After a too brief holiday I am back again to H-tf-ld and to L-nd-n,
and take an early opportunity of dropping you a line. I call the
interval since the House was up a holiday for convenience sake; but
what with the daily arrival of despatch boxes and the delivery of the
morning papers, the repose has been intermittent. I fancy that since
the days of Old PAM the recess has always been a mockery for the
Premier of the day. D-ZZY had some bad times from 1874 to 1880, and
GL-DST-NE'S subsequent Premiership was not a bed of roses, even in the
recess. But they at least had the satisfaction of feeling that they
were in power as well as in office. If they decided upon a particular
line of policy, they could initiate it without first inquiring how it
might suit half-a-dozen people. Moreover, each was in varying degree
supported by capable colleagues, able to hold their own on the
platform or in the House. For unhappy Me things are quite otherwise.
I may devise a policy for Ireland and elsewhere, but before I can
announce it, I must humbly learn how it suits my Lord H-RT-NGT-N and
my good friend CH-MB-RL-N. As for my colleagues and the help I receive
from them----well, that is a matter of which of course I cannot write,
even in the confidence of correspondence with you. But I may tell you
that over at Chalet C-c-l I found some little time for reading other
literature than Blue Books. Looking through SHELLEY once again, I
came upon the line descriptive of COLERIDGE, "flagging wearily through
darkness and despair,"
"A hooded eagle among blinking owls."
I don't exactly know why, but when I think of some things that have
taken place lately, I have a strong feeling of personal sympathy with
the hooded eagle.
But this is a trifle melancholy, and will make you think I am in
low spirits, or even that there is truth in the newspaper rumours
of failing health. Nothing of the sort, dear boy; never better in my
life. Full of health and spirits, of hope for the coming time, and
eagerness for the fray of next Session. How I have envied GL-DST-NE
going about the country making speeches which would have been twice as
effective if they had been half as long, receiving the homage of the
masses, and driving in state through the streets of Derby, with his
led Captain, H-RC-RT, on the box-seat of his carriage! What a curious
man is GL-DST-NE, the Elephant of our political life, who can in the
morning crush a Ministry, and in the afternoon achieve a petty economy
by selling waste timber. There has been a good deal written about
NAPOLEON whilst involved in his fatal campaign in Russia occupying
spare moments in drawing up regulations for the Opera House at Paris.
But what is that compared with GL-DST-NE marching through the Midlands
to upset my Government, and, _en route_, drafting an announcement
that timber felled at Hawarden by his own hand would be on sale "at a
uniform charge, viz., 1s., 6d. for a small log, or 3s. per cubic foot,
exclusive of railway carriage." Of course I know that WILLIAM HENRY
has gallantly rushed into the breach, and avowed the authorship of
this remarkable proclamation. But if W. H. is allowed to do this kind
of thing without consultation or authority, all I can say is that
discipline at Hawarden is fatally faulty. Besides, amiable and
engaging as he is, I do not believe that W. H. is equal to the
unassisted concoction of this incomparable production. However it be,
no one but GL-DST-NE could stand the ridicule of the thing, and he
doubtless doesn't feel it.
How is GR-ND-LPH getting on? Not so well as he used, I fancy. His new
attitude of friendly neutrality does not suit him, and is, moreover,
not nearly so attractive with the people as what I may call his
Malayan manner, when he used to run amuck at everybody, including
myself. It was a very dull speech he made at Sunderland on Thursday.
He must certainly wake up, if he means to keep his old place. Perhaps
he is, like me, getting aweary of the whole thing, and wishes he were
well out of it. If I had my will, I would cut the whole business, and
spend my days and nights in the laboratory here. But that cannot be,
for the present at least. So you will hear from me soon in the midst
of the fray; and, in the meantime, mind you understand that I am in
the best of spirits, confident in the present, and hopeful for the
future.
Yours, faithfully, S-L-SB-RY.
* * * * *
"COLD ID BY DOZE."
[Illustration]
I've got such a hoddible cold id by head,
Upod by word, I wish I was dead;
I really thig I shall go to bed,
Ad tallow by doze, as the Doctor said;
He's cubig agaid this afterdood;
Why, it's half-past three, he'll be here sood,
Ad gib me sub bore of his beastly drugs,
Ad tell me to keep warb udder the rugs.
Achoo! Achoo!
Oh! what shall I do?
I've coughed ad sdeezed till I'be dearly blue,
Ad by doze is so sore,
I card blow it bore,
It feels as tedder as if it was raw;
Subbody told be he'd heard of sub stuff
Which you'd odely to sdiff, ad that was eduff;
What did he call it? Alkarab,
I'll sedd for sub--I suppose it's a shab--
They always are. Achoo! Achoo!
I thig I'be dyig! Oh! what shall I do?
Yes, this is the stuff that fellow said
Was sure to cure a cold id the head;
Two or three sdiffs the beggar swore
Would bake you as well as you were before.
(_He sniffs._) Upod my soul, I believe he's right,
I'be gettig better--it's wonderful quite,
I albost feel as if I bight
Go out and dide at the Club to-dight.
(_He continueth sniffing._)
I really will, I feel quite well,
As fresh as a rose, and as sound as a bell,
And I'll always swear that the only balm
For a cold in the head is Alkaram.
"Here, JOHN, put out my evening clothes."
I'll take my grub
To-night at the Club.
Soup, fish, and a bird, with a pint of Larose,
I think that ought to complete the cure,
And make assurance double sure.
Achoo! Hullo!
Why here's a go!
Achoo! Atishoo! Oh dear! Oh dear!
It's all begiddig agaid, I fear;
You card get rid of a cold like bide
By sbellig a bottle of bedicide!
Soup ad fish! it's absurd,
Or to thigk of a bird,
When you card prodoudce a siggle word,
Ad as for Larose, the tipple for be
Is a cup of boilig lidseed tea.
I'll go to bed,
Ad wrap a red
Welsh fladdel baddage roud by head,
Ad stay at hobe for a budth at least,
Till this beastly widd's do logger East.
_South Kedsigtod._
* * * * *