? Would it be a
total sacrifice of feeling to a sense of right? It was a repetition,
grave and careful, of the revery of that July night two weeks ago.
Sarah's hat--a broad-brimmed "flat" of brown straw--had fallen back
upon her shoulders, and the sea breeze played in her hair, raising
the short and loose strands and giving to the whole a rough, "frowzy"
look. Her plain linen collar and undersleeves showed her complexion
and hands to the worst possible advantage. Upon her cheeks, this same
unfriendly wind had bestowed a coat of tan and a few freckles, that
were all the more conspicuous from her pallor, while her fingers were
as brown as a gypsy's. Her gray poplin dress had lost most of its
original gloss, and being one of Mrs. Hunt's bargains--"a cheap thing,
but plenty good for that outlandish Shrewsbury"--already betrayed
its cotton warp by creases that would not be smoothed, and an aspect
of general limpness--a prophecy of speedy, irremediable shabbiness.
Cast loosely about her shoulders was a light shawl, green, with black
sprigs--another bargain; and beyond the skirt of her robe appeared
the toe and instep of a thick-soled gaiter, very suitable for a tramp
through damp sand, yet anything but becoming to the foot it protected.
With an impatient shake of the head, involuntary and positive, Philip
closed his final observation. And cutting off a large splinter from the
weather-beaten timber against which he leaned, set about trimming it,
wearing a serious, settled face, that said his mind was fully made up.
What had Sarah seen all this while?
Heavens, over which the films of the forenoon had thickened into dun
cloud-curtains, stretching above and enwrapping the world; a wild,
dreary expanse of troubled waters, whose horizon line was lost in the
misty blending of sea and sky, ever hurrying and heaving to moan out
their unrest upon the barren beach. In the distance was a solitary
sail; nearer to the land, a large sea-bird flew heavily against the
wind. In such mateless, weary night must her life be passed; that lone,
frail craft was not so hopelessly forlorn upon a gloomy sea, beneath
a sky that gloomed yet more darkly--as was her heart, torn suddenly
from its moorings--anchor and rudder and compass gone. Yet who could
syllable the mighty sorrow of the complaining sea? And were there words
in human language that could tell the anguish of the swelling flood
beating within her breast?
"Going away! To-morrow!" For a little space this was all the lament
she kept repeating over to herself. Pregnant with woe she knew it to
be, yet it was not until she was allowed to meditate in silence upon
the meaning of the words that she realized what had truly come upon
her. She had thrown away all her hope of earthly happiness--risked
it as madly, lost it as surely, as if she had tossed it--a tangible
pearl--into the yawning ocean. Her instinct assured her that, were it
otherwise, the tidings of Philip's intended departure, his suddenly
formed resolution to leave her, would have been conveyed to her in a
far different manner. Her keen backward glance penetrated Aunt Sarah's
simple wiles; his obvious annoyance thereat; his determination to
save himself from suspicion; his honorable fear lest she, too, should
imagine him loving, where he was only civil and kind. Yes, it was all
over! The best thing she could hope to do, the brightest prospect life
had now for her, was that her secret should remain hers alone, until
the troubled heart moaned itself into rest which knows no waking.
She was used to concealment. All her existence, excepting the sweet
delusive dream of the past three weeks, had been a stern preparation
for this trial. But she was already weary and faint--fit to lie down
and die, so intense had been the throe of this one struggle.
"How long is this to last? How long?"
The exclamation actually broke, in an inarticulate murmur, from her
lips.
"Did you speak?" inquired Philip.
"I think not. I am not sure. I did not intend to do so."
"Grant me credit for my forebearance in not obtruding my prosaic
talk upon your musings," he went on, playfully. "It was a powerful
temptation--for I remember, constantly, that this is our last
opportunity for a genuine heart and head confabulation, such as I shall
often linger for after I leave you--and sincerity! You have done me
good, Miss Sarah; taught me Faith, Hope, Charity--a blessed sisterhood!"
"May they ever attend you!"
"Amen! and thank you! And what wish shall I make in return for your
beautiful benediction?"
"Whatever you like. My desires are not many or extravagant."
"You are wrong. You have a craving heart and a craving mind. May both
be fed to the full, with food convenient for them--in measures pressed
down, shaken together and running over."
"Of what? Husks?" was Sarah's unspoken and bitter reply. She could not
thank him, as he had done her. She only bowed, and, bending forward,
took up a handful of the fine white sand that formed the shore. Slowly
sifting it through her fingers, she waited for him to speak again.
Was this careless equanimity real or feigned? The judge of character,
the harpist upon heart-chords, made the next move--not the candid,
manly friend.
"I am going to ask a favor of you--a bold one."
"Say on."
"By the time I am ready to retrace my steps southward you will be
again settled in New York. Will you think me presumptuous if I call at
your father's house to continue an acquaintance which has been, to me,
at once agreeable and profitable?"
The fingers were still, suddenly. A warm glow, like sunrise, swept over
cheek and forehead. A smile, slight but sweet, quivered upon her lips.
Drowning in the depths, she heard across the billow a hail that spoke
of hope, life, happiness.
"We will all be glad to see you," she said, with affected composure.
"Not half so glad as I shall be to come. Will you now, while you think
of it, give me your address?"
He handed her a card and a pencil. She wrote the required direction
and received in exchange for it the now smooth bit of wood, which had
afforded occupation to Philip for half an hour past. It was tendered
in mock ceremony, and accepted smilingly. Upon the gray tablet was
inscribed "Philip Benson, Deal Beach, July 27th, 1856." A playful or
thoughtless impulse caused him to extend his hand for it, after she had
read it, and to add a motto, stale as innocent in his eyes: "Pensez a
moi!"
"I shall preserve it as a souvenir of the day and place," observed
Sarah, slipping it into her pocket.
Twilight overtook them before they reached home, and the night was too
cloudy and damp for a promenade, such as they often had in the garden
walks and lane, or for the customary family gathering in the long
porch. Yet Aunt Sarah was surprised that Philip was apparently content
to spend the evening in the sitting-room, with herself and husband by
to spoil the tete-a-tete he must be longing for.
Still more confounded was she, when, after her clever strategy of
coaxing Uncle Nathan into the kitchen, that the coast might be clear,
she heard Philip's step close behind them.
"I must clean my gun to-night, aunt," he said, taking it from the
corner. "I shall not have time to do it to-morrow."
With the utmost nonchalance he began the operation, whistling softly
a lively air over his work. Aunt Sarah gave her partner a look of
bewildered despair, which he returned by a confirmatory nod, and a
smile, half comic, half regretful.
After breakfast next morning the nephew-guest said affectionate
farewells to his relatives and Jeannie; a grave, gentle adieu to Sarah,
accompanied by a momentary pressure of the hand, that may have meant
much or little, and upon the snug homestead settled a quiet that was
dreariness itself to one of its inmates.